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Everything posted by chai714

  1. Pretty impressive. I'm no expert in poetry but that's well thought-out.
  2. Your story is written in a very vivid way which reveals just how bad and awful it is to be anorexic. It's a disturbing but awakening story. You did a good job with the grim details.
  3. Very expressive and clearly written. I don't want to say I like the poem because it's violently realistic but you did a really good job with it.
  4. Skip the intimacy on the first date. But I do however, recommend kissing on first dates so you weed out the serial daters and uninterested ones. Read her body language throughout each date - especially towards the end. If her body langauge is positive, bust a move. On subsequent dates, progress the level of intimacy as long as she feels comfortable. Usually, women are most comfortable kissing and doing more stuff in private.
  5. Telling her "I love you" isn't listening - that's talking and telling her how you feel. Listening is part of it. Being independent is also part of it. Getting interests outside of your relationship and exhibiting the attitude "I don't need you but you're nice to have around" will increase chances of getting sex. I don't like to see men focus on getting sex because the harder you try, the more likely you are to fail. Get some outside interests and leave the house a couple nights a week. Join some club, sport, or have a guys night out. This way, your women won't take you for granted and you won't be home begging for sex. Quit being pathetic. What makes women desire sex? Usually, it has a lot to do with the emotional connection they feel at the time. And don't ever directly ask for sex. Seduce. Start with a backrub. Play with her hair while she's talking. Or just back off altogether and listen. You won't always get sex but the closer she feels to you, the more it will happen. But I emphasize - diversify your sources of happiness. Get independent and don't make her think she has control of when you get sex. This is why you have other interests outside of the relationship.
  6. Not everyone is married or in a relationship. If you're around those people, don't be because that's not helping you get dates, is it? First, you're going to need to market yourself and get exposure. By this, I mean going out to places single people hang out. Besides going out to clubs, how else can you meet someone? Perhaps in school, by going to sporting events, through friends, through co-workers (notice I didn't say co-workers but THROUGH them), joining a charitable organization, etc. Get involved in group activities where lots of interaction takes place. Maybe joining a gym class would be good as well. The point here is to get out there and market yourself. But do so while engaging in activities you enjoy. Don't make it your sole purpose to get a boyfriend. Let that be part of the process. Good luck.
  7. Women connect with men through conversation. This conversation makes them feel close to a man, which in turn somehow sparks their hormones. Men connect with women through sex. If it solely the decision of a man, we would walk up to her (without saying a word) and have sex. And men would be perfectly fine with this, but women would not. From reading your post, I got the impression that there is a breakdown in communication between you and your wife. You buying her an outfit she did not desire offended her. Why? Because it's something YOU wanted, not her. Put your desires aside for a minute. Love is about wanting what's good for them - what they want and need - not you. I understand that you want to increase the frequency of sex in your marriage but getting her things that you want isn't going to make her want to have it. Remember, women want sex after they feel a strong emotional connection has been made. When she talks, you listen then paraphrase what she said back to her to let her know you were listening. If this doesn't work, come back again and post the results.
  8. NY, NC is to heal yourself. The period in which you heal will often times take you on a rollercoaster of emotions. As long as you're still emotional about her then it's important that you stay away from her. With breakups and emotions, it usually gets more difficult before it gets easier. You don't know when you've hit rock bottom until you've come back up. Only then do you realize when the worst is over. As far as your birthday - don't respond to her text. If she calls, don't answer. Unless she comes to your doorstep saying, "NY I made a mistake I want you back" then it's likely she's just making a nice gesture. It can be easy for a dumpee to misinterpret communication, which is why I recommend you not respond if she tries to contact you. There are a few things you can do to make your life better and to ensure you heal up: 1. Keep a journal. Log your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. This serves as a mental/emotional outlet and allows you to learn more about yourself and your role in the relationship. It may also help you to become aware of behaviors that can be improved. 2. Work out or change your current workout routine. Your body is likely experiencing lots of tension. Use those strong emotions to improve your body. Working out will also help clear your mind and rid some of those negative feelings. 3. Improve your life by improving others: Volunteer. Whether it be mentoring a child, coaching a sports team, or working at a hospital - put in some time to help others. This will give you perspective on your breakup and life AND it will make you feel better about yourself. 4. Watch your nutrition. It's easy to not eat or eat the wrong things when your emotions are all over the place. Grab some healthy recipes to keep your body running right. Food and emotions are often linked so it's important that you eat right, especially now.
