devyn

wow girl, hey i've been there. more than anything i think it would be great if you got into a space where you start taking really good care of urself...good diet, exercise or better yet classes like dance...you need 2 develop pride and an identity outside of him. this guy has you brainwashed into thinking that you can't live without him. if you could just 4 a moment see that you were you and fine before he ever came along, and you will be you and fine after you wake up one day soon and say with a huge sigh of relief "who need's this shyt" and mean it. this is your youth, DO NOT waste it on this clown. if you could just get some distance away from him, you might start seeing him a little differently like "he's not all that" and "what was i thinking" i also think that the drinking (congrats on being sober) and smoking and sleeping with other guys is keeping you running back 2 him because it keeps you outside ur center and feeling bad about yourself so you run 2 him 4 validation, even tho he's using you, simply because you're used to him and it's familiar. (not trying 2 be mean) what if you are with him mostly because it's just a negative cycle ur trapped in?? i encourage u to really work on yourself and get really healthy. look hot. get interested in new things. aren't you the least bit curious about what it may be like to meet someone new??? i would just love to see the look on his face the day you realize you are OVER him and bail on his azz. if you were a princess would you allow urself 2 be treated like this? BE that princess. don't feel bad about all the stuff between you, what u did, etc., that will just keep you going back 2 him. who cares we all make mistakes and it's especially easy when the heart is involved. start a new life my sister, see what it's like to feel the pain, face the fear and grow and become more beautiful and desirable when you dump his ridiculous azz.

thank you so much, that really helps!

ok so for those of you who have read my story: he came by tonight, actually, he came by earlier today but i didn't answer the door. anyway, he caught up with me as i was going outside so i spent a little time with him. during that time i thought oh no, i'm not going to say anything...i can't keep going on like this with him...so i made myself stand up to him about not having his phone number...(not that i would call him, it's just the idea) and he said the wrong person (i.e., his childs mother) might answer. then i asked him why he had never taken me out and he said the only good nights to go out i was with my daughter (i do not use babysitters to go out) so i said you could just take me to starbucks or something, it's just the idea you know and he said he hated starbucks etc., etc. (excuses not to take me out) when i first started dating him, we were 2 months into it before he confessed to me that he was still with the mother of his child. i would not ever want him to leave her, i just fell in love with him; i would try to do the right thing, but then we'd get back together. so obviously, this is at the heart of it but i can't keep going on like this. he said "i can't believe you did this" meaning, stand up to him and stormed out of the house. i feel like i am going crazy in this relationship where, for whatever reason, we can not be out in the world as a couple...our entire relationship has taken place in my apartment and you know the rest. i have craved a love poem a flower....but nothing. that is why i am finally standing up to him, it just doesn't feel right. AND if i DARE to stand up to him, he storms out of my house. come to think of it, he's stormed out of my house for just innocently saying something that rubbed him the wrong way. i can't feel safe in a relationship like that. so, if i never see him again, it's for the best and if i do, i'll let him know just how much this is hurting me and that i cannot continue. it does hurt to lose someone you love, and i do love him. but, i cannot keep compromising myself just to have him a little bit. p.s. should i just keep on in this secret thing i have with him just because it is true love??? true love would not treat me like that right? true love would shout it from the roof tops.

do not kill yourself!!!!!!!!!!! if you do, i will be very sad!!! my childhood was terrifying. i had to face horrible abuse from my stepfather and cruel teasing at school. if you hang in there, you will see things turn around I PROMIISE!!!!! if you were my son i would kick their a**es and sue them for harassment and emotional/physical battery. it is not ok that you are treated that way, it is an outrage. find a lawyer in your area and find out what your rights are, most of them give free consultations. i believe in you!!!!!! find something that you love in life and devote yourself to it, find a sport and develop yourself, martial arts would be very good for you. you do not deserve this. i am sorry about your Dad, mine doesn't speak to me either!! do not kill yourself!!! you are not a wimp, they are the a**holes!!!! go take a martial arts class & become the next Bruce Lee! remember, i believe in you, do not give up. keep us posted.

trust me there are girls that like being treated well and find it a turn on...i promise that all girls are not this way!!! don't give up!!!

hey young man, if you were my son i'd be chaperoning on your date so you would behave yourself!!! my little girl is just 2 years younger than you. i remember when i was your age and just remember that you have your whole life to go out with girls! don't feel like you have to rush anything. that having been said, i do think it is important to develop friendships with girls, and i would encourage you to stay active in your sports and whatever else you love to balance you!! be good!

thanks so much! but i wonder if they do: cause and effect; for every action there's a reaction. maybe not evident right away, but...in their action is their consequences, sooner or later. it's true for all of us. it is very important how we treat each other, and in my case, how i've treated myself.

