krnelson2

Hey thanks Belle- I didnt mean to put her on a pedestal, although after reading my post I can see where you got that...HAHA. But she seems like a very flirtatious girl. Which is fine by all means, but i dont know if she is the type of person to do this with a lot of guys or not. This is what I am having my friend look into. Not in a stalkerish way, but to save myself pain in the long run. But I think you are right, I dont think girls allow men into their beds just for the heck of it. Am i right here? It seemed that she was interested at the time, but we had all had a lot to drink too so I think that is where some of my insecurity is coming from. Either way though we had a great time, and I would like to do it again sometime. Anyone else been through this or heard of this before?

Ok I will try and make this as short as possible. I met this girl a few weeks ago. She is a friend of a friend and we have went out as a group a few times. She is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. This past weekend we went out had a great time with our group of friends and ended up at her place. It was a great night. I ended up sleeping in her bed with her and we cuddled all night. Nothing happened cause I didnt want things to be weird in the morning and didnt want any regrets. The next morning everything was cool and we all went out to breakfast and had some good laughs about the night before. So i guess my question is what do I do now? I want to ask her out, but am afraid that it could jeapordize our friendship if she says no. We have talked online a few times since and she thanked me for the cuddling saying she enjoyed it. I cant help feeling that this girl is too good for me though. I mean she is gorgeous (much better looking than any girl i have ever dated). But i still think i will give it a shot. I asked my friend to help me out with her before I ask her out. Any suggestions, comments, advice? She is all I have been able to think about the last few days. She is the kind of girl that I couldl definitely see myself with down the line, but I have no idea if she is interested in me or not. What do I do here? I dont want to lose her as a friend, and I certainly dont want to make things awkward at all. Your advice and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Oh yeah if it makes any difference, I found this site after a hard breakup about 4 months ago. I lived on the getting back together forum for about two of those months. It helped a ton, I thought I would try this one out since I have moved on from that and am looking at getting back in the game. Thanks a ton everyone for your help!!! -KR

Dont send anything. No call, no text, no card. I struggled with this not too long ago. I wanted to send a short text. I thought I would seem like a real jerk if I didnt do something. But its our job to make them feel special anymore. They have others in their lives that they look to for that now. I ended up not sending anything. It hurt to do that, but its something I needed to do (or not do i guess) She sent me a message about a week later, appoligizing for hurting me. She said that she hated herself for making me so mad at her that I wouldnt even call her on her birthday. And that she finally realized how bad she had hurt me. Thats what it took to make her realize that she hurt me? I told her I wasnt mad at her but was doing this to heal myself and left it at that. There is no need to send anything. It will make her realize a lot, especially that you are no longer there to give her that comfort she once had.

Thanks everyone! Great ideas!!!

Thanks for the advice guys. I guess i will just take it as it comes. Get to know them and hang out for awhile. Let them get to know me and then make my decision. I am not 100% that they are both actually going to show up, but am trying to prepare just in case.

Thanks Mav- I am not saying in anyway that I would try and date both of these girls at the same time (just not that kind of guy) but when it comes time to get their numbers, i am just afraid that it will get back to the other one later on and ruin it for me. I guess I just want to keep my options open and not limit myself to one girl right now. But I will definitely be myself and just try and talk to both of them, thats not the hard part. The hard part is going to be asking them both out without them knowing. AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

So I am in kind of a bind here. There are two girls that I am interested in, and are both good friends of my roomate. I think both of them have very good qualities and would be a good fit for me. However I havent had the chance to ask either of them out. THis weekend we are having a party at my house and there is a possibility that they will both be there....WHAT DO I DO? Do I hit on both of them? Just be very friendly with them both? Do I ask them both for their number? I dont want to piss one off if she sees my asking the other for her number and then I go right over and get hers too. I dont really know what to do if they both DO show up. Any advice here would be great. They are both law students and are in the same classes so it would most likely come up that I got both of their numbers because they talk frequently. Kind of stuck in between a rock and a hard place here. PLEASE HELP!!!

