In September, I will be married 25 years (if I last that long.) About 10 years ago, my husband could not perform sexually, and it took him 18 months before he went to a Dr. to find a solution to the problem. Unfortunately, it never "worked" right. He even got a prescription for Viagra, and after having the prescription for over a month (and knowing that he had a follow-up Dr's appt. the next day) decided that he might as well try it. Recently, it's been so bad, we haven't had sex in almost 3 years. He admits that he's depressed, but he's seeing another dr. and on medication. However, when he comes home from work, he runs to work on his computer all night, or sleeps, never interacting with me. He spends his weekends working as well - but I know that he's not working all the time and fooling around on his computer at least 1/2 the time. He promises to take me to movies or to dinner, but something else always comes up. We haven't been out to dinner alone or to a movie in about 2 years. I can't remember the last time he touched my face or held my hand or kissed me. It's a chore for him to go to a party at one of the neighbors, and I cry when I see how happy everyone else is. He always says he's sorry, and then three days later we're back to the same old story.
Earlier this week, when I wanted him to talk to me/spend a bit of time with me, he decided to go to bed (it was only 9pm.) I blew up and said how it pains him to spend any time with me. Yesterday, as I was downstairs doing the wash and doing some chores (we both work, and my only time to get things done is early evening) he said he needed to work. In-between folding clothes and changing the wash, I sat and read or watched tv and tried not to disturb him as he said he had a deadline and lots to do. At 8:30pm I went upstairs to put some of the clothes away and found him in his office, with the lights out, the computer never on, sleeping on the sofa. I lost it. I DON'T want to be with him anymore. I have no one to turn to (friends, family, etc.) Our son is 20 and I can't burden him with his father. Joe comments on how his dad is turning into an old man like his grandfather (he is only 48.)
I want to write a letter to his shrink and make him aware of the problems I have. It isn't normal not to have sex for three years. I have needs too and instead of having an affair (I am so tempted) I watch porn to satisfy myself.
I work full time, cook, clean, do the wash, etc. His only responsibility in the house is yard work and feeding our cats and dogs.
Am I the only one with problems like this? Sex was great before our marriage and then just ok for the first 15 years, and now totally non-existent. I know he saw a new dr. about 1 month ago, but the new medication he has just stay in the medicine chest. I've accused him of having an affair (he has to be getting it somewhere) but I have no proof.
If someone else is going through the same thing, please give me a bit of advise.
Thanks!
