BeStrongBeHappy

babydoll, you mentioned in another thread that you are only 13 years old and have found true love with a boyfriend, yet in this thread you are drinking and dallying with multiple men, including older guys... this is *illegal* activity at your age and you are not of an age that should be considering these kinds of activities... please stop playing games with all these people and yourself. at your age you could easily contact diseases and a pregnancy that will negatively affect the entire course of your life, or get labelled as a tramp by your acquaintances at school and ostracized by them, which is a burden no young lady needs to have at your age. please contact a school counselor and talk about some of these issues with them. and i hope you are NOT misprepresenting your age to these men/boys you are toying with, that is not fair to you or to them because they could be arrested and have their reputations ruined... give yourself a chance to enjoy being a young girl and stop messing with drinks and deep relationships with boys/men when you should be out having fun with your girlfriends and other group activities, not getting deeply involved with boys/men and drinking.

yes it can happen... even people who divorce can re-marry later, but it is NOT the norm, it is the rare exception.... so if you are putting your life on hold while waiting for the *small* possibility an ex- will take you back, i wouldn't advice it... it is like betting all your money on the lottery and hoping you will beat the 16 milliion to one odds... it does happen, but best to move on with your life and if the other person really does decide they made a mistake breaking up with you, they have your number... don't pine and wait though, and don't take anything else less than a real re-commitment from the former partner. it is hard to separate, and you coudl get hooked back in, only to be dumped a second time and doubly heart broken, or misinterpret nothing but a friendly overture as meaning they want to come back, and you have to experience all the separation anxiety all over again.

naw, i think things sound fine with you guys... after you break up with someone, it is normal when annoyed to dredge up every little irritation you ever had with them and stew over it... if your sexual experiences are fine now and she is giving no indication she is unhappy with it, just consider that other a drunken rant against an ex-boyfriend she was annoyed with... there is always the chance she will rant about you if you ever break up, but who cares then anyway? she wouldn't still be with you now if she had a major problem with anything you were doing...

since you are so tense about this situation, i think passively waiting is probably not the best choice, since it has been several weeks since the first conversation. His saying that he had an idea about your crush and it is very flattering is really a non-answer, becuase it doesn't tell you how he feels about you. i have used those exact same words on someone with a crush on me, where i *didn't* want to date them, but didn't want them to feel bad so i said i was flattered, but no i would rather not... so he left the important part out, the part that comes after 'i'm flattered', which should be you answer, either no i am not interested, or yes i am interested, or variants thereof. so that is the answer you need to focus on getting from him, and that only takes a second to say it! so all the complicated time issues really don't matter and are just excuses for non-contact, it only takes a second to say he is interested and wants to try it, or not interested, either not right now, or not ever, or later... so i don't think he is necessarily stringing you along,but he certainly isn't being fortright and considerate of your feelings since he knows you were anxious about this and are wanting to hear his feelings and decisions about you... i would try to pin down a time to finish your conversation, or leave him a voicemail or text and just ask him if he'd rather you just be friends or would he like to date you? it also gives me a bit of a pause that he only responds to texts and doesn't initiate them... he may be comfortable in that passive role, where it is 'ok' that you are friends with him, but he does not want to encourage it to the next level by initiating things with you. so i think you have every right to ask him for the second part of your answer, which is is he interested in dating you (and if so, let's do it), or would rather just keep it at friendship level. if he hems and haws a second time, he is probably not that interested,but doesn't want to hurt your feelings so avoids it... good luck, if he's not the one, there are more out there, keep looking!

tara, this guy made you do the classic 'walking on eggshells' routine, which is a sign of an abusive man. no matter what you do, it's not gonna be right, or enough, or any peace between you never last long... i'd say he's stuck in the 'toddler' stage of development, where he feels entitled to have the world revolve around himself, and has a tantrum when he doesn't immediately get what he wants. toddlers can be quite pleasant when their hands are full of cookies, but the second the last one is gone, they are screaming for the next thing they want. so age is no indicator of emotional maturity... so throwing that in your face and demanding you change is just another bullying tactic. toddlers really are all little bullies, who will do anything to get their own way. so you need to recognize that this guy is emotionally stunted, and yes, you had some good times,but that was only until his latest handfull of cookies ran out... LOL!! its tough work parenting a toddler, and no reason whatsover you should try to parent a boyfriend for the rest of your days because he is stuck and hasn't really grown up.... he'd need years of counseling to get there, and sounds like he likes his life just the way it is, with a woman to bully to get his needs met...

