Jump to content

smallworld

Bronze Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    805

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by smallworld

  1. smallworld
    Hey Ren, in answer to your question, biologically speaking i think scent can be an excellent indicator of health and cleanliness. But personally, I'm attracted to scent because when a man smells good to me it makes me safe and stimulated. But no I don't like colognes etc. It's the way a man smells after he's showered... clean but manly. And no, I don't go sniffing strange men, lol. I usually only become aware of how good a man smells after I get to know him a bit. The funny thing is when I met my first boyfriend (broke my heart), I thought he smelt horrible. Same guy, six months later and he smelled great to me. Should have trusted my first sniff! Generically, I'd say I tend to be physically attracted to warm eyes, sonorous voices and strong arms and hands. But ironically every guy I've ever fallen for hasn't been due to physical attributes. It's how they make me feel when I'm around them. These guys tend to be intelligent, well-spoken, kindhearted, and witty. But regarding the guy I love, it's ... - they way his eyes light up when he smiles... - the sound of his voice decidedly whispering sweet intentions in my ears - the tender warmth of his soft lips embracing mine - the way his firm hands explore and caress the curves of my body - the way his clean, masculine scent makes me tingle when I bury my face in the crook of his neck. - how warm, safe, and happy i feel wrapped up in his strong arms. Oh yes and his springy earlobes aren't bad either. Yum!
  2. smallworld
    Hey Gradle, I know what I recommend sounds a little forward if you've never tried it before, but doesn't it sound fun? In real life I can be a bit of a coward when it comes to lots of things, but one thing I've learned about myself is that I'm more likely to do the "impossible" if I focus on the potential reward of a situation vs. the potential downfall. Keep thinking about how soft and warm his lips will feel against yours and I'm sure you'll find a way to kiss him... Thanks for the compliments and the encouragement MsNak! I used to write poetry, but it tended to be about the darkness in my life. Maybe it's time I move towards the light?
  3. smallworld
    Jayceeraira, you're neither wrong or overreacting. They deceit is troubling and you're right to question why a guy would be interested in such "entertainment" when he's already in a relationship. But knowing what I do about strip clubs from guy friends, I don't believe much more happened than what he told you. The girls there are in it for the money, not to meet potential new love interests. It probably was guy fun for him -- for some reason leering at half-naked women in groups bonds guys and reassures them that they're "MEN" -- but unfortunately he wasn't "man" enough to tell you where he was going probably because he knew you wouldn't approve. Rather than dwell on what he did an didn't do that night, I think you're right to focus on the deceit and whether or not this is something you can live with. Talk to him and let him know what's really bothering you about all this. Once he responds with his "truth", you'll know what to do. Good luck!
  4. smallworld
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference..." Lillady898, I usually recommend exercise to help others to get to sleep, but it sounds like you've got that covered. (Eliminating caffiene helps too.) If you can't sleep because of what you're thinking, I find it helps to keep a notebook beside your bed to "empty" your mind of worries and negative thoughts. I'm naturally an obsessive compulsive person and my brain can ruminate on what's wrong in my life for hours if I let it. By writing things out I'm acknowledging to my "mind" that I am aware of all the problems that I'm juggling but that I need to get some sleep. The process of writing these issues down gives my brain permission to rest and get off that perpetual worrier's "hamster wheel." When you do have free time it's good to go through that list of problems and ask yourself some questions... 1. Is this problem really a "problem" for me? Sometimes when we're tired and cranky, the little meaningless annoyances of life can seem important than they actually are. 2. Is this problem really mine to solve? [Example: Often times we take upon ourselves the conflicts of others and make them our own. The problem is we have no control over other's actions and unless they're willing to make the necessary changes in thought and deed, there's not much we can do except be there for them.] 3. Is this problem something I have the power to resolve? If so, what are my options? 4. If not, what can I do to influence things in a favorable direction? Sometimes the most you can do is pray. Anything else you can do in the hours before you sleep to reduce stress is also helpful. Give yourself something to look forward to every night. Listen to relaxing music. Read a good book. Have a cup of tea, some wine, or a warm glass of milk (with cookies!) Take better care of your body and mind and they will take good care of you. Good luck!
  5. smallworld
    Hi Princess, How exciting! What to wear? Whatever makes you feel beautiful and comfortable. THere's nothing like wearing jeans that are too tight or heels that might as well be a medieval torture device to ruin an evening. (Believe me... I speak from the voice of experience!) Besides, don't you know that if he asked you out, he already likes what he sees? As for feeling embarrassed about eating in front of him, I know exactly how you feel. I can't seem to go through a meal without spilling a drink or ruining a shirt. On the bright side, you're not all that hungry, so food won't be that much of an issue this date. If you're feeling self-conscious, you can minimize embarrassment by ordering foods that don't contain a lot of sauce (like spaghetti) and are easy to eat (basically anything that will stick to your fork without much effort.) If you're concerned about pigging out, you can always snack beforehand. Other than that, I agree with everyone else, just enjoy yourself! PS. If it helps think about a few conversation topics ahead of time to keep things flowing.
  6. smallworld
    Hi Gradle, if he's touching your face and hair, that's definitely a good sign that he's attracted to you. He just might be a little shy! Time to turn things up a notch. Next time he touches your hair, cup his face in your hands, pull him towards you, and kiss him on the cheek gently... kissing your way towards his lips, but not on them. Kiss him just at the corners of his mouth as you look into his eyes and let him do the rest! Happy meandering...
