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Beyondthesea

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Everything posted by Beyondthesea

  1. Beyondthesea
    That insecurity is about you RW - not about your friends. You really need to deal with that because what is really an issue within yourself will drive people away from you - because you make them feel obligated. Once people feel obligated in a friendship they become resentful and the friendship becomes unbalanced Agreed. I actually would get quite annoyed if my friends were argumentive with me and 'clingy' over such things. Counseling is a good idea. You have been in contact with constant abuse for some time now RW, that does something to a person. Also, your strict routine and obsessiveness over it is something that should be looked at.
  2. Beyondthesea
    Hon I would consider counseling anyhow, because you have been unnerved right? When something frightening like that happens, we learn untrue assumptions about the world and our surroundings. Over time, these buried thoughts can manifest as other things. I know you're thinking "what a quack" but it's completely true. The mind is a tricky thing. I'd go for a few counseling sessions if I were you, just making sure to 'clear your mind' about the incident and how unsafe it has made you feel.
  3. Beyondthesea
    Personally I wouldn't let it bother me. Is it really worth having an argument over? My friends from far far away always offer to let me stay over at their place and I don't and why? It has nothing to do with them. As you said it's a comfort thing for you, it's also a comfort thing to me. I feel more comfortable and sleep better when I'm at home in my own bed. I imagine it's the same for them. I really wouldn't take it personally RW, they just want some comfort in their own home.
  4. Beyondthesea
    I don't believe in 'colon cleansing' but I do believe in taking acidophilus, which is the same bacteria as in yogurt. I have irritable bowel syndrome and interestingly, when I have a steady supply of acidophilus in my system, I don't react to many foods I normally do. when I stop taking it, I start getting yeast infections and my ibs symptoms return quite forcefully. Interesting overall.
  5. Beyondthesea
    WOW I would say you're assumption is correct. The exact same thing happened to a girl I knew. Some other girls were with her but had 'left her alone' for a while in the bar and she went to the bathroom or something. when she returned, she drank her drink and became really sick. Luckily her friends went back to her and took her home and took care of her. She actually didn't remember a great deal of the time after she had her drink though...do you feel you are 'missing time.'? I would go and get checked over right away to be sure you are alright. You never know what the guy gave you!
  6. Beyondthesea
    Agreed. I really suffered in my past relationship as well, and it wasn't easy for me. When in the types of draining relationships kellbell & I have been in, you are completely mentally and utterly exhausted by the time you leave, and I'm certain kellbell also gave her ex ample chance to redeem himself, as did I. Dumpers do not always just think "well this relationship is great but I'm outta here!" My suggestion is that if you get dumped and you thought the relationship was 'fine' really reflect upon it and try to see what it looked like on the other side of the fence.
  7. Beyondthesea
    Ignore her, you are only prolonging your pain. It's quite obvious she is not going to leave her fiance regardless of if she loves him or not. She is too concerned about her family and religion. BTW, are you even part of the same religious circle? So if she broke it off with him and you weren't, you would never be accepted anyway and her family would disown her. If you really care about her, leave her alone and push her away. You said yourself you want a short term thing...is that worth making the girl choose between you and her family? Don't break this up unless you are planning to marry her. Bow out gracefully friend.
  8. Beyondthesea
    There's nothing wrong with phoning and seeing if you are still being considered for the position and stating that you are highly interested. I would give them a buzz or even send an email if you have someone's contact info. Just a note: I would see if you could join a classroom setting for learning German. I learned it in University and it's actually confusing at points (basically things are masculine, feminine or neutral) and other fun goodies. Its not hard, but it would probably be beneficial to have some private instruction if you could. I've never used the software myself but I found classroom interaction highly effective. After the semester was over, I could carry out a decent conversation.
  9. Beyondthesea
    Hi babe, only recently saw this thread, and I can honestly say you should get out. I lived with an abusive man for 7 years and it was hard as heck getting out, but worth it 100%. I was also hit only occasionally, but I can tell you that you are being emotionally abused every single day or else you would never put up with it. It's a very weird and confusing situation, and no one who hasn't been there will ever really understand. Although you say you have low self esteem, I can honestly say that when I met my ex, I was absolutely opposite. I was very popular, happy and nearing being egotistical actually! Then I met him and he slowly broke me down and within 6 months I didn't know who I was anymore as I had changed in order to make him 'happy.' The only way you will get out is if you decide to. I can assure you that no matter what you do or do not do, say or do not say, and no matter who you are or are not, he will always abuse you. This will never stop, and will escalate. I know you don't think he could kill you, but probability is very high in any abusive situation. I want you to read this article. link removed Go to "articles" then read "identifying losers in relationships." I want you to really look objectively at the situation. If you knew someone in this situation, what would you tell them? I will check back babe.
