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Princess777

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  1. Princess777
    I don't think it's right and I think it's disrespectful to your partner. If you are single and are not in a committed relationship, I see no harm because you're free to do as you wish. Why commit to someone if that means that you can both go view other people's naked bodies from inches away.....it's a double standard and you're talking out of both sides of your mouth. What's the point? I say stay single if you like that... you're not ready for a serious relationship if you still want to do that. This is of course not directed toward the original poster or anyone else, it's just my opinion on the question.
  2. Princess777
    Greetings. Well, my opinion is that unfortunately, it's a package deal. It is difficult and complicated, not to mention confusing, to remain in the child's life when you're not with your ex anymore. The child is 3 years old. It is still early enough to ease yourself out of the picture, for his sake. He won't remember you as time goes by and you're not around anymore.... right now is the best time to end contact. In my opinion it will complicate your future relationships too. Again, just my two cents... I will probably get yelled at by someone for this. Good luck.
  3. Princess777
    Greetings Nifty Swifty, Yes I remember ya! I've been here awhile too. Hmmm.... difficult question..... If it were me, I'd probably hold out one more month, if that's all you have left. But I don't like job hopping. I usually stay at a job for quite some time, or until I move. It looks better on a resume also. Also if you give the standard two weeks notice to quit, then there goes half the month anyway, right? I think it's ethical to give 2 weeks notice when quitting. However, if you are completely miserable and just can't take it anymore, then do what you need to do. I love helping people, and obviously you do too, or you wouldn't be here. But I can imagine how stressing that job would be. Those boys really need your help, but only you can really decide.... we can just give input, or tell you what we think we might do in that situation. It's your life, no one else's, right........
  4. Princess777
    Greetings. I understand that you are confused about your feelings about having a relationship right now.... what I'm not sure of is why. You didn't really mention why you think you're having these feelings... although I could speculate that you're just in need of some "space". Oftentimes, when coming out of a divorce, we look to others of the opposite sex to make us feel sexy, attractive, and exciting, and to boost our shattered self esteem. This is precisely why extramarital affairs and rebound relationships rarely work out, and if they do it is usually short lived. When you are in that situation, you do things that you wouldn't normally do, because you are dying inside.....Divorce is something that no one understands unless they've been there. And yes I have. You not only feel discouraged about ever loving again, but you also feel like you failed at the actual institution of marriage, like you didn't complete a goal, a commitment that was supposed to last forever. Anyway, I guess my point is that you deserve some time alone and you shouldn't feel guilty or bad.... I don't know the circumstances of your divorce but even so, it is done and now is the time to begin healing so you can love again later. Don't shut out the possibility of loving ever again, just give yourself a break. You are already acknowledging that it isn't fair to your current girlfriend, and you are right, and it's not fair to yourself either. She will undoubtedly be hurt, and so will you, but in order to love someone fully and completely, you need to learn to love yourself first. Work on your inner self, your faith, and your spirituality and these factors will help you move into a rewarding relationship later on when you're really ready. I wish you luck!
  5. Princess777
    Greetings. I am sorry you are going through a divorce right now. I've done it before too and it is extremely painful.... *hugs*. I think you did well with your email responses to his inquiries. I think sisterlynch is right.... he wanted the divorce then didn't count on still having feelings for you. True, the love doesn't just die when you split up. Someone can hurt you, betray you, disrespect you, etc., and you can still love them. Only time helps you feel better. I am not really sure why he is questioning you like this, but he is most likely trying to sort through a lot of feelings right now.... if I knew how guys thought, it would solve a lot for me too! He no doubtedly still loves you. He wouldn't say it if he didn't, especially at this point. I don't know the circumstances of your divorce but he might have thought the grass was greener on the other side and might be realizing it's not. Regardless, if the divorce is final, there's nothing you can do about that. I think you're doing great. I think that the longer you remain as strong and dignified as you can, he'll find that most attractive, rather than begging and pleading, which you've already noticed. Being sure of yourself is admirable and more attractive than helpless and clingy..... I wish I could fix it all for you... I'm so sorry. I remember the pain well. Years later, it still bothers me but not to the point of crying. I try not to give power to the sorrow because I feel that it already took so much time out of my life, I refuse to give it another day. I hope you can either move on or work it out with him.
