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keenan

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Everything posted by keenan

  1. keenan
    Hon, these aren't Mr. Big traits. These are Mr. Big Jerk traits. This guy may have good manners in public, but he belittles you and treats you with scorn and contempt in private. Nobody has a right to insult you, make you feel stupid, try to separate you from your friends and family, or needlessly put you on the defensive because HE feels insecure. I know you think he's good for you, but I agree with Cyberchick: he's not. It's a big problem that you can't break away for good and let him know that you mean it. Can you get out of this relationship and still feel safe? At this point it doesn't MATTER very much if you hurt his feelings. He's hurting your feelings, and he could hurt a lot more of you over time.
  2. keenan
    Or you could go ahead and change your locks. But it might be easier to pretend to tolerate her for the time being until you can get far, far away. Jaynerd, I came late to this thread, but I just wanted to say thanks for sharing all of this with us. I also had a horribly cold and unfeeling mother. From the time I was about 7 years old I knew that she was incapable of loving me (or anyone). I spend 10 years trying to make her love me, then 10 more trying to accept that she never would. When I was 27 she had an affair, left my dad, and then told him she only ever wanted him for his money. He killed himself. The week after he died, she hired a lawyer so that she could sue me for the small inheritance that my dad had left me. She kept me in legal hell for 4 years. The day the court battle ended was one of the happiest days of my life...not because I won (I did), but because I knew that I would never have to see her or talk to her again for the rest of my life. Truly, I walked away from all that pain and never looked back. Every day of my life I miss having a real mom, but I sure as he_ll don't miss that ice queen who gave birth to me. So...thanks to everyone here for sharing their stories. I thought I was alone.
  3. keenan
    It might be more comfortable if you got to know them a little better and waited to be invited out. Or, choose an event and invite THEM out ("Hey, do you guys want to go grab a drink after work?) rather than waiting until they have plans and asking to go along. Inviting yourself can be awkward if they feel like they have to say yes.
  4. keenan
    I don't think it's possible to demand respect. Well...you can demand it, LOL, but you're not going to get it unless you earn it.
  5. keenan
    I see your point. It kind puts a damper on the whole thing.
  6. keenan
    Yeah, but...*DOUBLE SPOILER* (Don't read below!): --------------------------------------------------------- Didn't she end up dead in one scenario?
  7. keenan
    Wow. Yes, I guess it can work both ways. 1+1 =
  8. keenan
    LOL. I'm super happy for you, becallamjr, but now I'm even happier that I fired my FA last year and invested the money myself. I'm sure you're great, but that dude didn't deserve to spend my 1000 bucks in Vegas.
  9. keenan
    And that was what, like 1000 dollars way back then, right? Edit: Ok, maybe 500.
  10. keenan
    Nice story, Ren. I also think about my friends who are artists. I know a really talented couple who make (and sell) fantastic, beautiful works of art, but struggle to make ends meet. They're stressed out about money, but they seem really content with themselves, as people. I also know two women who were trained as artists and intended to pursue art as their profession, but ended up taking jobs as web page designers by day to support their art by night. Their day jobs were stressful enough that they started focusing almost exclusively on those, and now they spend a lot of time complaining about selling out, giving up the dream, etc. They take really nice vacations, but they aren't at peace. I guess the trick is to find something fulfilling that also pays really well! Kidding.
  11. keenan
    This one speaks to me. I always think it's cool how some people can highlight different aspects of your personality...and you, theirs. With each other, you're each a little stronger, funnier, and more interesting than you are alone, or with others. It's part of that magic that just arises between two people--you almost create a third entity: the magic WHEE!...or wait, I mean...WE!
  12. keenan
    I don't think money buys happiness. Money can buy physical and aesthetic comfort. It allows for more recreational options, which gives both a sense of control, and an opportunity to explore the world (travel, expensive hobbies). It gives a sense of security--whether that means covering the rent this month, or having enough squirreled away for retirement. So.. comfort, control, fun, security. Sure. But aside from worrying about the rent or imminent starvation, I'd say that happiness is more about being at peace with yourself & your life, and finding contentment and joy with the things outside of the financial realm: love, friendships, interesting pastimes, meaningful work. Money, or at least the desire for it, can be a hinderance to these things. It can become the goal, not the means to an end. When it does, the cravings for more can cause people to push aside the people and things that actually bring meaning and peace, and to lose sight of boring ol' peace and contentment.
  13. keenan
    Hmmm. Dako, perhaps YOU'RE drinking the bourbon and are attempting to lay the blame at my feet. Nice try.
  14. keenan
    Oh, crap! That's where all those empty whisky bottles are coming from. And all along I thought I was just enjoying a nice glass of wine with dinner. Clearly, I'm outta control.
  15. keenan
    It's interesting how often people use their birth year in their login. Moink, could you perchance have been born in 1975?
