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secret_agent_man

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  1. secret_agent_man
    Ok, ok.. I'll do my best to explain... "Blue balls" is a figure of speech, and there is no relation to color. ---[edit]--- I would like to add that I stand corrected on the color issue... after reading the next reply! Thanks! ---[end edit]--- The term "blue" is supposed to mean "sad" in this case. It's just a painful feeling in that area caused by sexual exitement without climax. If you get a guy really turned on and ready, but nothing past that, he will feel it the next day. Hope this helps, and no, nothing will turn green either! S.A.M.
  2. secret_agent_man
    foreverurs23, I'm not a doctor, but I wouldn't worry too much. Don't make a habit of it, and make sure that if you're worried you call a doctor. Mixing slight amonts of alcohol with most medicines won't have horrible effects, and dietary suppliments are probably not going to be a big deal. Just, as I said, try not to let it happen, and if you're concerned, talk to a doctor. Good luck S.A.M.
  3. secret_agent_man
    Hi, I tend to agree with everyone here! I like a girl who'll tell me what she's thinking (oh, yea, like there's even a chance of that )! But, I like a calm easy-going girl as well, I'm sort of that exact same thing in male form. I'll let you know when I'm thinking something, but I like to just get along, so I try not to argue too much (well, I said "try" ) My guess is that guys and girls like someone who compliments their own personality. If a guy is a rough type, who can argue anything, he'd probably rather have someone to argue with, rather than someone who'll just agree all the time... Well said, Segagirl. I agree, there may be more he sees in the girl! Just a thought... S.A.M.
  4. secret_agent_man
    SweetTartz, Thanks for the other prespective! I guess that's why I'm hesitant, but one of these girls tends to be eyeing me when I'm not looking either, and she gets a little flustered when I talk to her, so I'm not sure... I guess I just have to ask, and I'll find out! It's the advice I give everyone, but I guess I just have to follow it. Thanks! S.A.M.
  5. secret_agent_man
    Charmed, Thanks, as usual I appreciate the response. I guess it is unlike a guy to just want a friendship, and I'm not ruling anything out. My ex and I left on good terms and the door is still open if things are different in the future. I guess I don't want to jump into anything serious unless I really know it's worth it, like it could go somewhere. That's sort of why I want to start slow, with a solid friendship... I have a real problem with trusting people's pasts. I guess I'm always afraid of trusting someone and then finding out they are someone else altogether... Follow? So that's why I want to take it slow, just feel out the situation. Thanks again... S.A.M.
  6. secret_agent_man
    Hey, folks! Thanks for everyone's great advice, you all do a wonderful job! Well, here's my dilemma. I am recently out of a 5 year relationship, including an engagement. Things are pretty cleared up right now, and I've got a level head. I am comfortable being alone, but I get bored not having a close female friend. There's just something about 'em! So, I spend a lot of time at this local restaraunt, and there are a few waitresses with wonderful smiles. The kind of smiles that just brighten your week, ya know? I know that a few of them are flirting, but I don't want to lead them on, and I can't help but giving them the old "eye-contact". Every time we make eye contact, this one just busts into the biggest, cutest smile... I think you know where I'm going with that. BUT, I'm really just looking for a friend to hang out with, talk, whatever. If it goes somewhere, so be it. If not, no loss... 8) How do I approach this situation and not make anyone upset? The only way I'm used to getting to know a female is through flirting and hitting on them... Plus, they're so busy running around, they don't have much time to talk while they're working... How do I start a good "non-risky" friendship? Thanks in advance, guys and gals! S.A.M.
  7. secret_agent_man
    Beckmentf, Thanks for coming back to eNotalone.com with your problem! In my opinion, you have nothing to feel bad about. You didn't do anything wrong, because as far as you knew, he didn't want anything to do with you anyway, right? Remember that you are your own person, and he can't tell you what to do anymore, so don't feel bad if it doesn't bother you. You should try to figure out if there is really potential between you two, and if you really want it to work anyway. If not, then don't let his insecurities rule your life! Hope this helps re-assure you a little! S.A.M.
  8. secret_agent_man
    Yes, I'm in agreement with SwingFox here, I have heard these stories as well. If you think about it, it's a pretty easy scam to get away with, so why wouldn't they do it. It would be hard to prove they ripped you off! There are a few free sites, I'd go for those if I were you. I know that "link removed" has worked for a friend of mine, and I believe "link removed" is OK as well. I wouldn't go with any site that you haven't heard of before... Just my two cents! (I'm runnin' out of change, too) Good luck! S.A.M.
