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Princess777

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  1. Princess777
    Foz, you are doing beautifully. Better than I would be doing. See how he calls you, and is thinking of you? And see how your confidence is building back up? I think he is going through the grieving stage.... and yes he may be regretting and remembering and wondering right now. But he is the only one who knows these things..... hang in there and please keep us posted! *hugs*
  2. Princess777
    I, too, did not mean to offend any one woman or group of women with my comment of "can't stand how they act all stupid" -- I was referring to my own experiences around groups of women, at parties, gatherings, bars, etc., that I have encountered. It is merely my opinion that I would rather pull my fingernails out one by one than be a part of their idea of having a good time, and this site is an opportunity for us all to share our opinions. After all, no one's opinion is gospel, it just is what it is, and I certainly don't think that anyone here is conceited enough to think that their opinion is better than anyone else's. I too, cannot control how someone else interprets things and I do apologize if anyone was offended. I can only offer my opinion on what I have experienced in this category.
  3. Princess777
    I'm thinking also that you might be reading too much into this. No where did you mention that you are actually attracted to females in a sexual way, or any way, so I don't think you're gay or anything like that. I think you are who you are and who cares if you're not all prissy and such like a lot of other women? I am a straight married female too and I don't like being in a room full of women either. The thought of a bachelorette party or a baby shower or a wedding shower or something of the sort makes me cringe... I can't stand how they act all stupid and such and always end up finding myself wishing I was with a room full of men. I feel much more comfortable around men too, so I don't think that's weird at all. I have one real friend who is a female. That's it and I'm in my 30's. When I was younger I didn't like to wear dresses either but that didn't make me a transgender! I think you're really reading too much into these thoughts.... I say you probably do need to take a look at your feminine qualities for yourself and for your husband, though. Learn to appreciate and play up your femenine qualities and I think you'll be just as happy being a woman as any other woman is. And know that you're not odd for having those feelings.
  4. Princess777
    Wow Foz, I am so glad for you that you kept up the no contact. I also think his contacting you was bound to happen and I agree with the last poster in everything that was said. While his contacting you is showing you that he is still thinking about you and his crying is almost surely sincere, please be really, really careful because at this point in time you are still in a very, very vulnerable state and whatever he says or does could all go pear-shaped in the end. We don't want you falling apart all over again.... and neither do you. I know exactly how you felt when you saw his number, and how you're feeling now....it's so difficult to think rationally when you get that glimmer of hope going like his phone call. So please don't overanalyze and hang on his every word, you did SO WELL with your responses. You kept it light hearted and you didn't grovel..... that's great... Just imagine if you had continually called him in the beginning and consider now what is happening and the repercussions of it. Aren't you glad you did NC now? Now you have more control over your own emotions and how you react to his call. He was wondering why you hadn't called anymore and now he sees that you are a strong woman who can do fine without him and THAT is ATTRACTIVE. Good for you!!!!! Please keep us posted!!!!
  5. Princess777
    I agree. Movies are not good date activities cause you don't really gain anything about them other than you might get a glimpse of their sense of humor if it's funny. But you can't talk and stuff. I think a cookout either at a park or at home with some of your own music playing and drinks is fun. It's very non threatening and casual. Not sure what time of the day you're thinking about but just an idea. Going to the mall and walking around and talking is good too. good luck and have fun!
  6. Princess777
    Greetings. I understand that you are puzzled about your girlfriend's current behavior in that you might think she is not interested in you anymore. I think there are a lot of ups and downs in life... and that is true for others even when you're having a good day. Remember that.... and then, I think communication and respect for our partners is highly under-rated. If you cannot go to your partner and ask, "look, I'm gathering from your recent actions that you may be getting a little bored with this relationship or me. I am concerned about you and and us and I am wondering what I could do to remedy that or do you want to talk about it."...... then you might not know her well enough. I'm sure you might not use those words but the important thing is that you mention how YOU are feeling to her to see how she reacts. Be sure to mention that you are concerned and that YOU see things this way, and don't do it in an accusatory manner, like, "man you're being a b*tch lately"..... tact is everything here. I suggest you be honest with her instead of trying to figure out what is going on. It could be a million things. Talk to her and express your feelings. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
  7. Princess777
    Greetings. I know this isn't what you want to hear but I felt compelled to write anyway. Please, please get some professional counseling. I am not qualified to help you any more than that... I wish you very well.