that is a lot of pressure on a young relationship, but you have to address the constant fighting/power struggles that seem to be happening early... you might want to tell her that, the you have both been at low points and need a 'do-over' to start again fresh when neither are so stressed out. but that would definitely require apologies and talking with her about ways to deal with conflict that don't involve yelling and breakups... i.e., you could tell her you are sorry you feel like you have been overbearing, and ask her if there are things you do that really bother her, and if there are and you don't mind addressing those problems to have a more peaceful relationship, then she might be willing to stay with you. ...and tell her what you told us, that she is simply what you have wanted for a long time, and now that you've found it, it don't want to lose her to stupid petty fights brought on by stress...

i divorced because my husband and i were really incompatible in our goals too, he was a sports junkie who spend all his free time watching sports, and he didn't want to have children which he saw as too much trouble (and taking away from game time). and though he was the one who wanted to stay with the marriage and i wanted out, i found out not to long after we broke up and he moved out that he had a woman, and he was even taking this woman to visit his family 8 hours away, while still not telling me about her and hoping he and i might get back together! so she was his 'backup wife contingency' i guess... i had had a few hints during the last few months of the marriage that he was up to something secretive and might have been unfaithful on business trips, but i really never followed up on that since i wanted to be divorced from him for other deeper incompatibility. but i was still stunned and jealous when i found out it thru other people that it was true he really had had someone waiting in the wings! even though i was the one who wanted the divorce, and knew it was the right thing to do, i still had those twinges of jealousy when i thought about it, along with the normal female insecurity type issues (where you start to try to compare yourself to the other woman in your head, is she prettier or younger, thinner than me, a blonde, etc.). but then i would stop myself and laugh because it was such a silly thing to do considering we were so incompatiable and not enjoying each and broke up because of it, so why should i even care anything about this woman at all? but jealousy is not a rational emotion, very primitive one that sneaks up on you. so i first went from jealousy, to self questioning, to curiosity about her, to feeling sorry her because she was stuck with a selfish guy (my ex-), to finally not caring or thinking about it one way or another, just developed a good luck, see ya type attitude where there was no pain involved at all... but going thru those stages takes a while, so don't be too hard on yourself, or read too much into it in terms of thinking jealousy means you 'love' him... it just a residual hangover from the relationship, one tie that still needs time to cut. so that kind of residual jealousy does hang around for a while after a breakup... it just means you still haven't completed the breakup wind down process, and are feeling a few ties to him. jealousy is frequently one of the last connections you feel before really moving on mentally and being free of those ties you had as a couple. whether or not he is with a particular woman, the bartender, the real point is it is always possible he could be with any (or multiple) women, including the bartender, but focusing on that thought with her as a 'rival' in your head is not going to help you get over this, just stir things up... the hard part is to remind yourself (constantly if necessary) that who he sleeps with now is really not your business or a concern, and you don't want residual jealousy to derail your own recovery from the breakup... maybe you should be looking at the cute *male* bartenders for yourself instead of thinking about whom he may be looking at!

yea, we think loving someone is a function of how worthy the person we love is... but in reality, maybe it just shows that you are a person capable of deep love and connection, regardless of whether the person you focus on is worthy of it... i'd rather be someone that loves a jerk (and recognizes that they don't love me back), than a jerk who treats someone badly and uses their kind heart and love... so you need to try to balance your love vs. whether the person really is worthy of it. if not, then you can recognize that you have a great capacity for love, but that person doesn't deserve it... it takes time to 'unlove' a person when you are a person of depth, so recognize that and be kind to yourself, but know when it is time to move on and find someone worthy of your love and attention.

re: the 'smell' thing, maybe this guy is taking medication or likes tuna fish sandwhiches... LOL! seriously though, someone told me that meth users have a distinct odor that smells like cat pee... so either you have a very sensitive nose, or this guy has a smelly cat or something... i wouldn't put too much weight on a smell as an indicator of sex, but it is a HUGE warning sign that he has never had you at his place over a 7 month period. maybe he and his live in have an 'arrangement' where they are allowed to sleep/dally with other people and still are committed to each other. regardless, this doesn't sound healthy for you, focus of whatever issues you have to find a man who is less 'mysterious' and more available to you than he is.

wow, how lovely for her that she has found such a caring and supportive partner! that really helps to have someone who loves you so much they want to support you. But i still think that she would benefit from a rape support group with other women, to talk about her experiences rather than keeping them inside. So tell her how you feel, and let her express her feelings, but i would gently encourage her to get some professional help and support, there are lots of support groups for rape survivors to help them. you might even do some of the footwork on that, find a pamphlet or phone number and offer it to her gently, saying, you know i support you 100%, and maybe you might feel better by talking to some other women who have gone thru the same thing about this... lots of victims feel very guilty, like they are at fault somehow, when they obviously are not, and don't realize how common rape is, or that there should be no shame in talking about it or getting help getting over it...

