sdblue

Well, the story just keeps getting bigger, tonight I found out from my younger sister, that when he confessed to my other sister about the affair, he also made a pass at her, he told her had always been sexually attracted to her and one time was even sexually attracted to another one of my sisters. So, both my sisters even my mom and dad knew all this & kept if from me for months, I guess they were trying to protect my feelings, and felt like he should have been the one to have told me about the afffair. Just please tell me what more has this stranger that I have been living with for 20 years done behind my back, and not only that I have just come to realize that this man, the father of my children has a sick twisted sexual problems. How much more will I learn before this divorce is final. Oh, and don't think that I didn't call him on it, and of course he denied, but my sister would not lie about it, he admitted to me that he told her about the affair, this sister also despises him, but no wonder. I feel so used, betrayed and so sickened to my stomach. He has sat off and on all evening and cried and begged. I just can't take it no more, the attorney says it would be in my best interest due to the children to stay in our home, but husband or stranger refuses to leave, and legally unless he physically threatens me or mentally threatens me I cannot throw him out, no more than he can me. But, I have decided this torture is not worth it, I'm moving.

The counselor took me to her office today, to talk with me privately, before they released him from the hospital. They have figured out that he has done all this to get me to feel guilty and try to maniuplate me into staying with him. But since he is not dilussional, and has not threatened himself or anyone they had to release him. He will not leave so I have decided to move out, I'm looking for a place to rent for me and the children, he refuses to leave and I cannot be around him. I think I may have found a place, hope so. They told me today at the hospital that he is a manipulator, they when he signed himself in he did not tell them the whole truth. They also said he is still not wanting to take respons. for his actions. I'm so sad and scared

He told the counselor today that he feels desperate. And you know what bugs me, a part of me feels a little sorry for him. I asked the counselor after the meeting why do I feel this way??? She said that it is the inner woman in me, we are usually more symp. than men. We are taught to try to hold things together for our familys. He told the counselor today, that he and his mistress started talking he was attracted to her and she was attracted to him. I honestly thought I would jump out of my chair and start beating him to death. I even got nausated just hearing it come out of his mouth. I feel like he is only concerned about himself right now. All I heard out of his mouth today was it was a mistake, a mistake. He's got that right. I told the counselor, and out all the people to confess it too, he confessed it to my sister. She replied "he confessed it to the wrong woman" A part of me thinks he done this because my sister was going through a divorce at that time, and I think he was letting her know that he would do things like that maybe hoping he would get her into bed. I know that may sound crazy to some of you but after the stunts he has pulled in the past, nothing would surprise me. I even told the conselor that he has watched programs where experts say that if you had a one time affair that did not last long, that it was better to keep it from your spouse, because telling them could do more damage than good and that is why he choose not tell me!!! She shook her head at him "Like Yeah Right" You know this may sound awful of me but I'm glad it was a woman who counseled us today instead of a man. I feel like because she was a woman, she could see it more from a womans point of view. He even told her that one of the reasons he done what he done is because at that time our son was alot younger and I would lay down to get our son to sleep and sometimes where I was exhausted I would fall asleep and not be in the bed with him, this did happen occasionally, but I always made sure to do my wifely duty if you follow me. She said to him, it was your child she was taking care of, did you feel jealous or what was the deal?? I felt like that was some lame excuse. I told the counselor this because she wanted my input about his affair I replied "he wanted him some strange, and at that time he had no thought or regards to our marriage or kids. He can make all the excuses in the world to me, but I will not sugar coat it, It is what it is, he wanted to stick his stuff where he had no business sticking it. So, now he is faced with the fall-out of it. And I also told her that there is not a doubt in my mind if that tramp would have left her husband he would have left me and our 2 children, but oh he loves me now. I'm sorry for venting so much, I just feel like a volcano has erupted inside of me.