  9. secret_agent_man
    Hi, Just a thought to keep in mind... If you are really looking for a nice girl, you'll find one. If for some reason someone won't talk to you because of your looks, then I guess I wouldn't say they were a "nice girl". Don't get down, it's not worth it! I don't think I'm any stud-muffin, but I also know that I can find warm loving people that I am attracted to and that see me the same way. So i guess I have no complaints! Good luck! You are you, that's it. Everyone can find love, but sometimes they're looking too hard! S.A.M.
  10. secret_agent_man
    Sabena, I know you are going through a really hard time right now, and you are not alone. I don't know your situation exactly, but I'm sure you are missing him right now. Try to look into the future, and maybe you'll see that you DIDN'T do anything wrong, but it just wouldn't have worked. If he left, he must have just been unhappy... it doesn't mean it's your fault. It happens to wonderful people all the time. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who was unhappy anyway, right? That's no way to live! Please know that people out there are feeling the same as you do right now, you're not in this by yourself! S.A.M.
  11. secret_agent_man
    Dana, I'm sorry things didn't work out as you had hoped. It's easy to feel heartbroken right now, and don't get to down, it happens to everyone at some point. Just pick up the pieces, put them back in place and it will heal in time. Don't string yourself out over it, there was nothing you could do, and none of it's your fault. Just try to move past all of that and try to find someone worthy of your love! Best of luck, we're here! S.A.M.
  12. secret_agent_man
    raman_123, welcome to eNotalone.com! Thanks for trusting us with your "problem"! I guess I wouldn't look at it as a problem. Everyone is attracted to different things about women, and your attraction is no better or worse than anyone elses. Attractions are normal, and I'll bet there are plenty of women who would love for you to pay attention to all of their senses! Don't fear attraction and sexuality, your mind does what it does... It's human! Hope that eases your mind a bit! S.A.M.
  13. secret_agent_man
    Hi! Well, my advice would be just to tell her. Like you said, you don't want her to leave without knowing! Don't just explode into feelings, but you really should consider telling her slowly how you feel, completely! Good luck! S.A.M.
  14. secret_agent_man
    Hi, welcome to eNotalone.com! Trust is hard to do, especially when you've been burnt like this. It is something you will regain with someone else, but I think it's best to leave that situation alone. I can completely see why you wouldn't trust him due to his history with you, and I really feel for you right now. I think he is and was trying to blame his problems on you. You should think about it from that direction. Don't think that his cheating was your fault, it's never an excuse, and repeats like that shouldn't have to be tolerated. Please know that there are many people that are worthy of trust, but you never have to trust unless you want to. It's not something you can force. Just try to remember that someone in the future will be just right for you and you will be able to open up your heart and trust again. Good luck! Keep your head up! S.A.M.
  15. secret_agent_man
    Hello and wecome to eNotalone.com! I hope we can help you with your problems! I see your problem, and I know it can be a tough thing when fighting with yourself over two people. You might want to step back and separate from both of them for a while, until you can decide who you want to be with. It may not be good for your relationship to be with one person, and be thinking about the other. You wouldn't want either of them to do that to you, so make sure that you can decide and give your heart to only one at a time. Good luck! S.A.M.
  16. secret_agent_man
    I'm sorry to hear of your mother's passing, At this point, you can't change the past. You may never know if that was the real reason or not, but don't let it get you down. Life is about learning, and it may help you see how important caring for your family is. Grow stronger with them, they will always be your family. Hating yourself at this point is useless, and it won't accomplish anything. Try to grow close to your family, they will give you comfort in time, and when they do, it will be comfort like no other. S.A.M.
  17. secret_agent_man
    drucillaangelus, welcome to eNotalone.com! To offer my advice on your issue, I think you are taking the right approach by being open and honest with your ex. You should realize that it is not your responsibility to please him, but I greatly respect your honesty towards him. The fact is, you're seeing someone. He couldn't expect that not to happen. It's a reality, and telling him is probably the best way for him to find out. It will most likely be hard for you, and only do what you feel comfortable with. It may in fact be a good thing for him, because it may help him realize that it is in fact over, and that it is okay to just smile on the past and move on. It is obvious that you still care for him and have respect for him, and that is expected after 6 years. Both of you should reflect on the happy times you had and the growing you did together. Good luck in the future! S.A.M.
