chai714

War, When people end relationships, they need reasons that make sense (to them) so that they can achieve inner peace, even if those reasons are disagreeable to the other party. Humans generally want to be able to feel decent about themselves when they decide to end a relationship, so they will forumlate a reason, which gives them inner peace. DN suggested she possibly came around so that she could end things on a better note, if that makes sense.

That's a real good point. Inner peace is a big part of coming up with reasons to end things.

War, Continue NC with her. Don't rationalize this by saying, "she's confused." That's her problem, not yours. You've got your head on straight and you need a woman who also has her head on straight, when the time is right.

1) Does it seem to you that she is keeping an open mind as far as a relationship with me is concerned? or does it look like i'm wasting my time falling in love? You might not be wasting your time but realize that you're competing with her ex albeit indirectly. It's never about what she tells you she wants - it's what you make her want. And how do you make her want you? By acting on the basic principles of human nature. TELLING HER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER is not one of them, so never, ever do this. 2) Am I normal for wanting to be with her so much based on 4 months of online chatter and a few visits? It's not infatuation and it's not about sex ... as i judge her she's a nice, clean, decent girl who prefers long relationships and i'm a clueless virgin anyway so ... that's not it (lol!) so could the anguish in my heart mean a lot more than i think? Your views do seem idealistic but that's okay. It's completely normal to want to be with someone that knows how to make you feel good. BUT, don't give this woman too much, too soon. Even though you feel like you can tell her anything, don't do it. Relationships need to grow at a certain pace. If you pour on everything you've got in the beginning, what's left? Not much. This is why being aloof at times is good. 3) In your opinions, does it seem like the right kind of time to start approaching her about a relationship? After 10 dates and after you know she's only seeing you. Realize this: dating is an open game where there are no rules. It sounds harsh, but it's the truth. As much as you don't want to think of this, she possibly could be sleeping with another guy and talking to you when she's not with him. I understand that you trust her and vice versa but realize that in the dating world, there are no rules. That being said, don't throw out the "R" word until you've been seeing her exclusively for several dates. There is no rush. Remember, patience is confidence. 4) Is it worth risking the friendship in pursuit of more? The foundation of the friendship is there, and I believe we can build a successful relationship on it. Yes. You're attracted to her, she might be to you but it's too early to say much more. As my general rule, I am not friends with females I'm attracted to. To me, that's self-torture and I'm not a true friend. Afterall, true friends don't want more than a friendship, right? 5) I realise this is a tough and possibly stupid question but ... what should I say and ... when should I say it? Like i said, i don't want her to feel uncomfortable at all, but everytime i see her the feelings get stronger. I feel that we have a connection but I don't know how to cement those feelings and that connection. Don't overanalyze. Do more listening. Limit your talking on the phone/online and save it for in-person. Once you ask her something, follow it up, then relate it to you. 6) Am I over-reading her messages and thinking that she has feelings for me? or does it seem like she does share at least some of what i feel? Next time you're with her, read her body langauge. If you don't know much about it, read up or do a search. There are also some books out there. It's not about what someone really says but their non-verbal clues can really give away their feelings. So, pay attention to it next time.

I stick to mostly plain, caffeine-free ones. I recently bought Stash Brand blueberry herbal tea and wild raspberry flavors. They're not bad. I'll give your tea a try and see how it is. Do you add anything to your tea (like honey, etc?)

war, Do you know how to read body language? Usually it's a reliable indicator of whether or not she's attracted to you which will determine whether or not you should make a move on her. I don't think it's wise to decide (beforehand) whether you're going to make a move or not. This should be a situational strategy you play, not a premeditated one. Note: this same strategy has worked for me with women. I usually read their body language throughout the course of our conversation to see if it's a "go" or "no-go." Good luck.

If you're not already washing your face 2 - 3 times a day with a facial wash such as Neutrogena, then I would do that while waiting for your Proactiv solution to arrive. My cousin tried Proactiv, which helped him some with his acne (he's 18, male too). Moreso, I recommend washing your face in the morning, at lunch, and before bed. Get into a habit.

Consider posing this question on the link removed message boards. The link removed can be found link removed.

I believe ATM is relatively new to mainstream porn since I didn't see it until last year but I could be wrong. The current link removed page was deleted because the "an administrator believed a consensus was reached among editors that it is unsuitable as an encyclopedia entry" According to the history of Wikipedia: Grass to mouth or ATM is a form of link removed in which a penis or other item is removed from a participant's link removed and inserted into the same or another participant's mouth.

Could be jealousy. I wouldn't comment back; sounds like he's bored.

Why would you continue to live and be married to someone who doesn't make you happy? I'm not sure why you're questioning this but if I had to guess it would be that you're having second thoughts about it. Let's look at the effort you put in : you went to counseling, she refused. She hits you, tries to manipulate you and treats you poorly. You're not happy being married to her and the thought of divorce makes you happy. What do would be better for you: leaving or staying?

Keefy, Only thing I disagree with is asking out 1 girl per week. I don't see women as part of the self-improvement process. I think this is something that should be done without interference. I see nothing wrong with dating but 1 woman per week is a lot, in my opinion. But if you know 52 women who are dating potential, more power to you.

I think you do a mixture of giving her attention and being aloof at times. Give her some mixed signals. Being overly nice will make you her shopping partner, not her boyfriend. Treat her like you treat other women - have a conversation with her, learn about what she does outside of work/school and then get her number.

