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Princess777

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  1. Princess777
    People don't just "forget" about their past partners..... after you've shared special things together, special secrets, intimacy that you and she only know, and private jokes and funny sayings, there's no way someone can just "forget" you. So stop thinking that NC is going to cause that.... it doesn't work that way. Some guy off the street is not going to just walk into her life and pick up where you left off. You're already ahead of all of them, you got to her first, you had her last, and she knows that and right now that's all she knows and that's all that is on her mind, is the way you treated her, whether it be good, bad, or a mixture of both. Every guy that she meets, or already knew and is hanging around, is being compared to you right now.... you can BELIEVE THAT. Whether who broke up with who, it's the truth. No matter how angry you made her, no matter how much you made her say things she didn't mean, she's still comparing. The thoughts of you don't just STOP like that. Over time, you will heal, and she will too. You will both come to a point where you'll meet a crossroads and you will decide whether or not it is in your best interest to contact the other individual. Until then, it IS HARD.... it takes a LOT of willpower, a lot of tears, a lot of memories, and a lot of pain. No one is saying it's easy. I know it seems like your world is crashing down around you right now, but I assure you, it's not. At the very least, think about what you learned from this relationship, the reality of what is going on RIGHT NOW regarding the relationship (face the facts) and the fact that right now you can only do the best you can with what you have to work with. We're all behind you, and you'll still have yourself at the end of all of this so take care of you.
  2. Princess777
    Every time you want to contact her, just come here and vent.
  3. Princess777
    Well, I'm going to have to go for today but I wanted to write back and say that I truly hope you can get him to see that he needs to go to a dr. to talk out his problems. If you can get him to a psychiatrist they can prescribe some medication to try while doing the talk therapy with a psychologist. If you can get him to go, I'm sure it would help him. I think you need to go into it with the attitude that you are concerned for him as a person instead of thinking it might fix everything, cause it might not. I even know this with my husband.... even though things have been wonderful ever since he started the medication, I know there is still the possibility that everything will go pear shaped and fall apart. It's something I've accepted..... but I know I'll be okay without him if it happens. It will be hard though... I am sorry you've been experiencing this. *hugs* Good luck to you dear and I'll speak to you later.... PM me anytime if you like.
  4. Princess777
    Wow I am so sorry. He is definitely not a kid then. Hmmmm.... wow. I just really don't know what to tell you. I hope just knowing that you can come here and talk about your feelings helps you feel better and get through each day. I do have to say this, though.... you are trying a lot harder than he is, and pretty soon you're going to wear thin. You are worried more about his happiness and not your own, that is plain to see. I can tell that you dictate your actions according to what you believe he would approve of, and not what you're really wanting to do. Do you think it's fair that he has this hold over you? Do you think that he is more worthy of happiness than you, or that his crisis is more important or takes precedence over your time on this earth? I wonder if he is in a deep depression, like you said.... my husband had some issues with his past and he finally agreed to go the dr. when I threatened divorce (I was serious) and he is on Lexapro now and is seeing a psychologist for talk therapy. It is working beautifully.... I really cannot complain at all anymore. But it took a lot of things to get him to that point. All you can do is lead the horse to water, it's up to them to drink. I wish you luck if you can try to get him to go. It sounds like that's what he needs if he's in that much of a state of denial and avoidance.
  5. Princess777
    If he says them again then just say whatever is on your mind..... you're young so it's not like you have to walk down the aisle with him right now. If you don't feel like saying anything like he says, then say, "That is really sweet, and that means a lot to me" and just flash him a big smile or give him a peck on the cheek. He'll get the message one way or another.
  6. Princess777
    You are right, you probably didn't really see the big picture.... we never do, dear, until it's too late usually. It's okay though, we're here for ya. Well, this is what I have a problem with. He HAS to at least face the issues of your marriage, he is your husband..... he said his vows just like you did. He is evidently very immature.... is this guy pretty young? Of course people do what they choose, however, it's not very ethical to just say, "I don't care about my marriage at this point, I'm going to just erase that part of my life right now until I figure out what I want".... come on, that's just plain silly and immature. Not to mention selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. Wow I am so sorry..... I can only imagine your pain right now. I'd be marching right over there to wherever he is and demanding he give you the respect to tell you what the heck is going on with your marriage because you have better things to do than wait around for him and his partying buddies to decide to grow up. Maybe you're just not a good match..... I know that when I met that foreign guy I thought I was doing the right thing but I look back now and he was the worst kind of guy for me. It was so bad, I cannot believe I ever was with him, really. I was at a low point in my life when we met and wasn't thinking rationally. Well I hope this helps some.... I realize you're afraid of messing something up but to me, it's already messed up by HIM. I mean really, how could you make things any worse at this point by demanding some communication? How long has it been since he moved out?
