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77streaks

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  1. 77streaks
    hang in there anti love superstar... if you need time off, take it. it sounds like you are considerate of your parents feelings, which is causing you the fear of letting them down...but i think they will understand, and they would have observed that you did try when you enrolled in a new course and got good grades. you can let them know that you don't want to hurt them, but this is the truth that you can't cope right now, and you need time and counselling. they will be supportive. if you think you want to bite the bullet and do it, then come up with a schedule and a timeline on how you are gonna finish your work and stick to it. best of luck!
  2. 77streaks
    that's so inspiring. i ended things with my ex, cos he had been hiding things from me...such as a card he made for his best friend, an underwear model who calls him the "love of her life" and introducing me as a "friend" to his exdate, whilst kicking up major fusses about me not being committed to him. He would get upset when i refused to answer as to whether i would marry him. and all of this in a 4mth relationship, and while he quit his job. yea, so i know its good to "Just Let Go" because its never going to work out, and i wouldn't be happy with someone as inconsistent and dramatic as he is ( keeping me up at 3am, cos he is not convinced i love him) Some of this problem is his insecurity and immaturity and my refusal to work it thru...cos i think he needs therapy, he won't get it. i ran into his good friend other day at my bus stop and it was disgusting for me, that "underwear model" girl who irritates me. She wouldn't stop talking, and i found her sickening. Part of me just wanted to ask her why she behaves in such a way, she puts up her nude pictures on msn etc. But, i try not to judge or to put her down, but plainly i am sickened. ergh. I just want to let go, but this nasty aftertaste lingers. I just want it to go away. i doubt confronting my ex will do any good, i have ended things with him and don't trust him... the thing is i actually believed him before. now, there are a couple of guys after me asking me out, but i just feel so sickened by guys in general, or rather in my judgement that i just feel very un-able to move on. its been about two weeks, and the rlnship was short...but i still feel so nauseated. I am recovering from an accident, and while the rlnship was good, i felt so safe and happy having someone who cared so much for me, but now it seems so fake, and i feel so disillusioned and unable to let any guy close to me. i just feel terrible, and angry, and i don't know how to express this anger. I feel so pent up and now having to recover physically i try to keep an even temper, but i am so pissed off. i don't know how to deal with it, cos NC keeps me calmer, but i am still simmering... any advice?
  3. 77streaks
    i understand. i am on NC. its tough, i've gotta get my stuff back from him, and since i bought a second hand laptop from him, i need the password etc, its a pain. i don't feel like seeing him... in fact i ran into this girl whom he had a duboius relationship near my house, and i was just so irritated, whilst she just kept on chattering on and on. i feel alot of anger still. The only thing that keep me doing NC, is that it seems to have a cumulative benefit...cos moving on has a momentum, and that frail momentum can be halted by meeting the ex which triggers a mixture of emotions. hang in there yea...good luck....
  4. 77streaks
    if you do not feel anymore love for your wife, then maybe its time to leave. Pity is not a good reason to stay. But, yes i pity her too. Why prolong her misery and yours? If you will not take the steps to leave S and rebuild your relationship with your wife, i suppose the best thing you can do is to let your wife go. Now you "have one feet in each boat" and you're gonna fall over. let her go, your wife deserves someone who loves her. boy, this sounds so painful. i can only really believe that you don't love your wife, because you've cheated on her repeatedly and you don't really care about her feelings, or try to understand her...which leads me to think, you don't love her, maybe you only loved her for what she could contribute to your life, by being the wife in the location you want, when you want. you really don't sound like you want to rebuild this with your wife. in fact this relationship seems "dispensable", and what is serious is that this other person invested 14 yrs with you, and had two kids with you. Her heart must be so broken. suggest, you speak to a counsellor for your own personal development, perhaps you have some issues that you need to work on. Even if you go off with S, the same issues could re emerge...
  5. 77streaks
    hi there, i'm no expert, but it sounds like he's addicted to porn! he needs some counselling, maybe...can't say what's normal, what's not. but, just so you know u're not alone...i would be very uncomfortable in the situation you're in. good luck.
