smallworld

I think you should ask her out. She seems to be sending clear signals to you that she's available, interested, and thinks you've "changed a lot" (i.e. You're open to the idea of a house, 2.3 kids, and dog.) The fact that you've both kept strong ties with each other's families and that the split was amicable are good signs that this time it could work. Go for it! Tip: Make that dinner count. Wine, candles, music, and a single red rose on her dinner plate.

That's a toughie. This isn't something you can ignore and just hope it will resolve itself, because whatever he's doing that turns you off is not intentional, it's just his sexual style. If you really care for this guy, think carefully before you say anything. Try to figure out what specifically bothers you and whether or not it can be fixed. Then talk to him. Tell him you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you have sexual conditions that need to be met in order for you to get into enjoy the experience. If he cares about you, I'm sure he'll do his best to please you. If you can't resolve this, then it's better to get out sooner than later. Good luck! PS. It really helps if you focus on telling him what you want more of vs. pointing out what he's doing wrong.

First things first. You need to find out if she's attached/married. Until you know more, don't think about her too much. Your mind can be your friend or your enemy. The more you think about her, the more it hurts to not be with her. Go out with friends and treat yourself well. Try to meet other girls. Remind yourself there was a time you never even knew she existed and yet you managed to be happy just the same. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Good luck!

OK, I hate to be the bearer of good news, but no girl ever walks up to a guy she's not interested in and says "Tim is my favourite guys name by the way" then offers you her "fleece." (Gee, why do those quotes around 'fleece' look purvy?") It's simply not done. There are so many better ways of destroying a man's heart, so I think you're going to have admit to yourself that she likes you a lot or uh, at least your first name. Kidding aside, I'm a shy person too and I understand everything you're saying. But when the odds are in your favor, you have to go for it. If you think being shy s#cks, wait til you're shy and watching her walk down the wedding aisle with someone else. I've had that experience with a guy I liked and it's not fun. You don't have to be Rico Suave to get this girl, but you do have to send clear signals that you like her. How else is she going to know??? Unfortunately that means sitting by her and asking her "How's it going?" even when you'd rather die. That means you have to tell her she looks especially pretty today, when she does. And that means asking her if she'd like to catch a bite to eat or see a funny movie when you'd rather run away screaming because she might say "Yes" and then you'll have to plan 15 more hours of conversation. The thing is I think you're so obsessed with saying or doing the right thing around her, that you're forgetting any reason why she and everyone else who has ever liked you, liked you in the first place. From your first post, you're obviously an intelligent, sensitive sort who's got a great sense of humor. Loved your subject title! She laughs at your jokes, right? So tell her more jokes! If you think about it, she could say the stupidest thing in the world to you --and she DID!!! Who in their right mind has a favorite first name for a guy? -- but you didn't mind it, did you? You probably thought it was cute and maybe even a little sexy. Just forget yourself. Focus on her. Ask her what she's in to. Ask her if she wants to see a funny movie. Take it slow. Flirt. Just hang out and try to be friends first. If all goes well, send her some secret admirer mail with plenty of hints as to special moments or thoughts you've shared. Have fun with it. And who knows, maybe she'll give you her "fleece" again.

Ewww. Yuck! My condolences. There's no point in asking why, but if you must the simple ugly truth is that just because someone gets married, doesn't mean their libido dies. (Well actually it does, but only in relation to the spouse. Ha!) My guess is she isn't getting her needs emotional and sexual needs met at home and for some reason you're the unfortunate star of her fantasies. If you really want to kill off her feelings for you, use her crush to your advantage and delegate as much of your s#itwork to her as possible. Meanwhile go out and have fun with your other co-workers. After awhile I think she'll get the message. If not, I love DN's suggestion, but I'd hike it up a notch and tell her she reminds you of her mother. That should slay her. LOL!

