justsweetgirl

I think you have to realize it is her loss if she does not call. She has everything to gain by getting to know you. If not, someone else will see it that way.

I lived what you are going through two years ago. I came out on the other side a stronger, better person. It may not seem so now, but so will you. Because you are on the right path. It took me two years to connect with my anger. You may not be able to vent it at him, but you are, in my book, ahead of the game. Because at least you still feel something - even if it is rage. Good luck.

I wanted to come out to everyone the minute I came out to myself. The problem with that is some acquaintances will think no less of you, while people you have known your entire life will drop you like you are on fire. You never know. I thought my Mom would be supportive and my Dad would freak and I got it backwards. And I thought I was a pretty good judge of my folks. I only came out to one person at work, and even that took a long time. When people asked me why I wasn't interested in this guy or that, I just smiled and changed the subject. I wish you well.

I find it ironic that you are asking where to meet gay people. I, myself, came out about seven years ago and joined a group which met once a week to make coming out a little easier. Even in this group, the advice was lacking. I was told to take up tennis. I remember telling the counselor, okay, so first I have to learn a new sport, then I have to join a club where they play this sport, then I have to hope there are other women in the club playing this sport, then I have to figure out if they are straight or not, and if by some miracle someone is gay, then I have to determine if they are available or even interested. Wow, seemed like a lot of trouble and a lot of question marks. And this from a gay support group! You sound like a great guy and it must be absolute hell to be so close to someone you love and be able to do nothing with those feelings. And now you are even questioning your feelings. Even if you are falling out of love with him, that's not because you were wrong to fall in the first place. Love is a risk and a gift. There is no other like it. It takes great courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. I commend you for taking that risk. Everyone you have fallen for has taught you something additional about yourself and your capacity to love. You will find the right person. You are on a wonderful - though sometimes painful - journey. You are right where you need to be. I think everything will turn out alright for you because your postiive attitude and generous heart will accept nothing less. Peace.

Hello. I don't envy you your struggle. I believe the larger sin in God's eyes, since you believe same-sex love is a sin, is not being true to yourself.

I think "nobetterwords" said it best about there being no unnatural feelings in intense relationships. Your daughter is young and experimenting. Pat yourself on the back that she is comfortable enough with you to talk about these very personal issues to begin with. I am 39 and still waiting for my Mom to be comfortable enough to have "the talk." As for gay-bashers, there are positives and negatives with everything. We cannot allow small-minded, mean-spirited others to dictate our behavior and what is or isn't acceptable. To want your daughter to be straight because it would be "easier" is only letting those lugheads win. Support her in all things, whether you agree and understand or not. That's what Moms do.

I think we fall in love with who we hope they are and can be once they grow up and get responsible. But this doesn't automatically, magically happen. First we have to love ourselves. Be thankful you only put in a year, rather than ten. Next time you see a red flag, or many, you will be quicker to jump ship and save yourself. And as for breaking into your house, really, you are better off with out him. This is extreme behavior.

Hello. You are wasting too much time on someone who has no time for you. You deserve better than this. This is what's known as a player. Let it be known that you are no longer available for this kind of treatment; he can go play his games with someone else.

Breakups are extremely painful. Maybe he just needs some time. He did say he loves you, but he is also the one who ended it. You are understandably confused. Maybe he is, too. Work on yourself, get reaquainted with what makes you happy. I know this is easier said than done. Break down your time into manageable pieces. Try being happy and productive doing something you love (and not missing him) for an hour. Gradually increase it. Journal your thoughts and feelings and phone or email friends, rather than contacting him. Plan something fun with friends and family, even if you don't initially feel like it. Eventually, you will. Good luck.

I was with an abuser for a year and a half. She was charming and passionate and intelligent enough to show me only what I wanted to see. Then I opened up and let my guard down and the real person emerged. First there were negative comments/names, jealousy over my friends, then arguments, then arguments in public, then hitting. Even if the person NEVER hits you, emotional and verbal abuse are unacceptable in and of themselves. Abuse escalates, ask any domestic abuse counselor. In frequency and violence. It's like trying to stop a freight train. As for counseling, only 2% of batterers change their ways permanently - this is a documented fact. A problem that took a lifetime to hone does not disappear in a matter of days or weeks or months. Was it easy for me to leave in the middle of the night with my belongings in garbage bags and no shoes on my feet for fear of waking her? No. But it was the best decision I ever made. Good luck.

