cameraguy

Jay, read my situation.. link removed

Thanks!

That's exactly what I need to find... Do you know of any resources? I am near Fort Lauderdale, FL

I am taking care of that already, i'm one step ahead of you.

Looks like things came to a head. A friend of my wife's was coaxed (by my wife) into IMing me 3 nights ago, pretending to be a divorced mother in my town, trying to flirt. I took it hook, line, and sinker, only I didn't flirt, I needed a friend and vented for 2 nights all of my feelings to this person. I guess her conscience got the best of her and she came clean, telling me alot of stuff, like my wife is using the stuff wrong with me as a scapegoat to leave me for another man... I don't deserve this.. I'm a good person with a good heart...

true, and I was thinking of visiting the counselor we met with last year by myself, for some one-on-one sessions.. I am making the best of it with my 4 year old son. I made macaroni for dinner, because that's what he wanted. We then went to the store because I needed to get garage bags and a few odds and ends, then he said he wanted a hot wheels toy, so a hot wheels hauler, star wars light sabre, some zippy tire wheel thing, "thomas the train" shoes, new socks and underwear for him.. We were headed back home And he's still playing with the toys right now, even though I've told him to get in bed 3 times now I'll let it slide for about another 20 minutes....

She is going to get some help. Fortunately the company I work for has an excellent mental health program. My mother in law is going to get me all of the info tomorrow for the place my wife is going to be going for help (a really good Therapist). Once she has her inner demons worked out, maybe I can open myself up to work on "me and her" Today feels like the "first day of the rest of my life". My wife dropped our 4 yr old off at the pre school this morning and he now will be staying with me during the week. The moment we got in the car he says "where's mommy?"... I just tell him that Mommy is staying at Grandma's and he said "I don't want to go there". Too cute, but somewhat scary.. I can't pinpoint the feeling I've got.. is it like "is this how it's going to be from now on?" It's something I can't pinpoint yet, i'm not sure how I'm feeling right now.

You're wrong.. While she was unemployed, the kids stayed in daycare/aftercare (to not lose their spot). And she was home, looking for jobs online and going to interviews and such. And the worst part was that I know she sat around the house doing nothing MANY times. I would come home on days to find no dinner made yet and the house a mess. That stuff angered me, but I didn't want to kick her while she's down. And we went to counseling before, it helped for a while. But alot of the problems she has with me, I can fix myself. Things she has wrong, she needs deep therapy for. Her mother is going to get her help. But I also believe there's someone else (not cheating, but someone she chats with) that I know/don't know about. So I am not sure what to make of all this. Maybe being apart is the best for all of us. My main concern right now is the kids and their well-being.

sounds to me like you guys need to go on some dates, not flirting at a bar, or going to a club.. I'm talking traditional dating, dinner, movies, flowers, etc.

yeah, i'm in Broward County.. Good luck with your new potential romance!

I say take some initiative and approach him and be a little more flirtatious with him. Maybe even asking him out for lunch or something, but without seeming too desperate. Maybe you could do some research, ask people who know him for more information. maybe that could be a cutesy way to get his attention (like that person saying "That girl was asking about you man"). Or you could not listen to me, because I am a guy!

I also forgot to mention my wife was unemployed for 1 month (got fired 2/14) and during that time, I worked extra hard to ensure that ends met, and I didn't get on her case about getting a job ONCE. I was supportive and even helped send her resume out to places for her from my dayjob. The side work I do is something I am extremely proud of because I've worked hard to get where I am and the money I earn from it helps pay bills instead of putting money in my pocket to blow on stuff for me, which I feel is pretty un-selfish on my part. My wife doesn't see it that way though.