  6. Princess777
    Greetings. I understand you feel confused about your feelings for this girl because you feel that she might only like you for one reason. I suggest that you take sex out of the picture for a moment. If this issue didn't exist, how would you feel about her? Do you find her fascinating, attractive, is the chemistry good, does she respect you and your feelings, can you trust her, and do you care about her for who she really is? The answers to these questions should help you figure out where she stands in your life. It sounds to me like maybe she's scaring you off a little because she's bragging about you, and you possibly feel there is no thrill of the chase anymore.... I understand that in men, this is an important factor.... they have to feel like they're accomplishing something, and if it's too "easy" then they quickly lose interest. Do you think any of this could be it? You might want to have a talk with her and tell her that you feel your sex life is private, only between you and her, and that you would appreciate it if she would keep that information between the two of you. And while you are extremely happy and flattered that she finds you irresistible in bed, that you are only concerned with satisfying her and not to put yourself on display. If she continues to make you uncomfortable then she may just be inexperienced in that department and possibly a little immature at handling that spectrum of her life, so you may need to evaluate whether she is a good match for you.
  7. Princess777
    Please, no one get offended, I'm really trying to help here......I still maintain my position on this topic that nice guys are looking in the wrong places for nice girls, and please don't take this the wrong way, but since when is every girl walking supposed to fall in love with you? No one has that luxury! Nice girls don't have all the guys falling all over them out in public either, because that's not where they are most of the time..... It's all about matching personalities... the outgoing personalities are more noticeable because they're outgoing, so you see them hooking up. The more shy the person, the less you see of them, hence less the chance of meeting. Make sense? For instance, if you're a "nice guy" chances are the thought of spending every weekend at a dance club or a really busy bar is not really your bag. Try some of the places/situations I mentioned earlier. State parks, recreational areas, social functions, local stores, malls, libraries, etc., etc., I mentioned before. Plus, why would you get so upset over not getting a girl who's not your type anyway? Try not to give so much power to the "bad boys"..... they don't always have it made like you think they do, or nearly like they like to make you think they do.
  8. Princess777
    I understand your situation better now. I think it is out of your hands then, if you have already told him how you really feel. He is trying to persuade you to like him anyway, and this is the pressure you're feeling. I know exactly what you mean when you said that it's difficult to remain friends when they like you for more: I had the "I only want to be friends" talk with 3 different guys who were all friends with each other, who were all after me when I was single. One of them was way too young for me and took it OK and we are still good acquaintances. One of them tried to change my mind by continuously taking me out with a perception that I would change my mind even though I consistently told him that we're only friends, as I told everyone around us who questioned us. But we had a lot of fun together, and that's all it was. He seemed okay with it for a long time and only periodically got teary eyed when he confessed his feelings for me. But even he admitted that I was honest from the beginning and told me he appreciated that. He just didn't want to end the friendship. The third guy took it really, really hard and never spoke to me again! I still don't know what ever happened to him, other than the following night he got so drunk he got into an accident and I think he quit drinking after that. I've always felt bad about that but I still know in my heart that I was honest and it wasn't my fault how he controlled his anger and sadness. I think if you feel you have really been honest with this guy, then you just need to say it again to him, to get it through to him. I had to say it several times to the one who kept hanging out with me, and he would acknowledge it. I offered to stop hanging out with him in an effort to make it easier on him but he didn't want that. I think if you have already done this or if you do this, you'll be okay because you're just telling it like it is and you're respecting the guy. It just seems that he's not getting the message so you might just have to say it with a little more firmness. If he continues to make you feel uncomfortable then you really don't have much choice than to try and avoid him. He'll more than likely give up sooner or later once the truth sinks in.
