keenan

Tact and diplomacy are skills that you'll develop over time. Right now it's good that you're exploring your own mind and heart and that you aren't afraid to share your views. I don't know who you've offended, but I'd just suggest as a general rule of thumb that it helps to try to put yourself in the other person's shoes before hitting that "Post Quick Reply" button. Reread your message and ask yourself: "If I were sad or hurting and asking for advice, would this reply be helpful or hurtful? If it's both, is there a nicer way to say the same thing while still getting my point accross?" There's no need to hide what you're trying to say in a lot of fluffy prose, but even the most straight-forward advice can be given with kindness.

Wow. Welcome to ENA; I'm sorry it happened under these cirmumstances. This guy sounds like a loser & a user. It's only your fault to the extent that you had a hunch about him using you but turned a blind eye to it. But you know, sometimes we take risks for companionship--we close our eyes, hold our breath, and hope for the best. That's understandable. Don't beat yourself up...just change the locks. You sound like you've got your head on straight now, devyn. Good luck!!

You're welcome!! He sounds like a really sweet guy. O CBT is great....

"Does anyone have stories of overcoming hardships and realizing that in the end, love really does conquer all?" No.

Um. Well...I don't really believe that people can see into the future. But hypothetically speaking...if somebody told me it would happen (no matter what IT is), it seems unlikely that I could prevent it. If I tried, I would probably just MAKE it happen. LOL! That's what Hollywood teaches us, anyway!

That's understandable. I think you're very normal. As important as sex is, it's not really what makes me feel close to my husband. I feel closest to him lying in bed and talking, or even reading the paper next to him. But it's possible, and perhaps likely, that sex is a fairly significant part of what makes your guy feel close to you. This sounds weird, but at first it's almost like an investment. If you become easier going about sex, have it more frequently, more spontaneously, and try to let go of your tendencies to make it all perfect, you'll have more fun because no single encounter becomes a "MUST BE PERFECT" event: wine & music & candles & stress, oh my. Let each encounter be different and fun and easy. I think you'll get a lot more closeness from him in return, and pretty soon it becomes this great positive feedback loop and you'll each feel close to the other. Oh and yes, I think this relationship sounds MUCH healthier than your others!! Sounds like it has great potential.

Ugh. Two steps forward.... I AM very sorry that your mom is waffling on this a little. I know how much she means to you. The rest of your family can go jump in a lake, and your brother and aunt can lead the charge. Hon, everything I want to say to you has already been said, and you know it yourself anyway. Get yourself out of Tejas and you'll feel better very quickly. Huge hug of support here.......

Ditto to your whole post, shes2smart! (Except maybe the 'for a reason' part). Ebb and flow, both between and within relationships. It's nice when we can hold on to somebody for awhile, though.

Ten year relationship: Was great the first three years, got boring for a couple years, then picked WAY back up and stayed fantastic. I think the older I get, the better it gets. Having fun with sex is partly learning to let go, have fun, and not obsess over details: you've gotta be able to laugh sometimes and be intense other times. Don't be afraid to get dirty. It's all good.

Oooola. I'm not at all convinced. I'm a lot more likely to have sex and reproduce if I'm turned on my the guy I'm with...and at least some part of being turned on is feeling some plain ol' raw physical attraction. This has little to do with 'classic good looks' and everything to do with feeling that magic spark. Part of the spark is physical. Granted, the spark can dwindle with somebody who just isn't right for me (some really attractive people sure turn out to be dull!), and can develop with somebody who didn't zap me right away but turned out to be fascinating. But in that case, the physical attraction develops over time...it doesn't "become irrelevant". I get your main point that relying ONLY on an initial WOW factor isn't the most sensible way to choose a life partner, though. But that's kind of a straw man, anyway.

Yeah, I do that too. I don't understand why it doesn't work for me....(Kidding!) petepete, what's wrong with being physically AND mentally attracted to someone? Exposure therapy? I think most guys would have a hard time explaining this to their GFs. "No really, hon, I NEED to look at naked women so that I can learn to see BEYOND their physical form....OUCH, why are you hitting me???" I'm just teasing you, petepete. I think it's an interesting perspective. But does that mean that if you want to really appreciate a woman's intellect it's best to stop talking to her?

No, I use their light elements smoothing fluid for flyaways. It works really well for blonde wispy hair, but I bet it would be great for Asian hair, too--make it even shinier, if that's possible! (Grrr, am so jealous of your hair type). You can ask for a free sample, and because you only use a drop or two at a time the sample will last you for about 6 months! I loooove the Sap Moss shampoo & damage remedy conditioner. I also use the Camomile conditioner once in awhile to brighten my hair. I've never tried the Phomollient mousse; I'll have to look into that! Edit: Oh, wait...I DO remember the control stick now. I used to use it years ago. I really liked it. I was going through my short 'bed head' phase then, and it was perfect. My hair is a bit too long for it now; I think it would make it sticky or too heavy. Ah, memories....

