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secret_agent_man

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Everything posted by secret_agent_man

  1. secret_agent_man
    Yea, man. You need your time to grieve. It's just a part of life. Stick more with friends than relationships. It'll be better in the long run. Think about her, you have to. It's the only way to move past it, or segagirl is indeed correct, it'll haunt you later. Take the past as a learning experience. Learn from what was good and what was bad. Talk it out with close friends, it's healthy to grieve, it lets you know you're still alive. Good luck, keep your head up. 8) S.A.M.
  2. secret_agent_man
    The strange sensation does indeed sound like it could be medical. Get it checked out, it can't hurt. It could also just be a point in your life where hormones are going wild... that's just speculation, though. 8) S.A.M.
  3. secret_agent_man
    Sounds like you really do need to re-evaluate your friends. Sometimes even the closest friends can be disrespectful at times, but never all the time... Don't allow yourself to associate with people like this. It's aweful for your self esteem, and it's just going to get worse. Take a stand and do it for yourself. There are plenty of people who could care less what kind of car you drive and petty things like that. Surround yourself with people like that. 8) S.A.M.
  4. secret_agent_man
    It's hard to say what he's trying to express. That's tough because there's not a whole lot you should or can do to change your physical appearance unless you want to for yourself... (little stuff's ok, but you still have to want to do it, or you'll be unhappy) Maybe he seeing someone else and maybe he's not, but either way, his mind is wandering a bit. This isn't the first time this has ever happened, trust me. It also may be something else underlying... try to dig into his head a little bit and see if it's the only problem you find. I'm sorry it's hard to come up with more, but to make it work, you both have to be accepting and you both have to want to be there... Keep your head up, it's more likely his problem, not yours. Not that you do, but don't let this make you feel un-attractive in general. I know it hurts your self esteem, but try not to let it. Everyone likes something different, so there definitely ARE people who find you attractive. Don't beat yourself up over it. S.A.M.
  5. secret_agent_man
    Oh, Welcome! and if you don't mind me asking, where are you from? Relax and be yourself. Ask her what she's into and tell her what you like. Think of it like talking to a boy, but don't punch her in the arm and take more care not to be rude. They are usually into talking about the same things that you are. You don't need to talk about horses and puppy dogs and bunnies. Just let her lead with things that she likes, and play it cool. 8) Good luck! S.A.M.
  6. secret_agent_man
    I sort of disagree due to personal experiences... Not that it's all wrong, but in my case I cheated once (I know it's no better, but it wasn't a rational decision I made, it was an accident I let happen). I learned so much from myself that I have grown enormously from that. Three years later, I don't have any little bit of urge to be with anyone else... It's just not in me. I've decided what I want. Charmed, you know my situation and how I feel about her... I guess it's a whole different situation, but believe me, I changed. S.A.M.
  7. secret_agent_man
    Sabena, The fact that you question your actions means you care for him a great deal. Most people would still hate him for it and never question your feelings. That is a respectable trait. I definitely agree with SwingFox here, it's not ok by me. I don't know what's ok by you, but it doesn't seem that it is. That is perfectly understood by most people. It's probably the case where he did not realize that he was crossing the line. BUT, after you deeply discuss this with him, he shouldn't want to cross it again, if only for the reason of not hurting you. Just lay down the law a little. You're not alone in your feelings. S.A.M.
  8. secret_agent_man
    Hmmm, I'm gonna have to go with the other guys on this one, and I'm thinking the estogen that would be involved would help the crying out... (a cheap shot, I know) In reality, I think before I left the house I'd "make the best of the situation", if you know what I mean... HAHAHA S.A.M.
  9. secret_agent_man
    Yes, keep in mind that you definitely don't have to do this. I can tell you that if he cares, he won't leave you over it, so don't get bent out of shape about it. Just be careful with anything sharp down there! S.A.M.
  10. secret_agent_man
    I agree, but as I've said in other posts, Mazda, you need to understand that risk completely. It may ruin your friendship, and it may not. Just know that things aren't all black and white. A million things could happen. Just don't pressure her, because that's what will definitely scare her off if she's not interested. If you do approach her, she may have just been hiding her feelings from her friend, you never know. I say give it a careful shot, but don't go full steam. She may just need to hear it from your mouth directly to turn the light on in her head. Good Luck, Mazda 8) S.A.M.
  11. secret_agent_man
    LOL Anyway, it is tough, because people get comfortable and change. Do you still buy her flowers as often and do all of the little things you used to? All of that fades somewhat, and its a good thing it doesn't take too long, because it's good to know the real person before making a life commitment. She might be unmotivated to make an effort to do the small things. Try doing something really nice like buying flowers, and when she asks why, say something like "Because I miss the little things like this, and I wanted to show you I love you". She may realize that she wants to be all cute like she used to. If not, don't fret. She is her own person, and you can't make her look the way you want all of the time. Maybe if something like this is making you question your relationship, you may be unhappy in other areas... Any of that ringing a bell? S.A.M.
  12. secret_agent_man
    She may have just been unsure, and 4 years is quite some time. Don't give up hope, hope keeps us going, but try to accept any outcome. She may never come back, and you may find someone else. Or she may come back to you wiser and more mature, in which case the ball will be in your court. Just live your life, she wouldn't want you not to do that. She broke it off, so don't feel bad if you grow feelings for someone else, because as far as you know she's gone for good. Just try to keep an open mind and keep busy. Go out to bars/clubs with your closest friends. They always seem to know what you need in these times... S.A.M.
