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Princess777

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Everything posted by Princess777

  1. Princess777
    I agree that people use that as an excuse when the going gets tough or when they see a so-called "better looking" suitor from afar. And I also agree that this is definitely NOT a good excuse for a divorce. However, if one is NOT married to someone, then, in my opinion, they are free to throw around whatever words they wish, unfortunately. Life IS tough and it DOES really suck sometimes, when someone hurts you. But you have to go into relationships not expecting something that someone cannot possibly live up to. They don't know what changes will hit them 5 years down the road, etc. I don't even consider being engaged going all the way to the limit of not being able to bail out. There is still the option of bailing out. That's why it exists. It gives the couple time to think about what it's going to be like sharing their lives together for the rest of their lives before they take the next big step. Better to know then, rather than after they're married. Once a couple is married then yes, I feel that nearly every single argument, issue, and problem should be talked out and compromised, like two adults. Unless physical or mental abuse is occurring. But until both people are WILLING to MARRY someone, how can anyone expect the behavior of an ideally married person? Until they make that commitment, they're not ready or willing to commit themselves to anyone. This is a clear indication of where their heart is. Age is a huge factor here. Someone under the age of (let's hypothetically say 30) usually doesn't really know for SURE what they want out of life, or what their main priorities are in life. If they do, they are likely to change as time goes on. Even some people after 30 don't know, and it does change through the years. This is something that cannot be predicted. My opinion again, of course.
  2. Princess777
    Greetings. Yes, I have experienced that periodically. The first time I really did was when I was 29. I had got married at the age of 18 and was married for nearly 11 years. My husband had just cheated on me and I really started looking at life from a different perspective. I can honestly say I learned more during that divorce than I did at any other time in my life. I became stronger, more independent, and realized more of my potential in the career field, etc. I think one is somewhat "forced" to look INWARD rather than OUTWARD when a breakup occurs. Kind of like when someone is in prison... all they have to think about is themselves and why and how they got there. The good thing about a breakup though is that you're not in prison.... you're free to do what you want, so take advantage of it. Take notice of opportunities and use this time to grow.
  3. Princess777
    I read your post, and I understand what you are saying, however, unfortunately we cannot control others, the things they do, and the excuses they come up with to do them. In a perfect world, it would be nice to be able to say "we cannot allow this". But we do not live in a perfect world. It is as perfect as it will ever be, and it involves free will. Unfortunately life involves changes that sometimes we cannot control, or they are a result of choices that we all make. To expect someone to lay out a perfect future with timelines is unrealistic and can only result in disappointment and failure of the goal of happiness. If you rely on any outside source to fulfill you or your expectations, you are setting yourself up for disaster and a lifetime of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. Yes, people disappoint us. They always will, inevitably at some time. I would try to focus on the things you CAN control, like the fact that you feel good about your own ethics and qualities, and that you would never want to hand someone that excuse. Good for you!
  4. Princess777
    What she is trying to say is that women need something from a man that they cannot provide for themselves. Being a strong, confident woman is something that some women are just naturally. But just as men appreciate women for their feminine qualities, we appreciate men for their masculine qualities. It's in our genes and we cannot get away from it, or deny it. Just as men cannot deny their genetic makeup. Everybody wants something from a mate that they cannot provide themselves, or that they find appealing. Different people are attracted to different types of people. Meshing together is something that is a goal.... yes, almost every woman wants to "tame" a bad boy, to be the ONE woman who made him melt, be her one and only, and to feel important enough to do that. However, I don't think it's so much that we have low self esteem and need a bad boy to dote on us to make us feel special, I think it all goes back to genes. We are all mammals. Look at the animal kingdom for awhile and their mating rituals. We are not THAT different in that respect. True, we have a mind that can make choices and are a lot more complex in the intelligence respect, however, the basics are that females subconsciously try to find the strongest mate with which to multiply. It's very simple if you think about it this way. The "problem" which you are experiencing is that you're finding women who never get past the initial first impression.... they're already in bed with the guy before they get to know him. You're looking in the wrong places. Regardless of all the scientifics, I think some of you are taking the "poor me" attitude a little too far. If you want a girl, go out and get her, she's not going to come knocking on your door begging for you. No guy gets that. Maybe you should try approaching the issue from a different angle. If you don't feel right being yourself, then THAT's a problem in itself. But don't blame women for wanting what we were genetically made to need. Likewise, women shouldn't blame guys for the way they think, and the way they're made. It's factual. The key is to learn how each other works, learn how to love through compromising for each other and giving of the self, and to mesh with a partner who best compliments you and your life. I hope this helps some of you perceive it all from a different perspective.