On Tuesday night (3/30), my wife sat down to tell me she wasn't happy in our marraige and she wanted to leave me and take herself and the kids (7 and 4, the oldest is not mine) to Maine (I am in Florida) to stay with her friend (female, with two kids) for a while. She said she was going to leave on Friday. I pleaded with her not to do this, deep down knowing I wouldn't let her take my son away from me. So we talked, and talked, and talked. She wasn't sure what she was going to do. I guess I would find out Friday. So Thursday comes along and she went out that night with my friend and his wife to chat. She told them she was leaving tomorrow (Friday) and that she had made her mind up. I told her that she isn't taking my son out of the state and that I would go to court if I had to prevent it. On Friday she spoke with me in the morning. We discussed options and she said she was definitely going. the youngest one would end up staying with me. I pleaded with her to let the oldest one tay too, if not with me, with her mother, so he could finish the year at his own school. I never got an answer out of her on that. About 3 hours later she called and said that she wanted to stay and work on things with me, and give it two months. I was ok with that. So I asked her if she gave notice at her job and she said yes. So I advised her to call back and get her job back.. I get home and she said that her boss wouldn't take her back. I wasn't thrilled, but she can get another job. So Friday night we went out to dinner to talk. We argued a bit in the car, but we got through it. Dinner went ok. We got the kids, went home, and went to bed. In the middle of the night I snuggled with her to maybe offer her some assurance of my wanting things to work out, which turned into some making out, which was nice. So in the morning and gets up to go shopping with the kids and her mother. She kisses me goodbye and I head to do a photo assignment for a magazine (barrett jackson auto auction). I decided to come home early, I get back around 5 pm and find an empty house and a note left on the computer, saying she can't do it and was leaving for Maine, with BOTH kids. I freak, I call her and she was at Mcdonald's with the kids. I call her mother and we all coordinate for her and my in laws to come to my home to talk. We discuss things and my mother in law advises that my wife needs mental help. She's doing irrational things for attention and it's affecting everyone. So we convinced her to stay, but her and the kids are at my mother in laws, which I am content with. MY 4 year old is going to stay with me during the week though since his daycare is 4 suites down from my work. Her reasons for wanting to separate: 1. I am too controlling. ( control all of the bills and money, and it drivers her nuts, but she hasn't shown any responsibility with finances when I have given her chances ). 2. I don't do enough around the house ( She said she is stuck doing dishes, laundry, cooking, etc. ) 3. I intimidate her with my career and side jobs with photography because I brag about it (Wait, the money I make from that goes towards bills, so now I am a bad man for providing for my family?? someone shoot me!) All of the items she is citing, I can work on. I told her I need her help to give me a kick in the butt with the household chores, but then she says "but I shouldn't have to". Give me a break, compromise here! With the finances, I am willing to loosen my grips and show her how I do things, but also will get her her own bank account and have her keep money from her paycheck and she can do whatever she wants with it, maybe teach her some responsibility. So those things I can work on. Here's some background though: My wife has always had a problem with telling the truth, things got so bad that she got into a downward spiral where she didn't know what was truth or a lie anymore. She previously got sucked into a fantasy world on the internet, flirting and putting personal ads on the internet. She did act out on some kind of ad I believe with a guy in CT, she flew there to see a female friend of hers, but I soon found out she was hanging out with a guy while there, and lord knows what she did with him, but I forgave her.. I discovered these things because I had gut feelings and put a program on the home PC to log her keystrokes and sites she visited. I knew for a while and didn't know how to deal with it. We went to counseling last year and it helped tremendously. Now, i'm not the best husband in the world either. I have a hobby that takes up some of my time, r/c car racing. I race in a circuit accross the state, and race usually once a month (which takes up a full weekend). I haven't been to a race in two months though. I skipped a race to stay home with my family. I also have photography stuff to do (I shot two weddings in March) that takes up time. I always have something going on. These are things I am willing to work on. I am willing to work on "me" but she seems to not want to bend. But then the other night she drops the bomb that she's still mad because she feels I forced her to get her tubes tied. when my son was born, he was 1 month early. She had alot of complications. the oldest was born after 6 months into the pregnancy. Her body simply cannot handle another pregnancy. So I told her she needs to get her tubes tied or I would get a vasectomy, and she opted to get her tubes tied. Her mother is going to get her help, she needs to figure "herself" out. So she came over today and said she was sorry for what she did saturday and she recognizes she has problems and wants to get help. I need to stand my ground and not open my heart up to her. Maybe when she gets help and gets "her" worked out, maybe, MAYBE we could work on "us". But now I need to figure out of I want to be married to her anymore...