cawls

hello, me and my partner have been together for 3 years now, we are getting along great. I have a very high sex drive but my partner doesnt really. She never likes me talking about sex much etc. It used to really get to me!! then just last night after a great night out She says to me "can i tell you something that i have never told anyone else" so i said sure!! "she told me she was raped a year before i met her!! This killed me (this was my babe telling me some horrible person did this to her!!) i was in shock and didnt know how to react! How should i react to this? what do i do? i have told her i am here and love her loads and will never hurt her! She said she wants to get things sorted but wont see a councilor! Can anyone give me advice on how to help the situation, i really would appreciate it

hello there, firstly i want to give you all some background info on my situation. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and have a wonderful son. The relationship has always been rocks with some intense fights. We have broken up and got back together many times. Recently me and the partner (well ex now) have both been driving each other around the bend basically. We are more like friends than lovers. I decided to take some action and thought about leaving for some time. I spoke with my ex and we both mutually agreed that it would be better if we were just friends. This is great not only because we get along great as friends but for our son. I do still love her lots but know that the relationship is over! Even she said the didnt want to break up but its for the best. The problem is - I now have a funy feeling, i had the thought of her meeting new guys and i felt horrible. Even though i know its right and had a big influence on this i feel low and upset. Is it possible for us to remain friends. She has always stated i have been her best friend for years. One thing i dont want to happen is for us to be friends then when she meets someone new stop been friendly with me. I really care for her loads and enjoy her company! Any suggestions.

definitely keep NO CONTACT. your thinking of her, she will be thinking of you. Even if she doesnt come back the longer you NC the quicker you will move on. There is a big possibility that she isnt going to contact you, so why should you contact her?. If she wants to contact you she will, At this moment in time she obviously doesnt. If you contact her and she says something you dont wish to hear..'Were not going to get back, Im on a date or please dont contact me' these will cause more pain and you will be at stage one all over again. The best thing you can do is see your friends. as you stated 'when alone your mind wanders'. See your friends, keep your self occupied. Spend as little time on your own as possible. My thoughts are with you as i know what the pain is like. I was broken up with my gf for a short period and cut contact. Let her have her own space. She contacted me. I did make it clear to her that i was moving on before i initiated NC. Its the only solution in my eyes. You broke up for issues similar to mine, arguments, mistreating her, taking her for granted. I want you to take a moment and just feel the pain you are in at the moment. If you do get back with your partner i want you to look back everythime you feel angry or about to argue and remember what this pain felt like. I will be doing that in future and remember how gutted i was, how empty i felt. I am sure this will make sure i dont mistreat her again. Chin up

hi i firstly want to thank everyone who has given me advice recently through this very tough time, It makes all the difference and got me thinking straight again. i like most of you lost my gf around 2 weeks ago now. Itried everything to get her back, begged cried etc. I listened to the advice from posts on this site, and have to say its the way forward. I urge anyone who has broken up to read very carefully to advice posted. No contact!...This is very difficult but i cut the ex out to a degree that i was only speaking to her regarding our son. She wanted space i give her it. She went out clubbin with her friends, had time to her self. It was very difficult for me at this stage as i still madly loved her. I wondered what she was doing, who she was with etc. This is all normal, the days seemed long and meaningless. I decided all the moping must stop, I made some goals which i want to achieve in the future and planned my future without her. Today i dropped my son off and the ex stated she wanted to speak to me later. when she eventually spoke with me she told me that she made a mistake and misses me lots. I was really happy at this stage but kept my emotions IN. I toldher that we should take things slow and still ahve a little space so we dont fall back into the same problems which we had.We chatted about things that were wrong in the relationship and have decided that we will give it another go. My advice Talk to people, dont sit around on your own. Keep busy with friends, the more you do the less you will think about it. The quicker you will move on Dont think they are coming back. Think about your future. Otherwise you are holding on for something that might not ever happen. If you think you wont get back you will move on quicker making the whole situation less painful. Plan your future, set goals and make them happen. Work on your self. THE MOST IMPORTANT! no matter how hard or how difficult it seems. Go NO CONTACT, otherwise your ex really wont have time to miss you and will just get fed up of your actions to get her/him back. By not contacting them they will "wonder why, what YOUR doing, WHO you are with etc etc. They will enjoy the split at first as its a breath of fresh air.But then reality will hit them. At this point you will be well on your way "moving on" and they will contact you. My thoughts are with everyone who is in this situation. as its a very very painful experience. After going through this and getting back with her i am not about to forget about this forum. If anyone wants to chat about anything you can do by adding me to msn, PM etc. ONE LAST THING! **If you do get back and the reason for the breakup was because you took him/her for granted, didnt treat them correct etc. Just look back to these days "the pain you experienced" and think...do i really want to go through that again! im sure i dont and i wont be taking her for granted thats for sure.I have realied how important my partner is and how much i love her!