  18. secret_agent_man
    Well, now I see it in a different light. If he truly has no connection to the child, then as I said, it is her responsibility to look out for her and her child's interests. If that means she comes to you, great! If she does, try to explain to her that you could easily care for the child as if it were your own. It can take some time, don't let time kill you. Time happens and time goes on. Good luck! S.A.M.
  19. secret_agent_man
    I think you're doing a great thing, accepting her and her child and caring for them. The father issue is something you should just let happen, and it is out of your control to a point. You can give her advice, but you should try and see that she needs time to figure it out on her own, and figure out what's best for her child and herself. If what you say about the father is true, I personally would go through the legal process to remove him from the situation. She should have complete custody, regardless of whether you are in the picture or not. The father has proven (in my eyes) at this point that he is not responsible enough to care for a child. If that's the case, and the mother and legal systems see it that way, you may end up growing into her life in a great way. Just try to give her space and time to figure out what she wants for her and her child right now... S.A.M.
  20. secret_agent_man
    Welcome to eNotalone! I can't blame you, it seems to me to be very disrespectful. If you think you want to try to get over it, I would really express how you feel, and see if maybe he just didn't look at the situation from the same angle... I'm really unsure of what to say about it, it seems strange, especially if, as you said, it is not like him to do that... S.A.M.
  21. secret_agent_man
    Yes, I guess I agree. I think you should bring it up without approaching it as "Hey, I want to be with you". I know if one of my friends said something that unexpected out of the blue, I'd probably be shocked. But I have a few close friends and I know that if one told me he was gay or bi I would just say, "hey, I'm not, but I won't hold it against you...". Understand that he is already a close friend and that if he really feels like you're a close friend as well, he will accept you as long as you don't put him in a really awkward position. Just feel it out, and if he doesn't seem to be interested in men at all, you may want to back off as to not put him in an uncomfortable situation. Good luck. True friends are there through it all! S.A.M.
  22. secret_agent_man
    Hi! It sounds to me like he does care for you, he is coming back. The most important thing you should consider is communicating to him that he can't continue like this, it's making your life too hard. Try to talk about being friends, and make sure that if it's what you decide, you have to control your emotions as well so you don't end up in the same situation again. Keep open lines of communication. He should know where you're coming from. Think about what the relationship is all about if he is telling you that you're "not the one". I'm not implying that he's using you, but think about it from what you really want out of life right now, and if you want someone who doesn't see you this way... You should start making yourself happy first, and as SwingFox always says, "you can't make someone else happy unless you yourself are happy!" Good luck! S.A.M.
  23. secret_agent_man
    No, I don't think so. There are things you just have to say. I did the same thing. You should try to look at it from a different perspective right now, though. Try to look at it as: "I've said what I can say, and she heard me. Pushing any more is not the right approach, and it probably won't benefit anyone." This is a very good and mature approach. Keep this in your mind and don't forget it. Everything hard in our lives are just learning experiences in disguise, I'm beginning to see this myself. I can see that your head is well grounded, and don't let your heart or emotions take over. Keep your head as well grounded as it is right now, it's a very powerful thing. S.A.M.
  24. secret_agent_man
    I am so very sorry to hear about your Grandmother. It is ok to be broken up when you are faced with things like this. It is human to feel emotional, and you shouldn't feel bad about it affecting your life. As far as the exams go, you should let your teachers/profs know what's going on, and that it is very hard for you to focus now. It's best to let them in on it, because they may be able to help take some pressure off... Good luck, my best wishes to everyone involved. S.A.M.
  25. secret_agent_man
    Donna, I really feel for you, I'm sure it's really hard right now. Think about opening up to your husband, and telling him what you told us. I know you've already talked about this with him, but he may not realize that you are considering leaving the marriage. I'm sure he knows that you are having problems, but you should think about telling him how severe this is to you. From the sounds of it, it doesn't sound to me like he's having an affair, it sounds to me like he's depressed (as you already know). Don't think that it's your fault, I doubt that's why he's going through this. If there's nothing you can do, SwingFox is exactly right, you need to make yourself happy. You only live once (as far as I know), and if the situation is beyond help, you may have to make a hard decision. Whatever you do, don't drag youself into the ground over this, it may not be in your control. Thank you for being strong and staying faithful to your husband for this long. It means a lot to me that dedication can still mean something, and that people can have so much respect for committment. I definitely think it would be a mistake to have an affair. If you feel the need to go somewhere else for affection, you're probably best just to do it peacefully and when you've moved on, you wouldn't want to do something you might regret for the rest of your life. Keep your head up, take things one day at a time right now, but do what you need to do for yourself. Good luck! S.A.M.
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