I think "toloveornottolove" hit the nail on the head. You are afraid of losing your girlfriend, but you have already lost yourself due to your codependency. I wish you well.

Hi. Poeple have posted some really good responses. I just wanted to add that I was once in love with a compulsive liar. She wasn't even aware of how often she did it. She told her family and friends she had cancer when she didn't. There were many more, but this was the most destructive. I believed she was a good person deep, deep, deep down inside, but things that happened to her in her life seriously compromised her ability to give and receive love. People lie when they are afraid. And love and fear cannot occupy the same space. They tend to cancel each other out. Since her being lesbian was only one of a bunch of lies, there is a pattern and that should concern you. Who you fell for does not exist. You can't love someone you don't really know. And she doesn't seem to know herself or like/accept what she sees. You have to give yourself to someone who can reciprocate. I wish you well.

Hi. I am sorry for the pain you are in. However, your gf did not love you the way you need to be loved. I know all too well that name-calling, meanness and spite have very little to do with love. Being disrespected feels awful. You question why it took her four years to leave. But I question why you stayed. You have to love yourself and want what is best for you. Unfortunately, we teach people how to treat us. Once you accept an abusive behavior, you give the other person the okay to continue it. I speak from experience. How can your gf love you when she doesn't even love herself? People who like and love themselves understand the importance of respect, trust and compassion, just to name a few. I know it hurts, but you will be better off in the long run. Being with someone who mistreats you is emotionally crippling and can lead you to be unusually dependent upon them for your own sense of self-worth. You need time to begin to erase those negative messages she gave you about yourself and time to form your own opinions about you and what you want out of life. As for her sleeping with a man and seeing someone two days after the break up, these are not faults of yours. This is so not a matter of her not missing you. This is about your gf being very irresponsible, inconsiderate and selfish. Her flaws. Not yours. Everyone deserves to be happy. Make yourself happy before you seek someone else to complete the picture. You are very vulnerable right now. Her brother's comments are flattering, but let him know nothing is going to happen. You are like a plant without water. Any compliment headed your way is welcome. But be cautious. You need to take care of yourself and be your own best friend. Surround yourself with friends and family you love and trust. I wish you the best.

Hello. I don't know your situation, except for what you have written. All I can say is her behavior is suspicious. She does not have to be cheating, but it does sound like she is communicating with someone and doesn't feel the need to share this with you. If it is harmless, why the need for secrecy? If she can't look at pics of her ex and her dog without becoming upset, maybe she has not fully gotten over the situation. They may still be speaking. You two need to sit down and talk about what's going on. Tell her you love her but she is acting strangely. If she comes clean than you have something to work with. If not, you have to ask yourself how long you are gffoing to take this before it drives you crazy. I wish you the best.

Hello. First, I am sorry you are in so much pain. What you wrote sounds eerily familiar to me. My gf moved here a year and a half ago; gave up her job, friends, home - everything- and moved out of state to be with me. I had been broken up with my ex for a year but we occasionally spoke on the phone and saw each other. My gf knew about my ex and that it was difficult for me to extricate from the situation completely. We still had unfinished business. In my case, my ex was abusive and didn't get help until I left. So, the person who was now wanting to talk and see me seemed changed; calmer, more mature, sincerely sorry. My gf feels as tho it has been three of us doing this relationship. I love my gf dearly and never meant to hurt her. Talking to and seeing my ex has never been about sex. We don't have any. I am faithful to my gf. But I have not been able to fully let go. All the things my ex says now are the things I was dying to hear when we were together. And she wants another chance to get it right. I do not see my ex as competition. To me, the two things have nothing to do with one another. I do not want to leave my gf but this is driving her crazy. I feel selfish. My gf is disgusted and probably wondering what the hell she came here for. Certainly, not this. She feels she is second. She says I gave my abusive ex a billion chances and all she is asking for is one. That I bend over backwards for the ex in ways I would never do for anyone else. She says I am blind when it comes to her. Honestly, there is a connection. Strangely, it may be more that of a parent for a child. I feel sorry for my ex for leading a life of volatile, chaotic failed relationships. My heart goes out to her. I did get help after I left from a domestic violence group. But maybe I am still seeking validation from my ex in some way. I have never gotten in touch with my anger for the things she did to me. It is hard to go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone to having nothing. Really hard. And the truth of the matter is, if I was in my gf's shoes, I don't know if I could handle it. I would be devastated. If you want to talk to me more about this, I am all ears. I hope I have been of some help. I wish you the best.