  9. Princess777
    PAdreamer, I know what you mean. That's what I meant when I was talking about the way society has made everyone think that they have to perform on a certain emotional level in order to fit in, and it is not true!!! We should just be ourselves and if something doesn't feel right inside of US, then change that about ourselves because we want to, not because society or other people in the general vicinity don't approve. If it feels right to cry, to vent, to talk, to write, whatever, then do it. I think a lot of suppressed emotions are the root of a lot of psychological problems. We have to let go of the past in order to move into the future. So many problems on this site are difficult to give advice to because most of them just want someone to LISTEN. Just responding sometimes makes me feel bad because I might not have the right words but I just want them to know that I care. I think that people who are taught from childhood to suppress emotions get bottled up with all kinds of feelings.... those feelings are energy, and they can't just disappear... they have to go somewhere. Every thought is energy and it needs some sort of attention or it will manifest itself into a disease in our bodies. That's what I believe anyway.
  10. Princess777
    In all fairness to you and to all the nice guys out there trying to woo women back into the dating game who aren't ready: It is my opinion that you should be upfront and honest from the get-go with all guys who enter your life. This used to happen to me a LOT when I was single. When I met a guy and they'd say: "So what's your story?" (If I had a dime every time I heard that....!) I'd just be vague with my answers, but honest. While I would not reveal personal feelings or information, I would definitely not mislead them. As I matter of fact, I used to just tell them straight out "I like you as a friend and that is all, okay?" Sometimes you just have to tell them. It's better to tell them that than for them to pine for you and to make their life miserable. After all, if there's no chemistry, there's no chemistry. You can't just make it happen, and I don't understand how some think that a person can just make themselves fall for you when your heart is not in it. That wouldn't be fair to either of you. To me, knowing this means that, a) you don't have any chemistry with this person and you wouldn't even if you were the last 2 people on earth, or b) You are still so wrapped up in comparing every guy walking to your ex that you cannot think clearly, and even if the chemistry was there, you wouldn't know it. It's not funny to lead someone on, and plus it's disrespectful. In addition, once you tell someone where you stand, it's not your fault if they still try to control your feelings and make you fall in love with them. So at least if you're honest upfront, the guilt will never follow you because you'll know in your heart that you told him how you felt. For your particular situation, you've already been hanging out with the poor guy and sadly, I'd say you've probably led him on somewhat. I was a little unclear if you had actually already told him that you specifically told him that you only like him as a friend, or if you just told him that you like him. It can be devastating to him when you tell him what you're feeling. However, you don't seem willing to shut the door yet, so my advice would be to just sit him down and be an adult about it. Say, look, I've noticed that you seem to really like me for more than a friend, and I just want to clarify things. Then proceed to tell him how you really feel, even if it's that you're confused. At least he'll realize that you respect him enough to have this adult conversation with him and I think he'll really think more of you than if you just blow him off. Imagine if you really liked a guy and he were in your shoes, which treatment would you prefer? I wish you lots of luck!!!
  11. Princess777
    I agree. Society has definitely put some dysfunction into our lives with the stereotypes of men and women. It promotes being someone you're really not, just to fit into the dysfunction. I know what you mean, how women get chastised too, for being too girly or too strong, and the same with men..... I guess the best thing for everyone is to just be themselves and to heck with what people think. I think true emotional honesty and inner peace will come from first being honest with ourselves before even thinking about making any type of relationship work.
  12. Princess777
    StandTall, I am so sorry to hear what happened. I felt your pain when I read your post and I hope you can find some peace soon. True, sometimes no news is good news when it comes to things like that.... meaning, it's better not to know what she's up to, right? I suggest not to check for her posts anymore, to save yourself the hurt. Of course this is easier said than done, but try to resist the urge..... or she'll just suck you back in and you'll surrender to the power that you're giving her over your feelings. Which nobody benefits from. Please try to busy yourself with work, hobbies, friends, etc. and let the healing begin once again. I wish you luck.
