secret_agent_man

LOL, I think that [the facial thing] is just fiction/urban legend, people have discussed the "facial" and "hair growth" properties of ejaculate before. Obviously there's no harm in it (providing that it is your own or a trusted partner's). The only possible benefits for skin care would be that it's high in protein... but there are no doubt MANY other products on the market that would have more benefits. Anyway, if it's your own, and you're not sexually active yet, then you've got nothing to worry about. Past that... if you become sexually active, then you could potentially pass herpes or any other genital STD/STI to your mouth. All in all, it's not a big concern, but if you worry... go get an STD/STI test! It's easy and free, and if it comes back clean you know you're all set. Hope that helps! S.A.M.

Agreed. You are trying to move on, and you let her know that... so now is the time for you to do that. Ignore any attempts she makes to contact you... like Avman said... hang in there and be strong by yourself. You did the right thing for you, and that's what's important S.A.M.

Diva, that line basically should re-assure you that you're not being overly insecure here... But, you are definitely on the right track with "she doesn't respect me, so she's not my true friend". On the other hand, she may not even realize what she does, so talking to her may make her see the light... Don't jump into an argument without seeing her reaction to this first, ya know? S.A.M.

Agreed on this one. It's not that you're insecure, it's that she's disrespectful of her friends, obnoxious, rude, and she most likely is the one that's most insecure (from the way you describe things). There are certain lines that shouldn't be crossed, and friends should respect those boundries. If you're uncomfortable with the way she's acting, then I suggest you at least make an effort to explain this to her. If she's a true friend, she'll try to see your side of it... Good luck, diva! S.A.M.

QTpie, to get more smilies, just click on the "View more Emoticons" link under all of the smilies, and it will pop up a window... it's easy from there! Anyway... on to Assassin. First off, don't be ashamed of your feelings. Like you said, she's attractive, so you're attracted. There's not much you can do about that, it's human emotion working it's magic . I personally think it would be wrong to persue this, though... only because of typical values and morals that I'm sure you're well aware of. I know what you mean though, when I was about 13 years old I had a huge crush on my cousin. It faded with time, and now I see her as just a beautiful relative. (thank god for that one, it makes me less depressed at the holidays when I look at the REST of my horrid family ) ANYWAY, as I said, I don't think it would be a good idea to persue this, and she probably wouldn't be mad... but she would most likely be very uncomfortable if you told her. I think you've got a crush because she's the first girl you've met that (like you said) actually fits into what you're looking for. There are plenty of other girls out there that are just like her, but without the family connection to ya. I say just give it time, and let this one fade. If you get too caught up in your cousin, you might miss out on your future wife when she walks by right in front of you. S.A.M.

HA! That was a tough one, I had to write it down! (well, no, I didn't, but I should have!) Anyway... that's exactly what I mean. I trust my close friends, and I know they wouldn't cross those lines with me (they know my wrath). The problem would be with a new girl, and the people she hangs out with. I'm really stuck, wondering why all this "girls gone wild" has changed the actions of just about everyone I know (guys included, don't worry). It seems that sex, trust and commitment have all been made out to be "meaningless" these days. That saddens me greatly. The worst part of it is, that media promotes all of this... but only because that's what the public wants! I can't ever blame the media for cheapening any of this stuff, because it's a business, and if people want to buy cheap thrills, then someone's gotta sell it. Unfortunately, there's people like you and I out here too, and we're getting fewer by the day. S.A.M.

Chicamaja, I think, more importantly than lying to your boyfriend, you are lying to yourself. You are telling yourself that you didn't do anything wrong, and that it will just go away with time. The fact is, since you posted it on here, you're obviously thinking about it. Hence, it hasn't gone away, and most likely will not. I think a clear mind is the only way to be true to yourself and the people around you, so I would suggest that you discuss what happened. He will probably be angry, as he probably should be, but at least you will know that you tried to make the best of a bad situation. If you can do that, you should be very proud with yourself. Nobody can change the past, and nobody should regret it... but the one thing we CAN do, is better ourselves from our past mistakes. If you can suck up your pride and tell him about all of this, you will have gained something from that mistake. You will gain the power of knowing yourself better. If you don't discuss it with him, then you will always have it in the back of your mind... that you couldn't get the strength to be honest with someone you care about. Please keep in mind that these are only opinions, but I have been on both sides of the fence with this one, and I learned that honesty is one of the most important things in relationships, and also in life. Good luck with it all, I wish you the best in whatever you choose to do!

This is short and sweet, I think I can get my point accross in a few lines on this one . The question I have for you is... If she does "look down" on you because you're an inch, or even 10 inches shorter than her... is that the kind of girl you really want to be with? Think about that one... If you give it a shot and she rejects you because of a small height difference, then she's got issues that you don't want to even deal with. Love comes in many forms, and if she's going to look at it in that way, you're better off finding someone who cares more about who you actually are. S.A.M.