Crazy300- No problem, I have turned to this site a lot since my breakup and it has helped. Anything I can do to give back I will gladly do. The biggest part to moving on is getting your thoughts in line. Hopefully this post will allow people to start to do that. -KR

Here is something I wrote yesterday at work as I was pondering everything that has gone on in my life the last few months. I thought some might like to read it, and who knows it may help a person or two to get their thoughts in the right direction. "So I was sitting at work today and something came to me out of the blue and I wanted to share it with you all, or whoever happens to be stalking me at the moment I was thinking about life and the meaning behind all the things that happen in our lives that make us doubt ourselves and the existence of a higher order perhaps. So here goes (this is going to be deep) People enter and leave our lives on a daily basis. Some stick around for years and some disappear instantly. I cant help thinking that there is a reason for all of this. That stranger on the street who waves hello and wishes you a nice day, is that purely coincedence? Probably, but maybe not. Is there something larger than life that controls who and what affects our lives? Not sure, I would like to think so but that had not occurred to me until recently. Situations arise in our lives that either play a positive role in our development or hinder it all together. The situations that hold us back and make our lives seem at a stand still seem to come at the most unexpected and inconvenient times. Why is this? My take is that these situations are a test. A test of character, respect, self-dignity, etc. These situations make us question everything that has made us who we are. Admitting our faults and downfalls takes a very strong and genuine person. Who can we trust if we cant trust ourselves? In order to become stronger we have to overcome these situations and move on to bigger and better things. If we pass the test we are able to grow from our mistakes and misfortunes and become stronger than ever before, and ulitmately become better individuals. If we fail we become so wrapped up in our emotions and self-pity that we basically become outcasts to everything that is waiting for us in life. I have spent my whole life trying to bring people in that would play a positive role in my life and allow me to grow and become stronger everyday. Looking back I see that I have done a DAMN good job too. Although I have had a few slips here and there I have no regrets. If anything these people are a good reminder of who not to become. But the fact is that you must respect and learn to accept people for who they are because you cant change them, only they can do that on their own. I have surrounded myself with people who care about me and who I care deeply about. I have the best friends anyone could ever ask for! Friends who are willing to drop everything to lend a hand, friends who are willing to listen when I am being "tested". I am strong believer in giving back so I have tried very hard to play a positive role in these peoples lives as well. I have met so many people in my life who have been so fake and it kind of makes me sick. I try and distance myself from these people as having them around is unhealthy and only distracts me from growing. I guess what I am trying to say is that nothing in life should be taken for granted. Its hard not to at times, especially when success and good fortune are brought upon us. My life has changed a lot in the last year. I have a job, I'm successful, I finally have money to buy the things I have always wanted. But none of that means anything without all of the special people in my life to share it with. I would gladly give it all up to keep these people around and in my life. Money and possessions? Sure they are nice and make us feel good about ourselves. But without people in our lives to share them with what good do they do us? Now I have always tried to be the nice guy, and I know that doesnt always get you what you want or need, but whats the use in living your life hating and disrespecting people to get your way? We've all heard the phrase "nice guys finish last" right? Not true, sure it may hinder our chances at certain things, but in the long run it creates a whole environment for us that allows us to be happy with ourselves and more pleasant to be around. So for all the nice guys out there. Stay true to who you are, never let anyone change that. You will come out ahead. So this is getting kind of long and I should be working right now, but hopefully this made you all think long and hard. Live life everyday as though its your last. Have no regrets about the bad decisions you make, they only make you stronger. Celebrate the good decisions you have made as they have contributed greatly to your success and have made you the person you are today. Oh yeah one more thing. Thank you to everyone who has entered, left or remained in my life. I am thankful for everything you have all done for me. You have played a large role in making me who I am. Next time you pass that stranger on the street and they give you a smile or a wave, give one back. Who knows what they have to offer you in the future. Positive actions bring positive responses! (unless of course its a naked guy in a car in a dark alley. I recommend avoiding that situation from what I hear). EDIT is an inside joke, happened to a friend of mine Thanks all for reading this, maybe it will help someone maybe not." THis whole notion of something above us, or larger than life having a plan for us all popped into my head and i bagan to write immediately. I posted it on facebook for my friends to read because i thought it was important for the people in my life to know how I feel about them. I know this probably isnt the best place to post this, but it does have a lot of ties to breaking up and since many of you have followed my numerous posts over the last 2 months I thought it might be nice to share my thoughts on life and how my line of thought has changed drastically recently. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Does anyone else feel this way? -KR