  8. Princess777
    Foz, About the pictures, I think he still really cares for you a lot and doesn't want to let go entirely. When a guy wants to hold onto things like that I think it says a lot. I'm not trying to give you false hopes or anything, because I don't know if you should hang on or what, but I do think that if he really thought that nothing would ever come of the relationship, that he wouldn't bother taking any memoirs. At least I wouldn't.... but I'm not like everybody...... The fact that he took some of his favorite photos of you two together might be his way of dealing with the guilt, he may sit and cry over them, you never know. I think that something has happened or someone has come along and put ideas in his head about a need for change, myself. In my experience, guys pay more attention to their peers than women do... again, this is only my experience in the matter. I still think your best bet with this guy is complete No Contact. Remember, he's not going to stop thinking about you and what you had together (and still have, it hasn't been that long)..... it doesn't work like that. No girl is going to come along that he meets and just pick up where you two left off. It will take time for you both to be able to put all of this behind you later, whether or not you get back together. So don't worry about him "forgetting" about you if you do NC...... I see a lot of people here worrying about that. Remember, he can't miss you if you're in his life. Staying out of it is your best bet to YOUR recovery and his realization of your being gone. Sometimes we need to realize too that men think differently about situations and finalizations like this.... while women tend to think about future events and how things will pan out, men usually don't... they live in the moment which is glorious and I wish I could do that, however sometimes it's good to have a balance. So it may take him awhile for all of this to sink in. I have seen many things happen in which men don't really admit that something is happening until it's way too late or it has already been happening for awhile. Just give him some time and his true feelings will come out by his actions. If you don't hear anything, then he most likely has made the decision to move onto another chapter in his life. Once I stopped trying to control other people in my life, I really saw a huge improvement in my own peace of mind and I think this will help you too. Pay attention to what actually happened and not how you feel about it so much and you won't be so depressed. Face the facts, go ahead and grieve and get it out of your system for your health, then make some new goals and hold your head up high, girl. We're behind you all the way here.
  9. Princess777
    I think that whoever feels confident enough should make the first move, and I don't agree with labeling certain kinds of people as "desperate" and what they'll be attracted to. No one knows what someone has been through until they walk a few miles in their shoes. What have you got to lose? The worst that could happen is they could say they're not interested. I don't think anyone is any better than anyone else, regardless of their upbringing and what happened to them.
  10. Princess777
    I think people do need to remain optimistic when looking for love, however, of all the places in the world to nurture that person with love, the place where you go for your bread and butter should be the one tiny one that we exclude, for the simple fact that business and pleasure mix about as well as oil and water. Again, if you meet someone at your workplace that you absolutely have to take a chance on, then it shouldn't bother you to quit your job, pound the pavement and find another one, all while getting to know this person at your last job while you start all over with accumulating time off, benefits, etc..... (yuck, huh?) I guess if you don't think it's worth it to find another job, then maybe it's not worth dating this person. I should say that I do know married couples who work in the same place together and have for years. I do not know how happy they are, however. I tried this on more than one occasion and each time it ended in disaster..... I will never ever do it again or advise it to anyone. I think our workplace, especially one that we like and plan on staying at for awhile, is a place where our individuality and self esteem comes out naturally, we can feel good about ourselves because we have this job and we can take care of ourselves, etc., and that is nearly impossible to occur when you have your significant other around all the time. A person needs something to have of their own. Just my two cents again! 8)
  11. Princess777
    Greetings. I am not sure that you have a LOT to worry about but at the same time, I wouldn't ignore it either. I am a firm believer in not putting oneself in a situation where either myself or the other person could ever be observed to be, or tempted, to get involved inappropriately. Yes I may miss out on good friendships but to me, my marriage is more important than any risk like that. Of course I am not your typical woman, I am often perceived to be TOO cautious and TOO faithful.... I guess since I was cheated on in the past by my husband of 10 years, it changed my perspective on what is most important to me and it is a personal boundary of mine. Show me one married couple who is happily married AND they both go out without one another on a regular basis. I have never met one, and I've lived in twelve different places, including abroad and it always ends in disaster. When you put yourself in a position of threats, sooner or later, somebody will come along who seems greater than what you've got at home. It's human nature. AGAIN, MY OPINION. I think you should voice your opinion with your fiance immediately because you can't just STOP feeling the way you feel.... it doesn't work that way. Your feelings are just as important as hers and you shouldn't have to be the one to totally compromise in this situation..... it should be mutual or you need to re-evaluate your match with this woman.... there are plenty of women out there who don't need close relationships with other guys.