It seems you've taken many steps toward improving your marriage with her yet she has repeatedly refused. This woman has hit you, threatened you and basically turned you into her doormat through manipulation. The question is, do you want to walk on eggshells with her for the rest of your life? It seems she's too stubborn to change yet when you throw the D-word (divorce) out there she's all of a sudden willing to try? Too little, too late. Unless there's more to the story you're not telling, it seems divorce really is something you should consider.

Everyone has their dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. I think the question is: how high do you value sex? Do you value it enough to end a relationship? I think some would and some wouldn't. It all depends on the wants and desires of the individual. Is waiting 8 - 10 years for menopause to hit the right answer? Definitely not. So, consider whether or not a sexless or poor sex life is something you'll be able to handle. The alternative is to make him want sex. How would you approach him with this, besides being direct? Is there an indirect way that could work?

You need to cut Mary - she blew her chance. Never, ever wait around for a women to see if she's going to come around or not. She might or she might never. Greg - how you feel about Mary has nothing to do with how she feels about you. Just because you're in love with her doesn't mean she has to reciprocate. She got rejected by Ron. There's something about rejection that keeps people coming back for more. We see this everyday here - people become almost obsessed with getting an ex back because why? Because they were rejected and rejection is the ultimate challenge. Rejection also affects the ego, which is when people begin rationalizing other peoples behavior and excusing it. Don't excuse her behavior, Greg. For whatever reason, she wants to be with Ron. Although you like her and it might be difficult to walk away, it's the best thing that you could do right now. Don't compete with Ron because Mary is not the last woman on earth. She may be what you desire right now but there are others out there too.

Puff, Dating women is a process like anything else, although most people don't realize this. I would hope that you initially had a brief conversation with her, got her phone number, then asked her out or rather suggested you two hang out. Puff, I also noticed that you think telling women about a certain kind of car you drive will work. Bad news - it won't. A person needs to feel attraction and some level of comfort before they'll want to spend time with you. Easiest way of achieving this is asking them about their life, revealing some things you have in common with them and then proceeding from there. Be patient and read up on body language and working on improving conversational skills. Have fun and good luck.

Choco, First off, I want to apologize for not understanding your situation better. I don't mean to just say, "get over it." Thank you for clarifying your situation. I understand your fears and how you can miss your late husband. I understand that you want someone who can make you feel the way he did again and to fill the void that was left in your heart. If this 5'7 man can make you feel good through conversation or however, then spend time with him. Just because you spend some time with him doesn't mean that you'll hurt him. When seeing anyone over a period of time, we all develop emotions and feelings for that individual. Heartbreak will always be a risk but it's important to focus on one date at a time. If he makes you feel good, then you will probably want to spend time with him. Again, thanks for clarifying and sorry if I was insensitive on my last post.

As far as dating goes, it is fun. The only person who puts pressure on you, is you. Taking a step back and looking at all the types of people I've met has really been adventuresome and fun. Many come here immediately after a heartbreak and the last word they want to hear is "date." And that's okay because healing is a process like anything else, which often requires the passage of time to repair ones self-esteem. But as a whole, once you get back into the dating game it can bring you many stories as well as teach you lessons to improve upon yourself and your game.

I'd keep it light and funny with her throughout my communications. The first step would be to get her number if you don't already have it. OR, since you already know her you could simultaneously get her number THEN suggest you two hang out. Note that there is a difference between asking and suggesting. Asking indicates that you're seeking approval or lack confidence. Suggesting reflects confidence and is more a request than an inquiry. Usually, after having conversed with a woman I will throw a "I had fun talking with you" or "it was nice talking to you, we should do it again sometime." After either of these, I will look at her response. If she responds positively (and her body language indicates that) then I will get her number. Once you get her number, the conversation is short and sweet on the phone and is used only to set up the details of the date. If she responds negatively or her body langauge is negative, I won't ask her for anything and come back later. Meanwhile, you date other women until you feel she's ready. It's much like cooking - put the ones that aren't ready on the backburner and focus on the ones that are ready. Then rotate as desired. Remember that dating is a numbers game - the more you date the closer you are to finding someone you like. Most importantly, good luck and have fun.

I've heard of this but never have had anyone I know tell me they actually used a condom during oral. I don't fully understand the concept of using one for oral except for the disease factor. BUT, if you know your partner well enough and don't go blowing guys left and right, then you won't have to worry about this. I understand people lie but that's part of the risk of any and all relationships that involve sex.

This should be (and will be) your decision and nobody elses. Don't have sex if you're not ready with him yet - there's no rush anyways, right? You could always have it later. Also, if you do plan on having sex make sure to get on birth control if you don't want children and use protection to avoid STD's. Take your time and wait until you feel 100% certain.

If you can't get over the fact that he's shorter than your ex, then don't waste his time or yours.

Many classes require group activities/assignments or some kind of groupwork. Typically, groups are chosen by students and they usually pick whoever is within their immediate vicinity. So, sit near one and get in her group if possible.

My guess is that you being depressed is greatly responsible for your lack of desire for sex. It seems as if the problems you're experiencing are more internal rather than caused by your husband. Remember, each person is responsible for his/her own happiness - this is something that your husband can't provide entirely, nor is it his duty. Also, know that a therapist does not solve problems. They give their opinions and in your case, your therapist gave contradictive opinions. Save your money and work on getting out of the depression slump rather than seeing someone who will feed you confusing lines for money. Finally, if you're going to leave then have a long term plan how you're going to achieve independence. Obviously, you need to be able to survive for you and your child but this takes planning. If getting a different/another job is required then figure out how you will manage that. Good luck.