ChrissyV

The bottom line is that your girlfriend is a complete and total liar. Dishonesty is one of the worst characteristics that someone can have. It would be one thing if she went on there as a joke and laughed about it and showed everything to you, but she lied about it, hid it from you, and when confronted she brushed it off like it was nothing. You have been very nice about the whole thing. (I think too nice, actually.) You gave her the benefit of the doubt, you took her word for it and she flat out lied several times. I would drop her like a hot potato. Is she some kind of online sex addict or something? That kind of site is for people solely looking for sex. It's not even considered a legit dating site. But either way, it's rude and disrespectful and she has taken advantage of your kindness by lying to your face.

Sorry to hear this happened. She totally cheated. I know it's hard, but you must pick up and move on and not include her in your life from this point forward.

I'd like to hear some opinions. What do you think about a 27 year old woman dating a 52 year old man? Yeah, I know all about the ageless love phenomenon, but does anyone think it's sort of weird?

Hahahaha. That was funny!

Lonelyinasmalltown: That is EXCELLENT advice. You hit the nail on the head. You are absolutely right. If I were to even continue any kind of polite communication with that creep, it wouldn't be long before he began blackmail techniques. Very insightful commentary. Thank you.

Do not lie for your dad. I always snitch on wrongdoers (even if it happens to be my dad). Stick up for your mom. Sorry you are experiencing this. I know it must be difficult.

I know there are always exceptions to the general rule, but most married people who have affairs are totally selfish. They don't think about anything except themselves. You're right. She doesn't love you. She doesn't love her husband either. If she loved you or her husband, she wouldn't do this to either of you. (String you along while sneak behind his back.) She sounds like a complete loser, regardless of how much of a past history and what great chemistry or sparks you've had between you. She's just totally in love with herself and getting a thrill out of all this at the expense of you and her husband. Well maybe she does love you and her husband, but her warped definition of "love" isn't the normal definition of love that the rest of normal society subscribes to, so it doesn't count. You asked about personal experiences. I broke off an affair with a married guy when I finally saw the light and realized that he was a total scum who was just using me, despite his declarations to the contrary. When the dust settles, you realize that you've been played for a fool and that is a very hurtful feeling that causes a lot of rage. I've experienced the same exact feelings you are describing. When I broke off my affair with the married guy, at first he acted real nonchalant like he didn't give a crap. He was like, ok, I'll just go back to my normal life. (But that was just a ploy on his part to make me crawl and beg.) But crawl and beg is not my style. When he realized I was really ending it with him, and putting a stop to his using me, he tried to cajole, seduce and deceive me into continuing the affair because he wanted to keep stringing me along. He loved the thrill of having a wife and a girl on the side and really didn't want to give up. He made many more empty promises, declaring his love for me, etc, etc, but by then, I was already too mad beyond belief and it didn't work. When I get mad, I get REALLY mad and I was outraged that he had the nerve to think I would continue in the affair with him. I ended up cursing him out and telling him everything that was wrong with him. (Not that I suggest you do that, but it felt damn good at the time!) If I were you, I would get this woman out of your life. Forget about her. Stop caring about her. This is about preserving your own self-esteem and dignity. Trust me. I've been down this road you're facing and it's not a nice one. Bail out now before it's too late and she does irreparable damage to your psyche.

Ok cool. You all made my avoidance decision more concrete. If he steps up the badgering from email to calling me on the phone or something like that, then I'll make a pointed commentary to him along the lines of "no thank you" like Hope75 said or "What does your wife think" as robowarrior suggested. But otherwise, I am totally going to ignore the "old goat." Stupid pervert! Robo Warrior: >>he's just nice so he can get close to you and with a little luck he'll end up sleeping with you Hahahah. That was hysterical. It's so true. And also yes, workplace rumors about someone's reputation always seem to be true to a certain extent. Seriously, everyone just can't be wrong!