  5. Princess777
    Thanks Scout In addition, I forgot to mention that you might need to decide whether or not she is CAPABLE of having that adult conversation with you to solve things like this. I wish you luck.
  6. Princess777
    Greetings. I think you should be jumping for joy right now that you are seeing her for who she really is before you slide that ring on her finger that will make her your wife. Think about that for a moment: You'll be MARRIED to this girl! To me, the room and the money is NOT the important issue here at all. It's all underlying somewhere. The room and the money is something that can be solved through normal adult conversation. Your dilemma lies with deciding whether or not you wish to share your life with this woman or not. The compromises automatically come with that promise.....if you truly love this woman for who she is, these other things will just be daily decisions you'll make when you're actually married..... Think about whether or not you'll be up for making these decisions with this person. That should be your answer on what to do.
  7. Princess777
    Wow I'll bet you're sorry you asked us, huh!!!! You got a lot of different viewpoints. The best one I think was that you DO know her better than we do, so think about how SHE would take it. Not what your intentions are.
  8. Princess777
    I am glad you are pleased with the outcome. You sound like a very positive person and that is a quality to be proud of.
  9. Princess777
    Greetings. If you don't want anything to do with her, then why would you send her a card? (curious)..... you see, we women will read into that card a lot more than you think. If I got a card from any of my ex's, I would automatically think that he wanted me back, regardless of what it said.... cause most men don't just send a card for the heck of it. For that matter, sometimes it's a miracle to get anything from the actual partner we're with, and if they remember then it's just awesome! Any effort like that from a man is seen as an attempt to make a woman feel like she is still desired, in my eyes anyway..... of course this is just how I would view the situation. Something to think about..... you might hurt her more than you think....
  10. Princess777
    I agree that you are an amazing, beautiful woman. You are depressed right now and depression can ruin your life if you allow it to. While going through your day, think of everything that you do in life as choices instead of things that you HAVE to do. For instance, the job issue.....most likely, no one is forced to work. You do it because you want money to provide for yourself and for others. You do it because you choose to pay your bills, etc. Everything is a choice. If you believe this, you will feel a lot more empowered and not so helpless. Right now, you are suffering from hopelessness and you have a choice whether to continue that or to break free from this dis-ease. You are not at ease with life, temporarily, and you do not have any faith at this moment. But you are the only one who can control your life, no one else. You shouldn't blame others for your misery, because this only leads to more hatred and anger and bad feelings that will manifest in your body as disease later. Let this anger out, go through a grieving process and then make the right choice to turn your life around... no one is going to do it for you. We cannot rely on any outside source to fulfill us, and that includes a man. At the end of the day, you have YOU. So taking care of number one is the most important thing you can do. Take care of your spirituality, your body, and your mind. Try meditation or yoga, etc. to help you ease into a new way of life, which is to live day to day, taking each day at a time, and making the most of life, which is your gift. Be at peace with who you are and the wonderful qualities that you have. Be thankful for all the good things in your life and don't focus on the negative. It will rule you if you allow it to. Distance yourself from the people who hurt you by setting personal boundaries, and stick to them. Finally, know that you can come here any time and vent, cry, or ask for help getting through your days. It helps me every day to come here, as it does a lot of others. We're with you!
  11. Princess777
    Wow! "Look at the last 10 guys a girl has slept with ????!!!!!!!" Geez, I feel like a saint!!!!
  12. Princess777
    I wonder what happened???............
