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chai714

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Everything posted by chai714

  1. chai714
    CB, I agree with you on this one.
  2. chai714
    Let's be realistic. Women don't leave men because they visit a strip club and get a lapdance. There would be underlying issues to cause that breakup, not a single event such as this. This especially wouldn't happen if the couple had been together for any significant amount of time and emotional attachment has taken place.
  3. chai714
    Certainly. You can ask your partner anything you want.
  4. chai714
    Truevox, First off, getting this woman back should not be part of your plan. She has disrespected you several times and you never walked away. She knew she could get away doing it without any consequences and you never left her so in a sense, the most she got was a "slap on the wrist." Guy, this woman does not respect you. Once that's gone, she's history. The only relations you should have with her are in court and when you pick up your child. There's no "let's forget about this and be a family." Maybe in the movies, but not in reality. I know it sounds harsh but your woman has been much more harsh than anyone ever will be to you. As far as moving on - don't view moving on as dating others. Focus on first healing from this big mess and learning about yourself. Nobody expects you to date and you shouldn't expect to jump into the dating scene either. Time will heal you from this mess but for now work on the legalities of seeing your child through the court system. There's no need to deal with your ex any longer. She has done enough damage.
  5. chai714
    I read your entire post but am quoting the Cliff notes for purposes of simplicity. Sharper, this is a fine line you're walking. The issue here is how you would raise your child vs how she is raising her child. You would like to see things be done differently than the way she's doing them, but step back and ask yourself this question: Do I have a right to try and influence my beliefs upon her and her daughter? This is a tough one. I can see how you disagree with her rewarding her daughter by her being able to sleep with her mom. I agree with you in that she's rewarding her daughter with the very thing she's trying to ween her off. Not much logic there, is it? However, how do you plan on determining your role in the big picture - specifically, regarding her daughter? I know you obviously care about the well being of the child and you're trying to make this relationship work otherwise you wouldn't put so much thought and effort into setting this whole thing up and making it right. My advice would be depending on how long you've been seeing her, I would initially take a passive approach, which would get more and more active as time went on. It's tough for a child and mother to get their routines shaken up by a man and it's tough for the man to know what he should do, if anything. Which is why I say be passive initially then slowly introduce your ideas to her while trying to not make a big issue out of it. I know this is not easy.
  6. chai714
    It's a good idea. Also, the suggestion about slipping something into her suitcase would be good except remember that airport security will go thru it.
  7. chai714
    I'll have to say that this is an invalid argument. I can see where you're going but murder and sex are two very different subjects which are not comparable in any way. The argument of "is watching porn cheating" or "is watching porn wrong while in a relationship" has been talked to death. Bottom line, some believe it is but many don't feel that way. This is why I have concluded that it's up to the people involved in the relationship determine the boundaries.
  8. chai714
    Taking books literally can be bad. BUT, if you can keep an open mind and entertain ideas (without necessarily accepting them) you can filter out those that can and do work. Different people have different ideas, some of which will work and some of which are full of it. Body language is a major, major indicator in the dating world. Being confident and a good listener would be next, followed by having conversational skills. Looks rate lower down on the scale, believe it or not - especially for men. You don't have to be a great looking man to pull a hot woman. Conversely, average looking women can also be with a much more attractive guy. Why is this? Because they simply know how to make the other person feel a certain way. Some of it may be instinct and for those of you who don't have the instinct you can gain from reading, observing, and practicing.
  9. chai714
    I don't think you have to be into bondage to take control. Taking control involves taking the initiative and telling him what to do. It could be something as simple as telling him to drop his pants, while you take care of business on your knees. Dominant sexual positions might include girl on top and reverse cow-girl where you are controlling how much each person is being stimulated. So, generally speaking it's your attiude and assertiveness that will give you more dominance. Have fun and good luck. edit: You might also add phrases such as, "you don't have a choice, you will do what I say."
  10. chai714
    You have a right to ask your partner anything you want. But is it reasonable? Throughout the relationship, each person learns what is acceptable to the other person and what is not. There's a line of respect in the equation somewhere, where you shouldn't really watch it in front of your sig. other if she finds it offensive. On the other hand, it has been known to enhance the sexual relations in some relationships. But I think it all depends on where the line is drawn so that the two people involved can agree on some sort of middle ground.
  11. chai714
    You're upset over a breakup and you have residual feelings surface and become stronger than they originally were. I would guess that you missed Ottawa before this breakup but now your feelings are intensified and magnified because of this breakup. It all sounds very normal. I wouldn't make any huge decision right now, mainly because it would be an emotional one. Take a step back for a second, keep a journal and see how long you can "rough this out." If acting is something you're passionate about and your chances are better on the West Coast then stick around for at least a few months. If you don't feel better even after that time period then do whatever you feel you need to do. Good luck and know that you won't feel like this forever.
  12. chai714
    A call the next day? A bit anxious but not a fatal move. So you left a message to reinforce your feelings about her? If she's at all interested, she will call back. I would not call her back anytime this week and I might even sit on this until next Monday. There is no rush regarding the dating process. If she doesn't give you a call back by this week, call her next week to set up another date but DO NOT leave a message if she doesn't answer. And never, ever make excuses for someone not calling you back. Even a doctor has time to date.
  13. chai714