  7. smallworld
    Spidey, You know her better than any of us and if you can't see the love in her eyes in anymore than perhaps NC is for the best. As for how someone can say "I love you" one day and take it back, I wish I had a good answer. She may have meant it, but the possiblity exists that she said it to retaliate in the heat of the moment. Until she proves otherwise, it's best to take her at her word and give her the space she needs to sort out her feelings. If you can't handle the thought of letting her go completely, perhaps you can agree to meet in a month or so to reassess.
  8. smallworld
    You're welcome! Either way would be nice, but if it helps I do have a very sweet high school memory of being surprised by a bouquet of flowers on my desk during first period. I did a double take and couldn't believe those were for me. You don't have to spend much. It's the thought that counts! Wildflowers, a single rose, or a $10 bouquet you pick up at the grocery store... all will do. Just make sure you include a card that lets her know how much she means to you.
  9. smallworld
    Just_Wing_It, love is in the "details"... the "small" things that you do for one another just "because" you want to each other happy. Cook her a meal, spend a day with her doing things that she loves (shopping, dining out, thrifting, dancing, night at the theater, watch a "chick flick" etc.), do things for her that you know she hates (getting the oil changed, cleaning up after dinner, dumping the garbage etc.), write her a poem, get her some flowers just because... You get the idea right? PS. The better you are at noticing what she really likes and wants and try to anticipate and fulfill those desires, the more she'll feel like you love her for her.
  10. smallworld
    Sirhcorg, Anything could have sparked this dream... Did something remind you of the Ex that day? I found your dream interesting... particularly the part where you bail out the back door. My guess is that even though you're "over" your Ex, a part of you wishes you could still be friends. The fact that you agreed to come over (despite your desire to avoid your Ex) at her Mother's invitation shows that you still feel a strong affection for her family. As to whether this dream is wishful thinking or not, is up to you and her... Good luck!
  11. smallworld
    Hi Jecht, Some of the best relationships start off as "friendships." But perhaps I'm biased? All of mine have started off that way! Since you're already friends, there's a possiblity there for more. No need for any grand declaration of feelings. Just start doing little things to touch her heart and see how she reacts. Flirt with her, make her laugh, touch her affectionately (tickling, "tag you're it", hugs, revel in the scent of her hair), basically just try to spend time alone with her (renting a video together, going to a pet store and for ice cream afterwards, mini golf, etc.) Watch her carefully and note how she responds to your acts of affection. Tip: Make her feel like she's the only girl in the world for you, and she'll be more likely to see you as someone that she can fall in love with as well as like. As for how to ask her out, that's a good question! Since you're already friends, you don't need an "excuse." Just call her up and ask her if she'd like to see or do something (but have several suggestions in mind.) No need to call it a date. Just go with the intent to have a good time and to show her a good time. Hopefully she'll give you a sign that she wants more too. Good luck!
  12. smallworld
    *Hugs* Spidey. Welcome to Enot! I read your previous posts to better understand your situation. It sounds like she's finally decided she wants to be with you (not him), but that the anger and hurt you felt when you learned of her betrayal started a "war" between you. Either you're being cold and standoffish or she's getting angry over petty things and telling you she doesn't care or love you anymore. If you ever want this to work,you both need to sit down and talk about what's REALLY bothering you both. She needs to hear how her cheating hurt you and you need to hear how your actions (i.e. not answering her calls etc.) impact her. I understand that you're hurt and you want to be in "control" of the situation, but this is not a chess game. It's a relationship. The more you both hold onto your hurt feelings and choose to "retaliate" vs. communicate, the less you'll both meet each other's needs and the less likely it is that you'll last as a couple. You can turn things around now, but it'll take swallowing one's pride and having the courage to speak from the heart. What do you think?
  13. smallworld
    *Hugs* Atlanta. I've felt misunderstood and alienated at times and understand how you feel. I also know how easy and tempting it is to go online and make friends instead of dealing with the challenges in your life. Instead of telling you what you already know, I'm going to remind you that you don't have to build Rome in a day. You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to know how, or why, or when. You just have to begin. Start small and pick something you want to do... the only requirement being that it should be something that in some small way moves you towards your goals/ dreams. The point isn't whether you achieve those dreams, but that you try. I know it's hard to stay motivated when you feel like you can't go any lower,but the truth is we're the only ones who can make ourselves happy, so we might as well start today. Make a list of what you want to do with your life and then take baby steps to try things out. Volunteer if you need recommendations to get a job, make friends, or just to get out of the house every day and have some sense of purpose. As for driving, if your Dad isn't "available" then get one of your friends or relatives to teach you. When there's a will, there's a way... Relations with your parents will get better if you just give you and them some space. But clearly the first baby step is to get out every day. Take care!
  14. smallworld
    Hey Princess, I'm shy too but I find it helps to start small. Just focus on saying "Hi" to him the next few times and nothing more. Once you get comfortable with that, start improvising and ask him how he's been etc. And if it helps, come up with a list of topics and things you might have in common ahead of time. Don't worry about the big picture. Just focus on getting to know him and having fun. Good luck!
  15. smallworld

