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secret_agent_man

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Everything posted by secret_agent_man

  1. secret_agent_man
    Hi again, Crook! To put it bluntly, you are justified in doing whatever feels right for you. You should never feel like you have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I personally don't know how I would react in that same situation. I think that right now you're fighting a battle that's already lost. You want to retain that friendship, but for what reason? If you feel betrayed, even if you weren't, why torment yourself? There's no laws in life that tell you that you have to feel a certain way about friendships, so on this one, you have to look out for yourself. Just my thoughts, I know you've got a good handle on things, trust your instincts! S.A.M.
  2. secret_agent_man
    WOW! I didn't think it was just me who got all tingly when that happened! I thought it was everyobody!!! Seriously, it's an awesome thing to me, getting kissed on the neck... It makes me all warm and fuzzy... I get that tingly feeling, and maybe it's because I know that she is definitely into me, or maybe it's just a physical thing... either way, I love it! S.A.M.
  3. secret_agent_man
    Hello all! I see both views, and understand where both you guys are coming from, definitely. I think the answer here is a combination of both replies, though. You indeed shouldn't change for anyone else, only yourself. I'm glad you understand that your boyfriend loves you either way! If you do want to change your appearance, or style... do it for yourself! There is nothing wrong with wanting to change, as long as it's for the right reasons. As it seems, he isn't asking you to do anything for him, so it seems that you do want to change for yourself... It's almost as simple as this... My girlfriend didn't like my hairstyle (shaved bald, lol), but she obviously still loved me either way... I decided to change it, but I didn't feel pressured at all! I figured, why not!?!? It's just hair... he he. Now, I like it better anyway... I'm glad I did it! I know you're situation is a bit different, but the idea is exactly the same. If you don't see any harm in changing something (i.e., buying some new clothes...), then why not?!?! If you try something and don't like it, or feel uncomfortable, then don't force yourself... remember, he still loves you for you! Good luck, hope I didn't just confuse the subject! S.A.M.
  4. secret_agent_man
    Hi Lizzy3000! Well, you can't lie to her... you have to be honest! Tell her she is a great friend, but you honestly don't feel that way, and you don't want to loose her friendship! If she is a good friend, she won't shut you out for that, just don't say it too roughly, or she might take offense to it. Just play it cool and relax about it, as sad as she may be, if you're not into her the same way it just wouldn't be right, she should understand that... Good luck! S.A.M.
  5. secret_agent_man
    Hello, Julie! Welcome to eNotalone.com, we'll do the best we can to help! I am saddened to hear of your self-image problem, I can assure you, everyone's different, and everyone is unique. Something to think about is that although you think you are too thin, many people may not see it that way. Many men like thin women (many don't as well, so any readers... don't become anorexic!), and if he's seen your picture and still wants to see you, I'm sure he's attracted to something about you... I mean, he's travelling quite a distance to see you, after all! But honestly, looks play a role initially, but the person's personality and character are what count in the long run. I'm sure you're more attractive than you think, but he obviously sees something in you either way. If you like this guy, why not see him?!?! It could be the best move of your life! Good luck! S.A.M.
  6. secret_agent_man
    Well, my only thoughts are... why? There's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself, don't get me wrong, but if you don't have an urge to do it, why do it? I personally don't TRY to do it, but sometimes it just seems like the right time / place / situation, so I go for it... I'm unsure why you would want to masturbate more often than you really want to maturbate... S.A.M.
  7. secret_agent_man
    Yes, I agree with the last post here... I have a few gay friends, male and female, so I know a little about the gay lifestyle. My thoughts are that since many gay people have been fighting their sexuality, because of an un-accepting society, they feel as though they are already somewhat rebelious, leading to this "sexual revolution" that crookster_man mentioned. These are just my thoughts, but I really feel like this comes from people fighting within themselves. If you are looking for that long term relationship, it will come, as has already been said. You'll find someone eventually that is comfortable with himself, and someone who is willing to dedicate himself to you, as you can to him! Good luck! S.A.M.
  8. secret_agent_man
    Hi! I have to agree with the last post... it sounds as though he is, but you should just ask if you need to find out for sure! I'm going to lock this topic, seeing that everyone is agreeing in pretty much the same way, just to keep from building up single line posts! Hope you got your answers! S.A.M.
  9. secret_agent_man
    Hey again, Diva! Well, I personally think closure is almost necissary most of the time, but it's all up to the people involved. What's really hard is just being left hanging, and not knowing what the other person feels. I guess, if you're gonna say what you have to say, though, do it in a way that is not arguing or putting someone down. Just get the facts accross, and leave it at that. No need to argue, no need to even win. Everybody wins when there's no arguing about the past, trust me. Just speak what needs to be spoken, and move on! That's my 3 cents, good luck! S.A.M.