I sort of already answered my own question before I even asked all of you, but I figured I'd run it by you and see what you thought. Ever thought someone was a genuinely nice person and then they really turned out to be a pervert?!? I used to work at a firm with several other people, one of whom was a 60 year old man. When I worked there, he was very nice and helpful. I learned a lot from him and he seemed truly sincere and caring. He wasn't all lip service like a lot of my other fake co-workers were. He seemed genuinely helpful and thoughtful. He has a high rank in the firm, is on the board of trustees of a major university and he also used to be a professor. I had heard rumors about him being a pervert. Many women in the firm referred to him as "grandpa pedophile." His 34 year old secretary told me that he made a pass at her and asked her to go out to dinner with him when his wife was out of town. Despite this, I wasn't quick to label him a pervert because I truly believed in his kindness. I thought to myself- gee, maybe his secretary misunderstood his intentions. But truth be told, everyone can't be wrong. Rumors aren't always true, but when nearly every female in the firm refers to him as a perv, something has got to be up. I did not want to believe he was a skanky man. He and I had a nice working professional relationship. We were very cordial to each other, but that was the extent of it. We never congregated outside of work. Occasionally he would do the wink (which sort of creeped me out) and he'd do the classic hand on your back type of thing, but I didn't read too much into it at the time. Just thought he was being friendly. I left the firm last month for another job. A couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, he emails me badgering me to meet up with him. When I didn't respond quick enough (meaning I didn't respond within the half hour), he sent me multiple emails from his blackberry device trying to pin me down for a date to meet up with him. I politely told him I was going away to Florida for a couple of weeks (which was true.) He asked me to meet with him the very next day after I was scheduled to return home, which was totally RUDE. He never said have a nice trip, or let's talk when you get back, none of that! He just kept trying to get me to meet him! UGH!!! I was so disappointed in him! I think he was being totally sketchy! EW! I'm 26. He's 60. His sons and daughter are several years older than me! Gosh, ever been disappointed by someone who was nice but ended up being a perv? I never responded to his last email attempt to pin me down for a date. I'm going to be changing my email address soon anyway (for reasons unrelated to him.) So I figure I'll just never correspond with him ever again. I mean he's a good reference to have in terms of my career (because of his position of prominence), but seriously, I don't think any of that is worth keeping in contact with him for. I've dealt with shady people like him before and I've come to learn that avoidance is the best policy. Do you agree? I choose this route for 3 reasons: 1) confronting him about how his behavior is wrong is NOT going to change a thing and it will just make him mad at me for no good reason. 2) keeping in contact with him politely won't work because he is such a nudge who doesn't get the hint and will keep pestering me to meet with him, so polite correspondence from me to him will give him the wrong idea. 3) even if I keep in contact with him for the sake of professionalism and in the hopes that he may come in handy to put in a good word for me in the future, he'll probably expect "favors" out of me in return for any help he gives me. EW! And I think that is so not worth it. I'm a capable person who can do things on my own and I don't need to indulge this wannabe philanderer in order to further my career sometime in the future. So I choose total avoidance. Maybe I'm overreacting, but the dude is married! My gut feeling told me that he is completely shady. And I've been trusting my gut a lot these days because more often than not my first instincts are usually right. Many times when I ignore my hunches, I get myself into sticky situations.

Hi Spacey- I just sent you a message through this system. I hope you received it. In the message, I sent you my email address so you can contact me and I can send it to you direct. I wouldn't mind posting my email address on here, but I'm sure that's probably not allowed! Let me know if you got my message!

Oh 10 years is so not a big deal!!! If she were 16 and you were 26, that would be a problem! But since that's not the case, I wouldn't worry if I were you.

Are any of you ladies involved in an affair with a married man and you need help? Recently, I ordered an e-book written by a psychologist for my friend who was in too deep with a guy who totally deceived her and almost ruined her life. So anyway, the book really helped her (and me). It's called- This Affair is Over by Nanette Miner. I myself was involved in an affair with a 40 year old married man a few years back when I was 21. He had told me that he wasn't married. He kind of forgot to mention it until one day someone else told me. So I know how rough this stuff can be. I'm probably not allowed to post my email address here. But if any of you would like to read the e-book, let me know and I will email it to you somehow. I think it will be very helpful if you want to stop indulging a man who is most likely out only to take advantage of you.

Vandgsmom, that was an insightful commentary. And a crazy story!!!! My 25 year old friend had a sexual relationship with this 52 year old guy who was a partner in the law firm that she worked at. >>Much as we want to, we will never be able to figure out people who can't figure themselves out.... I totally agree with that statement!

All your insights are great. As a couple of you have stated, it makes sense that a woman who has been married 20 years (who had no reason to believe that her husband was cheating until my friend told her) would find it easier to handle this revelation by choosing to place the blame on the other woman rather than her husband who had the ultimate responsibility to remain committed to his marital vows. As southerngirl and shes2smart expressed, it's probably easier to blame the other woman than to face the music and accept that the man you've been married to all this time was a fraud and a snake who can't be trusted. I guess it sort of did turn her world upside down and she's now dealing with the shock of how to handle the fact that her husband is a big liar and a total cheat. It is much easier to go into denial and make yourself believe that someone seduced your husband rather than the other way around, although in this case, it was the guy pursuing my friend relentlessly, telling her all sorts of slick lies. I'm not making excuses for my friend getting involved. She knows it was wrong. But she's 25, a nice person who is naive and too easily taken advantage of and deceived. This guy was 51 years old and totally set out to make her his prey while simultaneous deceiving his wife. So I really think the wife's wrath is misplaced. And Dara, that was a very accurate and humorous commentary. Yes, indeed, the wife unintentionally got back at her husband by going to the police. My friend said that when the detective called her today, he hard a hard time controlling his laughter on the phone. He apparently thought the pervy voicemails and emails were insanely funny. The husband became a total laughingstock. The detective expressed sympathy for my friend because she realized that this was a situation in which she was taken advantage of by someone twice her age who really should have known better.

Oh gosh. I would just steer clear of this guy. He'll be nothing but a headache. I can feel it in my bones!