This thread is hilarious. I always think of myself as a tomboy, but HELLOOO, girly girl! I love Aveda hair stuff. I use the control whip b/c my hair is fine (though I have masses of it, lol), and the paste weighs it down. They make a great deep conditioner, btw. Scotcha, I was getting ready to go out just now and realized I also wear a Neutrogena tinted moisturizer. I'm super pale, too...perhaps not clear...but clearish pink. orgasmictofu, lucky you for your sister! I love Sephora, but it is so expensive that if I shopped there too much I'd be able to support a family of four on my beauty product expenditures...NOT a place I want to be. ren, LMAO for frozen hair. I went to college in northern Indiana and my hair was down to my waist then. That happeneded to me all the time. It was weird when it melted in 7:30am organic chemistry lab. I'd have a puddle under my work station. smilelikeyoumeanit, NO, the boys don't care. They may be lurking in semi-horrified fascination (like a car wreck), but generally I find that unless we paint ourselves up like clowns, they have no idea if we're wearing makeup or not. They just know if we look pretty and smell good. Bless 'em.

I never did either, until I discovered some very fine liquid liner by Shiseido (in brown) at Sephora. I put a tiny bit on my upper lids, as low into the lash base as I can get. It makes a big difference. Makes me look more awake, but not made-up.

"Right...desperate, stupid, or both?" Both.

Welcome to ENA! Everything seemed pretty normal wishy-washy undecided (likes you, but not really ready to commit to you) until THIS. That's just weird...and rude...and hurtful. I don't know what to tell you except that you're normal to be frustrated and confused. At this point I'd probably have a sit-down with him and try to get a straight answer about his interest before you invest more energy in your relationship. I know you love him, but you may be standing on a sinking ship.

B then A, with A not being just physical appearance

Everyday: Hair: Wash, condition, blowdry, finger comb (total = 5 minutes or less) Makeup: Sunscreen, lipgloss, v. light eyeliner (total = 2 minutes or less) Special occasions: Hair: Same as above; may add some whipped waxy stuff Makeup: Same as above, plus brown mascara and v. pale eyeshadow

Two ultrasounds and a lot of groping. We still don't know what he could have done differently, in retrospect. Antibiotics first? Probably he needed to see a urologist, but his HMO general MD just worked directly with the surgeon, rather than referring him to a specialist. He was a little freaked out by all the genital attention, too. It made him anxious when the hot female tech rubbed the ultrasound gel on his testicle; he was afraid he was going to, er, demonstrate that he found the experience somewhat pleasant. LOL.

...and therein lies the miracle of ENA!

And I have the hots for Angelina Jolie. She's a cartoon character, right??

LMAO. Yeah, I spend a lot of time perfecting my eyeliner and lip gloss so that I can elicit a nanosecond boob-scan from the guy next to me in line at the coffee shop. No really, DN--I appreciate that he's doing me a favor. Maybe I'll thank the next guy I catch doing it...purr a bit, and tell him that I'm SOOO appreciative of his attention.

Walk_away, I agree with the others that saying "I love you" to an ex is something that is pretty difficult, if not impossible, to accept. But I've gotta put in another vote for the minority here, too. I'm a really touchy feely lovey kind of person, and I use "I love you" with a lot of people--SO, family, and close friends--male and female. The context for friends is usually a little different--for girls, sometimes when we're getting off the phone and have had a real heart to heart. For guys, a similiarly emotional conversation might elicit a 'Hey, you know I love you, I'm here for you' comment. It's more common for my gay friends than my straight guy friends, but it's certainly happened. The love I feel for all of these people is very real...but very different! Unfortunately, English doesn't have a lot of different words for different kinds of love. "Caring" doesn't quite cut it. I'm also SUPER likely to sign off on e-mails with 'love' or 'hug' or 'xoxo' for people I'm really fond of. It's a struggle to hold back from that and use something more generic like 'cheers', actually. Having said all that, I'd still be ultra-sensitive about saying those three words to an ex, and especially within earshot of my current SO! It's not very respectful of your feelings no matter how it was intended. The only exception would be if my partner was totally on the same page with me about the f'riendship-love' feelings that I have for my ex, and was ok with me expressing it to him.

Yeah, but for the record, we still notice.

Annie, meet Philly. Philly, this is Annie.