  13. Princess777
    Thank you for all of your responses. I too, feel that once a person reaches the point of being TIRED of feeling sad all the time, and they're ready for a better life and they're READY to stop giving their energy and their entire days to someone who's not even there anymore, they will find this technique helpful. Thank you for pointing out other aspects... Great responses everyone! It's not easy and yes, there will be rollercoaster days. I just hope it helps someone like it did me.
  14. Princess777
    I didn't post my opinion because I feel like it's tradition for a man to ask a woman. It is my opinion that most men feel like they need to be in control of something like that, and not be pressured. I feel I am rather open minded. I posted it because, I doubt you'll find a whole lot of men who would really like a woman to ask him to marry her before he asks her and I suggested she think about what it would be like for a man to be asked and his reaction. I wish her well in whatever decision she makes.
  15. Princess777
    I agree that the average person who comes here is broken hearted. This is why I was offering this advice because when I was broken hearted, I forced myself to realize reality and it helped me greatly. I truly want to help others. I was not trying to demean anyone....
  16. Princess777
    When going through a breakup or a divorce, and you're doing the no contact thing, or even if you're not, I think it's beneficial to separate your emotions from the actual situation in order to think more clearly and move on with your life with little damage to your self esteem. When done properly, you'll almost instantly feel more confident and not so clingy and needy for this person or anyone in the future. It also helps with jealousy and other issues. If you really want to get over someone, you've got to force yourself, which will undoubtedly be against your will, to see reality for what it really is and not what you wish it was. This technique works wonders, I feel. We already know what we wish it was: that you were back together. However, the reality is that you are here and they are there, and the other person no longer feels that you and they are a good match and it's not the end of the world just because this one individual feels this way, and you cannot control them, their thoughts, or their feelings. Think about all the pain they've caused you and the fact that you don't want to experience that pain anymore. The key is to SEPARATE how you feel about that person from the SITUATION at hand. Your life as a whole has not ended because one person doesn't feel that you fit into their life. It's their decision, not gospel. If we stop relying on other people or any other outside source to fulfill us, to make us "happy" then we would be a lot better off. This of course does not stop all the pain, but it can help, I truly believe. It's kind of a wake-up call. I wish anyone luck with this technique.... it has worked for me in the past, and I now know that even if things don't go the way I'd planned, I'll be OK.
  17. Princess777
    Well I think you did awesome with the way you handled everything - Good for you!!!!! Now aren't you glad you went out? Good for you, not running over to him. I can honestly, (ashamedly) say that I probably would have went to him. But your response was much better. Now he knows that he should pay a little more attention to things like that. Admittedly, he does have a lot going on, and he most definitely is putting his career in front of everything else in his life, which is of course his own choice. Your choice is whether you want to hang around and see if you'll ever be #1 in his life. Maybe he just hasn't reached that point yet, or maybe it's just not the right time. I do feel that this isn't really a break-up issue, but rather something that he needs to just make up to you. I forget birthdays all the time, but it is absolutely no reflection of how I really feel about that person. You could approach it with a sense of humor and tell him, "well since you forgot my birthday you owe me big time" and spout off some wild payback......which could be fun.
  18. Princess777
    Hello again, Well a lot of times I DO jump to conclusions and I need to try not to do that, but it just seemed really obvious to me that he has that curiosity there, and that he may have already experimented with another man, without your knowledge. Of course, only the man knows this, so I would just really try to talk with him on a level that he knows is non-threatening and make sure he doesn't feel like you're going to make fun of him or tell anyone his secret, should he wish to disclose his new desires to you. He is most likely feeling ashamed of these desires and is frustrated at the moment, hence his behavior toward you.
  19. Princess777
    Hmmm.... as I read your post I went through a series of "maybes"..... but the bottom line is that it is absolutely apparent to me that he is interested in having sex with a man. He may have even already tried this. I think you need to talk with him seriously and find out if he is feeling the need to experiment sexually with a man and if so, tell him you need to gracefully bow out of that if that is not for you to witness or be a part of. Just my opinion.
  20. Princess777
    Has he called yet? Wow that is hard. I'd probably go ahead and make other plans because you don't want to be sitting at home all night on your birthday, girl!!!!! Go out and have fun, and just take your cellphone in case he calls. (if you have one). If not, then he was just too late, huh!?!!!
