secret_agent_man

Hi Obsolete, thanks for bringing this to eNotalone! I agree, you should definitely persue this girl if you are interested, she seems to be interested from what you mentioned. The important thing to remember is that you two still don't know eachother very well, so don't take her kind gestures too seriously yet. I would definitely refrain from calling her repeatedly, you don't want to come on too strongly, for obvious reasons! My suggestions would be to see if you can get together in a similar way as you already mentioned... with a group of friends for bowling or a movie, etc. Towards the end of the night, just ask her something simple and friendly, like "Hey, it was great to see you, when can I see you again!". If she says "I don't know..." then offer to give her a call sometime, and see what her response is. If she gives you her number, then she's probably interested, but I would suggest not calling her until you actually have some possible plans, or a way for you two to get to know eachother better. That way, you don't risk coming on too strongly... Best of luck, go for it! S.A.M.

Hello! I've was there too, my friend! I agree 100% with these responses, though... the best way to do it is gradually. Parents always have a hard time letting go, it's human nature, so try to understand that she's not doing any of this to purposely get you upset. You seem to already get that, though. I think, as DREAM said, the best way is to show her that if she gives you some slack and hands over a little cash, you will be resposible, and there will be absolutely no problems. If she sees that you are trustworthy, and aren't going to blow her hard-earned cash on something worthless, she will eventually ease up on it. Most likely, she just really enjoys shopping with you, and it's sort of like "quality time". I want to stress that this "quality time" should not be lost altogether, try to maintain a good relationship with your mother/parents, because they'll always be there when you need them most, especially through your teenage years. Good luck! S.A.M.

Hello! Thank you for bringing this up on eNotalone... I want to stress that no matter what you think... if you are uncomfortable and you mention it, he should respect it. He should be looking out for your best interests, and if he doesn't respect your opinions on subjects like this, then he doesn't care enough in my mind. What he said may be acceptable to some people, but if you don't agree with it, he shouldn't blame that on you. Keep in mind that a prosperous relationship is based on communication, respect and understanding. If he doesn't fit those basic rules, then he doesn't respect you the way he should. Don't feel like this is your fault, it is actually just a way of life, and realize that you deserve someone better... I hope you find your happiness, just give it time and care about yourself first. In the words of SwingFox, "You must love yourself first, that is most important in your life" Best wishes... S.A.M.

Well, whatever you do, I'd suggest honesty and sincerity. If you drag this out it will just get harder and harder to deal with, and I am sure you wouldn't want to try telling him this after a few months had passed. All in all, I'd say you should just come clean, and say that you like him, but you don't see the current "dating" relationship going anywhere. Try telling him that you really liked having him as a friend, but before this gets out of hand you think it's best that you be honest with him. Don't, on the other hand, tell him it's a physical thing... he might take that the wrong way. I know, easier said than done... but keep in mind that he'd probably rather hear it now than much later, when he's grown more and more attached to you... Good luck, there's nothing he can say badly about you being honest! S.A.M.

Hello! Thanks for posting this, I have a few words to add here... First off, you are not wrong or being a baby for this, you have an emotional need, and he should at least make that effort for you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, so please don't take it that way, but he probably just doesn't see the whole picture. You mentioned that the two of you have good communication, and that's a wonderful thing as I'm sure you are aware. You've got the right outlook on it, and I know how things get if you let them go and they build up in your head. Something to keep in mind is that this is exaclty that case. Before you get this all blown out of proportion, just talk to him. Just do it before you go crazy, trust me, it's worth the slight awkwardness now to save from the possible argument later... follow? Hope this helps, and let him know that you love him and that you know he loves you, but you really long for the romantic moments as well... Take care! S.A.M.

Hello! My initial thoughts are that you're approaching this from the right direction, it just takes time and effort. You realize your insecurities or "problems" (I hate to call it that, don't take that to heart). The best advice I can give you is to keep on trying to knowingly make this effort. It's good that you know you're a great guy, that means you don't have too much insecurity about yourself, but there is definitely something else there. Just keep an open mind, as you have been, and go with the flow. You'll eventually find the person you can just click with, and things will work out. The fact is, you're not in denial about judging someone too quickly, so you're already halfway there! Don't give up yet! S.A.M.

Hello! I hope you get the advice you are looking for, and thanks for bringing this to eNotalone.com! My first thoughts are that you two seem to be very comfortable around eachother, and that's a great start! The fact that you've already discussed things like this and are still comfortable talking says quite a bit! My advice would be to tell her how you feel about not responding to her originally. She may not know how you felt and still feel about it, and hearing that may make her melt right on the spot! I don't know any of this for sure, so don't get your hopes up, but I would definitely suggest saying something along the lines of: "I want you to know, when you asked me that question back in school, I still regret to this day that I didn't say 'yes' right then and there... I don't know why I didn't, but I know I should have, because I feel like I missed out on something great..." I know it's sappy, but it's exactly what you're thinking... I know it Anyway, words like that, from the heart, can open up someone's mind and heart like you cant believe, so I'd give it another shot! Good luck! S.A.M.