Sleeping pills help you sleep, but they don't overcome overwhelming anxiety like you are feeling. you need to talk to the doctor and get your medication adjusted, or talk a different doctor if your current one isn't helping you. You especially need to find someone whose speciality is treating PSTD, who understands exactly what you are going through and how best to treat it. Anti-anxiety medication can do wonders to help you get through a rough time, to give you time off to heal, until you do start to find joy in things again. one of the prime symptoms of PSTD is feeling hollow and like your world is shrinking and no longer a comfortable place. This is the illness talking, and you need to recognize that sometimes you have to really let other people help you and have faith that you will come out the other side of this, which you will if you continue to get help and treatment. There is no quick fix for PSTD, it is like having a serious physical illness, where you need to take the time and treatments to get better, even if the going is rough in the interim, you will be ok when when the healing and time has helped you. so please don't think that you will feel this way forever, and do print out a copy of what you wrote here and take it to your doctor and say this is how i am feeling, and let them help you. there is no shame in going into a treatment program of any kind, or a more intensive one than you are now following, if you are hurting this badly. there are many, many people in their world who suffer from PSTD, and recognize the pain you are going through and would love to help you, so please contact people and allow someone else to take the weight off your shoulders for a while and find ways to make the going easier for you.

Yep, starving a child all day as punishment is both abusive and potentially dangerous if the child has blood sugar problems or other medical conditions. call the school principal, call the school board, don't put up with that for one second.

yup, an anxiety attack... if this happens over anything else other than him,you might want to see a doctor to address your anxiety. sometimes a chemical imbalance of some kind can cause that, but this sounds like you've worked yourself up and are putting a huge emotional significance on when/if you receive an email from him. and regarding emailing him, you have nothing to lose since he has moved away, and NOT hearing from him has caused you a lot of anxiety. i'd send him a friendly little email saying, how was the move, how's it going, then see if he still doesn't reply. maintaining a long distance friendship is often not a realistic priority for some people, they just want to start their new life and leave the old behind, and doesn't intend to keep up the friendship, or else he may just be busy with settling in where he is and has not had the time to email you. but it sounds like you are expecting a lot more than a friendship out of this, especially if not hearing from him is causing anxiety. you need to think about what is realistic to expect. would you consider moving to be near him, would he even *want* you to move to be near him, and does he want you as a more permanent girlfriend or not? so i think sending him a quick email is REQUIRED at this point to reduce your anxieity, and you need to think about trying to match the reality of his (distant) location with your own expectations for how much contact you two will be able to have, and hence maybe lessen your own emotional expectations and attachment to him...

Too bad you can't attach a boot to his car like the city does when someone doesn't pay parking tickets, maybe then you'd get your money back... yea, you should be focusing how this guy has stiffed you for money with a lot of excuses but still has money for pubs etc. so don't focus on the sentimental parts of the relationship, remember that he owes you money, and good honest people who borrowed money while dating pay their debts a heck of a lot faster than this guy seems to be doing. he probably has no intention of paying you back, the breakup was his get out of jail free card when it comes to repaying that money. sometimes you just have to write off a bad debt (and mentally do the same to recover from a bad relationship). if you step up and tell him you want your money back now and have been patient long enough, i'm sure you'll never see his car in your neighborhood again... he'll just skulk off and make sure there is no contact then, he'd actually have to pay you back!

