cokecanismissing

My two best friends Mandi and Bob are both gay, so am I, and they both have been trying to get me to meet this girl who they say is "perfect for me." I want to but I don't because for me it's more of Gay Shame than Gay Pride. I know who and what I am, I just don't want other people to know. I know alot of people who are the same way and I'm just another "closet case." But I feel like I'm locked inside of this cage because I can never be myself. I'm not really looking for a solution, I just want to vent.

About a year and a half ago I slept with one of my friends from high school. We used to do alot of drugs and drink together (as of right now I'm not doing any type of drugs), skip school, and everything. And we hadn't seen each other in a while and when we got together and started drinking one thing led to another. I had thought about being with another girl before that but never grasped the balls to say or do anything about it. I think the alcohol made things easier. But my parents are true homophobes as well as the rest of my family (we live in the south and it's the whole "God said blah blah blah" bs.) My family keeps asking me why I'm not in a relationship with anyone and I don't want to tell them because of the whole "God said..." thing so I don't talk to anyone about it. My friends know and I've lost a few but the ones that are still around are the ones that count though(?) I know that I shoudn't feel like I need to tell them now but it really sucks not being able to be yourself. just so everyone knows I do believe that there is a God but I don't like people using that against me or anyone else.