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keenan

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Everything posted by keenan

  1. keenan
    I think it's more about whether you're each satisfied. Every relationship has a unique dynamic.
  2. keenan
    Wow ~ he sounds like a total user ~ the kind of guy who, when he gets older, will prey on older women...trying to "win" their love and then their inheritance and life insurance policy! What a creep.
  3. keenan
    yep. from a wonderful guy (10 years) to a totally different person, practically overnight. bizarre. unfathomable. sorry to hear about your loss. stay on ENA; it helps.
  4. keenan
    congrats!
  5. keenan
    Honestly, you do sound needy, and like you can't let go. I know you want to contact him, but you're rationalizing your behavior. The strongest and smartest thing you can do right now is NOT send this email. He knows you love him ~ he knows you want him back. This email contains very little new information, and is only serving to give you the chance to maintain some connection with him. Not contacting him is the best thing for YOU. But if you want to be totally pragmatic about it, not contacting him is also the thing that is going to pique his interest the most. I'm NOT advocating NC as a means to getting him back (I think you should let him go), but the reality is that often want what we can't have. Your email is veritably dripping with pleas for reconciliation. You look sad and needy, not strong and fun and interesting, and you don't want to leave him with a pathetic image of you. Really. Best case is that he writes back something like "What a sweet note. Thanks" and then you never hear from him again. Worst case is that you get nothing back but silence...and you never hear from him again. Both will suck. If you don't send it, you're sparing yourself the pain of these possibilities, and you're sending a much more positive message about yourself. Think about it that way ~ NOT sending a message IS sending a message. Every day. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh ~ I don't mean it to. Good luck!!
  6. keenan
    He sounds interested, but wary of being rushed. If you're really interested in him, it might be helpful to cool your heels and let him pursue you at a pace he's comfortable with. If the pace doesn't suit you and you find yourself continually frustrated, however, perhaps you should move on to somebody who matches your own groove. yeah ~ and what annie said.
  7. keenan
    I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that he may be working through a bit of a crush. If he's recently rekindled a friendship with a lonely woman who knows and understands him...if they're talking about relationship issues (as they likely are, since she's recently divorced)...if he's feeling at all under-appreciated in the context of your relationship...it's possible that he's going through a phase. I wouldn't panic and escalate the situation, but I'd be extra kind and attentive to him. Trust your gut.
  8. keenan
  9. keenan
    Luke Skywalker, Maybe...as a thirty year old man...you should try to care a bit less what your parents think. If you feel like you can't connect with anybody your own chronological age, by all means date your emotional age and don't worry what anybody thinks...in either direction. You're in charge.
  10. keenan
    yeah, it was a pretty loose analogy.
  11. keenan
    S_a_M, I don't know what I can say that would help you, but I just wanted to tell you that I stumbled accross your posts and was immediately struck by how kind, caring, thoughtful, and generally wonderful you seem to be. I hope your step dad gets his issues sorted out (insecurity, fear of the unknown, social awkwardness, inability to handle conflict with grace, and most of all...discomfort with the power [via love and frienship] that his wife's son seems to wield in the new family), but I'm also positive that you're going to be fine no matter what happens. Your new family will stick together...you won't lose them. Don't worry. Big hug, guy. Ya know...If it helps, think of this as a nature program: the new daddy lion has joined the family and is naturally most suspicious of the only other male around that he doesn't have complete control over: you. It's no help that if push comes to shove, your mom would choose you over him. That's a very threatening position to be in, especially if this guy isn't very emotionally flexible or socially skilled. Do your best to put him at ease...show him that you respect (or at least appear to, lol) his authority. It might suck, but it might also keep things smooth.
  12. keenan
    I can't think of anything more horrifying.
  13. keenan
    Know that we're still with you , CL. Am so sad for you.
  14. keenan
    Holy COW. Is this a side effect? Because I've really noticed tons of hair in my hairbrushes, in the shower, etc., over the last few months, and I usually NEVER lose hair. Am not a 'shedder'. I was wondering if it's just from getting older, or feeling more stress...but.... Wellbutrin is NOT worth thinning hair (for this woman).
  15. keenan
    Yeah, true; it is different for everyone. I do think that there's something to the crankiness, lanty3. I'm definitely a bit more 'kerPOW' on this medication. It blends nicely into my personality (relaxed but feisty), so it's not too much a problem. I can see, however, that if you were on the anxious or high-strung side to begin with, this could really push ya in the wrong direction.
