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Everything posted by Gracelove

  1. Awww, I'm so sorry for your pain. Have you considered attending a college that has majority African American students? It might help. I can't imagine how hard it must be living with a family that looks nothing like you. I think that maybe you just need to get in touch with your ethnic roots. I completely empathize with you, I really do. I was raised in a diverse environment (well, it's not completely diverse, there aren't many people of my ethnicity around). However my parents made sure I was always surrounded by my own ethnic group. And taught me the beauty of my culture. As
  2. That is so sad. I feel really sorry for him and his family. I read through some of these posts and....it's.... I never expect anyone posting in the suicide category to actually commit suicide. I've posted their before, and yes, at the time I was feeling suicidal. But I always assumed people posted under "suicide", people encouraged them and they didn't do it. Or maybe you take some sleeping pills so you can sleep off the anxiety, depression, and pain. Maybe not "sleep it off", but at least get a little break from it. I know sometimes stuff like that doesn't work a
  3. I'm really sorry for your loss! I know it must be really hard for you. As a rule it's not "good" for a Christian to be in a relationship with someone who isn't. Because "Idealy" christianity is suppose to be large aspect of that persons life. I agree with other posters here, if that was an issue for her then she shouldn't have pursued a relationship with you. It would have been really nice if you guys had a chance to talk about your religions together. I seriously doubt you'll be able to change her mind. *Have you seen the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"?* It's su
  4. Aww!!! Thanks so much teardrops. You're post means a lot to me. And to hear how you just throw on your sweats and go, that's encouraging. It's good that you try so hard as opposed to giving up. I'm really proud of you. Today I searched the internet for the most part. I guess that's life sometimes. I'm on my way to bed right now, I'm hoping things will be better tomorrow. Sweet dreams!!! Thanks for the support. ~Grace
  5. This depression is getting to be really hard to manage. I feel so down right now. I'm up and down a lot, mood wise. I'm still trying to understand how rape can change your brain. I'm not a psychologist but does anyone know??? I mean, how does rape give you depression? How does that make you need to be on medicine to make it through days. Or, the post traumatic stress disorder....how does rape give you that. If one thing is good, it's that I don't really have any bad thoughts towards the rapist and my ex-friend (his accomplice). But I'm aw
  6. Wow, I can really relate. I haven't had all of your experiences but I can understand what you're going through. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. I know what it's like to feel behind all of your peers, it's hard, painful. Relationships can do that. Before I had similar experiences, I never knew a relationship could do so much harm. People are dangerous, some people are. It'll get better, I honestly believe that. I've had some extremely hard times, but I'm better now than before. Congratulatoins on escaping the relationship. Believe it or not, a lot of people don't ma
  7. You can tell if a person is decent by the way they treat animals and kids, if they are cruel to either........run for you life. If that dog is your baby then your boyfriend needs to respect your feelings and your pet. If he's going to hurt something that's so close to you then you need to let him go because I'm sure there are more horrible things to come.
  8. Hey There Guys!!! Thanks so much I love the ideas!!!! I really should think about another job! And I really like the part about daydreaming of how I'd like to decorate my apartment. I've done that actually and I really like it!!! I've decided that I'm going to quit my job in a few months. I'm moving out of state and I'm getting my own place!!! And it will be my own apartment because my boyfriend wants to keep his. Wow, that is really exciting. I never looked at it that way before. And as far as graduation goes I must admit, I am pretty
  9. Hey There Guys!!!! I was just in the process of writing each of you a note, and it all got erased. Well, here I go again. Thank you guys so very much for all of the thoughts and advice, it really helped me to feel better. Drizown I haven't read the book "Mommie Dearest" but I've seen the movie. It's funny you would mention it because that's what I nick-named my mom a long time ago. My mom is actually a really sweet and caring person, she just doesn't always act that way. Anywho, one time a long time ago my mom was giving me a lot of orders, and I calle
  10. I feel so resentful towards my mother. Since my sexual assult she has said some of the most hurtful and damaging things. She's implied on numerous occasions that the rape was my fault although she denies that she's done so and seems unaware of when she's doing it. When did my mother become so hurtful? Or was she always that way? It seems like, when you're a child (or far beyond in my case) you think of your mother as all-knowing, right in everyway. My mother and I have been in a control struggle for the past 3 years, and it surprises me how ruthless she can become when she
  11. I'm soooo depressed. I eat constantly. I go to the vending machine constantly at work, like a robot. I eat absent-mindedly. It's not even about the food or weight anymore. I'm just really unhappy. I frequently have to blink back tears while sitting at my computer at work. My boyfriend may be away for a year and a half. He doesn't want me to come and live where he is. And he keeps saying that he'll come up here "soon". But he period of time that he'll be away keeps increasing. I feel so rejected. I'm just not where I want to be at all. And I d
  12. It wasn't just a one time mistake....the kissing may have been a "one time mistake", but the lying to him wasn't. How is he ever suppose to trust you again? If you were so sorry, then why did you lie to him? He came to you looking for honesty, and you betrayed him again. Cheating can be forgiven, but it's hard to trust a person how lies to you in your face, and leaves you feeling like an idiot for asking. I sugguest you go to him and tell him the truth, tell him that you're sorry for betraying him not once, but many times.