  10. Beyondthesea
    Personally I believe the salesperson just made an effort to make you skiddish and question the VP. If he/she really had that many doubts about you and your abilities, that person would never had nominated you or withdrew their nomination. Sadly, people are always jealous in the workforce, and I really believe that is what is happening for you.
  11. Beyondthesea
    I can see why people are angry and hurt when a break up happens, but I also wonder why everyone is so hell bent on their ex having something horrible happen to them. In reality, regardless of the circumstances, the relationship just wasn't working on one level or another. I've been dumped in the past, and I'm grateful for it now. If I stayed with any one of those guys, I would not have been happy and certainly wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet my fiance. I think real karma has to do with someone who is truly a bad person and spreading their negativity to good people.
  12. Beyondthesea
    You know what? I knew a really skinny girl. The two of us went to the gym together and keep in mind I weigh about 165 pounds and she weighs about 120 at most...I had a lower fat ratio in my body! She actually had a dangerously high amount vs me. Why? Because I exercise frequently and she didn't. Weird huh?
  13. Beyondthesea
    I would also move. You two are married correct? Legally you are entitled to half of everything, plus child support. No worries there. I can completely understand how you can't deal with the trauma anymore and need to get out. There's nothing wrong with needing to escape from this. I'm so sorry you are finding out all these frightening things about your soon to be ex husband. How awful. You must be so upset and feeling so tortured. I would truly recommend seeing a counselor right now, you are dealing with a lot. Keep posting love, we're here.
  14. Beyondthesea
    Meditate. Although this doesn't sound too much like 'real meditation' what you can do... Put on some quiet, soothing music. Lay down on the floor or somewhere comfortable for you and just focus on the movement of your breathing. With each breath, be more and more aware of where tensions are in your body. With the next breath, make an effort to let the tension go (let your body sink into the floor/bed/etc). Doing this for even 5 minutes will give you a quick emotional break.
  15. Beyondthesea
    Agree with Elecktra. Sitting around without any sort of stability causes anxiety. I would really push to find a job, go to school or at the very least join a new activity.
  16. Beyondthesea
    In my opinion, if it's important for you then it's a big deal. If you've talked to him about it and he won't stop but tells you he has, that's a problem. Dishonest no matter how you look at it. I would also snoop had I reason to, and it appears you do.
  17. Beyondthesea
    Hi, My ex was exactly the same way. He tried to guilt me into staying and I moved out of my home so I wouldn't have to deal with him. I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I'm glad the counselor said he is manipulative and not willing to take responsibility for his actions. That way you know this isn't you. Read this: link removed Go to articles, then read "Identifying losers in relationships." Does he match a lot of those characteristics? Keep safe and well.
  18. Beyondthesea
    Sorry honey, but this man doesn't love you even if you do love him (which you don't). He's getting the best of both worlds and so are you...no strings attached sex and life without real life problems. Affairs are simply caused by people who are bored in their relationships and want a thrill. Don't fool yourself into thinking this can't be broken off. If you really love your husband, you never would have done this. And don't fool yourself into thinking you're never going to be caught either. Karma is a b*tch my friend, I'd end this now before it bites you in the butt.
  19. Beyondthesea
    Have a routine before bed, and stick to it. It should include something quiet and soothing, like music, reading, etc. About an hour before you are ready for sleepybye, be sure you are unwinding and do this every evening, whatever it is.
  20. Beyondthesea
    In my mind I agree with BellaDonna. Something isn't right and you feel unworthy or equate marriage with loss of freedom. That isn't the case, so long as your relationship is healthy...is it good otherwise?
  21. Beyondthesea
    You wouldn't do it now bp? I so would!!!!
  22. Beyondthesea
    I guess my point is that he even had the intention of it and lied about that. If he were honest he would have come clean when she asked. I see your point about confronting him in person though.
  23. Beyondthesea
    No worries blue. Feel free to talk as much as you like, we are here to listen. It's so tough going through this and having to sit through counseling with him. Have you gone to a lawyer to get the divorce underway? It's not your problem he's in the hospital. At least then if you serve him papers he's there and they can deal with him. Of course talk to the counselor first but that's what I would do. I am like you where I would put up with a lot of crap because I'm very committed, but cheating or near cheating would end it for me. Especially when he says "Oh yes I would have left her for sure" had this other woman consented? Forget it! Of course he regrets it now because who else will put up with him and look after him? you are doing the right thing.
  24. Beyondthesea
    Good girl for telling the whole truth about everything. That is vital information and you are so strong. You are doing fine, and things will be alright. I'm certain *as are you* that you've made the right decision.
  25. Beyondthesea
    I don't think he would be stupid enough to do it for the next while, hopefully. I too would bring up counseling, there are obviously issues floating around that need to be resolved.
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