  12. Princess777
    I strongly advise against it, under no circumstances should a person date anyone they work with. I think if there is an attraction that strong then one of them needs to find another job before dating. Yes I had a bad experience and yes I had to quit my job because of it. So I have been there, it didn't work out and it made me completely miserable. I lost 30 some pounds and I wasn't even overweight... it was terrible. About advantages and disadvantages, I can't think of one single advantage but lots of disadvantages... i.e. you see too much of each other and everything that goes along with that; if the relationship goes South then you're stuck working with them and the awkwardness and you take a risk of losing your job because of it..... the list goes on. I commend anyone who can mix business with pleasure because it's a tricky thing to do! Good luck if you want to try.
  13. Princess777
    Foz, it is not worse now... it is the disease of dysfunction that we all have living inside of us that is ruling your thoughts right now. You've got to take control of that little voice telling you these detrimental things and tell it to go to h*ll. Foz please don't give up on happiness. You can achieve whatever you put your mind to.
  14. Princess777
    Foz I'm so sorry. I know right now nothing can help you feel better. So just know that we're here for you in spirit, okay? "This too, shall pass." It always does. Know that we all know what it's like to feel the way you're feeling. That's why we answer these posts and try to help one another. Sometimes just knowing that you're not the only one out there who has felt like their world is crumbling down, helps you realize that there is hope for a better future. Try to think about other tragedies that have occurred to you or around you and how things have improved since their inception. Know that you don't need ANYONE to survive, and that you are a perfectly wonderful girl who is still as lovable and is still the same person as you were when you were born..... it's just that things happen outside of ourselves in this world that cause our emotions to come out. That is what is happening. It hasn't changed YOU. Don't allow outside influences to crush your spirit. I wish you happiness and healing.
  15. Princess777
    How did you find out? Did he just tell you? Or if you hadn't found out the way you did, would you know now? Either way, he's playing you. Congratulations, everyone has been played at one time or another so you have nothing to feel bad about. But you WILL if you don't dump this guy and QUICKLY. Don't hang around, his "deadline" will keep moving further and further away, I know, it happened to me for almost 2 years. We were absolutely no closer at the end of the relationship than we were in the beginning, because that's the way he wanted it. He had his serious girlfriend on the side and denied it the whole time. I finally told him to pretend we never met and that was the end, and the best thing I could have done. You need to do this too. He isn't worth the salt in your tears.
  16. Princess777
    I think one good way to find out if she's interested in you is to be straight with her and say something like, "Does a meaningful relationship sound like something you'd be up for right now?" I think it's honest and to the point, but doesn't commit you too much. It's not saying, "marry me" but it's not saying you just want casual sex either. It shows her respect and that you've thought about it. Using the word "meaningful" instead of committed is less threatening, and leaves you room to exit the relationship later without repercussions if you realize she's not really the one for you.
  17. Princess777
    Greetings. I'm really sorry this is happening to you right now. I don't know about this.... I don't think I'd go as far to say she's still in love with you. I think she's feeling guilty myself, hence the friendship offer. I think you should definitely continue NC. It doesn't sound like she is into the relationship anymore as far as intimacy, I mean what kind of person says Call me when you think you can be friends?. .... To me that's the kind of person who may as well say, "We are never going to be more than friends"..... I think you are wasting your time waiting for her. If she really still was in love with you she would NOT mention the word "friend". That only comes out when a girl makes up her mind that there is no chemistry, the attraction is no longer there, or it won't ever be there. Sorry to sound harsh but this is merely my opinion and my advice..... of course I can only go by what I would say/do and by my past experiences, so please do whatever feels right to you but please don't torture yourself by being around her when she clearly wants to play the field for right now. Your best bet is NC to get your self confidence back up... and for the record, NC NEVER feels right in the beginning.
  18. Princess777
    Yes, that's kind of what I was saying, she thinks that you think she is happy without children, but deep inside she wants them now and doesn't want to disappoint you or rock the boat by telling you, so instead of trying to work it out, she has made the choice to withdraw and take refuge with someone else. To make a long explanation short, I think she's avoiding talking with you about it probably because she thinks she won't get anywhere..... kind of like it would be fruitless. As for the other guy, he is the only one who knows if he did it......it's so difficult to know things like that and it is unfortunate that she is wrapped up in that kind of mess. I hope you can keep yourself busy and happy regardless of what she is choosing to do right now.... I know it's hard, we all know.