  7. Princess777
    OK, I just have to say this.... he's your HUSBAND and you don't know exactly where he's living?????? That is not right. What if you have an emergency or something? I thought you knew where he lived and what's he's doing and everything..... WOW. I just couldn't deal with that. If my husband left I'd have to know everything or we just wouldn't be married anymore. Come on, don't let him do this to you anymore!!!! Why on earth would he not tell you where he's living???? That is insane. What has he got to hide? How long has it been since he moved out? Wow I am so sorry! If it were me at THIS point I would be finding out where the heck he is, or at least go to his work to find him, and tell him he better be straightening up or he's shipping out, and quick. You do not deserve that crap. You are his WIFE. Remind him of that. Sorry that just bothers me.....
  8. Princess777
    I think you've done well. Sometimes just admitting one is wrong is the greatest thing you can do, and the most noble. It's easy to deny and coward out... but you're not. You are stepping up to the plate and acknowledging that you messed up. He needs to give you some credit for that. Hang in there!!! He'll come around soon, I'm sure.
  9. Princess777
    You're so modest. OK but I'm telling you, she was distraught because she was checking up on you. I understand that you don't want to get your hopes up... then don't call it HOPE.. call it Confidence that you know she still wants you. And leave it at that. Sometimes things aren't always as they seem, and people don't always show or say how they're really feeling. You have to read between the lines sometimes.... good luck, you're doing wonderful.
  10. Princess777
    Thank you all for your comments. I feel better and am glad I can vent here!
  11. Princess777
    If she's driving by your neighborhood, she will be calling you soon. Just watch!
  12. Princess777
    Yes, NC is not good for your situation at this point. You are married. You don't have to do that. You made your vows and you owe it to each other out of respect to talk things out. I find it odd that he has moved out... he must be serious about his intentions and this is concerning. I hate to say this, but is it possible he has met anyone else? You really need to talk to him, girl. Try to get him to open up in any way you can. If he keeps clamming up then I dont know what to say other than you need to make a decision about whether or not you want to spend any more time waiting on him to come around. After all, marriage isn't like "going out"... there are no free passes to just move out and see what's greener... I just don't agree with what he's doing and I probably wouldn't put up with it very long, but that's just me. I would try to get him to talk and if he didn't, I'd move on. Who wants to be where they're not wanted anyway, right? I am sorry he is doing this to you. I would ask him straight up what he needs to make it right between you and him again. Then tell him what you need for the same. After all, you're not the only one who needs to work at this. Sooner or later, your glass will feel so empty from giving to him and waiting so long that you won't have anything left to give. Know what I mean? He needs to see that you respect yourself.
  13. Princess777
    I think anger is your defense system in order to survive through deep sadness and disappointment. I think mostly that the root of most anger is disappointment. You are disappointed that she didn't exhibit the behavior you wanted her to for an extended period of time, and vice versa. People will always disappoint us. Try to become happy from within and the anger will change to feeling sorry for the other person. You sound like you're partially on your way. Forgiveness will come next, then you'll probably feel sorry for her in a way.
  14. Princess777
    Unfortunately he's probably going to make you beg for forgiveness. Alcohol makes people do things they normally wouldn't, and it is bad news sometimes. Most of the time, in my opinion. I would call him and leave a heartfelt message on his machine saying that you acted very undesirable and that you are really sorry you disrespected him. Tell him that the whole thing escalated into something big from nothing, and that you are very, very sorry and that if you could go back in time you would not have done this, that, etc...... Tell him that you understand his anger and you know that you probably don't deserve a call back but if he could please accept your apology, you'll make it up to him. Tell him that you're looking forward to hearing from him. Then hang up and think of how you can make it up to him when you finally see him again. Is going over to his house out of the question?
  15. Princess777
    She WAS checking up on you. Stop lying to yourself!!!!