  16. keenan
    I love it. My doc put me on Celexa at first, and it really zoned me out. Like, I became so relaxed and mellow that I didn't do any work for over a month...and I didn't think it was a problem, LOL. Wellbutrin is an 'activating' antidepressant. I switched to it about 5 months ago (150mg per day, one pill in the morning), and it's been great. I'm a bit more alert than usual, and my (temper) fuse is a wee bit shorter...but I'm naturally such a mellow person that I think the WB just got me up to more normal energy levels. I haven't even had any trouble sleeping for a long time, which is ususual, since I'm naturally a semi-insomniac night owl.
  17. keenan
    I'm on board with you 100%. You're delightful, by the way. You should stick around ENA just for kicks. -k (another virgo)
  18. keenan
    I know, Melrich. I'm going through it myself, and it's absolutely one of the most horrible things I can imagine. I take marriage very seriously, and if it had been my choice, I wouldn't have ended mine, despite a year of borderline emotional abuse and my husband's blatant, protracted affair with a co-worker. Why? Because apart from this one insane, mind-numbing, heart-wrenching year, our 10-year marriage was an absolute DREAM come true. So...I'm not being flippant when I think about the OP's situation. For some reason, this particular thing just freaks me out in a way that typical so-called 'deviant' behaviors (from porn to strip clubs to affairs) don't even touch. I guess it's just my weak spot, because I'm in the minority. I accept that, and I'll try to think about why. I guess for me it comes down to the importance of being able to predict a person's behavior. If somebody is a bit wild and reckless, fine.... But when an otherwise wonderful, straight-laced guy does something so completely out of character, it makes me wonder what the underlying problem is. It raises the hairs on the back of my neck and makes me wonder what ELSE is going on inside his head. I'm not trying to break up their marriage, though. I'm just trying to express my heartfelt support for her position.
  19. keenan
    CL, I'm so sorry for your loss. You aren't alone. Slightlybent is right--we're real people on the other side of our computer screens, and (too) many of us have experienced significant loss and can truly empathize. These are murky waters, but we've got your back. Please write ANYTIME you need to talk. Much love.
  20. keenan
    Dudes.... I love it that y'all are so supportive of this marriage. But her guy spends two hours flirting with other women, goes into a back room to get himself all fluffed up, then treats her friends to the special view...in a public place, during business hours. Trust me, I'm about as sexually open-minded as they make 'em...but unless these two have got a seriously open relationship (and they don't), isn't this sort of like slamming the 'eject' button? I'm less worried about what SHE's thinking than about what HE was thinking. In some ways it's worse than cheating, because it's just so darned weird. Public exposure seems like a different animal to me...one to be dealt with very cautiously. I don't blame the OP at ALL for freaking out.
  21. keenan
    Yay for you. We're here...go ahead and lean. Happy 4th, Ren.
  22. keenan
    Congratulations, Barracuda. It sounds like your collective maturity and your history together pulled you through this rough patch. Well done.
  23. keenan
    Holy smokes. Ms. M, if your post wasn't so darned smart and heartfelt, I'd write it off as phony. What a crazy story...! Basically, you sound like a fun, spunky person who has her head on straight. Your story is spooky because it hints at some untapped reserve of oddness in this man you've always loved and trusted. It's like a bad dream. My first question was the same as Annie's--has he recently started a new medication, or had some crazy life event that would make him more impulsive? Honestly..it sounds like he just got really turned on by the attention of these women and *totally* lost the plot. It's the kind of thing that could resurface in a million other weird ways... Would you ever be able to be able to forget about it, or trust him again? I'm 99% certain that I'd give him the boot. It's too bizarre.
  24. keenan
    I don't know. I'm the one who ended up with all of our friends, but I don't know why it happened that way. Your friends are in a tough spot. They're probably trying to stay neutral and pretend that things are somewhat normal, so they're going to agree to hang out with whichever of you calls them.... This isn't necessarily because they are on 'her' side more than yours. Do you miss them MORE THAN you're mad that they're still hanging out with her? Could you ever be friends with them on your own, while knowing that they still see her? Sometimes it's easier to just start fresh, but in a few months you may regret not having your old gang around you.
  25. keenan
    it's great advice. one problem is that it takes a lot of 'new' stuff to fill in the gaps of the old relationship, and when the fit isn't seamless, the new life can feel overwhelming. BUT...it can feel fantastic, too.
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