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Kurodashi

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  1. Kurodashi
    I believe it was. When I had my first few anxiety attacks I had no idea what was going on. All I knew was my nerves were going haywire. I heard that anxiety attacks were very bad, and since not many bad health issues have come up for me I brushed it aside. When I asked a doctor about anxiety, he said we all have anxiety attacks in us, ready to go off in bad situations. It happens when the nervous system panics and messes up. He said it happens more in some people than others and sometimes medication helps to control it. Don't be allerted if he perscribes you an anti-depressant however - Anxiety and Depression are usually covered in the same medication ^_^ Also - for the acid. Try anti-acid mints... and lots of clear water.
  2. Kurodashi
    Oh no, You probably will not enjoy my advice. I had the exact same situation happen to me. And sadly? My family was right, the guy was bad news. How long did it take me to believe them? Over a year. Yep, I let him treat me horribly then justify it. I would listen to his justifications and believe him. He lied so very, very well. My advice is listen to your family. If he made you THAT upset that you would bad mouth him to your family, and rightfully so, then he isn't worth it. You need someone who makes you feel loved... not someone "who'll do". I know it's probably not the encouragment you want to hear right now, but God knows, if I had made a thread like this way back when I was going through the exact same thing I WISH someone had said this to me. Please stop and look at why your family doesnt like him. Dont try and justify it with things he has said. Now look at why you said those things. Why did you get back together? Did he justify his actions? I think you seriously need to re-evaluate the situation first. Because if he does it again, you will bad-mouth him to your family again, then if you get back together after that - youll have this problem TEN FOLD. So be very careful. Know when to confide in your family, but also, know when to listen to them! Sometimes people on the outside can see things you cant. So I beg you, please consider their concerns! It may save you alot of pain.
  3. Kurodashi
    Have your parents met him yet? If you bring him around to your house, maybe he can convince your parents that he is responcible and mature enough to know when to let you study, and when you enjoy your time. Older men are usually a fantastic choice for your first partner as they are generally more mature and experienced in the ways of the world. As for the age gap, it won't make a bar of difference in a bad way. It's mostly positives. I know 3 relationships with the exactly same ages, and they were all long and fuffilling. One lasted in tears when the younger girl cheated, but I blame that on her immaturity. The other two are still together, and one is getting married. It's not that bad from my experience. You're aloud to date now you are a young lady you should be aloud to make your own decisions. However, to convince your parents of this you simply need to show them your maturity and responcibility for your actions. Stay, don't leave your family. If the guy doesn't work out you WILL need their support - remember - Family ALWAYS comes first! Try your best not to fight with them, and drop his name lots, then start inviting him around. Gradually they should get to like him (if he is a nice guy, because parents are the best judges of maturity in your partner when youre young - even though none of us listen when we are young lol). Once they enjoy his company, tell them you have gone on dates... And if you decide to go steady, choose the right momment, and invite him over for dinner. Then explain the situation clamly. Just be gentle with it and all should go well. Good Luck.
  4. Kurodashi
    Really? I always felt somewhat alone in that respect. Most people I know respect white lies if they are not meant with ill intent... Im relieved that theres other people that can see eye to eye with me on this Without honesty... I feel like I have not only been treated like a fool, but in that essense, been depricated of my own worth. To lie to someone, you first have to believe they are gullable, thereforeeee - you mustn't think too highly of them to begin with , know what I mean? Thats incredible o_o I am so very sorry you've had so much! I couldn't even contemplate being cheated on again, it burns such a large hole in my soul and hurts so much. I can't imagine if it happened again it being easier. Am I setting myself up for disappointment if I dont want to believe I will be cheated on again? Thank you so much for believing in me *big hug* It means so very much to me that someone can see my worth. Your words have calmed alot of the doubts in my mind tonight, and for that I am immensly grateful
  5. Kurodashi
    Yeah, we are in similar situations. Their is nothing worse than anxiety, its horrible. What I despise the most about my attacks is the heart racing, and you just can't calm it down. If I think about my past pain and all the horrible things that have happened to me, my heart starts racing and I get nervy. I can't control my body and I shake. It's a horrible sensation. I have recently got medication for this, and I'm hoping it will help, maybe you should ask your doctor also? From all these problems to deal with, the last thing you need is anxiety on top of all that so it's probably worth looking into. I'm a generally optimistic person also... apart from loved ones dying, I can almost always make something good out of a bad situation. However... I feel the same. After all the effort I put in to a relationship, in the end, it didnt change anything. I was still lied to, and treated like nothing. Some people will never be able to appreciate others unless it benefits them directly. I guess it's something in life we need to accept. What we should see, I suppose, is that even though bad people like that exist, doesn't mean we should stop validating our riht to care and put our heart on the line. It's always a risk, but in the end I think karma and justice will see us in our rightful place. If we sincerly treat others how we'd like to be treated ourself, despite how much a person abuses that treatment - in the end someone will recognise, appreciate and recepricate that treatment. Then we will know all the pain and troubles were worth it. At least, that is my hope
  6. Kurodashi
    I like that advice, ubertoast. Becoming a friend first is always a fantastic move. Call me old fashioned, but I also believe asking her out on a romantic dinner is always a fantastic excuse to show your feelings for her. Another way, especially for a girl like me to appreciate, would be to just ask her After a few times of talking with her, build up the courage and say "Would you go out with me?" Lol, it sounds painfully obvious... but sometimes it works first try.