  13. Princess777
    This is just an observation.... I find it rather enlightening to read many of the posts on this site from men who appear to feel similar to the way we females do when we are going through a personal crisis. Why is it that when a man cries or shows any type of sadness, our twisted society sees it as a weakness? I hope that with this site, that perception will change. Up until about a year ago when I found this site, I admit I didn't think there were men out there who actually thought about and suffered like females generally do during a breakup, a family crisis, or a personal problem. And if they did suffer, I didn't think there were any of them who would actually admit it and talk about their true feelings. This site allows everyone, males and females, to see that it's not wrong to feel sad or guilty or hurt, and that it is a natural human process. I think it teaches all of us to be emotionally honest. If you cannot honor the feelings inside, you cannot heal. It also informs everyone that society has imposed a very twisted, distorted perception of masculinity and femininity. It brings us all together to help us understand one another, and that is valuable. I think this site is absolutely awesome for anyone, regardless of gender, age, race, etc., to vent, ask for help through a hard time, and to offer their opinion. I hope everyone benefits from it as much as I do. Just wanted to say thanks.
  14. Princess777
    Metaphysically speaking, yes, this is true. Your subconscious mind never sleeps. Never. Everyone dreams when they are in R.E.M, they just don't remember it every time. Symbols in your dreams are what you can interpret. You have to learn how..... it's long and drawn out. Check out a metaphysical bookstore for a book on dreams, but make sure you find one that teaches you how to do it only by the symbols in your dreams, not by what actually happens in the dream. This is the way your subconscious mind communicates with the conscious mind, with symbols. I have interpreted dreams for people that I don't even know and they ask me, "How in the world did you know that about me?" And they think it's scary but I think it's fascinating. You can tell a lot about someone from a dream.
  15. Princess777
    OK I understand better now...... well, the way I see it, you have two choices then. You can either be miserable and wait around for her to call to make you feel more secure in yourself, or you can chalk it up as a learning experience and know in your own mind that you are just as lovable and wonderful as you always have been, and that some people just don't match up with you. If she doesn't see you for what you are, it is NOT your fault. You do not need verification from this person that you are a good person or that you are lovable. Once we depend on any outside source (outside of ourselves) to make us feel lovable or complete or whole, we are setting ourselves up for failure because inevitably, people will let you down, things change, etc. The only one you can rely on is yourself, in the long term. Your self esteem is just low because you didn't get a clear answer as to why she's acting goofy. Who cares..... she doesn't determine whether or not you live, love, or get up the next day. The sun will still shine without her and the fact that you don't want her back should tell you that you don't really care about her opinion.... so let it go and learn from this. Don't take it personally, believe me, if you do, you'll hurt for a long time.
  16. Princess777
    Beec, Nice answer, I agree! Yeah, when you think about the 3 AM need help phone call, all of a sudden none of us have as many "friends" as we think, huh? I just always think about that scenario before I call someone a friend. Otherwise, they're just an acquaintance because I wouldn't call them at 3 AM with a problem.
  17. Princess777
    Greetings. I think it's best to let this one go. I wouldn't bother contacting her.... she sounds a little mentally unstable and immature, from what you're stating. Why are you keeping tabs on her? Do you want her back because you love her for who she really is, inside, or do you want her back because you can't have her? You talk about how undesirable she is, etc..... why would you want to be with someone like that? These are questions you should ask yourself and try to come to some answers before you drive yourself nuts over this girl. It sounds like if you lower the drawbridge and let her back into your life, you'd most likely regret it later and you might be asking us later how to get rid of her....... think long and hard before doing anything. good luck!
