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chai714

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Everything posted by chai714

  1. chai714
    What ever happened with this?
  2. chai714
    I believe this strategy to be highly effective because it has worked on me before. A woman pulled something very similar to the above description and I actually felt like SHE used ME for sex all while never showing any emotional attachment. Left me baffled for weeks. The end result was that I wanted more than sex with her. So, it could make him want you.
  3. chai714
    You don't need her friends approval for her to date you. If she relies on their approval, you don't need her either. If her friends call you a player, accept the title even if you're not. If this woman sticks around to date you, she will find out by your actions that you're really not. And even if you are a player, it's not such a bad title to have. Women are subconsciously attracted to those who appear to be in high demand. Similar to the Christmas toy that everyone wants, but the supply is limited.
  4. chai714
    Get out of the house. Join a club, grab a group of guy friends and start going out, become a regular somewhere, coach a youth sports team, volunteer somewhere. Women are everywhere.
  5. chai714
    I'd wait another day, then make a date for either Fri. or next week sometime. Also, don't ever thank a woman for going on a date with you. You can thank her by telling her she's fun to hang around or that you had a good time with her, but thanking her for the date would seem desperate. And if nobody has ever told you, don't ever tell her how you feel. If you begin to like her and you feel you need to tell her, be very indirect. An example of an indirect line is, "It makes me feel good when I hang out with you" or "You're a real fun person. I like spending time with you." Have fun and good luck.
  6. chai714
    The bottom line is that some guys just don't enjoy giving it. Even if you're waxed and squeaky clean down there, some guys won't do it. How could you influence him to want to do it? My only suggestion would be to watch a flick with him that includes a guy going down on a woman, then vice versa. Otherwise, it might be difficult. You might have to accept this and live with it.
  7. chai714
    Persuaded, Sorry to hear about your loss. Losing the person you love most can be devastating and make you feel almost lifeless - I understand. Like Beec stated, time and keeping busy are the only known ways to get past the heartbreak. I also found working out, writing in a journal, and volunteering at a hospital to be beneficial activities to overcome heartbreak. Hang in there . . .
  8. chai714
    One thing I don't understand is people rationalizing thinking, "she scared herself." Fear is not the emotional response to liking someone. This makes no sense. Can someone elaborate on how liking someone can cause fear - enough fear to withdraw from the very person you like?
  9. chai714
    Tomas, Welcome to eNotalone. I don't know you, you don't know me but I do know that you'll be much better off with another woman whose sane. It would make your life much, much more simple and easy. It really doesn't matter how you feel about whether or not she should be with her abusive boyfriend (some women like abusive men and if you're not abusive, stay away from them). The only thing that matters is how she feels and it seems she likes the abuse (or rather doesn't know how to cut her negative behavior patterns).
  10. chai714
    You did appear anxious, but kissing on a first date isn't rushing things - it happens and it's not a big deal. She replied to you and said, "I'm not ready for a relationship at all." Does this mean you talked about having one with her, or is this her jumping to conclusions? Your next move is to quit calling her and being so anxious to see her again. That date might have been good for YOU, but how was it for HER? Sounds like she might be still emotionally involved with her ex (this is a complete guess on my part).
  11. chai714
    It would seem your declaration would mean you're looking for a reaction from him. You didn't get the expected reaction and now you have began to wonder why he reacted the way he did. The behavior you exhibited typically is intended to invoke a desired response. I recommend quitting telling your ex any moves you're going to make - just make them silently.
  12. chai714
    Sounds like you're a people pleaser. Holidays, birthdays, etc shouldn't affect when you break up with her if that's the route you will be going. Good luck in whatever decision you choose.
  13. chai714
    People are "into you" or "not into you" based on how you make them feel. I believe that the duration of a relationships requires many different emotions - some of which are negative but most of which are positive. For example, it can be beneficial to make your partner feel anxious or uneasy at times - while you're being aloof and maintaining a certain degree of independence. Another example might be you delaying your responses in answering her emails or ignoring her phone calls. Sure, this may cause some anxiety or tension on her behalf but in the bigger picture this would be a healthy tactic. Why? Because you would be helping her appreciate you more and the time you spend with her physically would be seen as more valuable. You being needy asking her to check her email is something you've already identified as a needy trait. Being needy is never an attractive behavior. Being needy equals insecure to some degree and we all know that having an insecure partner can be burdensome. So, forget about these small things. I would suggest you develop more interests outside of your relationship to regain perspective on your own happiness. Lastly, her inconsistent behavior is becoming addicting to you. You're experiencing the highs she gives you when she comes on strong, then when she backs off you long for that attention and those feelings she gave you - you want to feel that way again. I understand this. When someones behavior is inconsistent, you begin to doubt their feelings or not trust them. Over a period of time, you feeling like this could result in negative or even hostile feelings toward her. If talking to her about this is unproductive, walk.
