juliek

I guess everybody's been there: getting dumped and feeling like hell. so I'm just another fool with a broken heart. He told me his feelings changed and he wanted to end it, just like that. Now how do I live through this?? I read all the advice about surviving a breakup but I feel like my guts have been sucked out. what really bothers me is that I seem to go for men who are relationship- phobic, I mean I always want more than they're willing to give. Maybe I cling too much and drive them away...no I don't think that's it. I seem to find men who are emotionally cold, and who always end up walking away. Maybe this goes back to my childhood, when Dad left Mom and me. I guess I have some issues with abandonment. It's like I only fall for men who will ultimately abandon me, like that's all I think I deserve. Is there any way out of this? Or am I just doomed to spend the rest of my life alone? Juliek

I have a fairly new LD relationship that is currently surviving by daily email. My BF is a workaholic and has now taken on much greater responsibilities, by his bosses' request, to help save their floundering construction management company. He'll have to travel all over the US, unfortunately not to my city, so our plans of me flying down to see him in about a month are probably not going to happen. He's already sounding over-anxious and stressed about his new responsibilities and I know how stress affects him----he just becomes a basket case. I told him he needed to rethink if he could be the company's savior at the expense of his health and sanity. I just don't know how long I can bear this, if he decides to go ahead, which he probably will. I'm so torn about what to do about this....part of me wants to wait this out and hopefully some opportunity for us to get together will come up. But it's so hard for me to get any time off at work, so I just can't fly down there at a moment's notice. He knows that. I wonder if it would just be easier to end this now, to avoid sitting around and waiting, never being able to make any plans, not knowing if and when he can get any time off. It makes ME anxious and worried about him and about my OWN sanity. I can't move down to his city now,and I don't know if he'd even want that if I could. He's so wrapped up in his job. Do I have any right to ask him to rethink what he's doing--or should just be patient?? thanks for any advice Juliek

thanks for your replies I know time is the great healer but it sure is hard to wait for it to pass! And if my true love is out there I'd like to meet him soon, I'm already 48. But you are so right about not hiding behind anger and fear it can be very destructive. What is that expression-- life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it? I'm trying to work on that body/mind connection. One think I DID learn: email connections can be deceptive and that brings to mind an OLD saying "oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive..." They can be fun, but they're not REAL. It helps just being able to talk about it, too. juliek

Short and sweet, it was. One of those things that happens fast and then it's over. My gut feels like someone has ripped it out. I know, deep inside, that our relationship wouldn't be a keeper Too many issues: we live 800 miles apart, he's neurotic, worse than me! I realized this after we finally met: we were doing the email thing for 2 months, and we just met 4 days ago. Now, he has not responded to my emails. I read my emails I sent to him since our visit and they sound...desperate..and I don't like to see that. I do know his job is on the line and he's probably so preoccupied with that, he won't write or call me. But that's just me rationalizing his behavior, which really is telling me it's over. OK, i guess I have no choice but to accept it but I feel like hell. the walls are back up, and I don't think I'll ever let them down again. the pain is too great and I don't want to feel it again!! but that only means i'll be lonely for the rest of my life. I wonder is there isn't something really wrong with me, that I 'm just not meant to have a love relationship because they all end this way. Any suggestions how to move on without falling apart? juliek

I'm sorry you're hurting Can you accept some advice from someone who has plenty of her own problems? I've been in your shoes dumped by someone was sick of my faults and my possessiveness. I begged and pleaded and made a total ass out of myself, but it was over and I was devastated! At least you realize some of your faults and his too: both people bring faults into a relationship so don't beat yourself up. It looks bad now, but take some time to grieve and then move on. A friend told me that if a man doesn't want me, then too bad for HIM, it's his loss. Look at it that way After all, you still have yourself and you sound like you have a lot of good qualities. Every relationship is a rehearsal for the next best one to come Remember that and good luck juliek

Thank you all for your advice. I met my online man and we got along well except now I feel AWFUL not knowing when (or IF) we'll get together again. Long distance relationships are so hard! I sent him an email and asked him if he wanted to continue with our relationship due to our travel limitations, but Now I wonder if I was too pushy in asking... SIGH Hell's bells!!!! I have to know what he's thinking, right? So I'll have to wait for his response. This is all so confusing juliek

So what am I scared about? That he will think I'm too skinny and unattractive and that will be it. This is all so crazy. We knew each other in high school (30 yrs. ago!) and now we're been writing by email for about 2 months. I saw web pix of him from our 30th reunion and told him he looked great. Things kinda took off from there. He wanted pictures of me, and I reluctanly sent him one. I looked much better in high school, and I think he still sees me like that. I'm very thin and unattractive, (as in flat allover)but I sent the pictures and he told me I looked ok. But he occasionally refers to how foxy I was back then instead of how I really look now, and that worries me. Yea, I do have a big self image problem. He lives in texas and I'm in missouri, and he travels a lot with his job. Now we are planning to meet halfway between the two states TOMORROW and I am scared to death! I'm so worried that he will look at me and think, ugh what happened and that will be it -- instant rejection. Today I drafted an email, telling him the visit was off because I didn't want to repulse him, and I cried writing the whole thing, but I didn't send it. Men don't like skinny women with flat chests (even though he is thin, too) and that's me. what should I do? GO and risk getting rejected or just back out now before I make a total fool out of myself??? Thanks, you would think at 48 years old I could figure this crap out, but obviously I can't.