  13. secret_agent_man
    Hey bz, don't feel bad, it probably saved your life the girl you meet may have never had the chance without that scar, it's a good reminder of how precious the time we have is. Don't do anything until you're comfortable, but don't let it haunt you. Everyone feels self conscious about something, I had acne pretty bad as a teen, and looking back, people didn't care. I stayed in a lot of nights that I now realize I could have spent out. I wish I had, but I know I won't let things like that bother me next time... Hope it's a help, stay positive! S.A.M.
  14. secret_agent_man
    My opinion, always give love a chance. You've gotta tell him or it'll eat you up inside... I know it's hard to risk the friendship, but you must realize that asking him or talking about this doesn't mean you won't be friends if you accept that. Just calmly discuss your feelings with him, don't get too emotional or heartbroken, just talk. Good luck, let us know! S.A.M.
  15. secret_agent_man
    HEY! Fallingfast, Something you don't realize is that you are making the first, most important step. You admit and are aware that there is a problem and don't want to live like this anymore. That is by far the hardest part of overcoming the problem! Once you have admitted this to yourself, things start happening as you let them. You've taken that first step, soon you'll begin to walk, and eventually run. Hope guides you, and we'll be here to fall back on, no questions asked! 8) S.A.M.
  16. secret_agent_man
    Well said, bzborow. Sometimes you think a girl is prying and doubting you, when she's actually trying to drop clues. It happens all the time, they're sneaky like that. See haw clear it is once you re-read your post now? It's funny how all you have to do is tell someone the story and it makes 100% more sense to you... S.A.M.
  17. secret_agent_man
    I've been there. I broke it off, and we ended up back together 2 months later, better than ever. You never know, it may be good for you. The fact is, you're feeling unhappy. If you truly feel that way, don't string her along. It's not good for either of you. Good luck, treat her gently. S.A.M.
  18. secret_agent_man
    I agree with both. It's a cry for help, and you don't need them to listen, you need to figure out how to stop the reasons you cry out. People in your life are there because they care about you. They do care, although they don't always show it. I personally have a different approach to showing I care... I am more of a provider, "do you have everything you need?", "what do you want to do". I do this rather that just showing affection, but it's my own way. It took a while for her to get used to, because she thought I was cold. She thought I either didn't care, or didn't want to show it. She now knows that I just have a different way of showing it. Just keep in mind that your friends/partners are not out to get ya, they do care, and they won't leave you hanging when it all boils down to it. Don't lash out at them, think of what it does to their emotions... Best of luck, S.A.M.
  19. secret_agent_man
    sonyah, First off, we're always here for you on the board. Post if you're having troubles. That's what we're here for, so you don't have to go through it alone. I'm glad to hear you are working on it for both of you. You will be surprised in time how strong something like this can make you. I'm very glad to see that you are talking. I understand the crying, like I said, I've been there before. There's not much else you can do. Forgivenes first, trust second. Take it one step at a time, and don't tell him that you're over it until you really are. You must be honest about that even if it takes a long time. You also must realize that if you don't think you CAN get over this then you shouldn't drag it out. Seeing that you are still there tells me you probably can. Just don't lie to him or yourself and keep the communications open. If you repeat yourself for months about it, he'd rather hear and discuss it than have you leave because of frustration that you held inside. As far as those thoughts, I wouldn't wish them on anyone, but it's a natural thing. If you didn't have these at some, it would mean you didn't love him. The fact that he made a mistake affects both of you greatly, but as I said, it takes time. They will pass when you better understand and trust him. Best of luck, hold on... S.A.M.
  20. secret_agent_man
    Sega, I'm not saying I disagree, but I don't catch your logic. That's how my relationship started. I'm two years older... I'm not offended, just curious... S.A.M.
  21. secret_agent_man
    Yea, I would give her space. Two things could be going on in her head. First, she could just be afraid of having her heart broken after that other relationship. Second, she could just be so hung up on it, she doesn't want the emotional impact of starting a new one right now. The fact that it's off and on means she's probably going through some phases, and isn't sure what she wants yet. Be her friend. She might end up seeing what you are trying to do to help her, and falling for that. Just give it patience. I would have told you to ask her, but you have already, so you don't want to become annoying. Just stay in her life, and try to take her out as a friend. Good Luck! S.A.M.
  22. secret_agent_man
    There's no way to know except trying it. You've gotta ask, or nothing will happen... Go for it! S.A.M.
  23. secret_agent_man
    Or, try talking to one of his friends, and get a group of people together. It might be a bit more relaxing for him....
  24. secret_agent_man
    Well, why not try asking him and following through with it? It seems like you two just need to be pushed together and maybe then you could become comfortable with eachother! Just go for it! Don't be shy about anything. Once you get together, he'll probably warm up to it. It sounds like he may have a little nervousness with his crush on ya. Hope it works! S.A.M. 8)
  25. secret_agent_man
    It sounds like you do have a bit of good chemestry, but she's still getting over the other relationship. You wouldn't want to be a rebound fling, either, trust me. It's probably best to let her take her time to sort her life out. Try to get close, but don't interfere right now. Just keep it friends, and if she wants to give it a try later, you'll have a good spot in her heart... That's about it, just don't rush her, she's bound to shut you out that way. S.A.M.
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