  14. chai714
    Sounds like your feelings for her are causing you to rationalize this and excuse her wreckless behavior. She made the choice to drink and she likely made the choice to sleep with him. How did it make you feel to hear she slept with some guy while drunk?
  15. chai714
    RW, Not sure you would have to necessarily join a yoga class, but stretching in general may alleviate your pain. I would recommend making a routine out of it and possibly even getting an exercise ball to help with your flexibility. As far as neck pain goes, see a chiropractor or get a massage. Recently, I had experienced neck pain so I switched to a pillow that offered more neck support and also has the temperpedic cushion. It's one of those wavy ones - at first, it wasn't the most comfortable but I got used to it and now I wake up with no neck pain and feel much better in the mornings. Hope this bit helps.
  16. chai714
    It seems as if the emotional confusion has caused you to withdraw from both your wife and the other woman, possibly in hopes that you can clear this up in your head (sounds ideal, but I'm sure thinking doesn't help clear up much confusion). I'm not sure if your decision even lies on your wife or the OW - I think you may have left one other option out - leave your wife and be alone for a while. I don't think it's ever wise to jump from one lilypad (relationship) into another lilypad (another relationship). Time alone will give you perspective on both situations and your own life and the direction it's headed. So, I vote for you to buy a bit more time and be on your own for a while if you do end things with your wife. The OW may or may not be a viable option later but it's really not important in the big picture. Your sanity and happiness are.
  17. chai714
    Your anger is understandable as anyone in your situation would be. There is no real justification for having cheated - the only logical explanation I can think of is because the person is selfish. What is cheating, but the most selfish act one can commit in a relationship? You may never understand the "whys" concerning her unfaithful behavior but you might also gain inner peace without ever knowing because it really doesn't matter in the end why she did it - it would still hurt the same.
  18. chai714
    It sounds like you could still be on shock over the whole thing, which is normal given your state of mind. It quite possibly begins with you calling him, "the love of your life" as if there is only one person who will come into your life and make it the best that it can be. In reality, there are many potentially good partners and all of which could be loveable. Another point I'd like to drive is that we choose to be with people based on how they make us feel. If at any point in a relationship your partner makes you feel bad about yourself or the relationship, then it will cause you to have bad feelings toward your partner or the relationship. One common trait regarding breakups is how the dumpee feels about the dumper. It seems that many dumpees put the dumper in a high light at least initially - which distorts their perception of the relationship. This is why healing requires time - because time allows your strong emotions to subside and it allows you to gain a more realistic perspective of the relationship. Anyhow, continue taking time to yourself to heal. Hang in there.
  19. chai714
    Whoa . . . you're a monster and because you're a monster, you're single? If you feel people perceive you that way, change your behavior.
  20. chai714
    I think you should leave Diane alone for now. She's 2 hours away and she has a boyfriend. What advantage is there to talking to someone who has a boyfriend and who also lives 2 hours away? You should possibly talk to her sporadically but she's giving you no indication that she's available. And since you want more and she's not available, you're wasting your time.
  21. chai714
    I'm not sure everyone understood the question. See, you get to eat and you'll live no matter what. The only possible loss here is any kind of sexual gratification. So basically, the question amounts to: which one would you pick: good flavored food or sex. If you pick the food, you get no sex. If you pick the sex, you get bland food but you will still live.
  22. chai714
    I believe the most effective way to get a woman to react to your touch is to be able to make her feel a certain way. Typically, this is accomplished through talking. I think once you get any woman to a certain point by making her feel a certain way, she will react positively to almost any touch (if not attack you). As far as specific physical locations, I would think areas that are touched less (by clothing and everyday living) could possibly set her off such as the back of her neck, just beneath her underarms, ears, and inner thighs.
  23. chai714
    This is a no brainer - the tasteless pap would provide me energy for sex. So bring on the tasteless pap. I can't imagine forgoing all sexual pleasure.
  24. chai714
    I agree with Dako. I can't really add much, unless it would be a lecture but, like Dako I'll skip it too.
  25. chai714
    Mixed, Welcome to eNotalone. It's easy to get caught up comparing the new guys with the ex - I think it's quite common to do this. Why do you think you haven't gotten over your ex after such a long period of time? Could it be because you're always thinking or having contact with him? How could you change the way you feel about him? My idea is that it would start with the way you routinely think about him - you'll need to shake up your life some and keep your mind occupied preferably doing something you enjoy or have a passion for.
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