  19. Princess777
    Sorry if I interpreted that part wrong but I thought that meant that when you guys argued, that you left him for a week as a result..... It has been my experience that guys are pretty straight forward... and the fact that he even told you the reason is fascinating because usually they don't say anything at all... you're lucky he told you...... they're not like us females where they have some long, dramatic story about why they want to break up, they are pretty blunt when they do it, and expect you to understand with only a few words like he has given you. He told you why he's breaking up.... he feels that this particular portion of your relationship was a problem for him and he obviously hasn't gotten over it. A lot of guys are really bothered by things like that. I have been with a couple of different guys who told me sort of the same thing, like they got "scared" when we had a disagreement or a misunderstanding, or just because we didn't agree on every little thing that there was no way it would ever work...... everybody thinks differently. Maybe he felt like you got the upper hand in the argument and that he doesn't feel that he can compete with you in an argument and doesn't want to give up that power to you and live like that, maybe he wanted to be more in control. A lot of times it's all about control with men, they need to feel like they're in control, it's in their genes. I think you still have a lot going for you, he's being honest with you, which is great.... he didn't just go out and cheat or something, (let's hope anyway) and he still has a conscience and he cares for you and loves you, that's apparent by his actions after the breakup. I really think it has a LOT to do with what happened in Athens because I don't think he'd mention it if it didn't..... men get over things quicker than women and it is a key component in his reasoning right now. His ego is bruised as a result of this argument, or he wouldn't have brought it up. The only other possibility that I can think of why he's bringing this up and it's not really bothering him, is if he has someone else lined up and it's just an excuse. But by his actions, I doubt that.... it sounds like you two had a pretty stable relationship as far as trust goes and it sounds like he really respects you, which is good. I am sorry if I had interpreted incorrectly what happened in the argument in Athens...
  20. Princess777
    Greetings. I am so sorry this is happening to you and I hear the pain in your voice as you write.... I can tell that you are very surprised at all of this and really didn't know it could happen. I am of course, unsure why he is doing this, but I suspect it might have had to do with feeling pressured from you regarding the status of the relationship.... maybe he is one of those people who thinks that everything has to be perfect, etc.... then again some people don't believe in one person actually leaving them in the heat of an argument, and once that is done, it's difficult for them to leave their heart open to that person again. I think he's built up a brick wall of sorts, since you left him in the past. People dont take kindly to things like that, and I know that we all act out of anger a lot and do things we regret, I'm guilty of that too, I'm too impulsive, but a lot of times it really pays to stop, take some deep breaths, and calm down, no matter how horrible things seem at the moment. Perhaps if you give this man some time without you, he will realize that he wants to work things out and he will come back. He may not, but the reality of the situation at hand at THIS moment in time is that he wants space and you should respect that. I know it's SO HARD and I know it's so difficult not to wonder who he's with, what he's doing, who he's talking to, what he's feeling, etc., but if you continually call him and cry, I guarantee it will push him further and further away.... we all want what we cannot have. At the moment, your only power over this situation is NC - No contact. As hard as it is, many people here will tell you that it WORKS. Not only for the relationship but more importantly for YOURSELF. You will grow stronger this way.... keep reading about no contact in these forums and you will gain support in that department.... I wish you well, dear and please hang in there. We cannot control other people, we can only control how we react..... remember that, and react with dignity to keep your self esteem intact, cause at the end of the day, all we have to do is look within ourselves for the answers to everything. Hang in there and keep us posted if you hear from him. But try not to contact him..... remember he can't miss you if you're around.
  21. Princess777
    I agree. Somebody somewhere along the line has convinced her (or she has convinced herself) that her biological clock is ticking and this guy just happened to be in the right place at the right time. She is not seeing the red flag of the conviction...... she only sees someone willing to give her the attention she wants and agree with her on things. When a spouse does not view the issue of children the same as the other, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, in my opinion, to make a marriage work. After all, having children is a life altering event. I would hate to see you run to her and say you'll have kids with this woman if you really don't want to, and you're just trying to save the marriage. Having kids is NOT a compromise, and is the wrong reason to stay with someone if your heart is not in it. I would base your decision to stay with this woman (or pursue her) on the subject of children because she obviously wants them now, and that is the real problem here I think. She is most likely afraid to tell you and has been afraid to tell you her point of view because she already knows that you do not want any..... it would be rocking the boat. It's easier for her to withdraw and go out with her friends and this guy because she can be "herself" rather than the person you think she is. Does this make any sense?........ NO it never makes sense but people do it all the time, they change. They change their minds overnight sometimes.... and sometimes it's a gradual change. I am so sorry this is happening to you and I can totally relate. I hope you can find the strength and support to make it through this, regardless of your choice, do what is best for yourself, okay?