Thanks QTpie! I'm not really going through a whole lot, though. It's not going to keep me up at night or anything, it's just something I'm curious about. We grew up together, really. That's why we trusted eachother so well, and that's why we were such great friends... even now, we are not in contact, but we are best friends even today. It would just be too hard to remain in contact, I don't think it would be good for either of us. Like I said, I'm comfortable with all of that now. I'm not really concerned over my past relationship... I still trust that she would have been honest with me. I know there are a few good-hearted people out there, and I know I'll eventually find another one... but the only hard part is knowing that I already had one, and I don't know how many other opportunities I'll get. I guess what I realized from my friend's situation is that even the people you think you know better than your own self can turn in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, I don't like feeling that way... Maybe that will change with time, but the more people I meet, the more it seems true. S.A.M.

Hello all! I have something... and it's not really a question; more of something I wanted to get opinions on and discuss. I was with my ex-fiancee for 5 years, we had ups and downs, but all in all it was a great relationship. It eventually ended (after being engaged for 6 months) when she got a little nervous/scared about the future of things. I completely respect what happened, and really what I want for her is happiness. So I am not bitter, I look back and smile on the great time we had together. As I said, we had downs as well... things weren't always easy, but through it all we were best friends. That's what really made it work. I am sad that it has ended, but at the same time I am at peace with it all. We got to clear things up, and hang out as friends for a few weeks before we stopped talking, so I am much more comfortable with things now. --[names have been changed to protect the innocent ]-- Then, I was talking to a friend Amy today. Amy and I were talking about my best friend Chris. He had split with his girlfriend almost a year ago, and they had a very unstable relationship anyway; we all knew it wouldn't last. Anyway, Amy told me that Chris' ex-girlfriend had been emailing, calling and "seeing" Amy's ex boyfriend. All of this was happening while everyone was still together. So, Amy and I don't know that those two actually "cheated" or not, but we have good reason to believe so. This was a surprise to me I guess, just because I hadn't heard about it before... it was a little bit of "tasting reality" I suppose. Now, what I am wondering to myself... My ex and I had a very close relationship, and I don't believe she would do anything like that, but now I sort of question all of my trust for her. It makes me upset at myself - because I know I have no reason not to trust my ex. But something inside me is sort of confused by all of this. I also know that talking to my ex, to ask her if she ever "did" anything that I should know about, would be wrong. But it's hard now, wondering if maybe I had blinders on just like my friend Chris. It's really hard when you think about the fact that you have no idea what someone else is actually thinking, and you don't know how their mind works. So, unfortunately, seeing as I probably shouldn't contact my ex about this, I think I'm losing trust for the world. I mean... I trust my friends as much as I should, but I wonder after hearing all of this: will I be able to be comfortable and open up to someone again? The sad part of this is that I don't even think for one second that my ex would be cold hearted enough to hide something like that from me after all these years, but still, I feel untrusting. I guess what it is, is that I'm afraid that at my age and in my situation, I'm going to have a hard time finding someone I can trust (like my ex). ouch, my head huts Any thoughts on this one??? S.A.M.

Interesting topic! I guess it depends on what the object is, really, and how you feel about the relationship. For example... my ex and I just recently decided that we should just cut contact. We left on good terms, so all I have now is good memories. If I see a photo of her or us, it does bring emotion, but not all bad. These emotions are okay... as long as you don't live through them, or use them to "hang on" to the past. I can honestly look back and smile. As for "objects", I have many gifts from my ex. I have a coat and a jacket, a watch, etc. All of these things are things I like, and she knew that. She knew I would "want" these things; she didn't want these things to be symbols of our relationship. That's where the difference is. So, in short... if you feel awkward hanging on to these things, then by all means give them to someone who can enjoy them. But, if you still like them and want them for what they are (not to hang on to the relationship), then you shouldn't feel wrong for wanting to keep them. S.A.M.

I agree with pretty much everything that's been said... He's dragging you down, and although there may be feelings (even true love), sometimes things just don't work out. I know that's a hard one to swallow, but in reality, some people can be in love but be too different to work together. I think he's confused, and you are more sure of who you are and what you want. He seems like he's going through that "big growing up" kind of thing, where you don't have any clue what's going on around you. Why was he mean to you? Nobody knows, but it's not the first time... trust me. He probably just didn't know any better way of expressing himself; again, this has to do with growing up and maturing. Did he like you romantically? I wouldn't doubt it. Keep in mind, though, that the heart and the mind are VERY different, and loving someone deeply doesn't always mean that you are compatable. I don't know in this case, but it seems you two have just grown apart, and he can't figure out the difference between what he knows, and what he feels. Feeling love or not for someone, and knowing that it will or won't work are completely different areas, but both combined to make or break a relationship. It seems you both care, but have differences as well, and he can't tell those two things apart right now. Enough time? Not in most cases. People that start to hit the big maturing stage tend to start to come out of it, and think they've matured and figured out life. It is actually a long process, but that amount of time depends on the person. I would guess that he's starting to at least figure out what's good for him or not, but does not know what he wants or feels just yet. So, to sum it all up, I'd say you're best to move on. It will be hard because he's left you so confused... but that's where friends come in. Don't play up to him, don't spill out to him, don't try to drag him back... let him do what he feels is best for him. Only then can he learn how life goes. On the other hand, don't worry so much about him right now, focus on yourself, and what you can learn from all of this. Don't regret, don't become bitter to relationships, but figure out more of who you are. Keep your friends close, and keep your head up! That's my advice, I hope I was of some help! S.A.M.

