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secret_agent_man

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Everything posted by secret_agent_man

  1. secret_agent_man
    Babycristy, I don't know if I'd tell him that, some guys might like seeing their woman with another man (ughhh, I happen to know some), and that may not be the right thing to say... I do see your point clearly, though. Maybe phrasing it in this sense would have more effect... Tell him you want to see him with another man, not that you'll be involved with the guy. It might make him realize what he's asking. I dunno, just a thought. Maybe I'm way off track... S.A.M.
  2. secret_agent_man
    Thanks for those words of advice, cristy. Dually noted! Note to self: pick up tic-tacs. lol S.A.M.
  3. secret_agent_man
    My advice, don't do it. It's NOT healthy for your relationship at all. If he wants to be single, you need to address the problem, something is underlying. You said your vows, and that should mean something to the both of you. Really think about that before you jump in to something like this that can destroy a marriage. I urge you to seek a marriage councellor before you risk this, really. S.A.M.
  4. secret_agent_man
    To be honest, you should write one for her. If she hears your own words written about your feelings towards her, it'll mean a lot more to her. S.A.M.
  5. secret_agent_man
    My instinct says that he's just going through the same thing a lot of men go through. It's just a disgust towards all women because he's been burnt. It probably won't last for long, he'll get over it. BUT, if he disrespects and offends you, why put up with it. He's lashing out, and you don't need to take that from him, you didn't do anything to him. Maybe just disconnect from him for a while, and let him cool off... S.A.M.
  6. secret_agent_man
    Good topic! Well, I can't say I've ever regretted anything I've said, I think through it quite a bit... But I can say that it was one of my worst fears, losing out on a great relationship because of the "foot in mouth" syndrome. S.A.M.
  7. secret_agent_man
    I think you may have burned a bridge there. You have to ask yourself why you were telling her those things. I don't know the details of your religeon, and I mean absolutely no harm in anything that may offend you. My feeling is that you may have been a bit possesive or jealous, and wanted to make sure she didn't have too much fun without you. In wanting her to be a "good girl" for you, you mixed it with your religious beliefs, sort of to hide an insecurities. The reason I feel this way is because I know I can get the same way, and you already mentioned you felt hypocritical... So, it's really hard to say how she'll react, but if you tend to agree with what I said, the only way to right the wrong is to tell her why you said what you said. She may actually love you for it, who knows! She may realize that all of this was because of your being "in love", despite the forced separation... Who knows, but if you want it to work at all, just talk with her and don't get defensive. Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean any harm by it... S.A.M.
  8. secret_agent_man
    A profound, well stated look at what makes a woman so special. Nice words! S.A.M.
  9. secret_agent_man
    Being 21 myself, trust me, you don't need to hurry. You're still young. You can easily find someone! The way to keep from ending up with someone you "don't really like", is to take your time. You need to go out with the thought that you're open to new experiences and relationships, but not trying to find the girl of your dreams. If you go out SEEKING a wife, you may be too quick to make a decision. Trust me, you'll know when she's the right one for you if you take your time. Just be young, take it easy, and you'll find someone soon enough! Good luck, she's out there! S.A.M.
  10. secret_agent_man
    Look, I can't prove it doesn't work, but I'm willing to bet on it. Really, the bottom line is, if you want a girl to fall in love with you, and she doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. You can't force love, it's impossible. And even if you could, would you really want to be with someone who only loved you back because of some spell? I know I wouldn't. S.A.M.
  11. secret_agent_man
    My opinion is she's just really confused. She really doesn't want to loose you, that seems apparent. She's probably just afraid of committing herself, especially with the move south (or wherever). She probably is going through a phase where she needs to find out what she wants in life. It's really your decision as far as what to do. If you don't want to hang around, dont. If you do, go for it, but don't expect anything. It's in her hands then. Good luck, S.A.M.
  12. secret_agent_man
    Yes, I agree. Don't be the one to break them up, it's not right. Try to tell her this if she makes any sort of advances or if you can tell she's falling for you as well. Remind her that she has to be true to her boyfriend, and if she leaves him, it's a different story altogether. Trust me, you don't want her to cheat with you, emotionally or physically, it's not a good way to start a relationship. You need to let her make a decision on her current boyfriend before anything good can happen. Hope it works out, don't rush it... S.A.M.
  13. secret_agent_man
    I understand what you mean fenstrt, but my view is that all people have an infinite amount of love, and that you can always give your complete self to someone else. I've given it all to my (maybe ex right now) fiancee. I've given her unconditional love and support. I also know she may never come back to me. It's something that I face with determination. I know that I can move on and love this way again, as long as she's happy with the choices she makes... S.A.M.
  14. secret_agent_man
    I'm proud of you for being strong! (no, not in the abs.... you know what I mean ) As far as the abs go, try sleeping it off for a few days, and don't push it so hard next time!!! S.A.M.