  16. keenan
    Agreed. She's hedging her bets, and she's using you to help her! Imagine that the two of you do indeed hook up at some point in the future. How much are you going to enjoy having a girlfriend who is perfectly capable of stringing another guy along for three months just in case she tires of you? Not only are you not being a stand-up guy, you're pining after a woman who is treating her current guy like he's disposable. Ick.
  17. keenan
    I agree...but in the meantime, find another place to stay. This is as much a respect issue on your part as it is a trust issue on hers.
  18. keenan
    I'm with friscodj 100% (as usual). I've been in this situation before; sometimes when I think I'm just being consistently friendly and silly with an acquaintance, the guy will think it's more than that and get too invested. When I realize that we've crossed wires, I'll pull back really fast so as to avoid further confusion and awkwardness. It sounds like she really enjoyed talking with you, but that she probably wasn't thinking about you as a potential boyfriend. I'm sorry. FYI, after this happened to me a few times, I pulled waaaay back on the friendly/flirty thing, and now stick with plain ol' nice. I suspect this girl is in the process of learning the same lesson. This bit of info does you no good at all, of course, except that it may help you see that your assessment was entirely normal and understandable. It was her behavior that was a bit confusing. Try not to let this get you down.
  19. keenan
    You'll find somebody smart and interesting, I promise. As you get a little older and out of college, you'll find that people disperse a bit, then (re)congregate in groups of like-minded others. You'll meet lots of cool girls at work, or in graduate school, or in hobbyist groups. Bars with roving packs of women (or men!) are a challenge. Keep your mind open, though. Sometimes it's easy to get preoccupied with one's own particular brand of 'brilliance' (lol) and overlook those who are equally stellar in other domains. If you're looking to unlock the secrets of the universe with a girl in a bar, she may be wishing you'd leave the god thing alone and recite some Pablo Neruda...or talk about your desire to sail around the world, or build a kayak with your own hands, or buy green tags and start using biodiesel, or assist with bringing sustainable technological developments to third-world countries. There are lots of pretty fantastic people out there who don't necessarily wear their brain on their sleeve...they roll it out more slowly to people they trust.
  20. keenan
    (1) learn the violin (to be parlayed into fiddle, now); learn to row; stick with track; attend a small liberal arts college instead of a large science and engineering school; study abroad for a year; learn french and spanish instead of german; volunteer with habitat OR join the peace corps; tutor ESL adults to improve their written English so they struggle with immigration issues less. trust myself more and my parents less. don't care so much what other people think. (2) have more courage
  21. keenan
  22. keenan
    I'm a spa girl, too. IMO it's worth every penny. All home waxing experience have been disasters, excepting those involving Turtle Wax and my VW. RenWoman, my understanding is that there are basically three categories of bikini waxes: The 'regular' is just a narrowing of the hair in front; an 'extended' is a more severe narrowing...from a medium-sized strip down to a thin 'landing strip'. It can also include a clean-up of the hair underneath and behind. A Brazillian is often thought to be an 'everything off' waxing, but is really more about getting ALL of the hair underneath and behind. A little strip or a triangle can still be left in front. The Brazillain is good if you wear thongs to the beach (too brave for me, lol), but some people just like them because they feel cleaner.
  23. keenan
    Hey, I'm doing all of those things, PLUS spending my evenings on ENA. Wait...so are you. So I guess you aren't alone. Since the Dako fan club is rallying 'round you, I'll take my turn. I'm sorry that you're having to endure this; I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely and frightened, and that the terrible processes of self-reflection and self-evaluation have revealed some holes in your life. You're one of the smartest, funniest, warmest, and all-around best guys out there, Odako, and you don't deserve this pain. You *cannot* stack up your life's achievements like gold coins and compare the height of your stack to some imaginary 'coin stack' template of perfection. The fact is that you chose to forgo the pursuit of some of those coins in favor of equally rich and worthy ones, and you aren't including them in the pile. Why not? It's not trivial to have tremendous character, self-awareness, strength, and wit (you do), to be at peace with yourself (as you usually are), to have friends who love you (as you do), to excel and be respected in your hobbies (dude, I've seen pictures of your work, and I've read what people have written about you), to be frighteningly well-read, to have the courage to evaluate your marriage, yourself, and your life with a critical eye, or to know yourself well enough to know exactly how to inflict the most self-harm. You wanna stack that up against children that you didn't want, education that you didn't need, or family that you couldn't choose to have if you were king of the world? I know plenty of sad, miserable people who have children, family, education, and career...and none of your achievements. If you met them, you wouldn't trade your life for theirs in a million years. As for feeling hypersensitive, childishly selfish, and insensitive...Since you're none of these things, it seems to me that your willingness to believe them of yourself speaks to the impossibly high standards that you hold yourself to...thus casting the fine qualities that I've listed above into even sharper relief. You want a flaw? You can have "too hard on yourself." That's all you get. You will find love again.
  24. keenan
    Jesus, wow.
  25. keenan
    Thoughtful post. Thanks for sharing.
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