cignaguy

wow, thank you very much for your insight. the thing that is hardest about this is that we are 4 hours apart now. and she never (or hasn't yet) gotten back to the point where she is willing to let me come see her again. she basically let me go a couple nights ago. well, the more i thought about it yesterday, the more i wanted to send one final email expressing my feelings to her and that i was willing to wait on her to work her issues out. so i sent her an email. maybe i shouldn't have done that, but it was a last attempt at getting her to hear me. now, i am just going to carry on i suppose and she if she maybe contacts me in a few weeks or something. i don't know if she'll start missing me or not. she never replied to my email though that i sent yesterday, so i guess that could be good or bad.......maybe she just blew it off, maybe she blocked me, who knows. i just know that i cannot fathom how we could be engaged for almost a year up until about 3 weeks ago, and then now we are nothing and she has let me go. our arguing got bad and she just let the anger build up i suppose. my issues are gone now though that i had PLENTY of time to think about everything. i know they would not come back if she gave us another chance. i know they wouldn't. i have assured and reassured her of this, but i never got that chance. perhaps she went ahead and let me go so she could really get the time she needed to think and deal with her issues. i just hope i hear from her with a few weeks. i know she is busy with a summer class right now and getting a paper done, and the class ends next week. perhaps she will bemore open after that. i hope she gets the anger out of her mind also and begins to see the good things that are worth getting us back together. Thank you again for your great post. Matt

well, she let me go last night. i was on the computer and she popped up on IM. we talked a little and then i asked, "would you please be straight forward with me and tell me if we are basically done?" her answer was "for now, yes." that crushed me. she proceeded to tell me that she thought this was best for her right now. she said she can not seem to get rid of some of the anger in her mind that she has. she told me she was so sorry over and over and never meant to hurt me. but she says that she feels this is best and let God figure it out for us. she said if it is meant to be then it will happen. part of me thinks she is doing this to allow herself to think clear-minded without any "tie" to me. i think she would not see the good things about us until she did this. any comments? anyone think she will call back after she has had time to digest and think about things? she told me that we didn't need to communicate right now. any thoughts on what will ahppen from here? females, what do you think? i will always have hope and faith for us because i know it could have worked. she told me to let her go and was crying a ton. this is the most painful thing for me that i have ever been through. thank you all for your comments and replies and support. please reply if you have time. Matt

thank you for the reply. well, i decided against driving to see her unannounced because she told me not to do that pretty much, that it would only anger her. i hope everything goes well for you. i asked her if she wanted me just to give up and she said, "maybe you should and just let nature take its course." i told her "no" that i was not going to give up. she says that she is just so afraid of my issues coming back, even when i promise her that they are not going to. i don't know how to make her realize this. i guess it is just something she has to do on her own. she says she still has a lot of anger built up from our arguments and doesn't know how to get rid of it. i wish i could tell her how. talking to people hasn't really helped her too much. i don't know who to tell he to talk to. i ust want her to get to the point where she can see me again without getting angry. I love her a ton and want this to work more than anything. I told her if she doesn't think it is going to work, then she will have to be the one to end it. She hasn't eneded it yet, so I guess that's good for now. I emailed a good friend of her's that she talks to on the internet to tell her how i felt and to see if she could help her. i haven't gotten a reply back from the friend yet, perhaps i shouldn't have played that card. oh well, i hope she comes around. Thanks for the replies. Matt

well, as of last night, i think it might be pretty much over actually. we talked on the phone and she sounded like she had pretty much given up. she "wants things to work out, BUT......" she thinks that things will go right back to the way they were and she will not give it another chance to allow me to show and prove to her differently. i have a question for anyone: she lives 250 miles away.....should i just drive and show up unannounced and ask her for one more chance ? how do you think she would take to this? i thought maybe her seeing me would be better chances for me. Thanks, Matt

Well, I am going on the 2nd day without any communication at all with her and it hurts like hell. I didn't send an email or anything yesterday. Should I at least send an email today to let her kow I am thinking about her and to reassure her that I think we can make everything work and to promise that I have changed and my jealousness and mistrust will not come back? She has had an old roommate in town since Thursday, and the roommate leaves today, so maybe I'll get some kind of contact after she leaves. If she contacts me in any way, then I definitely need to talk to her right? Or should I still wait to answer her a little bit? Any suggestions? Thanks again. Matt

thank you all for your replies very much; they help a ton. i can't believe i found this site on a Yahoo search yesterday, glad i did though. do you think i messed up by talking to her a good bit right after we first split up? this has hurt me badly but it has been a huge eye opener for me, and if this relationship doesn't work, then I will take what I have learned to my next one down the road. I have learned so much from it about jealousy and trust. we have both had our wrongdoings, but i have focused solely on mine because there is no reason in me pointing out hers, she knows them. i too am glad i sent her the cards. she probably got them yesterday, but i'm not sure how much of an effect my words had on her because her old roommate was also coming into town. so no telling if she could actually concentrate. but like you say, she'll have it to read from now on if she so chooses. if anything, i will just send a short email saying hi later or something. Thanks again for everyone's help and input! It is greatly appreciated and needed. Matt

sorry to hear. i am glad i found this website though, very interesting to see the similar stories and that there is support for people. Matt

I have been with my fiancee for a year now. We have had quite a few arguments recently that got out of hand. I had a trust problem that stemmed from a past relationship that I brought into this relationship, and that is one problem that bothers her. Another is jealousy. We have both had our faults, but just recently she basically said "ok, that's it, I need time to be by myself." So now she wants to start over from the beginning basically. I left her house last Friday. I had been staying with her for a month and a half because I had just recently gotten out of the military, and we didn't see eachother much then, so we could finally be together when I got out. Well, we have talked on the phone a little since I left and we have talked on the computer a little. She says I really haven't given her her time to herself, so then I asked if she just wanted to cut out all communication altogether. She said no. So I am thinking I am only going to communicate with her if she initiates it first. Also, I feel it is necessary to reassure her I have addressed my issues and they will no longer be there. I have spilled my heart out to her the past 5 days. I also got a card and put a 6 page letter in it. Anyone have any comments on how she might view the letter? Also, should I just leave her be and not call or anything? Only tallk to her if she initiates it? She told me I was "flipping out" today and that I need to trust her when she says she wants things to work, but she just needs time to herself. She says she has a lot of anger built up over stuff I have done and about our relationship in general and she is trying to figure out how to get that our of her head. Any comments at all about what I should do? She says she wants it to work and she hopes we can work it out and take things slow. I asked her to please tell me when she felt like she could see me again. The 4 hours distance between us now hurts. I have asked her to try her best to believe me when I say I have thought about a ton and addressed my issues and saw how stupid and selfish I had been. I also asked her to try just to open her heart back up and get the anger out, and talk to someone.. Who should she talk to? Thanks. Matt