  9. This seems like it's a struggle for control. It seems you want control of the direction of the group while he feels he has been the most productive. It also seems that you're less open to other people ideas and insist that the group adhere to your ideas. Try more listening and agreeing. Afterall, this is a group effort and it's not about what you want but what is best for the team.
  10. First and foremost, I think that he lacks consideration. It seems as if he doesn't care as much about you as you do him. You driving 45 minutes and them him not doing anything to show any kind of appreciation or reciprocation makes me think he really doesn't care or takes you for granted. Men will gawk at women especially when in groups but all men know that's a no-no in the presense of your woman. He's only visited you twice in 3 months, expects you to drive after you've driven to his place then gawks at women while you're out. I say his 3 months is up and would have to agree with leaving him.
  11. It sounds like you're doing all the right things then. I commend you for having taken all of those positive steps. I think for now, the passage of time will do it's job. Also, you might feel down the road (if not now) that this woman isn't good enough for you. By cheating, she has put herself on a lower level.
  12. Macgyver, It sounds like you're still in shock over this whole ordeal with her. It seems like it's difficult to actually comprehend what happened with her. I know that it hurts - especially when the very person you think you'll be with forever does something like this. So how do you get yourself back together? First off, I'd cancel that date. If you can't cancel it, you're going to need to pull off a Hollywood act and appear as if you didn't just get your heart ripped out of your chest. I think you should keep in contact with this new girl and perhaps save her for later. For now though, you should focus on healing up. When someone leaves you, your self-esteem almost immediately takes a dive. You can feel at an all-time low and many people do. This could explain why people try and get dates right after a breakup - because they are hoping to restore the self-esteem they once had. But remember - self-esteem doesn't come from other people. It comes from yourself. It's a result of how you live your life and how you overcome certain obstacles. A breakup is one of them. For now, I recommend staying out of contact with your ex. As far as working on yourself, I think a journal could be helpful. A journal can help you get those constant thoughts out of your head and onto paper (or computer). Next, I recommend working out. You've got all kinds of emotions going on right now. Working out can help you clear your mind and relieve physical tension built up. Also, I recommend either mentoring a child or volunteering your time somewhere. This could help give you perspective of your life versus other peoples. Hang in there. In time, everything will be okay and you'll be back on the right track.
  13. All negative behaviors need to be corrected. I don't believe that staying with her is sending the message, "respect me or lose me." She doesn't respect you. Nobody who has ever cheated respects their partner nor appreciates them for that matter. Don't be deceived by her cheap words. She made a conscience decision to kiss the other man. She came at a crossroad and she knowingly chose wrong. In time, you can forgive her but I don't understand how you can get her to respect you OR how you can ever trust her again. In that sense, I think Beec gave you a good bit of advice.
  14. I think this problem could lie with both of you. Maybe he's too available for you as in you could get sex anytime you want from him. When anything becomes too plentiful or available, then humans tend to not value or appreciate it any longer. This is one possibility. My take is that you're losing the emotional connection with him. Perhaps communication is poor between you two? Usually, women who develop an emotional connection with their significant other simultaneously develop and associate it with physical attraction. It's not because he or she has a killer body but more to do with their feelings about their partner. Could it be that perhaps you don't feel emotionally close to him right now?
  15. I'm not. She has a night job and works tonight. I couldn't be more happy because I don't really like how Corporate America hypes this day. I don't buy into it.
