Lonley26

I know how you feel you still want him in your life even though it is not as a relantionship. That damn hope is a powerfull emotion. I too dont want to see what else is out there but my x apparently does. I am trying n/c with her alhough we keep breaking it and everytime we do no matter who breaks it I feel worse. N/C is the only way to make them know what they are missing. Hope of getting back with him when he still hasnt realized what he is going to lose is false hope. Make him miss you by not being his saftey net. He left you, now leave him by taking back your love and support. Either way it is for the best.

One thing that I have noticed on this board as well in my expierence through life is when a couple has been together for a while 3 or more years and one of them reaches 22-24 years old they break up. I dont know why this is but there are so many people I know who have broken up at this point in life me included ( My X is 24 ) It is almost like a midlife crises except eary to mid twienties crises. You can check out my post as my breakup is pretty fresh and I am constantly changing how I feel as you will see in my post. One step forward three steps back, two steps forward one step back, four steps forward two steps back, but progress. It just plain sucks more than anything else in life. Just try to take it one hour at a time. Good Luck

Time is your friend. Let her be with that guy and you go on with your life as if she were never going to come back. If she comes back it will be because she realizes that she loves you. If she doesnt come back then she doesnt love you anymore and why would you want her back if she no longer loves you? Just give it time. Only time can tell. In the mean time take care of yourself and make yourself a better person for yourself and whoever you end up with next.

I am in the same boat as you although I dont smoke and am afraid to drink while I feel like this. The only thing that makes it a little better is taking care of myself. I always have been in good shape but now I am trying to take it to the next level. I am only eating healthy foods and consistantly going to the gym. I went to the dentist (ouch) to take care of a few cavities that I have been putting off. I am working on all areas of myself that I or my x have identified as a weakness. I am doing this so I can feel better about myself because when she dumped me my usaully high self esteem went in the gutter. If I can regain my self esteem by taking great care of myself I will not feel like life is over. Concentrate on your your. Take care of your self. Make that your number one priority. Make it his loss not yours.

It seems like as soon as he thinks you are gone he tries to reel you in again. They seem to do that and then as soon as he gets you again he doesnt want you anymore. My x is doing that to me now although I decided not to give in to her unless she really proves to me that she wants to be with me and that will be hard for her to do. Stay strong and resist the temptation to give in to him. go on dates if you think you are ready. Go on with your life and if he wants to get back with you make hi work. If he really want to get back with you he will do anything he has to to prove it. People seem to want what they cant have especially if they once had it. Good Luck

She just called me and told me she misses me and asked me to come over and spend the night so I could hold me. I told her she cant do this and I wont let her do this to me and then she said I know and I'm sorry. She then said I guess I ll talk to you whenever and we hung up. I know I did the right thing but the thought of her hurting is killing me. Then about 10 minutes later she texed me "Im so sorry" This type of thing is what really makes this hard. Do you guys think I handled this correctly?

HBK you are right. She has not felt what it is like for me to not be there for her yet. I have talked to her everyday and seen her at least three times a week for the past three weeks. Once she realizes that I am no longer there for her physically or emotionally she will miss it. You are right 8 years is a long time to just go cold turkey. I am woking through my feelings as to what I will do, but I really dont think I would take her back at this point. Maybe in the future but I will not be her fallback and let her play me like a yo yo. I cant let her think that it is OK to do this again. I think that she will not want me back and I am beginning to accept that. Part of this whole breakup process seems to be that you want them to want you even if you are not sure if you want them. It is just weird. SHe had been saying if we get back together and in the future up until Sunday when she said for good. I think I smothered her backed her into a corner and she gets mean when that happens. She is really not a very strong person and I doubt that she will be able to stick with her plan. I am preparing for that and will do what I have to. I just have to stay strong especially when she is weak. Time is the only thing that will make things right for both of us either way.