when someone breaks up, *everyone* needs distance to get a good look at things... if you are willing to pine over him and keep seeing him EXCEPT he gets to go his merry way and date anyone he chooses while you wait around, that is not healthy for you AT ALL. And don't keep checking his MYSPACE, that is an obsessive way of hanging onto him when he just told you he doesn't want a relationship anymore. i suggest you tell him the truth, that it is too painful to see him now because your feelings are still attached, and that you need to work on getting your life comfortable without him in it as a boyfriend. otherwise, he could just think he is being 'nice' by staying in contact, while you are reading way too much into every thing he says, and fanning the flames trying to keep your hope alive while he has moved on. and how can he decide he misses you and wants you back, if you are willing to see him whenever he wants on HIS terms of not dating? if you feel bad now, it will be even more painful when he has a friendly lunch with you someday and starts talking about some new girl he has started dating. so i suggest you pull back with no contact for a while, and say to him (and yourself), that he knows where you are and what your number is IF he decides he wants you back, and IF you don't have a new boyfriend by then you might consider it. that's all there really is to say right now, other than opening yourself up for even more hurt by prolonging your hopes. i know too many people who just sit around waiting for their ex- to call, hanging by the phone, and doing nothing to get happiness for themselves, while the ex- is out dating and partying and thinking fondly of the person they broke up with, but with absolutely no intention of ever dating that person again. one does not need to be enemies with an ex-, but trying to be too close to them when your heart is breaking just re-opens the wound... i think he has told you that he doesn't want the bf/gf relationship anymore, so you have to take him at his word and spend time nurturing yourself and recovering from the hurt, making new friends and people to rely on other than him... the truth is if he wanted you to rely on him, he wouldn't have broken up with you to begin with. you two can be friends again (casual friends) once you have really brought your emotions around to match his, in that you are not hoping/expecting him to become romantic with you again.

sounds like rather than communicating directly with him, you are trying to force a reaction out of him by threatening to leave... usually doesn't work, especially if he is flirting with other women and thinking about taking up with them (and already has)... i am more concerned about the leaving at 3 a.m. business... why would anyone go out at 3 a.m. except to score drugs, meet up with someone else, or go straight to the all night mart, but then you're not gone 12 hours to pick up milk!! his excause was he's sleeping?? where, and why did he get up from your bed to go sleep somewhere else?? my radar would say this guy is seeing someone else (or working on it), and felt guilty so brought you some flowers, then went right out and did it again. he may be a coward who doesn't want to do the heavy lifting in a breakup, i.e., he's trying to piss you off enough that you will break up with him... that kind of 'Fine, go ahead leave' response is not very optimistic in terms of your relationship lasting. he sounds like he wants to go himself, and is just dragging his feet about it. so talk to him and confront the behavior directly, ask him why he was leaving at 3 a.m., and how would he feel if you did the same to him? if he shows little interested in talking it out and repeats this behavior, he's already gone in his mind, and he's just taking his time making the exit... easier for him, miserable for you, so don't let him treat you like this.

depends on lots of things... is she afraid of pregnancy (or trying to get pregnant)? are you in a faithful relationship, or should she be worried about STDs and you need a condom? its nice to feel you satisfied a man, but not nice if you're worried about pregnancy or disease...

nope, a 65 year old man should not be dogging a 14 year old girl and ignoring the other adults in the house... grandfatherly is to offer her a sandwhich, then she goes and watches MTV and he goes and sits down with the other adults... he assaults this girl under your roof, you could lose all your money in a lawsuit, and the girl could be psychologically damaged. tell him to grow up and sit at the ADULT table, and leave the young girl alone. if he still does it, i'd stop having the girl come to the house and risk potential damage to yourself and the girl if he is intent on molesting her. i also wouldn't leave him alone with any other young girls or teenagers til you see what's up with this weird behavior. if it's innocent on his part, he'll stop as soon as you point out to him that it is inappropriate, but he argues with you and gets angry, then i'd watch out...

the fact that you don't even have time to sit down and talk with him (i presume because of his car activities) should tell you he has not made you a priority, and has already chosen what is most important to him over you, the cars. it is very very hard to leave someone you have invested yourself in, who may have lots of good qualities, but not the qualities you need to be happy, but staying longer won't fix that situation and just prolong the pain. you do not need to rush into a breakup if you are not emotionally there yet, but i would suggest that you just stop doing the work to try to maintain the relationship, and see what happens... does he try to see you and stay in contact with you, miss your attentions, or just continue on his merry way ignoring you while pursuing car interests? there are some people who are perfectly happy in a relationship where the only time they meet up is for sex and an occasional sandwhich (some humor there), but don't really want/need to spend much other time with their partner once their more primal needs (food/sex) get met... so he may be perfectly happy with the situation as it is, but you obviously want (and deserve) more from a relationship than babysitting a car junkie... l don't regret marrying my sports junkie, because we both had the best of intentions, i just regret that i wasted so much time on someone who obviously was not that interested in anything but sports, even me! i pretty much knew one year into the marriage that i was not happy, but it took 7 years of beating my head into the wall to realize i did NOT have to live with someone who made no effort to connect with me on any real level... so good luck, and i'm sure he will get over it, always another car show or whatever for him to see... meanwhile, you can be off persuing things that make you happy, and find someone who enjoys those same things (and your company) as well.