  6. 77streaks
    hi Stryker, it sounds like you are the kind of person who likes being there for people. perhaps to distract yourself and to be of positive impact to others, you cld consider becoming a mentor or getting involved in charity work? just my two cents worth. i m sure when your ex is sorted she will realise what a good intentions you had towards her. in any case, you are not responsible for her life, she is. and you've tried before, so you've done your best, so its time for you to concentrate on your own healing. Sometimes leaving a person is the best thing you can do, for her and for you. She has to realise that you find it unacceptable, because it affects her life negatively and affects you. I hope you feel better soon, and definitely with time these feelings will lessen in degree,
  7. 77streaks
    just to add, alot of the reports i read...a grape diet tend to help. as in eating only grapes, as it has large qty of anti oxidants. you could google it. all the best wishes
  8. 77streaks
    dear ray kay, my mum had cancer when i was 7 and passed away when i was 9. after that i started to read up alot on cancer therapies when i was 16 -20. amongst the readings i did, many people reported that having a vegetarian diet helped. I sincerely hope to help, although i am no doctor. My friend's mum who had breat cancer too, went on a vegetarian diet and sought therapy to talk out whatever issues she had experienced, as cancer could also be linked to some kind of unresolved issues. Your mother is lucky to have such a supportive child. I am sure she feels the love and that will boost her morale and chances. Good luck! God bless your mother and all of your family.
  9. 77streaks
    oh dear, hugs. its common to feel bad when your partner has a porn thing and had an emotional affair, but it may not be you. perhaps you guys cld consider going for marriage counselling? is he stressed about somethings else? are you having post natal blues? I'm not an expert, but i am wondering if there are other underlying issues. Good Luck, and remember you are beautiful in every single way and always treat yourself well.
  10. 77streaks
    hi there, sounds tough. hmm...so you guys been married before, and divorced. Are the issues causing the divorce still there? are there things to resolve? if so, if you guys talk about it, it may be good to have a relationship counsellor involved. i've never been married so i can't be a good advisor on this. do you still love her, or are you just lonely? Good luck.
  11. 77streaks
    if you don't know what to talk about, you could ask questions and then listen! Listening is a very attractive quality! notice what's special about them, could be something they are wearing, the hobbies they are keen on. try to talk to the girls without expectations, just "practice" and if you have no other motive than to be a sincere friend, one or two girls will eventually stand out...and maybe more will develop! good luck
  12. 77streaks
    hi there! what triggers the desire to cut yourself? Is it some kind of emotions, any particular person(s) you come in contact with, post party, post alcohol, post drugs? I just hope to understand what makes you want to cut yourself...cos that's probably what you may need to deal with. cheers, and breath in deep!
  13. 77streaks
    instead of meds, consider a therapist or a hypnotherapist...someone to make you aware of the thought and memory patterns that's hurting you? good luck! cheers
  14. 77streaks
    hi there, i just broke up with a guy who rushed the whole marriage thing, and wanted to meet with my parents, and wanted me to meet his parents etc... he is very insecure and i found out dodgy things about him as time went by. He could be rushing you cos he wants you to be commited before you have enough information to change your mind. Now i think, the guy ought to be happy just spending time with you getting to know each other. Slow down. Perhaps he is just elated to have met the girl of his dreams, but you are entitled to take your own time, and remember to spend time with your friends too. Cheers and good luck
  15. 77streaks
    its beautiful that you want to be there for her and stand by her as she changes her habits and way of life...but does she really want to change? you said that you "settled her down, got her a job" etc, but in the end she's gotta want to settle herself down, and change because she wants to. the fact that she calls you when shes in trouble means that she knows she can count on you to be the rock of stability and strength. but...it sounds tough. I hope your car stuff gets sorted out soon. I think if you ever get back together with her it should only be when she's decided to sort out her own life and decides she wants to be with you. good luck!