  7. Kurodashi
    I agree so much with what Shadows Light said, she put it very well. I might just add that I think if you are attracted to someone only physically, it's pretty much always doomed from the start. Even if you go in there for the pleasure only - it's shallow pleasure, and it will leave an emptiness inside you. I suggest NC with her, for her own good. Look for a girl with at least a mental attractiveness that you desire, because trust me on this one, once you fall in love with her brain - shell actually LOOK more attractive because of it. I never though my last partner was physically attractive until 6 months in, when I had fallen in love with his mind. It still amazes me to this day.
  8. Kurodashi
    Theres nothing more messy than a breakup where you stay in touch after. From my personal experience. Friends with benefits always ends up in guilt, confusion and pain... so don't let her take you down that path again if you can avoid it. I know it sounds painfully simple, but if you want a break - Tell her "Id like to be alone for a while, don't take it personally". If she takes it personally to spite your efforts of telling her not to, that is her silly fault. You can't deny your own sanity just incase it upsets her. But that being said, make sure it's very clear that you've taken her feelings into consideration and are worried abotu the fact she is sad alot.
  9. Kurodashi
    God, now dont hate me for saying this The best way is to jump on your computer, delete ALL the porn. Block all the porn sites. Start using that great little thing called your imagination. I've had a day where I was going through a friends directory of porn videos and MAN I was messed up at the end of the day, Im relativly low on sex drive and even I was thinking about sex all the time. So getting rid of the porn would be best first step. The next thing to consider is distractions. Once you start thinking sexy thoughts, think about something completely unsexy. For example, Ronald Mcdonald doing the macarena. LOL. Or pick up an animal and start petting it, that usually de-arouses any non-bestiality fan I've found. Good luck ^_^
  10. Kurodashi
    No, I don't Sorry. I hear the areas around the smaller islands military bases are beautiful, so you must have been lucky if you were there... That makes alot of sense. I believe what I first thought love was, was some mysterious spell I am put under. I now know that it is not that simple, and to believe that would be giving myself an excuse to abuse love. I'd love to meet someone who honestly cared about my saftey and health, and didn't just say they did when I asked or when it would mean they'd get brownie points. Maybe my expectations are too high now... That seems to be true also, I am exceedingly confused at the momment. Maybe I am a little spun out because my routine in life has changed so greatly, and I only have one or two friends left now. Maybe I should spend this time of healing learning to love msyelf and get used to being alone so that I wont be disappointed if I never meet someone special for me. What worries me about that, though, is that even if they are there, and I find them, I won't trust them and my distrust in them will make them leave. I find it hard to believe anything a male tells me anymore... without watching him like a hawke and getting evidense he is being honest. I feel like a paranoid spy on a mission to find lies... Thank you for your kind words and advice Now those words truley give me hope. I'm sorry to hear you've had to endure the same troubles I have, because they are horrible, but I am so very happy to see that you came out on the other side fine I hope My story can have a happier ring to it like yours... one can only hope..
  11. Kurodashi
    I have been going through a struggle that seems as though it was a long time coming. I tried many times to be completely dedicated to NC with my last partner, but not until recently have I been strong enough. It is still very difficult, but slowly I am moving on. My past relationship has made me question alot of things. Who I am, how much a person can change me, why relationships are even worth it. I have lost most of my faith in males. Is this wrong? I find, especially in my area, that everywhere I look men lie. They are unfaithful, or just make white lies about their feelings to make me feel better. It is a problem for me because I can not handle someone lying to me, even white lies! Is there any way that I can deal with this anxiety and learn to trust men again? I was hurt greatly in the past by lies, and Im extrememly honest and open about everything. It is the way I have been brought up, and alot of people think I am weird for this (I put my foot in my mouth alot...) I need to let go of the past pain and hurt I have been through, and I cant do this until there is hope for the future. I can't find any hope for the future until I know if I can even FIND someone who will be as honest and open as I am about life. Right now I feel as though even if I found that person, I wouldn't be good enough. I need to know, is love and relationships even worth the bother? They only ever cause me fears, pain and horrible anxiety attacks. Can I be just as happy on my own forever? I never ever want to feel the way I felt when I saw the person I loved in the arms of someone else. I NEVER want to even recall it. I am so scared of falling in love again. I never want to feel so worthless, rejected and used. Is this a normal mental state after being cheated on / lied to? How can I learn to trust again? Can I be happy alone forever?