Goincrazy, the only true way you know if any sexual encounter is safe is with testing. You are not a doctor (I'm just guessing, of course ), so you have no way of telling. When it comes down to it, there are MANY more things for you to be worried about than herpes, though. Herpes most likely isn't going to threaten your life... what about AIDS? Things like that should be your concern. Summerdreams, yes... a person with oral herpes can give someone genital herpes through oral sex. Oral herpes is usually HSV-1, and genital herpes is usually HSV-2, but they are not exclusive to those regions of your body. So... yes. You mentioned a pimple, and I would say that most likely you are right. After a heavy night of kissing, you usually have just irritated the skin around your mouth, and it is most likely just a blemish. If you are EVER concerned, though, I urge you to see a doctor. It's quick and easy, and they are the only ones who can ease your mind for sure. S.A.M.

I can't disagree with anyone here! There's nothing wrong with you... you don't "choose" what to be attracted to, it's sub-conscious. Don't be ashamed of that at all! One thing to keep in mind though... if for some reason this does cause you some problems inside yourself; if you feel like this is tearing you up or something, go talk to a counsellor! That might ease your mind a little, because they can reassure that you are just as human as everyone else. Hope all of these responses help! S.A.M.

Just a quick comment, bubba... You said a bump in the road? I want you to step back and think of it from a different angle, and you'll see that it doesn't have to be a bump in the road at all... in fact, it can be the biggest leap you've ever taken. What you are doing right now, by not calling her back, is what I'll call strength. You may have had to ask for advice, but the fact is: YOU HADN'T CALLED HER, and you have decided not to. That is a HUGE step in healing, and i commend you for it. Be proud of your inner-strength for that. Many others that have been put in your situation would have picked up and dialed without hesitation, but you stepped back and thought about something different... reality. Be proud you have that grip on reality, and you'll see that it wasn't a bump in the road, but a push foreward. S.A.M.

QTpie, I mentioned a rebound in one of my replies... What that means is: If you jump into a relationship without figuring yourself out first, and deciding what's comfortable for you, you can end up clinging to the wrong person. In short, if you still think about your ex all the time, you can't have a healthy relationship with a new guy. A rebound is when you are "using" a guy to fill up that empty space that's left behind from your ex, even if you don't realize that's what's happening. Think about it this way... If the tables were turned, and you were with a guy that had just broken up with a girl he was crazy about. Would you then feel happy, even though you knew your new boyfriend was always thinking about his ex? It just creates problems, and a rebound relationship is not good for anyone involved. Just be very cautious. I can see this already happening... because you are using these guys to try to make your ex jealous, not to make yourself happy. That is the beginning of a rebound. A relationship should start for the right reasons, not because you want your ex to be jealous. Plus, jealousy is the wrong reason for him to come back. I would assume you'd want him to come back because he loved you, not because of silly games. What I'm saying with this reply is, GO OUT AND HAVE FUN! But take your time, and let things take their course. Don't go out looking for a new guy just yet, wait until the dust has settled, and you are comfortable. After a serious relationship, you SHOULD feel sad, and feeling these emotions are normal. So, just go out with friends for now, relax, and have fun! S.A.M.

QTpie, I don't think he's really sure what he means right now, he's probably feeling a bit smothered. If you keep contacting him, it's just going to push him further and further away. He probably sees it as "you trying to stomp on his happiness". As far as going out, yes! Go out, have a good time! Be careful not to jump into a rebound, though. Something important to keep in mind: You don't need a boyfriend AT ALL. You need yourself, and you need to be satisfied with who you are BEFORE you jump into a relationship, or it will more than likely turn out badly in the end. Be safe, respect yourself, best wishes!!! S.A.M.

Hold on, hold on, back up here people... If you like her, go for it! Who cares if she's giving you signs?!?! I mean, if she thinks you're "sweet and nice", that's a good thing, but maybe she never even thought about liking you or not! My advice? If you are interested, let her know! Why miss out on a chance at something good! S.A.M.