LOL...well, hey, love...or whatever the heck it was, can certainly make us temporarily insane. i'm just so glad that he's losing his grasp on me. i just wanna feel free. i don't even care that it didn't work out like i thought it would in the beginning. i have to take responsibility, forgive myself, and move on!!!!

thank you for making me laugh! a good friend of mine taught me that we are not victims, we pull people into our lives beacuse there are lessons we must learn from them. i think mine is to stand up for what i believe in.

ok so finally after 2 years of being in love with someone who is not as in love with me, i'm ready to walk away. sure i feel sad but i am sooo over feeling like i'm not good enough for him. he never took me out, just came over to my house. (as i posted before, i think he was embarrassed by my being older than him and i never felt like i measured up to his standards.) he never brought me a flower, a card...i am so sick of feeling like he doesn't care at all. i kept hoping things would change but, hmmm...let's see...THEY HAVEN'T!!!! i know i "shouldn't" be in love with someone who treats me like that, and i know that he was using me and that is very hard 2 face...i guess i did it to myself. but it is a relief, the thought of moving on and feeling good about myself again. he was so focused on women looking a certain way, i never felt like i fit the mold and i just want to be free of that feeling. mostly, i am hoping that someday i will not even care what he thought of me. i am attracted to all shapes and sizes, imperfections included. i hope that God will bring me someone cool like that. i am ready to walk back into my life, into a new chapter.

you know, my favourite pastor said: "when people can walk away from you, let them walk." and i agree. he probably said that to your friend knowing it would get back to you so that he wouldn't have to feel so bad. (i don't mean 2 be harsh!) the "screwed up" is an excuse for why he left you, and it could be the girl he was seen with. i would say DO NOT contact him, let him have her and the consequences of his decision, whatever they may be. by staying silent, you show strength. if he regrets it one day, too bad. you are very young!!! hey, you'll meet someone soon i promise!! enjoy your life and your youth!!!

thank you!! you guys are great. i was reading the other day Gina Davis met her husband when she was 42, he was 27, they are married to this day, she's 50, he's 35 and they're going strong!! maybe i still have a chance!!

thank you everyone, i really appreciate it!! and thank you Momene, that was very nice! about the sexy thing, he has very specific preferences and is very picky about women's appearance, another thing that is getting to be too much, thinking that i am never good enough, you know??? i think he was embarrassed by our age diff...but there are lots of ow/ym pairings these days...i guess it just goes aginst his "image" like he should be seen with an 18 year old. today it dawned on me that if he really loved me he would be at my door right now saying he was sorry or would have at least called. instead, i know he is mad because i had the nerve to be angry with him for his suspicious behaviour. it just seemed weird that he would have to hide a phone call from me when he had always taken them in front of me.

ok here goes... i have been dating on and off this guy, 33, (i am 43) for about 2 years. the bad thing, and i know it's my fault, is that he's never taken me out, we just hang at my house. maybe he's embarrassed of me, who knows. anyway, at first he was really into me, and then we had some struggles, well, at first, i wanted to hold off having sex for spiritual reasons and because i wasn't sure if he was a player or not. well, that kind of broke us up for awhile...well, we were on and off. then, i finally gave in and have been having sex a lot with him, he would practically come over every day, and we were getting closer. a side note: he has a child with another woman but they are not married. SO!! yesterday, i thought everything was going great, we had sex...but there's a problem there too, i forgot...he's always asking me to "act sexy" and i'm feeling like..."dude, aren't i sexy enough?" apparently not. and afterwards his cell rings and he takes it all paniky to my bathroom and fumbles around, then says he's gotta take this call outside, as in outside my apartment. he has always taken calls in front of me so why was this one different? (duh...) anyway, i am so proud of myself because i did not say anything. he offered no explanation, but he was asking me "what's wrong" i think because he had a guilty concience. i just said nothing but he could tell, but i don't care. i was in a relationship once before where the guy took calls out in the hall...(i.e., he was seeing someone else) so now i see i was being used. i never want to speak with him again, i know he has someone else. it just hurts.