Hello, thanks for bringing this to eNotalone, I hope you get the advice you're after! My first reaction here is to look out for the child, but this seems wildly out of control... If the man has been having an affair for this long, and is this unstable in his relationships, it seems like a lose-lose situation. I don't really see either alternative as being perfect, but I think I would personally move on and never look back. Sort of... cut your losses, more or less. I understand that you say you are in love with this man, but from the looks of it, it doesn't seem to have much relationship potential, and be very careful not to get caught up in a relationship based on lies! Just think very carefully about what kind of stability you want in your life, and in your child's. Try to understand that the actual biological father is not always the best father figure anyway, so finding someone more reliable and trustworthy may be the best course of action. I hope this helps, and best of luck for everyone involved! S.A.M.

Hi! Thanks for coming to eNotalone! I understand what you're asking... my best thoughts: When a guy sees a girl who looks like she could have a "wild side" in the bedroom, it's a big turn-on, especially if she acts very innocent and calm when around others. I would guess he wants you to "take control", or just jump all over him like an animal, showing off that "wild side". Who knows, though... I'd say just ask him what he wants, see if you can get at his fantasies. Maybe he just likes it rough, maybe he likes it loud... the only way you'll know is either trying things or asking! Good luck, and have FUN! S.A.M.

Anytime... I'm glad I could be of help. To the others reading this, keep in mind that everyone has very different "turn-ons" or "fetishes", and what to one person seems wonderfully erotic, could seem horrible to another. Just keep an open mind with things like this... I always say... as long as it's safe or not hurting anyone, why not? What's the reason for following the "rules of society" when it comes to things like this? If everyone was the same, nobody would be interesting! S.A.M.

Room, I just have to comment that I've felt that way all too many times... I just wish to find that girl I can connect with instantly, and feel like we've known eachother forever... that everything is just meant to be. I've had that before, but it took years to get there. I think that's all part of the cycle, things just take time... don't give up on it. You're not alone there, many others would feel your words as well... S.A.M.

Hello again, Hero... I think he is talking about his own bodily fluid, in which case there should be no problem... there is medically nothing harmful with ingesting these fluids, and in fact many people make a practice of drinking their own urine on a daily basis (and blood would be no different). There are only a few cirumstances in which this could be unhealthy, possibly with genital herpes (which could spread to the mouth quite easily) But, I think this person would already know what kind health he is in. Personally, as I said, the idea seems odd to me, but everyone has their own ways, so keep that in mind! S.A.M.

Hello! Although I can't say that idea interests me in the slightest, I can't think of anything medically or physically wrong with it... that's about all I can say to this one. S.A.M.

Hello! I think I look at this from a different standpoint: If someone you are not interested in asks you if your interested, or flirts with you, you should just tell them. I don't think I would react much differently to a guy hitting on me... I'd probably just say "whoah! I'm straight as an arrow..." If a girl flirted with me and I wasn't interested, I'd tell her... the same goes for a guy. Maybe I'm a little bit more comfortable around gay people, because I have a few gay friends, so maybe my reaction would be different than most others. To sum it up, I wouldn't be any more offended than if a girl I wasn't interested in flirted with me. I'd at least give them credit for trying, ya know? I can imagine it would be tough for a gay person to just walk up to someone and ask them out, considering the reactions most straight people would have... and most of the time, how would they know if you were gay or not? especially these days, it's getting impossible to tell sometimes... Hope that helps! S.A.M.

Diva, you probably already know what I'm going to say... If he seems to be only interested in one thing, and that's not what interests you, then do what you feel is right for you!! The biggest thing is, don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. If you feel like you're being pressured by someone... look out for yourself! Keep this in mind, you're the most important person in your life! S.A.M.

Hi Cid! My best suggestion is to follow your heart on this one, if you're interested in starting a more serious relationship with her, tell her! If you never try, it'll never go anywhere... so I say just give it a shot, she seems to be interested from what you wrote. All in all, getting over shyness is easier than you think... you almost consiously hold yourself back. So, just let go and tell her how you feel! Good luck, keep us updated! S.A.M.

Wow, great response crookster! I know it almost seems like common sense, but he's dead on in every word there. Your friends asking only means they care, and if they're true friends they wouldn't put you in that situation on purpose. Just keep in mind that your personal life is your personal life, nobody else's... so if you don't want to talk about it, don't feel pressured to. You have every right to say "I'm not getting into it." Good luck, and have fun out and about, Diva! S.A.M.