Here is a quick update. Yesterday Evening I broke N/C and called her on the way home from work. I made some excuse up about looking for something that I thought she had. We got into talking again (Of Course). I began to argue with her again and she was very cold and emotionless. She kept saying that she is happy that she will be moving into a happier part of her life and she knows she is doing what is right. I kept saying to her "but we used to love eachother so much" and "what we had was so special" She agreed and said we had a lot of great years. I wanted to go and get the rest of my stuff but she told me that she does not want to see me and I could get it in a couple weeks when she gets back from Florida. (every year she goes there to her parents 2nd house). I asked her stupidly if she missed me and she said no very meanly. She said that she never wants to be with me again and doesnt want to talk or see me either which hurt pretty bad. She then told me that she would call me when she got back from Florida so I could get my stuff and that would be the end of contact. The conversation was soon over and we told eachother I love you and then hung up. She was clearly annoyed that I called and when I got off the phone I was upset, but then I had a breakthrough of sorts. I realized that I had been saying things like had and were, all things in the past tense. I knew that things between us had not been the same in at least 1.5 years. The passion was not there like before and I just always assumed that it was due to all of the stresses of life and would come back. The loss that I have been feeling since the split three weeks ago and the breakup Sunday actually started a long time ago and I knew it and so did she. If things kept going the way they were going ( which they would have) I would be breaking up with her at some point in the future. I am glad that it has happened this way though because I have always been much stronger than her and it would kill me to hurt her like this. I still love her to death and I know she loves me but we have not been in love with eachother for a while. I have accepted this fact. I have been clinging onto what was once so great, but is no longer there for whatever reason. I no longer cry because she left me but for the memory of what we once had together. Whenever I think back to all the good memories I get all chocked up. That was in the past though and no one knows how to bring something like that back. So now here I am not feeling sorry for myself anymore but feeling like I am grieving the death of a loved one. The girl that I was once head over heals in love with for so long is not the same girl anymore and I am not the same guy. I guess we just grew apart somehow. It is just so sad though. We let it slip away somehow someway. Now I know that there is no way she is going to just never talk to me again and this breakup is most likley going to linger. She will miss me eventually and will break N/C. We needed to breakup though to get things right whether we get back together in the future or not. I doubt that we will get back together and I am OK with that because the way it has been was not how it used to be. I am stiil very sad and would give anything to go back in time for just one day to feel like that again, but that is impossible. I hope we both find a love as wonderfull and as special as the love we onced shared with eachother sometime in the future. Thanks for all the advice. Has anyone ever felt this way about a love that was lost far before the breakup?

Thank you for all the replys. I just have one question. At what point will I give up hope of her calling me and telling me she was wrong? How many weeks or months will it take? I just want to give up now but I cant for some reason. That is the worst part waiting for her to call. This is the third day of n/c and it is killing me. I will not call her though but I desperatly want her to call me or email or something.

It is good that you told him right away, that is the most important thing you could have done. Everyone makes mistakes now and then. My x-girlfirend once cheated ( just kissing)on me when she was drunk years ago and told me the next day. I was very hurt but forgave her and our relationship got stronger. Just dont make the same mistake twice.

My girlfriend and I broke up after 8 years a few days ago. She told me 3 weeks ago that she did not know if she wanted to be with me or not anymore. Everyday for the past three weeks she has been changing her mind. This weekend she said that she is 100% sure that she no longer wants to be with me right now and she is no longer in love with me. She has also said that she wants to be with me long term but with other people in the short term. We have been together since high school and have never really been with any other people. The past year has been tough for us ( money and other things have taken thier toll) , but I thought we were pulling through it. I cannot believe that this is happening. We were so in love that i just thought it would never fade. She always complained that I never showed my love for her enough and now that i want to she says it is too late. She says I broke her heart by not showing my love for her. She is very bitter about this. I just can't accept that she is no longer in love with me. 8 years is such a long time and my feelings for her are so deep. She decided that we would stop talking and seeing eachother yesterday. I just think that she will realize in the next few weeks that she does indeed love me, but other things have clouded her feelings. I guess I am just wondering if there is any hope at all for us getting back together? I cant imagine life without her and want her back the way we used to be. She means the world to me. Please any help or advice will be greatly appreciated.