  22. Princess777
    I too would like to hear from the original poster. She is most likely contemplating everything that has been thrown her way. I hope we didn't run her off! While I agree that not every little problem warrants a divorce and a marriage is sacred, her husband has gone overboard with his comments and actions. This woman will never be able to actually believe that her husband finds her attractive ever again, no matter what counseling she goes to and no matter what HIS problem is. Her best bet is to set personal boundaries (one being to separate herself from verbal abuse) in order to keep her sanity and her dignity, and her self esteem intact. This man has permanently damaged the integrity of their relationship, which is key to keep a marriage together. If there is no chemistry or attraction, the marriage will fail anyway. I say she should cut her losses now and get out. And regarding divorce and the Bible, it is certainly a wonderful guide for life, but I believe parts of it were written and interpreted many times by people who were subjected to dysfunction, just like us. No one is worthy to "judge" others and no one is better than anyone else, we can only control how we react to situations. I think a lot of times people take what the Bible says too literally and don't realize what was really trying to be conveyed.
  23. Princess777
    Wow this is an amazingly horrible problem.... *hugs* to you. I too, am rendered almost speechless. Honey, all I'm going to say that, for some unknown reason, this man does not love you, does not deserve you, and is probably already contemplating cheating on you, if he hasn't already. YOU are the one who could do better!!!!!! And if that's not reason enough to leave him, consider this: He is a COWARD and will not admit to you that he wants a divorce so he is trying to break your spirit and make you hate him enough to leave him. This way he gets out easy and I would never even consider this any type of twisted tactic to "keep" you. His actions are clearly indicating, sadly, that he is trying to get rid of you. At this moment in time, even if you were Miss America, he would still be Mr. Biggest Jerk in the World. I am SO SORRY this is happening to you. Why torture yourself by staying where you are not wanted? And furthermore, why stay with someone who does not deserve your beautiful, loving self around him? You have a lot to offer the right person, and he is NOT him. My advice is simply this: Order a do-it-yourself divorce kit online and you can get out of this for under $200.00. Don't say another word to him, don't "fix" yourself up right now or anything. I wouldn't advise any type of verbal or actual "revenge" as far as trying to hurt him back. As was said, "An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind", right? Then after your divorce is final, make sure you are trying your personal best to look your drop-dead gorgeous best, NOT for him, but for YOU, (this is important) because you will need to do this in order to not fall into the believing "broken spirit" emotional trap after the trauma of your divorce and his horrible words, and make sure you get some professional counseling. The key to this portion of my advice is for YOU to HEAL and is no way giving credence to his words.... I don't want you to start believing what he said, and the way to ensure that is for you to personally know that you are doing the best you can every day to look your best. Who could possibly ask for more than that, right? Later on down the road, if you feel up to it and ONLY if you think it will help you heal, doll yourself up and "accidentally" be in the same place as he is, at the local bar or wherever you know he'll be. Make sure you're with friends for support and you'll feel 10 times better. You don't have to say another word to him. This is not revenge, it will be a confidence booster, which you will most likely want later on. I wish you the best of luck, Dear. Come here for support whenever you need it.
  24. Princess777
    Great advice from upstatemedic..... No harshness intended on the guys, honestly! I was just trying to explain the difference in thinking styles..... sorry if I offended anyone I guess I never thought about the possibility that men don't just "forget" about the problem - they evidently "solve" it in their own way. I haven't read that book, maybe I should too! It just appears that men forget about things in the female's eyes and act as if nothing happened, which is torture on us females! Great insight and good information!
  25. Princess777
    I agree it doesn't look good and if it were my boyfriend, I'd definitely be worried too. I think some women have good intuition for things like that. And let's face it, there aren't many people in general who are just going to come out and tell you "Yeah, you're right, I had sex with another person". That's why I think my initial question of whether or not you trusted him before this matters a LOT. You could throw away something great if it truly is innocent but you could also be playing the fool if he did cheat. Sit down with him and have a serious talk about this. Tell him you need to know what happened to the condom for your own peace of mind. Ask him to reverse the situation so he will better understand. The problem with your problem is that you will probably never really THINK you know the truth unless he actually admits to cheating because I suspect that even if he really did throw it away or it fell out, you wouldn't believe him anyway. Your trust issues with him are the root of all of this. Even if you dig for information from his friends, I don't think you will ever really feel confident with whatever information you uncover because they could be covering for him or they could be inflating it to get to YOU. I hope you find out the truth. Please keep us posted. I'm sorry this is happening and I definitely wouldn't ignore it. I doubt any guy out there would ignore it if their girlfriend went away and had gone out partying and something of the like occurred.
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