Everyday is like a rollar coaster ride. Somedays I wake up feeling ok, Other days I am very angry & depressed. This often leads me to lashing out to whoever is around mostly my parents. I'm basically existing & trying to move forward in my life. Jobs are scarce & I've been trying to get one for months, this will be my first time working. I have yet to come to a job. I am trying to learn how to drive & my dad is going to teach me but he puts it off & he does this to me alot! It really ticks me off. I'm currently out of high school & strangely it's like all of the friends I did have just disappeared from me. It's like we're not as cool as we used to be, I really wouldn't call them friends to begin with.
With this in mind, since I have no transportation or no friends now, I spend alot of time at home. It's really not good for me because I have no one to talk to & my parents really never cared about what I had to say really. All they can do is tell me things will get better. I'm very lonely alot of the time & nothing exciting happens in my life. Some days I let my sadness get to me & I'll be rude to my parents & say things I usually regret.
I spend 90% of the time on the internet. At least here I can talk to people & they respond back. Without it, I'd lose it for real. It's been hard for me to make friends, I never seem to be the type to be popular or have alot of family & people around me. Almost like no one is interested in me. High school, I remember joining clubs & stuff but I always found myself isolated from everybody & when I did try to talk to people, they acted like they were to stuck-up to say anything to me.
Christmas really got to me today, because I had no family but my parents here & I went to church to see all of the people my age have fun, talking about how good life is & everything they got. I know that it is petty stuff but I would have liked a little something for Christmas. Everyone got nice clothes to wear & I'm stuck with the same crap.. If I had a job I would buy my own things. I didn't want to burden my parents because they're having some serious money issues. So I didn't bother them about anything for Christmas, though I really wanted to.
It seems like all of my life, I always got the short end of the stick & I think all of the years of that is really getting to me. Some nights I pray to god to help me but nothing happens, I lie in bed frustrated everynight, sometimes even crying because nothing ever goes right in my life...