for an emotional abuser, he WANTS you to feel bad about yourself and believe you are the cause of ALL his (and your own) problems, because keeping you on edge and worried all the time and thinking that no one else will want you gives him TOTAL control... and that's what abuse is about control, not loving or 'corrrecting' or helping another person. most abusers *love* having a beaten down but loyal wife waiting for them at home, waiting to leap up to meet their every little (unreasonable) needs because they are so anxious, but these abusers also want to run around with other women and get their egos stroked... so abusiveness is all about their wanting to have their cake and eat it too, and they will put you down as a strategy to ensure they can behave outrageously and you somehow end up blaming yourself for it, not them. maybe the issue isn't that you have too much jealousy, maybe it is that your intuition is nagging you because he is putting up a smoke screen and really is cheating on you! if he comes home from a business trip bragging about how sexy some woman thought he was, then that should set off clanging bells that he might very well be cheating, especially if he is trying new moves in bed at the same time! so i would say the problem there might be cheating, not your jealously... but how convenient that he makes a POINT of saying something that is guaranteed to stir up anyone's jealousy (ie 'some other sexy woman likes my moves'), then BLAMES you for being jealous when he is the one making inflammatory comments... classic abusive behavior... please read the book from the link above... it will probably clear up for you whether he is abusive or not, and help you decide how to address this. so your first challenge is to see his behavior for what it really is, and recognize that he has done a mental number on you to keep you more compliant and waiting (wanting) to do everything exactly the way he wants it...

Anger is a primitive emotion that has a heavy component of frustration in it... it sounds like he doesn't know how to express a full range of emotions, so it just goes straight to anger. He can't live his life this way, or he *will* end up injured or injuring someone and most likely in jail... you cannot follow him around everywhere he goes trying to control him like a rabid pit bull off a lease... so the *only* answer here is he needs to get some counseling to talk about all his frustrations that are boiling up as anger. he needs to learn other skills like negotiation to express himself to others and defuse the situation. and if he is starting to carry a knife, this thing is escalating way out of control and lots of people could get hurt, you included. you can take a knife away from him, but he can always get another, very easily. or get arrested found concealing a weapon on school property (or elsewhere). (and you too if you're carrying it). the other question is, is he taking any kinds of drugs? some drugs will make peope enraged, and the only way to stop that is to stop the drugs. he could also have a form of depression which manifests itself as excess anger, so all roads lead to going to see a doctor/counselor to try to help him out. he also should channel his feelings into sports or other activites that work it off rather than encourage confrontations with other people. and last, please do not take his anger as harmless towards you. if he gets angry with you, he could start abusing your or even seriously injure you. this does not sound like 'harmless' situation, it sounds like it needs professsionals to deal with it...

there are lots of messed up people in this world... she could be still pining for him and hoping he is free again and hanging on when she should just go away, or she could be someone who can't stand to see any of her former 'possessions' (boyfriends) owned by anyone else because she has a jealousy problem, or she could be a potentially serious stalker who doesn't take no for an answer. so you have to approach this from the most benign position first, ie., maybe she still has a thing for you boyfriend and wants him back. but that means it is up to HIM to clearly tell her he is not interested, and to quit calling because he is happy with you. If she continues to call or bother him (or you), go to the next level and tell her that her behavior is really inappropriate and she needs to get some counseling to address why she is bothering people who have told her to leave them alone. and if she is really psycho and still doesn't stop, then you get the campus police or restraining order, whatever. but most likely, she is down at level 1 or 2, hoping to get him back as a boyfriend, or toying with both of you becuase she can't accept that she's been rejected and is working out her anger about that... but she needs to be told very clearly by your boyfriend to go away, and the same by you if she talks to you again. if she gets a job where you work, this is actually an EASIER problem. just ignore her and go about your business, and if you hear she is saying/doing anything at work that approaches stalking behavior, go to your supervisor or HR and explain the situation, and they will take care of it for you, they don't want ANY kind of trouble at a business, and if she is behaving unprofessionally, they will fire her. just don't let it get to any name calling, WWF female wrestling matches... she could try to provoke something then say YOU were the one who started it because you were jealous of his ex-girlfriend... don't take it as a turf war because you boyfriend sounds very loyal to you and is NOT interested in her attentions. it is more a case of keeping a calm united front that just repeats, he's not interested, we're happy, stop calling, go away. nobody can make you listen to her rants either, next time she approaches, just state your case once calmly, then walk away and refuse to engage in any more conversation with her, end of story.