just thought id let you know.. i have spoken to the ex and arranged a time to pick my son up. i have now blocked her again. She was shocked that i am having him for the full weekend and taking him swimming. So maybe she will see i am prepared to change fully. If not atleast i am spending time with my son which i should have in the first placed. Also want to comment on my feelings: its been an up and down day with good and bad spell but after arranging a time to collect my son i blocked her, I found this really easy to do and i am not at all hurting. (i have also been sat around watching tv without any hurt creeping in)

I am wanting to do the no contact but its difficult when i need to arrange to see my son. Do you think its a good idea next time i speak to her to ask for specific access times, rather than me phoning and askin all the time? some thoughts would be appreciated (she does not have a problem with me seeing him by the way, its all she wants. me to spend loads of time with our son)

thank you so much... I have just been thinking there of many things which i am going to change. i ahve made a list of things to change. i have also made a list of things i want to achieve in the no contact period. This is for my self because at the moment i have little self esteem. Basically i am in love with this girl, so i want her to be happy.if thats not with me then fine ill have to accept that, But by god am i going to try my hardest. I am going to change job (its well paid but its been causing me stress which started arguments with my ex. She asked me to get a new job along time ago). I am going to job hunt all night tonight and write some cv's up. I used to be involved in motor racing but stopped due to some circumstances, but i am going to start again this year. i am also going to jot down things i feel i have done wrong in the relationship, find faults with my self that i can put right (for my self). My son is number 1, and my exwill see this. I am going to have him as much as possible even if its for an hour or so a night. The days i took the p*ss are over. I want to be a fmaily and its time i started acting like a propper daddy. I will keep every one updated with my progress. Weather i get back or not i can show her that i am responsible.

i was thinking about asking for set times to see my son rather than me having to contact her. I am wanting to have him friday and saturday, these are the nights i sometimes goes out. Hopefully she will see that i am actually changing and want to be commited. the next thing i am looking at (i have beeen for some timebut this has been like a kick up the bum - look for a house of my own with a bedroom for my son).

she wanted us to live together and be a propper family, because we never i have not been there 100% for her through pregnancy, and after birth. I totally regret this. She thinks i have been living the easy life basically like a single lad andyes it must seem like that to her but i would do any thing for her. Just when she said she loves me but not enough to be with me killed me. i honestly know in my self that its over but i dont want to accept it i just hope i can have another chance. She wants to be friends with me so much but understands i cant because i love her

how many people have fallen out of love, broken up then got back together.? I know i should be moving on and am on day 2 of no contact (well i had to contact her today to ask what time i can pick my son up) I like so many others am finding it so hard - I dont want to move on - I know where i stuffed up - Am willing to change. She loves me but not enough to be with me, She said i was her soul mate, She said the thought of the future without her was horrible, She wanted to be a propper family (me her and our son living together), She would love to spend the rest of her life with me but i have had to many chances and failed, "things would have to change but she wont give me another chance" She wants to be on her own to have time and space - her best friend now lives far away, I really feel i have NO chance of getting her back but i really want to. To be honest i have been through this before but i LOVE this girl 110% more. Its so so difficult.