QTpie, I'll gladly post my thoughts, although I am not sure it's going to be what you want to hear. I promise you that these thoughts come from the bottom of my heart. When people get a hard dose of "reality", like your friend dying, they really start to analyze life. This can cause someone to become temporarily blinded to what it is that makes them happy. The truth is, you can't tell him what is right for him, he has to decide on his own, and that can take time. If the girl he is "seeing" is really not right for him, it will show with time... and if you try too hard to interfere with that, it will just seem as though you are trying to ruin his happiness, even if it's not true happiness. By you trying to tell him what's right and wrong, he may never see the reasons that these things are right or wrong, and thereforeeee he will not have the chance to mature, grow and learn from the situation. So, to sum it all up, I would suggest that you have faith in his judgement, and have faith that he will eventually realize what's best for HIM... even if that means he's not with you. I don't mean to say "give up", I mean to say "believe, but believe inside yourself, and believe that he will do what's best for him". Unfortunately, that means that you can't push him, things will take their course. I wish you both the best in all that you do, take care. S.A.M.

Hello confused, Your name isn't that strange around here, a LOT of people are confused about what to do with their situations. I understand that you are torn with what to do about this girl, and I know where you are coming from. I don't have any answers, and nobody can tell you what the "right way to handle it" is. All I can tell you is that she is strong, she knows what is right for her. She knows that getting married is not right for her at the moment, and if that's what she feels, then you should respect it. Just give her space, and if she comes around and realizes that you are what she needs, then she will figure it out. There are many things in life that we can't decide for someone else, and this is one of them. I encourage you to live your own life, and let her figure out herself. If she figures out that you are what she needs, then she will decide that on her own. Have faith, things will happen as they should. Be yourself; nobody can ask more than that. S.A.M.

Senna, Your words bring a smile to my face I too am thankful for another chance with my ex, and there are many more out there that are in the same situation that you and I were in. Glad to hear things worked out as you had hoped! I would love for you to stay here with us at eNotalone and keep giving advice, seeing as you've "been around the block" with breakups and getting back together! Many people need to hear the positive outlook you could give! I know your life will be more complicated, and we'll all surely miss you if you don't have the time, but as I said, we'd love it if you have a chance to stop in now and then and help others with your knowledge that you've gained! Best of luck in your future, and I hope things work out for you and your girlfriend... If you are meant to be together or not, I wish you both the best in all that you do. Happy holidays S.A.M.

Adam, Alcohol can have a HUGE impact on sex, but for some it makes no difference. Sorry to say, a chouce between booze and sex is something you may have to make. Something important... it most likely has nothing to do with the girl, it sounds to me like it's alcohol and possibly just being a little nervous/uncomfortable. That's all natural, so just give it time and go easy on the booze. Things will work out, no doubt about it S.A.M.

Neallo, I agree with Mar 100%. You've done what you can, she knows you're there for her, and she knows you still care. Any decisions and choices belong to her, like it or not. Let's say (for example) that her ex has not changed at all. If you jump in and save her, she will not get a chance to see his true ways. If she does not have the chance to hit rock bottom, scrape herself up, and figure out what's best for her... then she will not grow in life. She needs to be strong by herself, and figure out how to make these important decisions. If someone pulls her away from him, and she doesn't see what he is actually like, then there is a much greater chance that she will be drawn to him again in the future... and that's certainly not what you would want. I know I'm just repeating, but you really have done all that you can. Be there for her if she asks you to, but other than that you should just live your own life and have faith that she will decide what's best for her. Take care, S.A.M.

Neallo, Very good idea to turn off the "alert"... I have found myself tied to my phone, and I actually felt almost "handcuffed" to the hope that she would call. What's important is that you know if she makes an effort to contact you, you'll know. Maybe you won't get it in the first minute, but you will when you check later. Keep that in mind, because I've found myself wasting day after day... hitting refresh on my email; waiting by the phone... and finally realized that it was just plain silly. Live your own life too, and know that if she wants to, she will let you know. Happy holidays again, and I wish you warmth and comfort. S.A.M.

Neallo, I wish you a Merry Christmas, and we are here... although it's only virtual, I assure you that I listened to your post. I read it, and I am your friend on this holiday. We are always here to listen, and sometimes just venting to complete strangers can do wonders for you. I think you are right in not contacting her just yet. She knows you're there, and I'm sure she knows you think of her often. Just take heart in the fact that you may be by yourself, but you are not alone this holiday. You are FAR from alone. Everyone goes through heartbreak, and I've felt this pain three years ago at Christmas. The thing to remember is that the pain is temporary. Time heals, and the next year I was happy at the holiday time. One thing I suggest, you call up some friends! Get your mind off of your ex, and go have dinner at one of your friend's houses! I'm sure they'd be glad to see you on the holiday! Don't dwell over this today, just be happy for your health and friends... the rest will fall into place with time Happy Holidays to you and to all S.A.M.