bodycocoon

Update I think I've decided to be a-sexual after this weekend's events. Found out he has had a girlfriend since we first met and failed to mention it! And to top it off, he and a friend did a girlfriend swap one night a few years back. * * *!? So I'm very curious why hardly anyone in his circle of friends knows about this relationship and that he was openly admiting he wanted to date my friend while he was already taken!! I was also asked to pretend I didn't know this information - WHY!? I also want to deck him one for breaking up with her over the phone over the weekend in between getting drunk and partying! I'm still pretty shell-shocked over the whole thing. When I found this information out from a close friend of his I was literally shaking all over with fury and shock. The moment I don't want to smash his face into the pavement and hope he dies a slow horrible death, (i.e look at the whole situation in an objective manner) I'm going to demand a part two and see what this a**hole has to say. I'm dying to see what fairytales he can spin after this!

You're absolutely right! - there is no justification for me getting drunk! I was pretty pissed off with myself for falling to that level afterwards. To me it was a pathetic wake up call to do something about this problem - ie. tell him. And I did. The intensity of those feelings are less intense and more tolerable because I'm not having to hide my feelings completely. Like I said before, I also told him the reasons behind getting drunk because he knows I never drink. He was kinda shocked. I told him to be straight up with him. so sick of the games and dancing around issues, I'm being straight up honest with him about it all.

I have always known since the moment I told him that he's probably enjoying the fact that someone likes him. Hell, his line of work implies that infatuation for him. Since telling him and knowing that guys ego's tend to enjoy this game, I have cut right back to the amount of communication I will have with him. What used to be like 20+ texts back and forth to eachother each day, has come back to maybe 2 - if I even text him that day. Today I didn't text for example. Or over the weekend for that matter. I can respect your points and you're right on some....except maybe this one: I actually don't. The whole reason I got drunk that night was to get rid of those 'love' feelings. The whole point of this thread was to unload those feelings and the anxiousness I'm getting from the whole ordeal. Trust me when I say I'm sick of feeling 'in love' for this guy especially as it isn't being returned. Update Like clockwork, I ran into him tonight at an event. It was alright - first time seeing eachother in person since the night we spoke (just over 2 weeks) It was pretty much the same amount of attention in terms of chatting and, well, from my end I didn't feel arkward about it. I chatted to his friends while he was talking to others or what not. Every now and then we'd start talking about stuff. When I had to go, again it happened! - that arkward 'what the f*ck do we do?' in terms of just wave, shake hands or hug goodbye.. it was kind of comical. Though I did notice he sneaked looks at me more often than usual. Probably checking I was still alive on the lounge. lol

Hahaha you're absolutely right I'd jump on him if he took his shirt off! Ahh frustration.. I've got to admit, after hearing what you have to say Sara, it's put my mind at ease. I'm fully aware that this situation will probably not turn out the same way as yours, but at least it's something positive in comparison to other advice I'd been given by friends! (no offence to them!!) On the weekend I plan to just have a good time and hang out - not even bring up the part two conversation. Like you said, he knows so why push it with reminding him.. I can well understand your point about him being careful.. My first thought has been from his perspective: I'm friends with a "man-hater" as he would call my friend he had the crush on. So quite possibly I might be as well. The texts I got of psychoanalysing why she is a b*tch and why she destroys mens lives! argh!!! He actually appologised for sending them after I told him I liked him, realising it would have driven me nuts. I was honest with him and said yes, especially as he didn't know the problems my friend was facing at the time, as well as not really knowing my friend at all. Plus being hurt at other times by girls - What's hard is trying to make him understand that I want to see him happy in his life and that I'm not out to just screw him (both meanings) then move on. I freak everytime he drives from his parents to his place at night or if he gets sick, and will call up to check he's okay, or get him to text me to let me know he got home safe. (lol he thinks it's sweet I always send him "get home safe" wishes) I love and crave having more conversations with him about life, music, art, stupid trivial stuff. We've only had a few conversations where he isn't in a rush to be somewhere and they're great! I know there's something going on behind those beautiful eyes of his and I want to know what makes him tick. So I'm absolutly praying that he comes around in a few weeks/months time after we get to know each other more. After all, in a message he sent (not a text) to me about relationships, he feels that getting to know someone is the best part! I agree. I guess all good things come to those who wait..

Hey Sara, Tell your boy my heart goes out to him re: being hurt badly with abuse etc I'm gonna be seeing him this weekend - I only found out yesterday he was going to be at the same event as me! oops. I think the only problem with not talking to him, at the moment is that I talk to his friends as well and - as above example - usually end up running into him.. Though I want to try it when I go home (couple of hours away) for an internship in December and see what happens.. From talking to his friends and himself, he seems to have lost his confidence in the last few years. I don't know why though. He's even too nervous to show me a tattoo which he mentioned to me he just got done a few weeks ago and would show me, which is on his shoulder blade! Hmm, I spose thinking on it, it requires him to take his shirt off... On the odd occasions we have a chance to be alone, he has told me things that he hasn't told his friends - I guess because I'm not close to his group to re-act the way they would. Stuff that would upset his friends - wanting to move back overseas for example. Plus I've told him from the start that I'm always here to talk. He appreciates that.