thanks guys for all the support. i am going to stick at the no contact thing, only contact if its regarding my son. I just hope that me not been around for her to share things with and ask me for help will hit her and make her think "i might have made a mistake here". One the other hand she has felt like this for some time so she probs wont miss me the way i want her to and the NC will help her move on easier. I dont know i am so weak i cant eat (i am definitely not turning to drink though) Just see how things pan out. I will always have a connection to this girl for the rest of our lives through my son so hopefully oneday things will work out

i saw her today and i think i acted pathetic as i broke down and begged for one last chance (i know now i should not have done it and i hope to god i have not pushed her further away) while i was with her i rec'd a txt message from a friend and the ex asked who it was and looked at the phone...i think she was a bit worried who i had txting me. To be honest though i dont thinkshe has been happy for some time and i dont think the NC will work. I am going to give it a try though and will keep you posted. I removed her email addess from msn and her mobile no from my phone so if iget drunk i dnt end up saying something i regret. I have decided i need to get a new hobby, spend time with friends and do tings for my self. I do want her back more than any thing though but at the moment i feel there is 101% no chance of me getting back with her. Just hope the NC shocks her

i recently split from my gf "she loves me but not in love with me" she keeps giving me lots of different signals, she says she fancies me, she loves and cares for me and wishes we could have worked. But because i have let her down in the past the bad points are greater than the good points. We have a child together and we are best friends but i have decided i can no longer be friends as i love her so much. She has asked for space to be on her own and do her own thing so i am going to give it to her. I really want to get her back as i am so in love with her its unreal. I cant stop cryin, I have not eatin in 2 days. She has said to me she has ot had time to miss me or think yet as we have spoken every day since the split "as friends". She said she cant say how she will feel in time but at this point she does not want to be with me. I asked if there was a chance for the future and she said she didnt know. She said she has been under stress and there things she just does not know at the moment. The bottomline is i want her back but just dont have any idea how to do it. I dont want to move on. I want my gf back. I will definitely be having a relationship with my son, no questions asked. i could just do with some support and guidence. I feel i can no longer cope and have already lost time off work. My and the ex were together for 2 1/2 years and out child is 17months old. I just want to be a propper family with her and my son. There has been things which i the past 2 1/2 years i regret such as (not moving out with her, not giving her the support she needs, taking her for granted) but now i have realised its far too late. I am not even considering getting with any other girl. This oneis the one for me. I just need her to miss sharing things with me, miss me helping her, miss having drinks with her and also be the person i was when she first met me again (i have become stressed due to many factors such as work etc). I hope this is possible to achieve. I feel at the moment its 100% over as she has said dont hold on to any hopes because she can not guarentee that we will get back. Some things she has also commented on which baffled my head. I commented on that i was looking at houses and she said she would help me find a place, decorate,etc and maybe if thins work out she could move in. She also said that looking at the future without me is daungting, she misses me. Some views is appreicated - .crying.

Basically here is the problem When i first met my g/f of more than 2 years things were great. Wehave had a baby together (however i live at home as does she). There has been times when i have been unable to be there for my partner. We have had our ups and downs as any other couple does. But i started hanging around with a friend who has a bad attitude and some rubbed off onto me. I have also been under major stress at work. Sometimes i take the stress home and i am ashamed to say i have been a b*****d for around 6 months now. The other night i was drunk and said somethings which i really regret (nasty things to the othe rhalf). The week prior to that we had the best time ever as we did things together. told each other we loved one another etc. Then yesterday i said to my partner are we ok? she replied "i care for you loads and loads and am still attracted to you but i dont think i love you the way i loved the person i first met" This has shattered me. i realised that there are things i need to sort out in my life such as the stress at work (that has now been rectified), I have also stopped seeing this person who has the bad attitude and i am much calmer but i feel its now too late. I was speaking to my ex today and said do you love me she said she didnt know -i definitely care for you loads, and still fancy you - i said if i sorted my self out do you think you could love me again - she said yes- she can not guarentee that by the time i sort my self out she will still feel the same which is understandable. I love this girl and realise how much she means to me, we have decided to go ice skating tonight so we can say bye to one another and leave on good terms. She replied " i know but i dont think i can just do that ;(" i asked what she meant and she said " i mean like go skatig with ya tonight then thats it" we have agreed to go and just have fun. I have said we need to go separate ways. Is it possible to get tis relationship back on track and get her to fall back in love with me.

just some advice please i broke up with my partner of 2 years last week but agreed to be friends. We still see each other but not as much as we used to. We have both said we still love each other and i have really missed her. I think we might get back together. However i went out with the lads drinking last night a kissed another girl once. (It didnt mean anything and it basically confirmed to me how much i do actually love my ex). She means more to me than anything and i DO want her back. The problem is do i tell her about this stupid kiss that meant nothing to me or do i leave it hoping that no one lets her know. (at the time we were not together) Advice is appreciated