  16. Princess777
    My husband never said "I love you" to anyone either before he met me. But he says it all the time to me. I think it's all about just meeting the person with whom it just comes naturally and it's not forced. Yes, be very glad it happened now and not later. And while it's easy to sit here and tell someone that, I can only imagine how much you're hurting and I'm sorry he did this to you. I hope you find what will fulfill you without him in your life.
  17. Princess777
    Yeah, I highly doubt that she just "happened" to be in your neighborhood. If she truly wanted to avoid you, she would. Read her actions. She may have been trying to see if another girl's car was there.... I know that's probably what I'd be doing if I was driving by. I understand you're scared of creating new relationships for fear it will sabotage getting back together. Jealousy can either work wonders or it can wreak havoc. The best way to handle that would be to evaluate her personality as you know it and to what she would best respond. I am never a fan of games but unfortunately the single life is that. Good luck!
  18. Princess777
    Greetings. You basically answered your own question but you're just not seeing it. You are depressed because you are out of control OF THE SITUATION. You cannot have what you want, so thereforeeee it appears more appealing. She isn't really what you want, but you want her because you cannot have her. Does that make sense? You most likely like to be in control of most things around you, and when you're not, you panic and feel rather worthless and not-so-manly. The reason you cannot enjoy the other beautiful women is because you can have them, and they were basically throwing themselves at you. It's human nature.... we all want what we cannot have. Likewise, if a man doesn't feel like he's chasing something or achieving something with a fight, he feels depressed and low. This is what you're going through in my opinion. You can choose to vault yourself out of this funk. She is not right for you, evidently.... and obviously the chemistry is not there or you would have already ripped each other's clothes off, right? So acknowledge that it didn't work out, learn from it, and move on with a new goal. Set new, higher goals that will motivate you to find what you're really looking for in life. Whether it be a partner or not, you'll find that the sooner you stop depending on any outside source to make you happy, the happier you'll be and it will come from inside. No one can make you happy, you've got to pull that from your heart. Good luck!
  19. Princess777
    I think you're doing awesome!!!! 8) She drove past your house most likely because she was wondering why you haven't contacted her. It's working. Keep it up!!!!! And talk to those sexy waitresses!!!!!
  20. Princess777
    Wow, I understand how much that would hurt... I am so sorry. Yes, it would be very difficult to understand and to accept that someone's feelings just "faded" for you. *hugs*. No one should have to endure that pain. I doubt he intentionally lied to you. He said he got caught up. At least he caught himself before it was too late. Well, we've got to look at the bright side of things. And YES there's a bright side. He didn't cheat on you.... he told you the truth and you need to give him some credit for being honest and telling you how he feels. Believe me, you're hurting a lot less now than if he had cheated on you. That kills one's self esteem. The other good thing is that he is doing this now and not down the road after commitments have been made and the house has been bought and the car is in the driveway and the kid is on the way. Count your blessings and hold your head up high. This is a sign that something better is laid out for your future! Good luck!
  21. Princess777
    You sound like you're a really popular, beautiful girl to have all these guys after you. You are lucky, yet you have to play your cards right, or you'll end up getting hurt or getting a rep you don't want. High school IS rough. I wouldn't go back if someone paid me. But the good news is that you've got help here that I didn't have when I was your age. Guys are just as confused as you are right now. Take everything they say with a grain of salt. Like the previous person said, just have fun and try not to be so serious. You have plenty of time. Enjoy the fun while it lasts, and write down as many memories as you can so that you can read them when you're thirtysomething like me. I wouldn't commit to anyone either... just tell them both you want to be important in their lives. You should be able to go to plenty of social events to see both of them. From the sound of your post, it is easy to tell that your heart is with Landis because he is more like you and the competition of all the other girls is not there to worry about, like it is with Dylan. The problem with the gorgeous sexy guys is that they usually KNOW it. But if he's being nice then give him the benefit of the doubt... he may genuinely care for you. Just don't think anything long term right now.... and have fun meeting lots of people at your new school. Good luck!
  22. Princess777
    It sounds like, translated, he was trying to say that he got caught up in the relationship for the idea of it being a relationship rather than for the right reasons. I mean, he didn't feel the deep feelings for you that he should have if he was telling you these things. He finally realized that and he broke up. A lot of times guys go with the flow of female "happily ever after" stories just because it's easier than rocking the boat and saying that they really aren't to that point yet. Don't take it personally.... it has nothing to do with you. He realized he was wrong for leading you on and he got out. You'll be okay. I hope things get better for you.