Thanks for your encouraging words. Sometimes I don't feel very strong. I just do not know what to make of him anymore. Looking back I wonder how and why I stayed as long as I did. I kept wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, and too when I married I married for the long haul. Well the haul has now become overly heavy and I can't pack it no more. Thanks again to everyone on this board

Well, it has been a somewhat stressful day to say the least. We met with the counselor and I told her my side of things from start to finish. She tried to get him to see it from my point of view. Which he said he did blah, blah, blah. After the meeting she walks me to the elevator and me and her talk more, She was rather in shock when I told her about all the things he had done since we had been married, come to find out he had not told the psych. doctor, nor had he told the doctor about the gun incident, or about the night he ran into the woods and I had to call the police. So she made note of this and is giving it to the psych. doctor in the morning. Hubby thinks he may be released tomorrow, but not so sure now that I shared this. He goes into this hospital to try to get the proper help, so how does he think he is getting the proper care if he is withholding info. like that. Oh and one thing else I forgot to mention, at the end of the meeting when he was upset, he stood up and said this to me in front of the couns. "Now due everything you said in here I may be in here another 2 weeks" The couns. spoke up and said "You are trying to make her feel guilt ridden for you being in here" so I was happy that she set him straight on that one. He told me before I left the hospital he would not call me no more, yeah right he has already called twice. He yelled into the phone tell the counselor that you go and see on your own to "kiss my ..." He thinks my couns. is giving me the idea to get the divorce. I told him that I did not want him to live in the house with us anymore, so he said due to his illness, it would be easier if me and the children moved out, how selfish of him after everything he has put me through. I'm the main care giver and I do not know what to do, I do not want to live with him no more. Legal Aide told me it would be best until the divorce is final to try to keep the children in the home and have him living somewhere else. And another thing he said to me over the phone, "If I have to I will tell the lawyer that you have abandoned me during my illness by wanting this divorce" I started laughing and told him to tell the lawyer whatever he wanted to, that I knew the real reason for this divorce. I can already see where this is going to lead "nasty" and that was the last thing I wanted. I'm so frustrated and worn out with him and this whole entire mess!!! Thanks guys for letting me vent

Today, I'm meeting with my husband and his counselor at the hospital, it is what they call a family group session. Here is what I hope to happen, I hope that his counselor will here my side of the story and help my husband accept that this marriage is over, and to help him with the denial that it is over. I hae already filed. He calls me from the hospital twice a day, and talks about us starting over, doing things more together, etc. He is in complete denial, I don't even comment when he says stuff like this, because before he admitted himself into the hospital, when I would try to get him to accept that the marriage is over, it would only cause conflict and turmoil, and trust me I have had more than enough of that from him before he went to the hospital, for those who have read my past post knows what I'm talking about. Why want he accept this?? And why after all the damage he has done to our marriage over the years, why does a small part of me feel sorry for him and sad?? It was hard for me to come to terms that our marriage is over after 20 years and two children. But with everything that has happened over the years and up to the present time, I decided that this marriage is and has not been healthy for me our my children for a long time. Read my past post and you will understand why I'm saying this. I really would like for us to end things on pleasant terms because we share two children and we will always have to deal with one another, no divorce will ever change that.

Yes you are right. I'm going to live my life for me and my kids. Now his grandmother who raised him, called today. She had been to a funeral, and she was crying saying all she could do was imagine him laying there in that coffin. And why did his nerves have to be bad, she was really laying the guilt on thick. Not only is he in denial, I guess she is too. I'm through, done. She acts like he has done no wrong. I told her that maybe his nerves wouldn't be bad right now if had not went around sticking his thing where it did not belong. Sorry guys for that comment, I'm just totally fed up. I have nerves too but I guess what I'm going through does not matter to her.

I have hid the gun. He is in a pshy. hospital. But he calls me everyday which is o.k. but the part I'm not o.k. with is this: he keeps saying things about us working it out and etc. I have done filed for divorce is he in denial or not accepting it. I want him to learn to accept it, and quit talking about working it out. Believe this or not, I don't want to hurt him or cause him pain, even after everything he has put me through. And by him not accepting this, it is causing him hurt and pain. He is the father of my children and he has been a part of my life for over 20 years, and he will continue to be in my life, because we have 2 children. But after much given thought about everything he has done, I have decide this marriage is no longer healthy for me or my children. "This man wanted me to sleep with another man and let him watch" then you have all the other stuff I mentioned. Does this sound like healthy to you all???

Well, I don't know about porn sites, he very well may have been, but I don't have proof of that, just the other stuff I mentioned. I would not put anything past him. A part of me feels angry at me, I should have got out of this long ago, when he done all that other stuff, Someone who's mind thinks like that, there has to be something very wrong. Or is he just a pure out pervert??? I have so many questions, but still no answers.