  21. Princess777
    Greetings. I'll probably get chastised for this and I'm sorry but I had to reply. I don't think you should ask him. If he hasn't asked you yet, then he's obviously not ready. You definitely don't want to push it. Can I ask what the rush is? If he hasn't asked you, won't you always wonder why, and won't you always wonder what it would have been like if he did, and wouldn't it make you feel more secure that it's what he really wants if you wait till he asks you? What if you ask him and he says yes out of guilt or pressure, and then it drives him away from you, and he calls it off, cheats on you because of pressure, or worse, what if he says no? What are you going to do then? Stay with him until he changes his mind, or are you going to move on? I think you need to ask yourself a lot of questions before you do this. Please don't rush into it and please think about all of the outcomes. You don't want to fix something that's not broken. You seem happy with him already so why mess that up? I'm not saying marriage is messing up but don't you wonder why he hasn't actually asked you? Men don't like to be pressured into marriage.... you might regret it later, he could do a complete turnaround on you if you do this. You might see a side of him you've never seen. He might take offense to it, thinking you are trying to "wear the pants" already before you're even married. I seriously think this will scare the guy, not to mention take away his masculinity. Men need to feel they're in control. This is only my opinion. Instead of asking him straight out to marry you, why not try having a heart to heart talk with him, telling him that you know that you both have talked in the past about marriage, and you're wondering where his heart is on that matter. Be specific in that you really want to know if he is serious because you are serious about it. Ask him something like, "Where do you see us in the next 2 years?".... etc., etc., you get the idea. I hope you figure out what is best for your particular situation. Good luck.
  22. Princess777
    Greetings. My best advice at this point is to stop for a moment and separate your emotions from this picture for a moment. You have to separate and distinguish that what you want this relationship to be is not reality. You have already covered the rest of the bases in your post.... just really know that reality is not what you want this relationship to be..... and it may never be. The sooner you accept that, the better off you will feel. Good luck.
  23. Princess777
    Jessica, Hurting yourself doesn't make anything better, it only makes things worse and it doesn't change your life in any way except for the negative way. It doesn't make people like you, it doesn't make you feel better about yourself, and it doesn't get you the kind of attention that you are seeking. You need to find a trusted adult whom you can talk to about your depression. Find somebody at your school, any church (it's free), anywhere you feel comfortable or think you'd find someone who cares about you and can actually listen to you and help you. You need someone to listen to you, not just tell you what to do at this point in time. I sense that you are extremely lonely. If you can't talk to your mom about this or any other family member, please go to a crisis center or somewhere that can help you. I wish you luck.
  24. Princess777
    Awesome advice Gilgamesh.....
  25. Princess777
    Greetings. It sounds like he was honest with his intentions regarding your relationship from the get-go, you just kind of ignored the red flags. This is easy to do when the right music is playing, the alcohol is flowing, and his eyes are gorgeous, etc., etc. What you need to do is keep YOUR head straight with this guy. I would let this one go if it were me. You don't know if he's even telling you the truth about his divorce.... he could be, but some guys say their wives cheated just to shift the blame from them. It could have been HIM that cheated, you don't know. He may be telling the truth! Who knows? But consider the facts. He told you not to fall in love with him, he told you basically that he was damaged goods, and that was BEFORE he had sex with you, but you did it anyway.... unfortunately. You have to give the guy SOME credit for being honest upfront. It was your choice to sleep with him and that is making you angry at the moment, because you're wishing you hadn't. I say learn from it, don't do it again, and I'm sure you'll be more cautious in the future. He is far from being capable of being committed right now and may never be. You shouldn't think that he'll ever change.... sadly, he may never come around, emotionally, and even more sadly, you really don't know for sure he's not just a player and telling you a bunch of lies. The way to a guy's heart is to allow him to do what he was genetically made to do: chase you, try to impress you, and work hard at winning you over. Men fall in love just like women, but they fall for us for different reasons. I hope this has helped some. good luck!
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