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I realize what I am saying is ridiculously superficial and self-centered..I am here though to try to change.. I think I am enjoying the attention he gives me, but I also crave the physical aspect. It doesn't help that he is literally the most beautiful man I have ever set my eyes on.. He is the hottest guy at work. The hottest UNattainable guy at work. In the beginning, I really just got caught up with the fact that he was my boss's boss..the guy that everyone else wanted but couldn't have. He was a signature arrogant @sshole. Of course, when I got to know him, he really isn't that way.. He is insecure, loving, gentle, funny..he can also be cruel.. I have tried many times to break it off in the beginning..but somehow, he gets to me. I am just too caught up..and I realize I need to take a step back.. Which, I did yesterday.. I told my MM that I needed space to think. He's been sending me emails and ecards..telling me how much he misses me, how much he loves me.. but he's also stopped calling because he realizes that I am hurting so much. He is traveling to Tokyo for business next week..I hope to clear my head of him by then.. or at least have some space to think..

You've heard it all before..younger woman (me) falls for older married man by about 18yrs (MM) at work. He was my boss's boss..extremely handsome, articulate, smart, and married with two beautiful kids. I probably fell in love with him the very first time I met him. And I knew, from the way he looked at me, he felt the same attraction. I never thought I could ever cheat on my then boyfriend now husband. It's not something I seek to do. I am a good person. I don't like talking bad about anyone, I am good to my family, my friends, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I even get red when I lie! But somehow, I've started and have been living this double life for a year now. It all started with a presentation I had to make for him..He invited me to lunch to discuss it and before we knew it..phone calls, emails, drinks, dinners.. etc. The worst thing about this is that I am finding myself falling deeper and deeper in love with this MM. At first, it was mostly about the sex..but somehow it has gradually developed into more. The sex..is so amazing..but we also sit and talk for hours. I'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry.. He has never given me any illusions that he will leave his wife. He is honest. And so am I. I love my husband very much..and so does he his wife. We don't have any intentions of leaving our SO's. Which makes this so much more painful.. The longing to be with my MM is almost unbearable. I see it growing every day. Some days are ok..I don't even think about him. Other days, I am in so much pain..hurting because I am jealous. Hurting because I feel guilty.. Longing to be with my MM..but also knowing it will never ever happen. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THIS!!!! The thing for the both of us, is that we enjoy each other's companionship so much. He gives me what my husband can't. Physically..But my husband gives me everything else.. I am just looking for advice. I know what the right thing to do is..Break it off, Run for It.. I just don't have the will to do it. ](*,) ](*,) I am looking to find someone else in my situation and advice. Why am I falling in love?? How can I stop this!?!?? Please advise..