  18. Princess777
    This is mostly directed to Beec: I am not really sure how to answer that because I don't really know why I feel this way. I guess everyone is different, and what works for some people won't work for others. I think it's great that you have these friendships, however, if it were I who had those, I would call them "acquaintances" instead of friends. I don't call people friends unless I can count on them to back me up through thick and thin, etc., and if I need them at 3 AM for an emergency, they'd come running with no questions and wouldn't ever judge me or be mad if I bothered them at that hour. Of course, again, everyone is different and their definitions of friends are different. So, the best I can do is to say that I think it's nice to know that there are people out there who can be friends with the opposite sex with no ulterior motive on either side. But I just can't help thinking that when these relationships exist, it's because one of them really harbors feelings for the other and they're just not coming clean. When minimal time is spent with someone of the opposite sex in a group, I don't see a problem with it, even if they're in a committed relationship with other people. But like another poster said, when TOO much time is spent with someone of the opposite sex who is not your partner, (i.e. your example of drinking till 3 AM) that's when something COULD potentially happen and most likely will. I don't agree with drinking at ALL without my significant other for that very reason. Not for one drink, not for five or not in the middle of the day or till 3 AM. I just choose that for myself, but if it works for others and they can keep themselves out of trouble 100% of the time and not make their partner jealous or ask too many questions, etc., then that's their choice. I just think it's risky to spend time with someone of the opposite sex, alone, when your partner is not around. I don't think I could trust someone who did that often. It would show me that their values aren't matching up with mine. Not to say they're wrong and I'm right, we just wouldn't match. And I couldn't live with that. And I thought my standards were already too low! ha ha ha
  19. Princess777
    Greetings. This topic comes up a lot here. In my opinion, men GENERALLY think differently than women. Women tend to pick everything apart and analyze things, sometimes for long periods of time, and men just briefly think about things and get over them, and sometimes don't think about them at all until it blows up in their face. They have an amazing ability to sweep things under the rug until the rug pulls itself out from under them, then they're forced to deal with the issue and unfortunately half the time it's too late. Hence, the classic argument where the female accuses the male of not listening to her or not caring enough. It's not that they don't care it's just that they express themselves differently. Being female, I wish I could let things go too but it's not easy to do when the man can brush things off so easily like it never bothered them in the first place. So, this is to help you understand why she is the way she is.... and unfortunately most of us women think like that, to my knowledge. My advice is to TALK TALK TALK to her, talk till you're blue in the face, reassure her all you can, etc., periodically. Let her know where the relationship stands. Most females like to know they're not wasting their time with a guy cause we can find jerks anywhere, know what I mean? I like to use phrases like, "If such and such happens, I want you to know now that I don't mean it the wrong way". For instance, in your case, you might say, "If I say I'll be there and I'm not, there is a legitimate reason so please don't think I don't love you, want to be with you, lied to you, etc". These are simple statements that, when meant and when reinforced, will help keep her feeling better and will keep you out of the doghouse. The catch is that you have to actually mean it and follow up with the right actions. Cause as soon as you lie and get caught, the trust she had in you will be gone. So, 1) work on building the trust by actions WITH the words 2) let her know where the relationship stands once and for all, and if it changes, be honest about that change 3) Keep in mind that she thinks differently than you and needs more detail in the conversation than you do I hope this helps some! Good luck!
  20. Princess777
    Greetings. She's messing with your head. She requires more attention than one man can give her at the moment. You're not doing anything wrong.... she sounds somewhat immature. To tell an ex about a current boyfriend is just something that you don't do unless you really don't care about their feelings. She either is very insensitive or is just immature. Try to find someone who's a better match, and don't always answer her calls..... let them go to voice mail and only cal her back when and if you feel like it, or just tell her straight up that you don't feel your relationship with her is productive and you wish to stop contact. My opinion of course.
  21. Princess777
    Oh yeah, and the "issues that need ironing out" are that he needs to sleep with her. That's what he means by that. He must think you're really stupid. Sorry if I sound harsh.... I just really get a bad feeling about this guy from what you're sayiing.
  22. Princess777
    This is getting very interesting. I am intrigued by the comments posted here. I, too have always been perplexed by someone who is committed to their partner, to have friends of the opposite sex.... it has always seemed wrong to me. I think it is because I am an idealist, my thinking is very rare, and I guess I'm an all or nothing kind of person. I don't live much in a gray area.... I know that's a problem sometimes because most people do live in a gray area. I am working on that and trying to learn more. By all means, I am not right about everything, it's simply my opinion. I am anxious to hear more on this topic. I think a lot of this problem revolves around respect for the other person. Even though one partner might feel insecure, and this is generalized as an undesirable trait, I believe that part of being in a committed relationship is giving and taking.... you compromise things in your life for your partner that don't necessarily take away from you as a person, but rather build character and show flexibility and an open mind, not to mention compassion and a caring heart. I have experienced times with different partners that have shown a slight interest in a female for a talent they possess, etc., and even though I know they're not interested in the girl romantically, I freak out...... I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I wonder what he sees in this other girl that I cannot provide, so I begin thinking that something is wrong with me, or that I should be providing that for him. Also I tend to think the same way as the other girl who posted here, that a male and a female "friendship" will eventually plummet into one falling romantically for the other, IF one doesn't already have those feelings and just won't admit it to the other one. I see it as highly unlikely to maintain a friendship between a male and a female if there is no chemistry or attraction. At least, I find it hard to believe that a male and female who are strictly plutonic and neither is interested in the other romantically in any way, shape, or form, would go to any trouble to maintain this friendship over an extended period of time. I'm not sure what attracts someone to someone of the opposite sex if they are not interested in them romantically......I mean, it's one thing to work with members of the opposite sex on a daily basis and genuinely enjoy working with them and agreeing with their work ethic, etc.... I think everyone can do that, but to take that friendship outside of the workplace, hmmmmmm now that's something to be explored.... WHY???? Why would anyone do that??? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if I'd believe anyone who told me it was just because they were intrigued by their culture.... I just find that odd. Call ME odd I guess.