  10. secret_agent_man
    Hey Missing! My thoughts? Although you say you just want to be friends, I believe from what I'm reading that you are more attached than you want to think right now. This is natural, emotions are hard to fight. I agree with Sega, in the sense that you made the choice to sever all ties, and that it was a good idea. I think after that, you should stick to it, especially because of what she is doing to you. I'm not sure how I feel about her and your friend sleeping together. It is indeed very disrespectful by both of them, no doubt there, but it's not illegal, and you can't make choices for them. The only solution I see is for you to make a very hard choice. It will most likely bother you unless you just remove yourself completely from the situation. I would suggest moving on from both your friend and your ex. It will be hard, for sure, but it seems like the only way for you to clear your head. I'm unsure about how strong your friendship is with your male friend, but it seems like he made an effort to respect you, so that may be worth hanging on to, but only if your ex is out of the picture. I think letting go of her altogether is the most important thing. Good luck, keep your head up! S.A.M.
  11. secret_agent_man
    Well, no not really... we struck up some more conversations... ends up we have some mutual friends, so that was cool. The one girl was interested, but the more I talked to her, I found out I didn't like her personality a whole lot, so I didn't persue anything else... She's still got a pretty smile, either way! S.A.M.
  12. secret_agent_man
    You already know my answer, I'm sure... You've shown her who you are, and you know who she is... so it's time to just tell her how you feel. Don't flood her with all of your emotions, but you've gotta go for it or she might slip away from you. C'mon! You've got nothing to loose, but tons to gain! S.A.M.
  13. secret_agent_man
    Hi again... Just to follow up and save a little face on this one... SwingFox, I agree and I think it should be a regular practice for anyone. I was more looking at how she should approach him to ask him to go get tested. It's not that he would be hiding something, but I know If I were asking, I would hate to seem like I was accusing someone of having a STD, it can be a touchy subject. All in all, though, it should be a regular thing for everyone to get tested. You never know, and it's quick and easy to find out... S.A.M.
  14. secret_agent_man
    Hi Jordan, I definitely understand where you are coming from, but I see it from the point of a relationship... Although it makes things hard, and can couse great anger (which is expected), it is still wrong to keep secrets like this from your partner in my eyes. It doesn't matter why she told him, if it was for her own guilt or for his sake, the fact that she told him should make him feel as though she cared enough to tell him. As I said, though... it creates a lot of tension, and that is understandable. I wasn't saying that he shouldn't be mad, just that he should be able to look past it eventually if he really loves her... S.A.M.
  15. secret_agent_man
    Well Z, I was in a relationship for about 2 years, and I bailed out for two months. After realizing that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I appologized and begged for forgiveness, and we got back together. Three wonderful years passed, and I proposed marriage. She accepted, and life was perfect! I was so in love with her that I couldn't think of anything else but growing old together. Just a month and a half ago (after 6 months of engagement), she decided she needed to make sure this was really what she wanted, it's a big decision. So, here I sit... not knowing. She has left, and I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I know I would have never left her again, and so I guess history didn't repeat itself, but came back to haunt instead. That's my story! S.A.M.
  16. secret_agent_man
    Hi foolish! I would like to start with a suggestion: visit link removed They have some valid resources there that might help you get a feel for the situation. Gambling Addiction is a severe problem, and it's overlooked by most people. Even when it is spotted, it is denied and doesn't really go away. The only way I can see to get through a problem like this is communication and possibly professional help. He probably doesn't even see how it is affecting you, and you need to make it clear. That is for your own benefit, not just his. I know there is love between you two, so try to sort through this before it all crashes down... Good luck! S.A.M.
  17. secret_agent_man
    Hello Jealous! No, you are definitely not alone there, and I wouldn't go as far as calling it an obsession, or even too much love. Your idea of forcing some time apart is a good one, stick to it! You'll both get used to living your own lives together, rather than living one life. It is very healthy for two people to live this way, and it makes conversation a lot more interesting when you haven't spent all of your waking minutes together! Really, though, I commend you for realizing this and taking a step to help you both grow! And as I said, don't feel alone about it. It is human to almost "need" someone for emotional comfort, but it is not necissarily the best way to get through life! You definitely need to love yourself first, so take nights off here and there to get to know yourself a little more! Hope this helps! S.A.M.
  18. secret_agent_man
    Hi again Vison, I understand your fears, but you should try to step back and look at the big picture... if it is very easy for her to move on, then maybe it's best that you look for someone who will be more dedicated... It seems a bit dark, but it's really good to try to look at it that way. I don't think that's the case, though, if she cares for you the way you describe. If she was going to get over you easily, she wouldn't be talking like this. Just let things happen, you wouldn't want her to come back to you again and feel like she needs the space again, let her figure herself out on her own terms, it's really for the best. Good luck, I'm with ya on this one... S.A.M.