  12. Kurodashi
    Theres a very fine line there. Honestly, I believe something with an advertising purpose can never be proclaimed to be art. For example, anything created towards a target audience to create revenue. Artwork with nudes is an accepted form of art, however Playboy is a business interested in gaining revenue from horny males. The purpose of the photoshoots can sometimes be classy, but this in no one shows them as works of art. I believe art can not be forced, and by having an alterior motive, such as money, behind your shots - you are stripping art of its true and organic form.
  13. Kurodashi
    I personally think smaller breasts are absolutly gorgeous. If it were up to me, in selection, I would choose a smaller breast size because you can add to that easily. Large breasts cause back pain, and in a few years, my darling, your pert breasts will be the envy of all the big girls who are sagging - trust me. If you want to bust up your size a bit you can always get these things called "Chicken Fillets", that's their nickname. They look just like chicken breast fillets and they simply sit inside your bra and it can bump youup a few sizes easily. Pair that with a push up bra and you'll have some extremely sexy clevage that will even make girls get jealous Maybe you should look at the positives in being a smaller cup and accept how lucky somethings are. Ask women with big breasts what the disadvantages are, you will be quite surprised how much of a hinderance they can be. Especially in later life with back problems and sagging breasts. This aside, if a man is pleased big big breasts alone, dont think for a second that the extra attention would be a good thing. Men that think like that want one thing. S-E-X. And sweety, I dont want you find it out the hard way. Guys like that can and will tell you what they think you want to hear. They will use you. Believe me, I know. *Sigh* So be happy with how you look, because I truley believe confidense and love for yourself is the sexiest element a person could ever obtain.
  14. Kurodashi
    The first time I had masterbated was also the first time I had orgasmed. Problem being, was I barely even knew what sex was at this point in time, and I definatly had NO idea what masterbating was. It was all a pure accident. I was 10 when this occurred, and I don't find that disturbing, just rather humerous considering I didnt know what a vagina was/didnt know it even existed. I didnt really know what sex was, and I had no idea my clitorous was even sensitive until i started to itch at it once. Mind you, I didn't do it again for a very long time Experiencing your first orgasm at that age is beyond frightening.
  15. Kurodashi
    Wow! thank-you! I'm extremely flattered that you appreciated my words so well, I hope that my perspetive is someday useful enough for another that it will make my time here worthwhile. I'm so happy that you guys understood what I meant when I was explaining that metaphore
  16. Kurodashi
    I sometimes meet people I cant get along with, no matter how hard I try... they never give me an inch back. This makes me believe that there are quite often people out there that we will never feel comfortable around. Why? I am not sure, the way we were brought up? Star Signs? It depends on your beliefs. However, it's inevitable, and the initial vibes we get from a person, or between people should be recognised and not brushed aside. There is a strong tension between these two groups and it needs to be seen for what it is. If they were uncomfortable, you should not let the scenario happen twise. Chances are it is one of those stories of people that you just cant click with and dont know why. Maybe it should be left at that. I wouldn't suggest inviting them again, since the others dont seem to want to be sociable to them. Spend time with them yourself, and get to know that friend of hers
  17. Kurodashi
    I have found that if you do not have many friends and contacts, the best way to gain attention from the opposite sex (and the RIGHT type is to become extroverted in most things you do. I understand that is a chore for alot of people, but with a little effort it goes a long way. For example, if you have paper work to do, take it to your local park or library to do. Go to the busiest supermarket. Walk around town rather than driving. From little things, big thing grow. I also suggest taking up a club/group in an interest, or enrolling in a nightime course of interest (painting, etc). You'll find people immediately with similar interests and will have na excuse to talk to them about things and get the ball rolling. Just get out there and enjoy the journey. You will have fun doing this once you understand how to get out there with every little thing, and one day when you are older and possibly settled down... you'll look back on these days with such fondness
  18. Kurodashi
    Maybe it is an ethereal spiritual bond between souls. This however is completely dependant on your beliefs. Personally? I believe everything in the universe is connected to each other through their Kai, Chi, etc. Their energy. It is a beautiful connection, but generally a person needs to meditate to become aware of it completely. Maybe you are more connected to this person than most others. But these are only my beliefs...
  19. Kurodashi
    That's a common NC worry. But rest assured, she will not forget you and she certainly will not forget what you had. Even I remember with fondness people that were in my life as I was 5 years old. I don't think about it every day, but I remember with such great gratitude now and then. I know I will never forget the friends I have made, and especially the people that I have loved. Your past is like a novel, separated in chapters. Even though only one chapter can be open at a time to look at, we can always flick back to the closed chapters of the book and happily reminisce those people to whom are no longer being spoken of. They are always there, etched into our memories. Theyre always a piece of our story.
