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justsweetgirl

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Everything posted by justsweetgirl

  1. justsweetgirl
    Have you read any books about abusers? Domestic violence doesn't just mean hitting. Verbal and emotional abuse qualify. Some of the things you say about him are textbook, such as feeling dependent, trying hard to make him happy and failing(he cannot be happy with you when he is unhappy with himself), being treated like a child, being controlled, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, living one way at home and putting on a different face at work. There is help out there as close as your phone. Call a hotline. Educate yourself about domestic violence. Good luck.
  2. justsweetgirl
    Sounds like depression to me. If so, no matter how often you compliment her, it will not make a lasting difference. She needs help so she can be okay with herself, then she can move on to being okay in a relationship.
  3. justsweetgirl
    I think the note in the candy was a sweet, inventive gesture. Why not give him a chance? We usually regret the risks we don't take, not the ones we do. Good luck.
  4. justsweetgirl
    Honestly, I don't know how I survived my teen years. The good news is, years later, I have so much to live for I can't even remember the depressed, despondent girl I used to be.
  5. justsweetgirl
    You need more time
  6. justsweetgirl
    When one person does most of the planning and the initiating, sometimes it backfires in that the other feels his/her wishes are neglected. Ask her opinion before making plans.
  7. justsweetgirl
    They say it's harder to renovate a house than to build one from scratch. My point is, you got involved with a man who was not really single. There's a history there. There was pain and drama in his life and it overflowed onto you. You got sucked in and became part of the problem and not the solution - at least according to his estranged gf who was not so estranged, after all. Making an already complicated situation even more so. Think about it; she was there first. You have no idea what he was telling her. You only know what he told you. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Be honest. It really, really is better to look for unattached, available men than to have to keep renovating these houses. I am sorry this is so painful for you. Next time, do not go blindly into a situation without knowing - and being comfortable with - all the facts.
  8. justsweetgirl
    friendship is a great place to build on. A lot of relationships are between two people who don't even consider themselves friends.
  9. justsweetgirl
    I think if your wife had disclosed her attraction for your friend first, I would feel less uneasy. Then the two of you could have discussed it and you may have realized the thought of her with another man is a turn on. You have been married a long time and know each other better than anyone. Yet this man's attention means more to her than yours. Why? She was unfaithful. What if feeling crushed was all you felt? She did something knowing it would devastate you. She wasn't thinking of you. She wanted an ego boost. There are many ways to accomplish that without a betrayal.
  10. justsweetgirl
    Avman said it best. Also, there is no negotiating with an alcoholic. Asking him to choose does not and will not work. It's an addiction. Educate yourself about alcoholism. That's why groups exist, not just for the addict, but for friends and families of those afflicted. Because alcoholism is a disease. I have known the nicest, sweetest, most compassionate people who wouldn't think twice about pushing their own mothers in front of a train if she was standing between them and a six-pack. Good luck.
  11. justsweetgirl
    It takes two. I really don't think the problem is you. He knows what to say to hurt you. Why he wants to hurt you is what you need to think about.
  12. justsweetgirl
    I agree with DN. You didn't lie to hurt him, but because of the problems you encountered at school due to all the moves. Remind him of how hard it has been for you to gain acceptance in a new place with new people over and over again. Reassure him how important he is to you and how grateful you feel towards him for being a positive throughout all this upheaval.
  13. justsweetgirl
    Love jourmals are a great idea. Even taking ten minutes a night to write down what you are feeling - romantic or not - and exchanging papers with your bf can be very helpful. Sometimes people have an easier time putting things on paper.
  14. justsweetgirl
    I think the death of your father warrants a phone call. See how the call goes; how receptive she is to speaking with you after so long. Take it from there. Personally, I commend you for your inner strength. Most of us can't make it a day without caving and calling. Kudos and good luck.
  15. justsweetgirl
    I'm more book smart, so I absolutely love it when someone has street-smarts and life experience. I get to see a whole new world.
