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chai714

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Everything posted by chai714

  1. chai714
    I don't think you have zero self-esteem when it comes to women - self esteem is not necessarily a situational state of mind. You may have also overlooked something - finding a woman or having a relationship with one is NOT the answer to raising your self-esteem. While the idea may sound good and you might think it will help you, it won't significantly boost your self-esteem. A quote from David J. Lieberman describing how self-esteem works: "In order to be happy, have good relationships, and be psychologically balanced, a person has to feel good about himself. This means that we need to literally love ourselves. And this self-love is called self-esteem." David J. Lieberman, a psychologist states: "WHEN WE DON'T RESPECT OURSELVES, WE CAN'T TRULY LOVE OURSELVES, AND SO WE SEEK LOVE FROM OTHERS TO FILL THE VOID." This is what you're trying to do. Like I previoulsy stated, finding a woman will not help raise your self-esteem. Instead, what you need to do is become active in activities and participate in things that make you feel good about yourself. Because "in order to feel good, you must do good." Examples of activities which might raise your self-esteem include volunteering at a hospital, mentoring a child, coaching a sports team, joining a club/organization that interests you, working out (improving your fitness level), starting a business, and many more. Anything that is positive, challenges you, and gets you off your butt. Nobody will ever feel bad for you, except yourself. If you ever get tired of being down and out, then take the above advice and start living like you want to improve your life. You are in control of how you feel - and nobody else. It's your responsibility to make you happy - no single person or entity will do this, even when you're in a relationship one day. *raising your self-esteem will make you a more attractive person as people love the positivity and optimism they bring. You can do this. It won't be easy, but it can be done.
  2. chai714
    After a marathon, my appetite has been fulfilled and I'm done. I don't desire to go any more although I believe it would be possible. But it's not as stimulating so there is hardly a reason to remain erect. I wouldn't say it's an instant loss of erection, but more a gradual process which takes place over the next 7 or so minutes. Is it uncommon that you can keep going? I would think it's more rare. Perhaps you have been blessed.
  3. chai714
    Way to go. Don't push the gf/bf issue, it will come in time. Enjoy the holidays on Cloud 9.
  4. chai714
    Let's take an educated approach here. She has initiated contact in the past, and touched you. Her touching you is flirtacious behavior. I have yet to see a woman who has touched a guy she is repulsed by. There are some females who are serial flirts, but forget about that for now. I would agree with Luke and advise you to get her number so you can "hang out" with her.
  5. chai714
    Yes, I agree. However, love means different things to different people. Some people believe getting beat up by their partner is love.
  6. chai714
    Easy answer. Lose the guy. There was never a need to inform him of the setup. He failed any which way you look at it. But if you feel you deserve to be with someone who has cheated and will cheat again, good luck to you.
  7. chai714
    The whole "need time to find myself" or "need time to figure things out" is nothing more than a cliche way of saying, "I don't want to be with you anymore." Beec is right on regarding your situation. However, to me it seems as if you're still too emotional to have any kind of game with her. By game, I mean to be able to control your emotions and be able to make her feel a certain way. I would back off a lot right now, not initiate contact and take some of her calls (not all of them). In answering her questions, I would give vague answers. For example, she says, "what have you been doing?" I say, "hanging with friends, keeping busy." No need for any further explanation.
  8. chai714
    You're choosing to live up to the image he desires. How is living for someone elses desires going to make YOU happy?
  9. chai714
    I would drop them on her porch when you know she won't be there, or have your friend do it. Just put them on her porch, since shipping them might not get them there in time with the holidays and all. As far as NYE trip - don't go if she's going. That won't help either of you move forward with your respective lives. Also, I don't think this breakup is temporary because people don't end things to "test what's out there" and go back to their relationship as if nothing happened. Maybe in movies, but not in real life. Just know that you have risked ever having her in your life again, but then again so did she when she made the decision to cheat on you.
  10. chai714
    Thank you for the compliment, Miracle29. From my surveys, most men don't last beyond 10 minutes. What's also even more sad is that most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone either, so it could be a double whammy. I believe that along with educating yourself on how women "get off" along with learning how to control your own body, sex can be more beneficial to both people involved.
  11. chai714
    In this case, let's get to the root of what you can improve on, which seems to be your conversational skills and making friends. A good start would be to browse a book called, "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. This is the bible of making friends and has withstood the test of time. There is another one by Jeane Martinet called, "The Art of Mingling" which discusses how to jump from one group to the next in a public setting. It's also a decent source. Hope this bit helps.
  12. chai714
    Interesting tactics. None that I would use though. I don't understand how imposing your wants on her would make her want you? How do we get people to like us or to become interested in us? We do this by making them feel good, by delivering an emotional high to them. When we meet someone we have lots of common ground with, someone who can keep it light and make us laugh, then is aloof, what does that do? It makes us desire their company more. This is human nature. Try refocusing your tactics to things based on human nature, rather than religious offshoots and making her feel bad about herself. It's okay to be disagreeable, but that should not be the majority of your game.
  13. chai714
    First and foremost, I would ask her why she's moving. If it's for you, I would advise her, "Do not move here for me. If you're doing it, make sure it's for the right reasons and me not being one of them." Secondly, she seems to like you for the time being. But there are a few things for you to think about before getting involved in this: 1. Are the children's father(s) in their life? You might have to deal with this one day. 2. How much drama is she having with her family or exes family? Can you handle this? 3. Realize that this is a package deal. If you date her, you're also dating her kids. You might like her but not her kids and if this is the case then know that the chances of it working have significantly decreased. These are a few things to think about.
