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mintblossom

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mintblossom last won the day on August 4 2007

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About mintblossom

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  1. Hi Gracelove, I can see you are having a hard time today. Take several deep breaths. I have experienced everything you describe above including depression, anxiety, and feeling sexually violated. I do not have any real anger towards the people who hurt me.....I do not know why, they are not worth it and I think they are just sick people in general. I cannot see how sick people would ever be able to build a good life for themselves or to really attract genuine good people to be around. I think everyone who is decent eventually flees. I know I flee from people like that. I only wish I had kn
  2. my life is a mess.....and i'm older than you are. sigh.
  3. my mind....today at work, i wondered if people ever ate hamsters. then i thought....what a marvelous and strange part of me my mind is.
  4. I'm sorry for all the bad experiences that we've all had as well. Relationships shouldn't be like. It's unfortunate that there are some people without empathy and feeling for others and who have purposeful intentions to hurt. I think that is what gets to me the most, that HE was doing it all on PURPOSE. I never used to think relationships could be so damaging or hurtful or that it could drag me down so much. I thought relationships were about fun, just light dating, getting to know one another. My empty and meaningless relationship took everything away from me and robbed me of my dreams.
  5. Steelergal, It doesn't matter how he left or how the relationship ended, what matters the most is that you have yourself and you have your life. My "relationship" ended after 6 years because he walked out of my apartment and slammed the door. I remember walking along the streets crying, looking for him, thinking that he couldn't have left without saying goodbye to me...right? But I remember feeling an incredible sense of relief as well, that I was free. I never called him and a year or so later when he tried to come back, I found out that he had left because he had found someone new at the
  6. I was happy to hear that my writings may help someone feel better or learn. If anything, I don't want to add any pain to this world because there is already too much suffering. In a way, it's a blessing that my painful experiences may keep others from the same pain because no one deserves to live like that.
  7. Oh, I do go to therapy. I am so much better than I ever was before. After being completely broken and shattered I had to find a way to rebuild myself and to find a new life. If anything, I will not let him win and in that I mean I will not stay the same crazy, emotional, messed up, destructive mess that I became after years of his torture. I am more capable and accomplished than that. But recently I feel more compelled to write about what happened. It hasn't been easy but everyday without someone like that is a blessing.
  8. Just felt like writing some more. Regardless of whether another person will read this or not. He made me sick to my stomach. This was a guy that I did everything I could for. I tried to help him, take care of him, protect him, be good to him. There was the time when he came home drunk and I brought him water as he puked in the bathroom. The times when I bought him a GED book to complete his degree. He was such a violent unpredictable person. There was no telling when he would explode even though I could sense the tension because he would blow his top off. He was vicious, cruel, demeaning, h
  9. "He shook the very ground that I walk on when he took not one, not two, but six brand new Trojan brand MAGNUM condoms from my bedroom to use on another chic...but left me alone and never answered my calls!" - You know, I really don't care to give people advice BUT, I don't get why you like him. He sounds totally gross. I say keep him. Keep him off our streets.
  10. As you can see, the ups and downs have not gone away. For the period of time when I suffered abuse and placed myself and my life in the hands of an abuser I went through more pain than I ever had before. Today is one of those days when I suffer from the aftershocks. I feel depressed. Emotional pain. I was foolish when I made a choice to even let him near me. I know I was not thinking clearly or even consciously. I look back and I feel so horrified and terrified of the choices I made. I stole. I dressed raggedly. I fought with my family and gave them incredible stress. I was so depressed
  11. 2 years since it ended. 2 years since I last saw him. 1 year since I even tried to have a decent conversation or apology from him. These 2 years have been the BEST years of my life since I met him. He made my life a living hell. I made choices when I was stuck in that dead-end life that perpetuated the cycle and brought me down extremely low. I hit rock bottom. If I had not been lucky enough to get out and find out it was abuse, I would have ended up dead, homeless, or as a personal/financial slave. I have NEVER regretted it. In fact, I regret the very moment that I ever first spoke to h
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