  19. secret_agent_man
    Vison, I really feel for you, she's tugging at every last heart string. From the sounds of it, she's not trying to hurt you, but she's really trying to figure herself out. The only options I see for you are to either: A) Tell her she has to give you some kind of closure, or you'll go completely crazy... B) Wait around doing exactly what you're doing, going crazy. C) Tell her that you've decided this is not the right way to handle this, so you are ending it to take control of your own life. About that, I've been in her place. It's hard when you make a decision you are so sure of, to then go back and say "nevermind!". It sounds as though she truly cares for you, and I think you can see that. Give her the space she's asking for, though, it's probably good for both of you in the long run. If it's right, it will happen. Just trust in that. S.A.M.
  20. secret_agent_man
    Hello Ash! Although I have never been married, and thereforeeeee never divorced, I do know many people who have been. I don't think it makes it a whole lot harder to find someone, and I'm going to guess that it's mostly personal choice. I can understand why a failed marriage would easily turn someone away from relationships in general. Especially in these cases, if these men's wives were the ones to leave their husbands, I would bet that one of the main reasons for staying single would be a trust issue. It would be hard to pick yourself up after that and open up to someone new... I guess it's up to you! If you believe you'll find someone, and you want to find someone, then there's nothing stopping you! Good luck, follow your heart! S.A.M.
  21. secret_agent_man
    Hello FatFeline! Welcome to eNotalone.com! I agree that it's probably best to move on and live life. If it is "meant to be", then it will happen, and you will come back together no matter what. If it wasn't "meant to be", then you'll end up waiting around forever for something that may never come. The main reason I'm posting this is because I've been on both sides of this. A few years ago I did the "I don't want this" thing, and left my girlfriend to avoid committment. After two months, I was still heartbroken and hated myself for leaving. I called her to apologize and ask her to come back, and I think it was a matter of two hours before we were curled up on the couch together watching TV. It was one of the best moments of my life, and I am so thankful that she accepted my mistake. When I called her, she had been with someone else, sort of a "rebound". She said that she was sure I would never call her, but her life started all over again when I called... I guess my point is, although she moved on and accepted the fact that I wasn't coming back, it was no problem to patch things up. I would suggest that you move on and live your life on your own, spend time loving yourself for a while. If things are meant to happen, they will. Good luck, keep your head up! S.A.M.
  22. secret_agent_man
    Well, crookster, I do understand your points, and I do agree. I know you're not being cold, either. I know how to read you from your posts in the past. I think I agree for the most part, but I also enjoy the attachments in life, meaning the emotional ones. Part of life for me is knowing that I might loose someone, and trying not to mess it up... It usually makes me a better person through growth... I guess that's all I can say, I think it speaks for itself! Nice subject, good for thought!!! S.A.M.
  23. secret_agent_man
    Agreed! If you walk up and say... "Is that the book of love? Who wrote it?", she's probably going to look at you crosseyed and have to turn away out of utter confusion. Pick up lines can work well in bars as you get older, especially if you use them in a purposely corny way... like using the classic cheesy ones, but I think you're better off just starting up a relaxed conversation and being yourself... Good luck! S.A.M.
  24. secret_agent_man
    Hi pyrochick! I understand your problem, and you are not alone there. I personally know people in the same situation right now. Have you talked to Niki about this? She may not even realize what she's doing to you (especially if she sees you as a best friend too). You shouldn't let this go if it bothers you, you are not wrong for being upset. I would just suggest that you talk to both of them separately, and mention your concerns to them. Good luck! S.A.M.
  25. secret_agent_man
    Hi SilenThunder, I guess it's all what you make of it, and everyone could describe it differently. My personal view is: If you love someone, it means that you care for them so deeply that all you want is for them to be happy, even though you may not want to be with them. It is common for relationships that have lasted for quite some time, even if the relationship comes to an end. It is sort of a neverending love for someone. To me, it's more like the love you have for your family... so someone you've spent years with becomes family, in a sense. If you are IN love with someone, it means to me that you want nothing more in the world than to be with this person, and you feel as though you almost need this person in your life for you to be happy. My feeling is that for the first few months, or maybe even year or two (it all depends on the people involved), being IN love is usually the case. The true "deep" love grows with time, and it's more of a deep respect and caring. After time, the being IN love can fade, or you can "fall out of love" with someone. Even when this happens, it doesn't necissarily mean that you don't have the "deep" love for someone. Just my thoughts, hope it helps! S.A.M.
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