  23. Princess777
    Greetings. Well you probably won't like what I have to say... Dopestar is right, if you don't FEEL loved or like you can trust him, that's a problem. Something similar happened to me before when I was dating..... the guy used the same exact techniques that your guy is using. He wouldn't admit to being my boyfriend but would say things that only a boyfriend should say, and he would always put another girl in the picture, saying that he already had plans before, "we planned this months ago".....etc., etc., bullcrap. And he always said, "Someday" we'll be together, and "Just hold on", etc. He just kept making up excuses to hold off on everything. That is a clear sign of a player. Since when can't someone change their plans???!!! Come on, what he's saying is a load of crap. A guy isn't going to fly accross the world unless he really wants to. So what if the plans were already made... you said he could have taken YOU... but did he? NO.... he's a player. If he really wanted to be with you he would, just like the jerk who did that to me. Don't believe any of that crap. Actions speak louder than words..... look at what he has DONE as opposed to everything he's said. These kind of idiots need to take a long walk off a short cliff. He's using you. Men don't act like that toward a woman they love. They chase the woman they want to be with. Next time he calls let it go to voicemail and never call him back! It'll save you a lot of heartache.
  24. Princess777
    Greetings. I read your post and this is a strange dilemma. I'm not sure how to respond to this..... I agree with Beec that you most likely don't have anything to worry about as far as boyfriend/girlfriend issues, as long as he keeps up the interest in you. What bothers me is how he is so interested in her "culture" and how he seems to really want to maintain his relationship with her..... this is unlike anything I've dealt with, so basically I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt..... he might just be intrigued by the culture as a whole, and she is his source for answers he may have always wondered about. I understand your insecurity with this, though. Have you talked to him and told him how you feel? Ask him how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot and you were interested in a British guy or whatever, and wanted him to meet your parents, etc.?? Some people don't think like that so you have to spell it out for them, you know..... While I don't think his friendship with her is a bad thing, I do find it odd that he would want to spend extra time with her outside of work... I found out a long time ago that mixing business with pleasure is not a good idea. Since you're not married you can't really put your foot down on this one, in my opinion, so I would just give him the benefit of the doubt because, if he were truly hiding something I doubt he would tell you all that he has, and invite you along on their excursions. He'd want to be alone with her. Whether he falls for her later, or already has, is totally out of your control anyway, so try not to take it like that or think about it in a negative way... you said he's a friendly guy, you might just have to decide if you can live with his "friends" in the picture. What is right for you? You can only control your own life and who is in it, not anyone else's. I hope you can work this out with him.... but ultimately it is up to you if you want to deal with it. Decide what is most important to you.
  25. Princess777
    I know exactly what you mean about not being able to cut it off. There is something about a certain person in my life that no matter what, I feel destined to stay in contact with him. I cannot imagine my life without him, actually. And yet I complain. Wish I had it all figured out too!!!! Sometimes just understanding where the other person is coming from (their history, their childhood) helps one cope with them and not feel so sad and take things personally, however it doesn't change the fact that your personal boundaries are being invaded, i.e. disrespect, wasting time, etc..... and you can't seem to break out of the twisted cycle. I'm there now too. Good luck!
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