i would say do NOT tell your fiance becuase it was kissing and didn't go farther. the guilt is yours to bear, and it will hopefully flair up everytime you even *think* about doing such a thing again, and stop you. getting engaged can put a lot of pressure on people becuase they start thinking about the permanency of marriage and wonder if they should have 'shopped' more before deciding on their partner. so incidents like this are not uncommon, and either make the person decide they really do love their fiance and were stupid to even dally with someone else, or else they realize they really have strong feelings for other people still, more strong than one should feel if they are marrying someone else, and maybe the engagement should be postponed/broken until those feeling are resolved. so don't focus on the guilt, focus on your feelings for your fiance and this other person and really take a hard look at your motivations for the kissing... what were you trying to get out of that? are you having doubts about your fiance, or marriage in general? do you think this guy you kissed woudl be a better husband for you than your fiance? were you just thinking you were ready to be faithful yet? had you drunk too much and let your inhibitions down? this guy could really like you, but he could also be one of those players who likes to 'score' women, especially engaged/marriaged women because he gets a kick out of trespassing on some other guy's territory, a sport for him. you could get unengaged to your finance, then this guy dump you or say he wasn't serious, so think carefully before you act. Engagement is a 'test run' period where you try on for size the idea that you are committing your life to someone else... if you are finding what you are trying on (your fiance) is NOT what you want, then the kissing episode may be a sign you need to break your engagement before it goes any further. but if you really enjoy your fiance and want to get married, but just had a moment of panic/cold feet etc. that really wasn't related to him (or the other guy) personally, you might have acted out your stress at preparing for a wedding with that kiss, and now realize losing your fiance is not worth fooling around. the last thing i woudl say is if you are serious about the marriage, then don't put yourself in ANY compromising situations with other men. if you know you're attracted to someone, don't go to his house alone, or accept invitations to dinner etc. even when married, people still find other people attractive, they aren't dead and attractions happen, but the trick is to make sure those attractions never go anywhere, and to in fact avoid and STOP seeing someone who might entice you to cheat... so i'd file this one under lesson learned, don't do it again, and suck up the guilt and decide whether you are ready to marry your fiance or not, and talk to him about *that*, not the kiss itself... a big guilty confession just might get you dumped, and he might not even believe that the action stopped with just a kiss if you are acting very guilty and carrying on about it!

i think that one can *understand* why people cheat, but justify it, no way... the cheater is making an active choice to betray another person (who is supposedly the one they love) and lie, hide things etc. they are basically deciding to go outside the relationship for things they want, without giving respect to the relationship and the other person to talk about their needs etc. so they are making the decision to 'sample' another person to see if they like that person enough to leave their partner, a very selfish act for all concerned... if all parties know up front what is involved and have worked it out as ok (i.e., a seriously ill partner giving the other partner permission to fulfill sexual needs elsewhere), then that isn't cheating because all parties have made a joint decision and know about it and there is no deception (unless they are deceiving the third party about their own relationship), in which case it is still cheating... so basically, one can understand why people would cheat, but it is still cheating unless all partners are open about it in advance...

first off, NEVER give anyone else your passwords, especially someone who you think might be a compulsive liar... he could use them to email scary stuff to other people in your name, or make online purchases in your name, whatever, but that level of trust is NOT justified in this case, change your passwords, and recognize that your private accounts should be just that PRIVATE! not a question of trust or bartering, a question of common sense and protecting yourself from others who might steal your identity for false purposes and really, really injure you in the process.. second, you are so young, and there are so many wolves in sheep's clothing out there, who represent themselves as "Christians" in an attempt to gain the trust of those other christians they hope to exploit. if this guy has huge psychological problems, it is not your problem to solve, especially at your age. as a Christian, you should refer him to a minister, or a counselor, or someone really trained to address his problems, and meeting him for pseudo-sexual rendevous and conversations will NOT help either of you. please don't get sucked into his world, which obviously is very complicated and involves layers of lies and smoke to distract you... he is young to have so many problems such as pathological lying, so you can't fix this, and only prolong the problem by getting involved rather than referring him to someone who can really help him, and protecting yourself from any damage someone with these problems might cause you.