I agree. this worries me a lot, in terms of sliding towards not interested. I've tried leaving it for a few days to see what happens - Nothing. And I always cave in after 48hrs because I'm dying to know that he's still alive and of course 'hello, I'm here! Don't forget about me!' there's a guarantee for a reply to my texts. What throws me is the flirting we used to have. We've only ever done it a couple of times, but it was obvious flirting as confirmed by at least 8 objective people who aren't my best friends (long story) who want to make me feel better. While I totally agree with you that he may not want to encourgae it any further, I'm dying to know from him whether those allegedly flirtatious comments were just him being friendly as in he always writes like that (which he doesn't with me) or him being *friendly* ...something which will hopefully come up in part two depending how it goes gawd... look at this page. It's filled with me just talking and talking about him. I really am f*cked aren't I?

Thanks for the advice Sara! You make some good points I haven't actually considered before and I'm PRAYING they work out like yours!! In relation to the 'part two', while it's killing me, I'm waiting until he says something. Like you said: desperate/chasing him is not a good look! (lol) and you're right - he needs time to process. He's a shy guy and getting him to discuss this subject was an effort on it's own! Right after he found out I was with someone else at the time, he seemed to suddenly form a crush on my friend. (While I was a bit cut, I was excited for my friend. Hell, she had a pretty cool guy after her! lol) It took me all of ten seconds to realise he had a crush the next time we all hung out and when we were alone for a few minutes at a pub, I confronted him (nice and casual) about it. He instantly turned red, and slinked into his jacket in shyness. I felt so sorry for the guy! Here I am hitting him up on the spot about something he thought no one had noticed! Later he wrote me a text saying that he did have a crush etc. I sent one back saying it was excellent and that they should talk to see where they're at. Not to mention 'good luck!' However... this shyness can be a hazard - he and my friend NEVER actually sat down and talked it out. It was basically info through friends to each side. Eventually their friendship turned very sour due to the lack of communication. It sucks now, because I love them both soo much and they can't stand to be in a room together when they have nothing to base this argument on! (life is weird)

Thanks Scout, glad to be here! Basically there was a bit of running around to get him to be in the one place (he travels back and forth between his place and his folks up north each week) I finally sent a straight forward text that I wanted to talk about something specific and to arrange a time when it suited him. I ended up being slotted in about 15min before drinks with the boys, so I left it until I was to head home at the end of the night. While waiting for my bus, he and I talked at the bus stop in person. All he said was he had a suspicion that I had a crush and that he was flattered. That was it. We talked about other stuff not relevant to this (waay too much stuff to even cover!) as well as got interrupted by a drunk and finally my bus came when we were still talking about the crush issue. For part two (if it ever happens!! grr), I plan to shut up and let him hold the conversation.

Okay - I'll try and condense my story: BACKGROUND: Met this guy about three months ago, instantly smitten on him. At the time I was dating another, which ended quickly due to other problems. Since then my crush on this guy has become more and more intense, to the point I went out and got drunk to drown out these intense feelings I had. (Now let me stress, I NEVER DRINK!!) I finally told him a few weeks ago that I liked him because the stress of dealing with this on my own was getting to be too much. I still have had no definite 'yes' or 'no' answer. We planned to have a 'part two' conversation, and it hasn't happened due to time constraints (work, college etc) We are still communicating as usual. MY CURRENT FEELINGS I'm going insane. I'm physically exhausted feeling this way; like someone has hit me with a truck when he doesn't answer my call or if he doesn't come out to have drinks with friends. I can't even stand being in the same street he lives on (even if that may be 15 miles away) in a pub because he's not there with me. However, when I'm around him (which is not often), I feel soo good, So calm and never want him to leave. It physically hurts and makes me depressed when I have to go home or if he has to leave. WHAT I TOLD HIM That I had feelings for him and that having a crush on him was the reason I got drunk for the first time. He also knows I was crying over it the night I got drunk. I explained to him the number of occasions I had tried to tell him but to no avail (forces/fate putting obstacles in my path?) ADVICE, PLEASE? My query, I guess is much like jumping the gun... I want to know if, based on the below info, this guy has been stringing me along or ...well whatever your suggestions are of the situation. Let me first just make it clear that our primary communication is through texting. We've talked on the phone maybe a handful of times and physically hung out maybe 7 times but usually in groups with friends. Queries: 1. When we first met he asked for my number. 2. After I broke up with my ex, in the beginning most text messages ended with 'xx' 3. After I broke up with my ex, he invited me to visit his folks up north on my own (nothing happened) and to meet some more of his friends 4. On a few occasions we have - well what I understand to be - flirted through texting 5. I'm always the first to initiate a text conversation, or call him. Okay, go for it!