  15. secret_agent_man
    Personally, I would like to know as well. I, being a guy, have a lot less to worry about in my mind, because I know how men think, and let me tell you it's a whole lot easier to get out of a bad or harmful situation whern you're a man. (no, I'm not at all sexist, it's just what I've found to be the truth...) I really feel aweful for all of the people that have been hurt by unsafe internet hook-ups, and I only wish we can figure out a way around it all... S.A.M.
  16. secret_agent_man
    Tust me, it's true. I feel like I would be much less of a person without ever experiencing love. It is something so undescribable that I cant even put it into words. I have lost that love right now, but I know I would not know nearly as much about myself if I hadn't loved at all. It's all about stepping back and looking at the big picture, which can be hard to do sometimes... S.A.M.
  17. secret_agent_man
    I guess you already said it, you just have to ask her plainly... what more can you do? I'll bet she'll go for you. Good luck! S.A.M.
  18. secret_agent_man
    Glassbell, no argument here but just think.. What if there WAS just one person for everyone, but that person was on another part of the earth, never to see eachother. That would be pretty horrible... S.A.M.
  19. secret_agent_man
    Get your friends to make you get up and out, that's all I can suggest. I'm in the same spot, I find it hard to get motivated quite often. Just live life like you don't get a chance to do it again, and take advantage of the time you've got... It's what I'm trying to do at the moment... S.A.M.
  20. secret_agent_man
    With every door that closes, another opens. Don't think of it as: "you missed out", just think of it as: "there ARE good people out there for me". Take it as a sign of things going well for you. Many times people meet at a time in their lives where things just can't work out, and they're forced to let go. It's definitely sad, but these people move on to bigger and better things. It's just the way things go, so don't get down on yourself, you're not alone. Never regret a good time, and look back at it with a smile! S.A.M.
  21. secret_agent_man
    You mentioned an exam... First off, FOCUS ON THAT. You already know that, i see, but really follow that. You don't get any second chances there! No, it's not a hopeless situation, but I may have an interesting point of view. If this guy sees you hung up on only him, he may never realize your confidence. He probably needs to see you flirting with others to see that you DO indeed have this new confidence. I'm not saying you should go messing around with everyone else, not by any means. But, I am saying he should see you being attractive to others and being comfortable flirting and trying to attract people. It'll probably make him a bit jealous and help him see the new you. It would also definitely help if you try not to steer clear of those relationship conversations, as well. It'll show how comfortable you are with just being yourself... Good luck, it's only one point of view, hope it helps! S.A.M.
  22. secret_agent_man
    That's pretty low... I don't even know what to say. Why?!?!?! That's about it! The legal credit system is pretty messed up if what you say about your credit rating is true. That's just aweful, and the fact that anyone is mad at you is even worse. I'ts hard when families get torn apart in legal matters, and I think many of them could deal with not going to court, but I think I would do the same in your case. It's just unbelievable! Good luck. Hope it all works out with your family, too! S.A.M.
  23. secret_agent_man
    Sorry I missed the 'call out' in a post, the PM works best, thanks for using it! I definitely know the position you are in. I can't say that I've gotten physical, but it's still been rough at times. I think you already know, you have to give her space. In my eyes, the relationship wasn't meant to be, and I think you sort of realized that already, but it's hard to admit. The rocky past you two had was pretty bad, and although you say you've changed, it may not be best to get back in to it. There are others out there, and I think you should take what you've learned and apply it. If at a later point you two try and get back together, she will have proof that you've changed by your other relationships. And, of course, you may find a better relationship altogether. Sometimes we just have to live, love, learn and move on. It's really tough to do, but it has to be done sometimes. If you choose to wait for her to come back, don't get your expectations up too high, for she might let you down hard. Just take it day by day and learn to love yourself and respect yourself, and everything will work itself out in time... Good luck, Let me know if you need anything else! S.A.M.
  24. secret_agent_man
    --[EDIT]-- You beat me to it, I agree with the last post... --[EDIT]-- I guess I'd say, somewhere in the middle. 1) I believe that there is definitely more than one person for everyone, and you could be happy with any one of these people, in different ways. 2) I also know from first hand experience (pause for disgusted look ) that some people just can't be together. No matter how hard you try, some people are simply not meant to be... Hope that helps! S.A.M.
  25. secret_agent_man
    These are definitely harsh words, but I have to agree. He's not coming on any stronger than needed. You have to realize that the boyfriend didn't put you here, you put yourself here, so you need to figure out what your next move is. As was mentioned, you've already shown how important your commitment was, so if you want to salvage your family, I would suggest doing a 180 degree turn. Abandon the relationship with the boyfriend, and work on the marriage that you yourself said those wedding vows to. If you are having problems with your husband, keep trying to work it out. It's tough when you made the decision so young, but it's a decision you made for yourself. If you loved him enough t marry him, then you must still care for him. Try to figure ways to grow that love, as opposed to abandoning them while times are tough. On the reverse side, if you honestly want to leave, no one is stopping you except yourself. Come to terms with what it will do to your family first, and if you can live with that pain, then do what you must. Remember always that you can't have a "happy home" and a boyfriend on the side at the same time... Good luck, choose carefully. S.A.M.
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