Hello! I agree, if you're concerned, just ask his opinions first. I personally must say that I can't stand them and I see no benefit from them, but that's just my opinion. Many people enjoy them, so I know I'm not in the majority. A tongue ring doesn't really get in the way of anything though, at least from my own experience. Just my opinion! S.A.M.

Hey! My suggestion? Why not! I'd suggest sites that allow you to post a profile without paying first, which most do, just so you can check it out. link removed has a good reputation, but I don't know about Australia, just the U.S. I'd look around first, and make sure it's a legit site, but don't hesitate to post, as long as you don't put up too much personal information. Just put info that you're comfortable having anyone know... that's all. Good luck! S.A.M.

Hi strawberry! I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but I want to remind you that it's YOUR day, not anyone else's... so just have fun and don't expect to hear from him. If he doesn't call, it may simply be so he doesn't upset you, you never know. So from where I sit, it's almost impossible to tell if he'll call or not, and there are too many unknown reasons floating around. As I said, just have a happy birthday without worrying over this, and have a good time with your friends! Happy b-day! S.A.M.

Dear codyluver, I'm sorry to hear of your distress, I would hate that situation myself. The fact here is, if you're unhappy and he doesn't respect it by removing his profile, then there is a serious problem somewhere. If he is truly looking, that is an obvious problem, and if he's just testing you, that is a problem as well. You two need to really talk about this, openly and honestly, and you should tell him that you have a problem trusting him. If you are not satisfied at that point, I would suggest re-evaluating your relationship... good luck, we're here for you! S.A.M.

Here's my opinions on this topic, from the 10 year boyfriend's point of view. If he is dedicated to you, and you feel like you want to go elsewhere, you really should tell him. Whether you like it or not, emotional cheating is still cheating, and I don't think it's any different how you cheat in the long run. The fact is, your mind is cheating on him already, so I would suggest showing this man a little respect by at least not dragging it on any further. If you don't want to lose him, than it's a choice you would have to make... to not let yourself cheat again, in mind or in body. I am hurt by the thought of these other replies (besides Princess777)... try to put yourself in his position, if he was just hanging around with a new girl to find out if he wanted to leave you or not you'd probably be very hurt, especially after 10 years! So, my opinion is, you either choose to be with him or choose not to, but you can't have everything, you have to take a risk and make a choice if you truly have any caring feelings for your boyfriend. I know that post was more directed to any women who feel like going with the second option, but it still shows my point I hope. Good luck S.A.M.

Hello and thank you for your insightful post. It is very easy to be traumatized by an event as horrific as this, as was everyone who saw it. It is disgusting to me that any human life has to be taken in such a way. Please don't regret, only learn... learn that the human race in general is just that: human. We have our own minds, and some think different from others, and the real tragedy is that only a few people with demented ideals could destroy so many innocent lives. The only thing that I want to bring up is that this is only the first time for the US to experience something so tragic. You are in a sense fortunate for not having to live in complete fear every day like some do in the eastern part of the world. It is true, anything could happen, but you must step back and feel fortunate that you can get on the bus every morning and there is much better chance that you will get to work than someone in these eastern countries. I don't mean to take anything away from sept. 11, it was the most horrific thing I have ever seen, by far. The only thing I wanted to point out is that this occurs all too often, and it is just a sad law of nature. I hope this helps with understanding that sept. 11 was horrible, but not a new thing for humanity... I guess it was more of just my thoughts on the whole thing, really... Keep your head up, live life like you won't have it forever, and smile at everyone you see. Things like this can change the world in time, it's just that simple in the long run, if everyone's playing the same game. Thanks for reading, I hope nobody was offended... it wasn't meant that way at all. S.A.M.

Hello! From my opinion, he's interested... but only because of the saying "A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts". It's kind of sad but true when you think about it, though. In my opinion, he's a nice guy for caring, and he probably is interested from the flirting. But you need to try flirting when you two are sober, or just straight up ask him! It's really the only way you'll know what's going on, as some people do in fact loosen up and become more flirtatious than they mean to be when they're drinking. Just food for thought, really. I'd suggest trying it sober, though! Good luck! S.A.M.

Hey Ansleynicole, I understand your points, and although they might work temporarily, you should step back and think about the reasons you would want him to come back. If he comes back out of jealousy as you are suggesting, then he's acting on instinct, and the problem will not be solved. If he comes back out of love, just because he misses you and wants to be with you, then you'll know it's right. So, my suggestion is to live your life like he's out of the picture. Be stronger than he is, and if you find someone else, go for it! You shouldn't get with someone else just to bring him back, that's not fair to anyone in the long run. If he does come back, maybe you should ask him "why" he came back. Tell him he needs to be honest with you as to why he all of a sudden wants to be with you again, and try to figure out if it's right for you two. Good luck! S.A.M.