  20. Kurodashi
    Why do you want to kill yourself specifically? Did people treat you badly or say bad things to you? If something triggered it, maybe you should express it here and people can try and help you through those issues at the core of your sadness. I've been there before, I was one year older than you, and I actually found bliss and comfort in cutting myself, until scars and questions reared their ugly heads. No one, no thing is EVER worth death. You especially, you seem like a sensitive and open individual. The fact that you can be courageous enough to ask for advice shows the sincerity of your actions and ability to express yourself in a way that most people I have found can't. I'm extremely relieved you came here, and even got your feelings off your chest, it's the first step to healing. And yes, this is your journey. Wether you see it or not, you are on a journey to be healed of all this suffering and pain you're going through. It may be months, it may be years; but if you hang in there through the storm, the sun rising over the storm clouds is the most beautiful it will ever be. I guess what I am trying to say, is these momments of horrid darkness are only hear to give us the greatest of appreciation for the happy times in our lives. They will arrive. Be strong, I have the upmost amount of faith in your ability to do this. If you EVER need to talk, feel free to email me or PM me and Il try my best to help you through this hard time youre going through. Its only when things are at their worst that you realise they can only get better. You are no burdon, youre a open hearted, sincere and expressive blessing.
  21. Kurodashi
    Ah yes, I understand the girl of your affections perspective. Even if I liked a guy 5 years younger than me, it would worry me that he would be too immature to carry the responcibilty of nuturing and caring for my emotions and feelings. It is a risk to take. But you know what? She doubts... she doesnt completely rule it out. I'm sure she does like you, but 5 years is a big difference, and she is just voicing her concerns about being betrayed by the whimsical heart of an immature man. Show her how mature and sensible you are for your age, and prove to her that you can be everything she would come to expect from a 27 year old, and more. How do you do this? Ask her out... she certainly seems like the type of girl that would be compassionate enough to let you in, and take that chance. Do the best with that opportunity, and prove her slight doubts incorrect. Treat her the best you can.
  22. Kurodashi
    If you have a best friend, wouldnt that immediately imply you already know about them and have a bond with them? I am a little lost. As for a normal friend, I believe it is true to form a bond before learning about someone. However, I wouldnt trust this bond until it was reinforced with an evidential respect and caring for one another through understanding of each others qualities.
  23. Kurodashi
    This is my suggestion. Leave high school, rest and recuperate for the rest of this year - get yourself together. Next year, enrol in Adult VCE at the nearest TAFE. It will be less hours, and you have the options of night classes. Most people at the TAFE will have been in similar situations, furthermore... TAFE is more adaptable for scores. You spend about 3 hours a week per unit, and if you want to you can study extra hard and get a fantastic ENTER all the same. The teachers do no condesend apon you, and you wont need to wear a uniform. You'll be treated kindly and like an adult. If you have problems doing homework or getting in to class you can just tell them what came up and theyll treat you like a human and understand. Rather, at a high school they wont accept too much of that. That is, however, if you want an extra year before you go to Uni. I suggest it though, your sanity is the most important thing. You need to take a break, and then when youre ready, put your 100% effort into it. Have you completed any Year 12 subjects yet? The TAFE will accept those also, and youll get to study less ^_^ Youll only need to study 4 units too. Not to mention, itl only cost you about $200 in school fees, and less if you have a health care card. Definatly worth considering.
  24. Kurodashi
    This is my suggestion, and I know you may not want to hear this, but Il let it be said so you understand all perspectives. As being a victim of infedelity myself... I highly value trust. Friendships can not reach full potential without trust, dating thereforeee can not either. Marriage? Certainly not. To be dishonest or hide things when even considering marriage is a strike against your promise to marry him. That being said, you should explain the situation to your fiance. He should be your confidant, your rock, your other half. If you have to hold this, or anything else back from him, there isnt much point devoting your entire existence to the love of him. Once you have been clean about how you feel, whats happened, and what you feel should happen in the future... see how he deals with it. If he is ready to forgive you and work through this, and you are ready to fess up to him and work at it too.. then it is worth it. If you cant be open with him and work through it, or he cant deal with this truth - then its destined not to be. Good luck.
  25. Kurodashi
    Well if he's using that baby on himself, and you had proof - it STILL doesnt signify hes homosexual. Considering the males g-spot in on his prostate and can only be accessed from the anus, its not surprising that a male would enjoy anal peneration on his g-spot. That being said, there is a stigma attached to this, and many straight males who enjoy this ar exceedingly embarrassed about it, and obviously never admit it because they dont want to get called homosexual. Either way, you shouldnt need to stress too much. If it's really playing on your mind, just ask him about it. If he says no, then trust him regardless. Thats what friends do
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