    "honey"

    smallworld replied to 7's topic in Relationship Advice

    Hey 7, I am equally repulsed by the phrase "dear." Your best bet is to just keep telling him "Please don't call me that. I like being called 'x' (whatever 'x' may be). He'll get it eventually. And when he does call you by something you prefer, be sure to give him lots of positive reinforcement (i.e. hugs and kisses)
  16. smallworld
    I agree. Making it pleasurable for her is more about what you do with those condoms vs. "special effects." If you want to make the night special for her, focus on her. The most amazing night I ever had with a man never even involved intercourse. It was just the way he touched me, the look in his eyes, and the way he took his time with me savoring every inch of my body. Lots of intimate talk and telling her how much you love all of her would do so much more to make the night special vs. a specific type of condom or technique.
  17. smallworld
    Hi Never, why the sad face? This should be a happy occasion for the two of you. Well I can only tell you what I know worked for me and that was to take things slowly and to enjoy just being with each other. Don't worry about doing the "deed." Just hold each other, kiss, caress, lick, touch, and savor every moment. As a dear friend once told me, it's all about the journey, not the destination. So take the scenic route! Making love is an amazing experience and intercourse is just one small moment in a continuum of intimacy. When the time is right, you'll just know. You'll see it in her eyes and you'll both feel ready. Until then keep talking to and holding one another... Good luck!
  18. smallworld
    Welcome to Enot Jabnut! I agree. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. She's Cinderella in this story, so I'm sure she'll understand why you don't enjoy going to her parents. Maybe there's a compromise to be worked out that you just can't see at the moment. On a side note, I have a tendency to be a hermit and dread family functions too, but I put in an appearance at the family Xmas party out of love and respect for my husband. I get along great with all my in-laws except for one sister in law. I find it helps to play dumb, deaf, blind, and ignorant since these are the things she accuses me of anyway. Maybe you should do the same?
  19. smallworld
    Um... Usually they tell you. And imho that's a good thing! Why should a man be embarrassed about holding out for the right time and person? Hopefully when the time comes, you'll have the type of relationship where you'd feel comfortable enough to share the most intimate of matters with each other. Think of it this way, if you wouldn't feel comfortable telling her you're a virgin, are you really ready for the responsibilities and consequences that come with sex? Other than honesty, I'd say the only common indicator I've noticed is hesitation and nervousness, which as Raykay pointed out isn't exclusive to virgins. Sexual behavior itself is very instinctual and we humans have been doing it for centuries without an instruction manual, so don't worry... When the time is right, everything will fall into place. Just be sure you're emotionally ready to handle the consequences and to have protection!
  20. smallworld
    Theoretically you can be friends again if you both give yourself enough time and space apart. But reality depends on the two people involved, their maturity levels, and how sensitive they can be to each other's feelings. In your shoes, I'd go the NC route, but tell him why you need the time apart. Anyone with a heart and who cares about you should fully understand why you can't stand by and watch them date others while your heart is breaking. Then I'd set a deadline to meet up again after a period of 3 to 6 months (whatever you feel would be reasonable.) If you're doing NC in hopes of getting him back, please don't because it's game playing that's only going to set you up for further stress and heartache. NC should be about healing, becoming your best self, and enjoying your life. If he comes back, great, but NC should never be about him. Good luck!