  23. Princess777
    Not trying to rock the boat here, and it might be a little off the subject but I'd like to open up another discussion. In my opinion it is actually MORE of her responsibility than it is his. How can a man EVER know what it's like to have the possibility occurring of his physical body getting pregnant? He cannot because no matter what, he'll never get pregnant. The female is the one who needs to safeguard that part of her, and take responsibility if she gets pregnant. I hate it how everyone always feels sorry for the female when she gets pregnant and blames the man. Everyone says it takes two but they never say that to the female. It's not a man's fault if he cannot get pregnant. But if he gets a female pregnant, society looks upon him like he's just a horrible person. I believe if you get yourself into a situation, get yourself through it. You cannot always rely on other people. I am not saying that this guy should run off... and I commend him for wanting to help, for now. But at the end of the day, she is the only one who will have to make the choice to care for the child or not. It's something that society has totally ruined, in my opinion. I don't believe in chasing a guy around the nation for child support. If he doesn't want to be in the kids life, then so what. That's life. Why force someone to do something they don't want.... it just causes the child to be the center of their despise and regret. The woman should take care of the child anyway, if that's what she chooses to do. I should clarify that this viewpoint has nothing to do with my current marriage. Long ago, before I ever met him, many years ago I got pregnant at 17, have always worked full time and raised my son, and never asked the father or anyone for a dime. Everyone that knows what I went through on my own always says, "oh you're such a strong woman" and I think that's bullcrap. I did what I chose to do, it was instinct, it came naturally. I hate how women blame the man when they get pregnant and think they're so cool for making them pay child support. Sorry just venting.......
  24. Princess777
    Hmmm... kind of sounds like he feels guilty that things aren't working out like he'd hoped.... but then if he wants to stay, that puts up a red flag too. I truly hope he didn't use you to move here.... how awful that would be. If he's only been here for that short of a time, I think he would have to go back if you got a divorce. I don't think they have the opportunity to take the citizenship test until after they've been here for a certain number of years. I am unsure, it's been so long ago. Regardless, if he's sending you all these mixed signals, it sounds like you've already given him a lot from yourself. I really don't know what to say at this point other than he's going to have to talk to you like an adult and tell you what the heck is going on in his head. Tell him that you're both adults and you need to know what he's thinking about so you can make the most of your life..... tell him you've both worked so hard at your relationship and marriage, and getting him here, and that something's got to give. If you've already waited around on him to talk, and he hasn't, it worries me that he has ulterior motives or is depressed. It's got to be something driving all of this. Ask him if he's not homesick, then what is it? Finally, tell him that you can handle whatever the truth is, and that you need to know. Ask him to just be honest and get it out in the open so you can work on whatever it is together. Ask him to stop pushing you away. That's what I'd do.
  25. Princess777
    Thanks for the additional info. I'm not sure, but I could venture to guess that (if you're positive he didn't marry you just to gain entry to the U.S.) that he may be homesick. I brought a British guy here and he just got so homesick it was pathetic.... he wouldn't even admit it but breaking up was the best thing we did for him, so he could go back home. But he was REALLY a mama's boy. We only lasted 3 years. I don't think he was with me just to gain entry either, he genuinely loved me and showed it a lot. He just couldn't hack the fast pace of America, the crime rate, the freedom of weapons, etc. I've lived in England and met several Australians there too. Things are much more laid back there. You have to understand that it would be like one of us Americans moving there and changing our whole lifestyle. It is NOT easy! I know, because when I lived in Europe I was miserable. I wanted to come home so bad. My advice at this point is to talk to him about how he actually feels about living here. Could it be that he might be afraid to tell you that he misses home, or wants to at least visit? If money is the problem, why not make a goal together of saving up enough to at least let him go home for a week or two. Of course if you can save up enough for both of you to go together, that would be even better. Assess his personality to determine whether this might be the reason why he is distancing himself. If so, after your attempts to reconcile, you might have to let him go back. I know it was costly and difficult to get him here and it seems like a waste, but I went through the same thing..... I decided that people's happiness is more important. I wish you luck and I hope it works out. He may just not want to tell you that he's homesick for fear it will make him appear weak. You will have to sacrifice a lot to stay with him, I know that. But he has sacrificed a lot too, by leaving his home for you. He may be feeling a bit resentful..... I hope not. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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