  16. Equinox, First off, there's no need to allow yourself to become upset over Valentine's Day. It's a day that many flower companies and Hallmark make a killing. If you're single on Valentine's Day, what's the big deal? If you have a girlfriend on Valentine's Day, what's the big deal? There's no difference - it's just another day. Please don't get the idea that relationships are all about love and nothing else. They require work, they often involve conflict and most of them don't work out. If you're 20 and not in one, more power to you. Have you ever entertained the idea that you can date as many women as you want, leave town anytime you want and have as much freedom as ever? I would bet that many married men envy the position you're in right now. That grass isn't always greener on the other side - it's what you make of it. Here are a few positives you can focus on today 1. You're saving time and money today. No need to buy any price-inflated flowers or cards. 2. Dinner ISN'T on you tonight. You won't be one of the suckers eating an overpriced meal at a crowded restaurant. Let's face it - men are expected to make Valentine's Day special for their women. You're off the hook! 3. No need to worry about whether or not she'll like the cheesy gift you bought. Again, you're saving time and money because you don't have to wait in lines OR worry about getting anyone, anything. Keep in mind that Valentine's Day is like any other day for couples. Sure, Corporate America hypes it up with commercials that contain hearts, diamonds and happy people, but we know that's not reality. People aren't always happy 100% of the time. Relationships require lots of work and constant maintenance - which is why most don't work out. Celebrate this day as a day that you have no responsibilities, you're saving time and money, and you're free to do whatever you want. Not all men can say that.
  17. Having a successful relationship has little to do with a "just" or "unjust" world. Each person has an approximately equal chance at having a good relationship. I use the word "approximately" because your childhood greatly affects the types of relationships you will have as an adult. For example, a child who has been in foster care who goes from home to home is not as likely to have a good relationship compared to a child who was raised in a stable family with two parents. However, each person is ultimately accountable for his own personal success - whether it be in relationships or not. Justifying the lack of or bad relationships by saying "it's an unjust world" is nothing more than a poor excuse.
  18. Paperclip, You did the right thing. Who has time for shady people or people who make us feel we can't trust them? I know I don't and I doubt anyone would like a person who they feel couldn't be fully trusted. Be wary of anyone who comes on too strong, too soon. They're either faking these emotions or masking deeper rooted issues in their life.
  19. She's a lost cause. This relationship is done. She abandoned it before she declared "let's take a break." I know it's difficult to take this in and fully comprehend what is happening but your woman is dating this other man. She's emotionally invested - at this point, nothing you say can bring her back. She doesn't respect you and has lied to you. Now if you choose, you can continue seeing her and allowing yourself to be led on. She has no intention of getting back with you though - she'll keep you wanting her for as long as she can. She'll give you just enough hope to keep you around. Walk away from her. What more do you want her to do in order for you to walk away from her? She has broken up with you and is spending time with this other guy. The engagement is over.
  20. It doesn't matter what you want to call it. All that matters that you establish common ground, get to know her better, and keep it light and fun. Have a good time and remember - light and fun.
  21. How can you have a relationship when you call the authorities on him when you don't get your way?
  22. She was somewhat protective but he's also very close with his mother. He still claims to this day that he'll never leave her alone (as in, abandon). She has since never re-married nor dated.
  23. My best friend is very, very shy. He was raised mostly by his mother. His father died when he was 13 years old. He's now 29 years old. Hope this bit helps your study.
  24. It's actually not hope that there are others out there. There are! Before you met your ex, you didn't think, "gee, I hope there's someone out there for me." The fact is that there are people out there whom are compatible with you and there are also people who are not. Dating simply gives you the choice to say "yes" or "no" to those who you think it could work or not. Keep your head up and be confident in the millions of single people out there. Surely, there's at least one who you will like.
  25. I agree with Rose2Summer. Exercise can be a savior. I also found writing in a journal to be good along with reading books. Keeping your mind occupied and filling your time can be key. I also volunteered in a hospital, which gave me perspective on my situation. I was able to witness children struggling to live which made me struggling with a breakup seem miniscule. Good luck, hope this bit helps.
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