  13. Whew!!! It's be such a long day, and I'm actually glad to be home, can you believe it?! Work is soooooooo boring! There used to be enough work to keep me busy, but not anymore. Early I was so frustrated because I felt I had come to the end of my rope when it comes to living at home with my mom. But then my boyfriend called and made me laugh the entire time we were on the phone, that made me feel a lot better. My mom puts sooooo much pressure on me to lose weight, I wish she'd just lay off sometimes. Sometimes I really don't like her. I guess i
  14. I think it would be hard to find a man who'd want to marry you if you wouldn't have sex with him.....unless of course you had no problem with him sleeping with other women.
  15. I'm through. You know, maybe I'm the one with the problem. I'm upset with my boyfriend because he doesn't seem to care that our relationship is long-distance!!! I'm waiting around for my boyfriend lately. Putting my whole life on hold planning for our future. I mean, who even knows what the future holds. I think I should let go. I don't need to plan for our future anymore. We're not even married. I just need to plan for my future. When he technically proposes, moves out here, and puts that ring on my finger, then, then I can start planning for two.
  16. Hey there Guys!!! Thank you so much for the encouragement, it makes makes me feel that things aren't as bad as they seem.
  17. Hey Guys!!! It's another day. I'm sitting up here in my office taking a break from training. I'm listening to the sunscreen song, for anyone who hasn't heard it before, it's great. I started feeling the exact same way I felt the last time I heard it. I was in my apartment in Alabama then. Going day-to-day just trying to keep my sanity and figure out what was going on inside. Whew! I'm glad to say that I'm far away from that place. I didn't realize how much I've improved. I was so depressed back then, wayyyy more than I am now. I don't know how my boyfri
  18. EvaGina Hey There! Thanks so much for the response. I'm really sorry to hear about your assualt. It really does suck. I understand stand the emotions your talking about. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder how long the healing process will take. And then, sometimes I feel like I'll give up. Sometimes I get tired of wondering. I do my best to just accept where I am, but it's not always easy. What can you say, sometimes life is just so hard to comprehend. Juilana Thank you so much! I feel hopefully. It sounds so pleasant to think that one
  19. I went to therapy tonight. It was okay. I really needed it. I feel better. I'm going to work on getting out of my parents house by summer. I love my parents, but they make a lot of flipant remarks. My mother is judgemental and my father, well, he doesn't get the notion of "I need some space". Anywho, I have to look out for myself. I want to get better too, and I need to get out of this house to do so. I just feel......I don't know. Part of me feels glad that I'll have something to work towards. And part of me feels so sad. Sad that I can't rely on my parents when I need them
  20. Hey Guys!!! I was just watching this episode of dateline and.....well, it was about this rape that occurred. I just want to say THANK YOU GUYS SO VERY MUCH!!! I've just thought of the things I've been through and there has always been someone from this community to love and support me. And it means the world. Rape is always complicated, never clear or easy, and always hard to discuss. Whenever I've needed to vent, or cry, or scream, or comtimplated a new way of thinking, enotalone has been here for me. I mean, this is the best resource ever! Thank you guys! You've a
  21. I am so frustrated. My parents are getting on my freakin nerves! I can't trust them, they are not supportive. I'm just like, leave me alone, ya know. You're not helping, stay away, stop making my situation worse. They are totally self-centered, and the older the get the more crazy about money they get. I'm just like, grrrrrrrrr!!!! I mean, I have a job that sucks!!!! Why does it suck? Because it's stupid easy and they don't pay me what I'm worth. I should be getting paid twice what I'm getting, ya know. And my boyfriend is far away and I ma
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