  21. smallworld
    Hey Confused, it sounds like she enjoys your company at times but she finds your insecurities clausterphobic. This is why when you're "apart" she feels like getting back together -- she's dwelling on the good times you've shared, and conveniently forgetting about the things that she didn't like about the relationship. I hate to say it, but if this is the case, then you're both doomed to repeat this pattern of breaking and making up over and over until one of you either changes drastically or finally gives up. I'm sure she cares for you, but when she asked "Would you ever consider taking me back?" it's because your successful deployment of NC got to her this time and she's testing how serious you are about breaking up. Obviously she's not ready to let go because you meet many of her emotional and sexual needs, but unfortunately not enough of them for her to stay in a steady relationship with you. Is this what you really want?
  22. smallworld
    I think if she was continually hugging you all evening and gave you a peck on the cheek then there's a strong chance she likes you and your "friend." If a woman isn't attracted to you on some level, it isn't likely she would have shown you that amount of affection. Maybe next time try putting your arm around her and cuddling during a movie or something? See how she reacts...
  23. smallworld
    *Hugs* GirlNextDoor & Welcome to Enot! I think you should tell your best friend the truth, that you like him. It sounds like he repeatedly asked you about your feelings because he feels strongly about you and was hoping that you'd feel the same way. Perhaps the time apart made him think that you really meant it when you told him that you like "no one." Call him up and let him know that he's the one and only "no one" for you. Good luck!
  24. smallworld
    Hey Crystal! I agree with RayKay. Pet names are much more fun when they come from you and are inspired from private moments you've shared but maybe these'll give you some ideas? The "Boss", Greenie, Farmer _firstname_, Cowboy, Rough Rider, Mr. Firefighter, Muscles, Bubba (as fine a redneck name as they come), Ice or Iceman, and last but not least Snowball (lol). Btw, I've always found Laura Ingalls (from "Little House on the Prarie") pet name for her husband kinda sexy... "Manly". What's your bf's first name? We might be able to make a play off that too!
  25. smallworld
    *Hugs* Romantic Sweetheart, I'm so happy to hear you've moved away from the situation. Now for the mental separation... I've found it helps to remind myself of several things... 1. I can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved. Trust me... Until they're ready and willing to admit their own contributions to their self-destructiveness, they're just going to sabotage your efforts anyway. 2. I leave it in God's hands. I'm not a very religious person, but whenever I start to worry about someone, I literally talk to God and ask for Him to love and watch over the person in question, because I no longer have the strength to do it alone. Praying helps calm my thoughts and gives me an opportunity to love and wish the Other well. 3. I remind myself that no love or kindness I ever showed anyone -- especially the abuser -- is ever wasted, but this time I choose to reinvest the love, understanding, and deep seated "need to heal" others into people who not only need it, but want and deserve it. It's apparent from your posts that you have such a profoundly sensitive and compassionate heart. The world can be such a cold and lonely place. If you could give him all the unconditional love that you did, imagine how much good could be done if you spread that same love amongst many? Watching your love grow and multiply in healthy ways helps to lessen the pain and guilt of not being able to save him.
×
×
  • Create New...