  16. 77streaks
    hi there, maybe it is difficult for you to walk off and cut off someone who is a source of support for you. I suggest that if you find it hard to cut him off now, you could try cultivating other friendships and spend more time with family and friends and try to distance yourself from him. This will help you to be stronger and to make a break when you are stronger. Cancer is a tough battle. You do need people ard you for moral support. I agree with the rest that his way of dealinng with relationships may cause you turmoil when you least need it. Eventually you may find it best to leave him, if he can't make a clear decision. Right now focus on what's best for you.Spend time with folks who love you and will empower you. May you find the strength within you and may you have lots of support through this difficult journey.
  17. 77streaks
    hi there, i understand how you feel, and felt that way for a lonng while i was going through a long stretch of deadbeat doldrums. i thought about it for a long while, had a plan but didn't go through with it, simply cos i thought of all my loved ones. Anyone on the edge themselves might be blown down along with me. I took alot of stuff to be numb and that made me feel even duller and life looked duller. I wasn't putting anything into it, looking at the places in my life where i had failed. comparing myself to my peers then just seemed pointless and sick. everything sickened me, and bored me. then something happened to someone i loved. I was devastated, but then i realised i had to do something. I couldn't sit there and be swallowed up whole by this depression i was just feeding. i had to be strong for my folks when the crisis happened, and that just took me out of myself for a bit. I started to really take the plunge. i had wanted to die, and nothing was really gonna feel any worse, so i tried to get the job i wanted, despite my festering low self esteem. i joined a new class. i suddenly realised that things could really be alot worse, and somehow that help. a serious accident pushed me into severe depression, aand i was close to ending it. all my efforts just killed. but, somewhere inside i didn't want to just give up like that, and i think neither do you, by writing here you are making an effort. i took medication which provided the stability for me to start therapy. it was exhausting, scary and draining, but facing the demons headn with the therapist helped me, and i felt better if only for trying, and not being alone. i felt better for a while, but now the underlying depression is still there. From time to time, i feel a sense of overwhelming pointlessness. Working on my issues has helped alot. Sure, i am not 100% but i'm less miserable by maybe 20% sometimes i even get to feeling strong and good, and aware of how to make it. maybe you might want to seek counselling or any kind of therapy. this depression may be the starting point for the most liberating journey you'll ever have. Afterall you are close to giving up, so there is nothing to be lost from trying something new. hang in there, maybe the death longing is really a deep longing for change. You can do it. Hugs
  18. 77streaks
    it takes alot of courage to come out, and sadly most parents, esp religiously devout ones, freak out. My dad freaked out when my sibling, and i spoke to him about it. the fear is of something they don't know, my dad wondered how gays get along in life, without the whole marriage and kids thing and he was very upset for a long while. if you come out you could let your parents know your plans and how she could deal with it. but now, my dad's cool with it. He's learning, tho its hard for him as a disciplinary teacher, but he became more devout and actually decided to "let go to God" and in that sense opened up to accepting his chilidrn the way they are. I hope that when you come out, that things will work out.
  19. 77streaks
    i can't get to sleep. tossing and turning and the bed is an inferno of questions and i feel empty, afraid and just so roughed up. today, i had a farewell bbq for myself and this guy who's very keen on me was there. I felt even worse after talking to him, cos i felt so shallow. I know i just want to feel wanted, and i don't even really feel the pull or attraction. i loved my ex cos we could really talk, there was the sort of connection that i just miss so badly. going away to study, and i will be alone. it ll be a great exciting experience, but now i feel gut wrenchingly lonely. My ex called me tonight during the bbq, and i felt exuberant and liberated surrounded by my friends. Silly thing tonight, i got home and checked my mail, i received this eerie mail with a fwd photo...my imagination chilled and in a double spin, i felt scared, and this triggered the most desperate bout of gutwrenching loneliness. My ex was always there to make me feel safe, and now i'm alone again. he's got a dodgy friendship, and is a liar, and i broke up with him twice and now i don't think its wise to get back together...yet sometimes i feel roughed up and tired. Maybe its this constant sense that i can't go forward or anywhere else with some i don't trust. I can't be with anyone new. I don't feel connected to other guys who have asked me out. feeling needy and alone, and sleepless.... i miss that safe feeling. i feel so envious of my friends in stable long term rlnships, and i wish i had something like that. maybe my path is different, but i wish i didn't have to feel so dead sleepless and scared alone.