    Once you're "over" your ex, you lose a significant amount of desire to be with that person. If you desire to communicate with them again and can do so without becoming emotional then it's perfectly okay. If you want to increase your value then you'll need to get the person to first like you, then you limit your availability and spread out your giving.
  14. chai714
    Breakups are almost always one-sided. How many times have both people said, at the EXACT same time, "I think we should end this relationship."
  15. chai714
    Emit, Dating and getting dates is a process. And you can get dates without ever having to use the word, "date." I avoid the word because it's loaded with negative connotations and seriousness and I'm not trying to get serious with someone I hardly know. Instead, I suggest you view this as a process which starts out by getting her number. Then, you can call her to "hang out" sometime. The first few times you "hang out" it can be done casually like over a meal, coffee shop, bowling alley, or any other place where you can keep it light and fun. That's what the first few dates should be - light and fun. No serious topics as you're just getting to know her. Don't worry about rejection - nobody likes it yet it happens to everyone - even the most beautiful women can get rejected, believe it or not. Have fun and good luck.
  16. chai714
    Hard lesson learned: don't make sex tapes unless you are okay with other people seeing them. Keep in mind that most relationships don't result in marriage next time you consider making a sex tape. Sounds like your r-ship is at the beginning of the end. You moved out, you want your stuff back, etc. Sounds like a breakup if you ask me. And if you do get a job that requires you to move, why would having him move with you make any sense? Is that supposed to fix things and make them right again?
  17. chai714
    Shoe, The problem you have isn't with him but rather yourself. One trend I've seen among women who are highly insecure is that they're not independent and they don't occupy their time/mind with things to do. When you're bored and you sit there thinking about it, getting yourself all worked up then find something to do. Occupy your mind and fill your time. Make plans to fill your time when he's gone. One of the best things a woman has done for me when I was going out with my friends was tell me, "have fun." She said it with confidence, I'm not sure if she meant it but it made me think, "wow, she's confident, secure and that makes me want to keep her around for a long time."
  18. chai714
    I find diet to be more important than exercise because without a good healthy diet, you won't ever see results. Your diet fuels your workout, meaning that it gives you energy. With the right foods, you can get the maximum benefit from your workouts. My workouts usually consist of weight training followed by cardio at the end. I spend about 50 minutes in the gym going from one machine to the next, with hardly any rest between sets (3 minute max rest between certain exercises). 35 of those minutes will be busting my butt going from machine to machine, the last 15 will be running, biking, or swimming. The goal is to exhaust yourself and push it to the limit. Be hard on yourself because nobody else will (unless you have a workout partner).
  19. chai714
    4answers is right about this one. If women judged the likeability base on looks, there would be a lot lower of a population on earth. Looks do play a part in attraction but how you make her feel is the single most important factor in getting a woman to become attracted to you. Conversational skills would be a good start. Also, read up on body language and how it works. With this set of skills along with always keeping in mind, "How I make her feel is what's most important" you've improved your dating game.
  20. chai714
    CareBear, I understand how you feel. It can be shocking to be in love one day and completely cut off the next - almost as if it were a switch that was turned to "off." Boy does that kill your self-esteem and heart. All that time you spend thinking about it, trying to figure out what he's doing, how he feels, and what he's thinking about . . . many of us have experienced those same thought patterns and heartache. Time is the only known way to heal your heart and get back your self-esteem. Breakups are a dark period for many people. Anytime someone you love rejects you or leaves you wondering what the heck happened, it sure can sting. One of the best things to come out of a breakup is finding yourself and improving on the person you were. This is something I hadn't realized until I began reading and working on what I considered, negative behaviors. I found keeping a journal and exercise to be the two most effective behaviors in dealing with heartbreak, along with eating the right foods. For now though, hang tough and post here if it helps. You will make it through this.
  21. chai714
    Shudder, There's no rush. There's no deadline and if her interest wains in a week, she's not worth your time anyways. I'd ask her at the end of the week or even weekend for next week or next weekend. Be patient. Patience is confidence.
  22. chai714
    Yes. This is exactly what I was thinking.
  23. chai714
    Orlander, In situations like this where you want dating experience or even if you might like spending time with her, you scale it back. Strategically speaking, it's better to touch bases every few weeks with someone if you think they have potential but aren't over their past. And who knows how long it will take as we've seen that each person heals at varying rates. If I were in your situation and a woman began talking about her ex, I would listen to what she had to get off her chest then change the subject. You're not her counselor and you're not trying to be "just friends." Having been in a situation similar to yours last year, I found it best to walk away for a few months and then meet up again as a way to guage her progress and see if she's ready yet. Meanwhile, keep hunting. Good luck.
  24. chai714

    Spying

    chai714 replied to andyg's topic in Relationship Advice

    Andy, I'm not sure you ever trusted her. Snooping at the beginning of the relationship (without any cause for suspicion) means you have some sort of trust issues to work out with yourself. However, if she gave you reason not to trust her and then you investigated yourself then I think it's perfectly okay. How are you giving her a second chance? If she never cheated (but strayed) then you should have ended it then. Have some self-respect and never, ever let anyone think they can take advantage of you without consequences. In a big way, you trained her brain to think that her past behavior was acceptable. Unless you showed disapproval, she'll continue to push you to your limits until you draw the line.
  25. chai714
    IF this woman is warning you about herself, take it to be the truth and split the scene. I know it's not always easy to leave people you care about but you can always talk to her later on down the road. For now, I would stay away though. Good luck.
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