Well, yesterday after they evaluated my husband and was told of what took place in our home they admitted him, which came as no surprise. Now, my mother in law bought him a calling card, so now he his calling me, Today, he said once he got his emotions in tact, that he would like for us to start over, and he appologized that he was putting pressure on me before he went into the hosptial, however to a degree he was putting pressure on me, we can start over, go for walks, go out to dinner alone, go to church etc. He thinks that I have made a hasty decision far as filing for divorce. I just want him to accept that I'm done. Why does he keep insisiting to work this out, he has totally pushed me to my limits. Too much damage has been done, I want something healthy and what I have been dealing with is not healthy, Example: 1-900 sex phone numbers and me pregnanat, phone got disconnected, showing nude pic. of himself to my sister of all people. Talking out of context to on of my dearest and closest friends, badgering me about having sex with another man and letting him watch, Then on top of all this cheating on me 5 years ago. He wants me to to learn to trust him again, I'm so worn down due to taking care of him while he has been ill, and then with all the other crap he has put me through. I want to be left alone and have some peace and happiness even if that means never having another relationship. Why can he just accept it and let us all move forward. Then to make matters worst I'm having female problems, been to gyn. proably going to have to have a DNC in a couple of months. Why oh Why???

Bless her heart and I'm so sorry for your family, what a tragedy. What does some people think that your just suppose to take and take. But, I really am truly sorry for your aunt and your family.

So, When you say be careful what do you mean exactly?? I'm supporting him going to the hospital in fact I'm the one taking him there. I love this person because he has been such a huge part of my life and of course he is the father of my children. But he has done so much through our marriage that I forgave. So, am I suppose to stay with him out of fear??? I just want him to get better for himself and our children. I wish no bad on him, only happiness. I'm a very loving and compassionate person.

Well, last night I had to call the police my husband took off into the woods and we weren't sure if he had anything on him that he could hurt hisself with. The police came and finally he came out and talked with them, he has agreed to let me take him to the hospital. His behavior goes from sitting on the back porch holding a gun, taking off in the middle of the night walking, to now going up in the woods. I have cried so much in the last 4 weeks, that I feel I cannot cry anymore, the last few days he crys and than he starts yelling at me. Than today when me and my daugther return from the store, he says that he will not cooperate with me on the divorce, that he will refuse to sign any papers, and the only way he would leave if If I threw him out of the house. He has worn me down over the years to I feel like theres not much left of me anymore. ON top of everything else I'm having female problems, bleeding all the time, going to have to have a DNC if Birth control pills does not get meregulated. This man says he deserves a second chance, he has put me through hell but claims he deserves a second chance. I love him but I'm not in love with him no more. He cheated 5 years ago and I found out only a little over a week ago, and done all kinds of things prior to the cheated that I forgave him for and went on to save my marriage. I just don't feel there is nothing left worth saving. He keeps yelling the kids, the house. This marriage is no longer healthy for me or our children. I can honestly say that I have tried to keep this marriage together. I have took care of him for the last 4 years due to him being disabled. It just feels like a nurturing kind of love, but not in love. Why can he just let me go in peace, I just want some peace and happiness, Am I really asking for too much??? Every time I get ready to take the kids somewhere he doesn't want me to leave??? Why is that.

Well, now that my husband is back from his brothers which he came home on Tuesday, was not suppose to arrive back until Thursday. He has went around crying most of the time, which is not easy for me. He wants me to drop everything I'm doing, when he gets upset. When I get ready to leave he gives me a guilt trip. We are divorcing for pete's sake, he may as well get use to being away from me. He says that he respects my wishes for the divorce, but yet he is somewhat semi-smothering me. Says he still deserves a second chance, he has blew his chances too many times. I just wish he would accept that this marriage is over. It was hard for me to accept it to, still not sure if I have fully accepted it, because the divorce is not final. Claims he loves me, but yet told me that when the affair took place he was going to leave me and his 10 and 5 year old children for this married woman. Who excuse me would not piss on him now if he was on "fire". I responded by saying this "Oh, yes you love me so much, you do not love me now nor did you love me 5 years ago, a part of you may love me because you have been with me for 20 years, you mostly just love what I did do for you. And oh yes that woman did not love you either. And he finally also admitted it to me that he made the first move toward her, after they had share several conversations, he told her that he was attracted to her. And to make matters worst I'm having female problems on top of all this. Surely I will make it through.

Mostly the friends we have were my friends before they were considered our friends. I'm going to keep as much distance as possible, but that hard to do altogether, since we share two children. Your question about him fancying one of my girlfriends who knows with this man, I put nothing past him anymore. He made a pass at one of my friends many years ago.