Thanks for the reply guys- I wouldnt say I'm wasting my time. If i did respond it would be very short to the point. Only answering her questions and thats it. No questions in return, maybe a "I hope all is well with you too, take care" Its obvious she is looking for a response, and it may be due to the girls that have been posting comments on my facebook wall. Not sure but that makes a lot of sense to me. But anyway, I am in no hurry to rush and respond right away. Maybe in a few days, maybe next week, maybe never. Who knows? Right now that is about #1452647 on my list of priorities -KR

Day ?... Not sure what day it is, but for me its easier not to count. I mean am i really going to count for the rest of my life?...PRobably not. Anyway, I have been doing so well lately, I rarely think about her in terms of our relationship. It has felt really weird not talking to her though. I mean when you talk to someone so much for 5 years and then its like they have died and you can no longer talk to them. Well today I receieved a message online. Its like clockwork, about a week after I go NC she sends me a message. However this one is different. It was actually really sweet. She just wanted to say hi and see how I was and how my family has been. Then ended by saying she hopes to hear from me soon. No in the past I have cracked and responded pretty much everytime, and I feel that she is being nice in seeing how I am, but its really only been a week. Her message made it seem like it was a long time. But anyway I would feel like kind of a jerk not responding when she is just seeing how I am. Am I wrong here? I have accepted the fact that she is with someone else and it hurts less everyday for me to think about that. I have moved on quite well, and have started to take an interest in a few girls that I have gotten to know since. So i feel that responding to my ex will have no hinderance on my healing. What does everyone think? Her motive for the message seems pretty genuine. Other than a few messages its been over a month since we have spoken face to face or even on the phone, so its not like I have been talking to her every week. But I dont want to look or feel like an ***hole if I dont resopond. Some help would be appreciated. Thanks Folks -KR

Hey everyone!!! It sounds like people are doing well today...Thats great. Isnt it funny how our emotions change day by day and there is definitely a trend with all of us. SOme days we are all feeling bad some good. Today I feel great....AGAIN! I talked on the phone with my sister a few hours ago and we talked about how I was doing. I told her that its over and that I am moving on. A month ago that would have killed me to say, but guess what...It didnt affect me at all to say it, and most of all I meant it when I told her I was happy now!!! It feels so good to truly be happy and be living my life to the fullest. Tijuana- Good work joining the gym. Excersizing helps so much!!! It will make you feel like a more attractive and wantable person as well as improving your health. Now Stick with it and dont drop out in a week like I always do Parsley- It sounds like your journal entry has made you realize a lot. Keep it up, its easier to do that then contact our ex and then feel like crap when they dont respond right? Hang in there everyone, we are all doing great, now lets work towards day 30 and then who knows from there. Peace -KR

Yeah I usually cant remember them much either just that they make me feel panicked when I wake up and that she was a part of it. The only part I remember from last night is I was with my friends in a bar type situation sitting at a table, she was sitting at the bar. I dont think I really talked to her at all, I watched her and she seemed sad. And then she left. But I know I was with my friends and I think if i remember she was alone at least for awhile. When I woke up i remember thinking about her immediately. Any ideas?

Goin on a week strong! Other than these weird unexplainable dreams that involve her I have been doing great at moving on and accepting everything for what its worth. These dreams are still haunting me though and they get weirder and weirder each night. Aaaarrrggghh! -KR

Very Very good post! Makes a lot of sense to me. I am only in week 1 of the SuperDave Challenge, but other than a few short messages sent I havent talked with my ex in almost 3 weeks as well. I have had many of the same feelings, and have begun the acceptance stage. Moving on was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and I still dont know if its totally right, but it makes me feel better and thats what I need. Props on your thoughtful post, I'm sure it will help many to gather their thoughts and see what NC can lead to after only 3 weeks.