  16. justsweetgirl
    Okay, ask yourself what specifically it is about this person that fuels your hatred. Sometimes, we cannot tolerate in others what we most dislike about ourselves. I am not saying this is the case with you, but you have to get a handle on this. It may cost you your job; it is certainly affecting your health. Does this person remind you of someone else, a family member? Were the two of you ever friends? Can you find one positive thing about her and concentrate on that. You are surrendering your power to her with these negative emotions. They say that hating someone is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat. It's extreme and you're the one who pays. You have to love yourself more than you hate her. Focus on you. Good luck.
  17. justsweetgirl
    If you are crazy about her and she likes you, why stop? If you do, she will more than likely think you are no longer interested and turn to the other guy. Unless she tells you she is only interested in him, continue talking, laughing, sharing poems, etc.
  18. justsweetgirl
    I think your girlfriend retreated after she thought you were not interested in moving in together. She is protecting herself from getting hurt by distancing herself emotionally. Seeing you, flirting with you, but not considering the two of you a couple. By saying it's a question of when, not if, she is basically taking back some control she feels she lost.
  19. justsweetgirl
    I agree. Every time you see this man, remind yourself of one of your husband's good qualities. Your ex became your ex because there were problems, right? Remind yourself of those. You see in this other man what you believe your husband lacks. But he is not perfect either. I think the problem is with your home life. Maybe you are not feeling fulfilled. This man is the perfect foil. Instead of working on your marriage, you can fantasize about someone unattainable - which requires no work whatsoever. I think you want to be rescued, when, in fact, you need to do the rescuing yourself and improve your marriage. Start with a heart-to-heart with your husband about where your needs are not being met and what you both can do to help. Good luck.
  20. justsweetgirl
    My heart goes out to you. You obviously don't hate her. You said that because you are hurt and that's understandable. You sound stronger than I. I usually end up giving endless chances and kicking myself later. Very hard. If you want her back, take some time first to know why. Assess the situation calmly and clearly. Which means no contact for a while. Sometimes we go back because we can't stand not to be wanted, rather than because the relationship is a good one. Good luck.
  21. justsweetgirl
    All the talks about honesty and trust don't really matter if he is keeping secrets. Confront him compassionately. Tell him it doesn't change your wanting to be with him, but you need to know.
  22. justsweetgirl
    It can be so hard when someone you care for sends mixed signals. You miss me? You don't? What? Has this other woman, by any chance, been badly hurt in the past? If so, that could explain the wishy-washy behavior. And fear of commitment. And the jealousy. Her heart only trusts enough to show you glimpses, then retreats. Been there, done that. Didn't even know I was doing it. Fear and love have a hard time occupying the same space. Guess who usually wins? But people can change. They just have to acknowledge the problem and be open to changing it. I still catch myself spiraling every now and again, but it is a lot better now that I am in control of my emotions, and not vice versa.
  23. justsweetgirl
    I know this is hard to hear, but you should assume she is not going to call. For your sake. So you can get back to the business of living. Then, if she does, she does and you were okay, anyway. But if she doesn't, it won't be as devastating because you weren't expecting her to. Keep the expectations to a minimum. If you are hoping against hope she will call, and she does just to tell you she wants a cd back or just to chat but doesn't want to get back together, you will be crushed again and again. The heartbreak will keep happening anew. Stay busy. Reconnect with friends and family and things that interest you - besides her. Good luck.
  24. justsweetgirl
    Considering everything that's going on, I'd say you are doing remarkably well. Keep everything as normal as possible for the kids. Especially to keep the mommy questions to a minimum. And children thrive on routine, as you well know.
  25. justsweetgirl
    You are feeling all kinds of things, all of which are normal. This is overwhelming, devastating, confusing, maddening - you name it. You need to speak with a professional, as well. So you can retain your sanity for your sake and the sake of the children. Don't think ahead too far. Concentrate on what needs to be done this hour. Small increments. Small accomplishments add up to big ones. Good luck.
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