  20. 77streaks
    it doesn't sound like he is good for you. He's lied, and he doesn't make time for you. its a heavy commitment 13 kids! perhaps both of you could go into relationship counselling before you get married. its not good to marry til you feel comfortable and safe with him. once you are tied to him, you will be tied to his problems and the problems both of you have right now. you're 17, you should date other guys if you are unsure. There are infinite possibilities. You deserve more, and you know it. i hope this helps. take care, and hope you feel better soon.
  21. 77streaks
    Hi there, i understand its hard to open up about your hurting heart to friends who are not gay. I had a gay relationship for a year and a half, though before and after that i was "straight". my sibling is gay too, and i have gay friends. If you know your orientation, and the next time you make friends at the les/gay friendly bar, open up and really get to know people and make an effort to be a friend, listen to them. but right now, there may be some of your friends who might be more open minded than you imagine, and honestly if they really love you, they would want to be there for you. I think its wonderful that your family know and are cool with it. i don't think you can really do anything for your ex without hurting yourself. she has her own friends to turn to, she'll be alright. Take care, and hope you feel better soon
  22. 77streaks
    dear need to know, did your friends actually see anything with their own eyes? is there anyone who did see? of course it sounds terribly suspicious, given that its gone around college as you said. another possibility is that she could have been a victim of a vindictive rumour, and in that case she must have felt villified. why she blocked you could be an admission of guilt or perhaps she felt shutdown or attacked, there's no knowing for sure just now. if i were you, i would want to hear it from someone who did see. If not, when you get home, talk to her or write her an email. hope you feel better soon
  23. 77streaks

    im sick

    77streaks replied to teacup's topic in Personal Growth

    hang in there! its great that you're going to see a therapist. perhaps you could try doing something you enjoy for other people, and get out of thinking over and over again about ur problems. sometimes its the silence between two thoughts and the space between two actions that gives the best relief. when i get depressed, i try to get out of the house and go swimming to tire myself out. hope you feel better soon
  24. 77streaks
    your ex must have been thinking about you alot, and his burst of jealousy indicates his feelings for you. you know that much now, but going forward there isn't much you can do. it helps to just get away from the noise and routine. perhaps going for a walk in nature or getting involved in something you know you enjoy doing, with a bunch of people would help take your mind off things. after a while, your friend will forgive you. send her a little gift or card after a week or so? hope u feel better soon
  25. 77streaks
    NC is really tough for me. although its only been two days since i've ended things. loneliness is a cold plague, but i try to distract myself by forcing myself to get out of the house. Somehow the air outside wakes me up, and i remember all the other things to think about and remember. its hard, i still have some of his things and vice versa. and i have endless strings of could it be me? thoughts on why we just don't work. we've been so close over the last 4 months, spending so much time together that he has become such a huge part of my daily life, the phone calls. i enjoy cooking for him, and he drives me around. Now there is this absense that feels terrible. yet the reason to end this is pretty compelling to me, trust. reading all this links, i have learnt alot. Going to see a therapist about my trust and relationship issues. today, i m going to a bbq, and getting it set up, though i don't really feel up to it, i know getting busy will help. I really don't look forward to people asking me about my love life, given that V-day is up soon, but i know there are other single people out there, and that the magic of love will return, and is not scheduled for a single day each year. i have slumps when i feel just unable to deal, but somehow it picks up depite the heaviness. I know this is goinng be a while. I am in transition, i resigned to do freelance work & study and the freetime i have now is open space for the dwelling. Really glad to find this site. I feel alot less lonely knowing that i can unlock my feelings and that there so many other people pained. I feel less weak, i was angry with myself for being so emotionally affected, and swung when i have so much to sort out in my life. Yet i am coming to terms with mourning and accepting things, though the full impact may have yet to descend upon me. I stayed up hoping he would call, but i am glad he didn't. I hope something good and unexpected comes along to brighten your day. the sunlight turns the leaves golden in the dawn thats breaking over my day here, and for this moment at least, i feel some calmness and hope.
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