  14. chai714
    Your post might anger some people. I think you should respect all people and women, but I think I know what you're alluding to. Being a challenge to a woman is one thing, but disrespecting them is a whole other issue that I do not support. You can be a challenge while still respecting them. Is this what you mean by being decent?
  15. chai714
    Dating women and getting them to like you is a process. If you don't already have her number, you will need to get that. Secondly, what is her body language saying to you when you're talking? Is she attracted to you? It might be difficult to tell initially but while on a date it should be obvious whether she's attracted to you or not. (Even though it's not always obvious, it's still a good indicator of whether or not you can kiss her). Before meeting up for New Years with her, get some kind of date or a couple in before New Years. Also, next time you approach any woman for any kind of date - make sure you have a plan. I'm not sure if you just left out details, but she should have some kind of idea of the details of what you two will be doing New Years so she can get her clothing either purchased or ready (women need time). Don't worry too much about what interest she has in you. It won't matter because all you should be concerned with is getting a date with her. I understand this takes time but you will be able to tell after the first date what exactly her intentions (if any) with you are. And if New Years is your first date, bust a move when the clock strikes midnight.
  16. chai714
    I have found becoming a regular at any hangout place to be a good bet in meeting people. This past year, an Italian restaurant ended up being a gold mine where I dated the manager. After that ended, I've recently hung out with a few female employees all because I was a regular there and got their numbers. It seems the best ways of meeting people are through friends. Your friends who have female friends who also have friends. It's just a matter of getting out of the house on a routine basis and finding out where the "hot spots" are, especially during the week. Monday might be one place, Wednesday might be another place, and Thursday might be another place. Also, find out where your local bar/restaurant has "college night." That might be an excellent source for you. Good luck and have fun.
  17. chai714
    Bust a move soon or you're only her friend. No, you're not putting too much emphasis on this kiss. You can't start talking "couple" until you have at least kissed her and had several dates. And you're definitely not moving too fast. It doesn't matter where whether it's in a parking lot, her doorstep, or at a red light - bust a move!
  18. chai714
    Jian, It's a good thing you're moving forward with your dating life. Her interest began to waiver after the first date. Her "studying" reason is her nice way of saying, "I'm not interested." Don't take this personal but rather as a learning experience. I'm glad you're keeping your head up about this. If you're going to take her up on her "friend" offer, ask her if she has any cute friends she can introduce you to. Otherwise, don't take that friendship offer seriously.
  19. chai714
    Not sure how old you are, but this this man kiss you? Even if he didn't, he wants to see you more. That should speak for itself.
  20. chai714
    I don't think you react to this. She's expressing how she feels. Let her sit on this for a bit. What you do right now isn't volatile (meaning if you ignore this communication attempt, it's not going to hurt your position any). You're not overanalyzing this - it's normal to think about these things when you're in a situation such as yours.
  21. chai714
    My advice may be far out from the rest. If you're not comfortable with your post pregnancy stomach and you've done all you can in terms of exercise, then look into getting a tummy tuck. I don't think any person can be responsible for the way you feel about your body except you. And if you're not comfortable, then I assume changing it would make you more comfortable. If getting a surgical procedure is not a consideration then I would go with the gradual steps as Beec prescribed such as sheer lingerie.
  22. chai714
    I'm throwing in the towel. He might be gay, I'm not sure. Last night, I invited him to hang out with a few good looking, single women in their early 20's. Earlier in the week, he said he was up for it. Then, he bails and decides to hang out with his co-worker male friend at the last minute. So, I went without him. Long story short, I now think he might be in the closet and am just disappointed.
  23. chai714
    I don't think it's fair to flat out say, "she'll be back." You don't know that but if you feel that way it would be nice of you to explain why you said this. NYG - it's never about what you want. If you wanted to marry her, it wouldn't matter because it's about what she wants too. Unfortunately right now, it may not be you. Being intimate with someone activates certain emotions in humans - emotions that otherwise would not be present. It's quite easy for humans to become even more attached after having experienced intimate relations. Strategically speaking, I would become immediately aloof. If not, you will pay the price of being taken advantage of. Being aloof consists of exhibiting somewhat inconsistent communication with her such as not taking some of her calls, listening to her but not saying much, turning off your body language when you see her, or avoiding her at times. Conversely, if you want her to experience an emotional high then you give her attention and become an active participant in your communications with her.
  24. chai714
    Wow. One heck of a story. Talk about cold, ice cold. Not sure what would have triggered this, but by reading your story it sounds as if he had carefully planned this out and thought about it for at least a few weeks in advance (which explains why he handled it so "business-like" and in a cold way). It seems as if he even had the part planned that he would drive with you back and then ditch you. Would a psychologically sound person do something like this? I doubt it. As someone else mentioned, something seems terribly wrong regarding his mental status (not that it's an excuse for him). For now, only thing you can do is quit chasing and quit contacting him, as impossible as it may sound. You know it's not doing you any good or affecting his behavior, so sit on it for a while. You might be in shock for a while. Sorry to hear about this. Talk to friends or keep a journal to maintain sanity. If it's any consolation, congratulations on graduating.
  25. chai714
    TM, Sorry to hear you're feeling down. For some reason, it's quite a common occurrence to see people feel depressed about their lovelife especially during the holidays. I don't think it would be wise to send that note just yet. Why? Because this isn't the movies - movies hardly depict reality. While it might seem like a good idea, the reality is that people hardly fall for the things you see on movies, in real life. I believe your note could be good after you know she already likes you and wants you, but not before. If you want to reopen communication, I might initially email her or call her. Perhaps a Christmas card wishing her a happy holiday but nothing that says, "I put in a lot of effort thinking about this." There is no single gift of note that will change how she feels about you. The only way to accomplish this is to get open communication with her and to get her emotionally dependent on you again. Good luck.
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