Aw cool. Glad you liked the idea. It worked for me! Hehe! 8)

Interesting... So you've already told him you like-like him? He definitely seems interested but shy. I don't think he knows what to do. Has he had a gf before? If not, you might have to make the first move (again!) and ask him if he'd like to go out with you and a bunch of friends (something romantic, but nonthreatening like a group date to the movies or school dance.) Make sure to only invite friends who already are paired up, so it's fairly obvious who your date is. Just act yourself, but be sure to dress up, so there's no doubt that you're more "girl" than "friend." Leave the rest up to him! I think he might surprise you in a good way. Good luck!

Normally I wouldn't recommend treading on another woman's turf or fishing in the office dating pool, but his relationship to this girl seems very tenuous. What kinds of questions does he ask you about his gf? Do these questions tend to indicate that the relationship is progressing or faltering? I don't think the age difference is a problem. Guys tend to be a little less mature than girls of the same age, so actually 4 years is optimal. You already mentioned that this is his first relationship, so in some ways you're more advanced than he is. I think there is a strong chance that he likes you. A shy guy is taking a huge risk when he flirts with a female friend, especially if he doesn't have too many of them. The fact that he does flirt, tells me he's very comfortable around you and that you're obviously worth the risk. 8) Also, based on what you say it sounds like you two are spending way more time together than he is with his gf. It's no surprise then that he's flirting and you're confused. The next time he flirts in person, why don't you call him on it? Look into his eyes, smile warmly, and just ask him straight out : "Are you flirting with me?" and give the matter the required moment of embarrassing silence. Watch his response carefully. If he blushes and stammers, but seems happy you've caught him, turn an equally bright shade of red. If he looks upset and acts like you have the plague, well you'll know he's not interested. Good luck!

No prob. I don't think you're worrying too much at all. Three years is a long time to invest in a relationship and be this unhappy. I say talk to her one more time about how you feel, because you both owe it to yourselves to know that if you leave, it's because she can't give you what you need. From everything you say, you sound like you really care for her, but you need a gf who wants you as much as you want her. Give her one last chance to explain herself. If that fails, then you should breakup. Despite traditional values, most of my girlfriends were definitely attracted to their guys and showed it and so maybe you have found the one girl who really doesn't have much of a drive. If it's bad now, it's definitely not going to get any better when you're married. Good luck!

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. From an outsider's viewpoint, I'd say, the "jerk" is who he really is, while Prince Charming is who he appears to be when he gets what he wants. You care because you sincerely cared (past tense!!) for this person and can't believe that someone you loved can be so selfish and manipulative. There's nothing wrong with that. But just like it takes time to fall in love with someone, it takes time to fall out of love and give up our fantasies of living happily ever after with this person. The way I got over it was to cut off all contact and start writing down every cruel thing my Ex ever did to me (whether intentional or not.) Every time I started to think nice things about him, I'd reread the list and add a few things. And pretty soon, anytime the slightest romantic memory popped into my head, my brain would automatically rattle off the list. After a few weeks of that, I really convinced myself that whatever he had to offer me wasn't worth it and started to think about him less and less. It took 3 months for me to get to the point where I thought about him once a week or even less, but believe me I was estatic when I finally reached that point. Good luck and hope you get there too!

I've been out of college for quite a few years and the truth is you're in the best possible time and place in your life to meet someone right now. Once you get out in the "real" world, your social circle is often limited by the workplace (lots of already married with kids folks) and exhaustion (putting in the 40+ hours.) College is all about trying new things and meeting new people. If you're bored, it's because you're limiting yourself to what you know and it's not working. So instead of getting bummed out by the boredom, go where the girls are. Take a few classes where women tend to be the marjority, like sociology, women's courses, english lit, etc. I'm dead serious. You'll instantly stand out (It takes guts to be the only guy in class.) and you'll have excuses every day to talk to women and arrange study dates. Be interested in the class and in your classmates. Flirt. If you're the only guy there, it doesn't matter if you look like Rodney Dangerfield, girls like the attention. Occasionally (not often cuz it's suspicious) compliment them on their clothes, hair, whatever. We like it when a guy notices. Ask them where they got such and such, because maybe you'd like to get a friend, your Mom, or sister something similar. When they say something brilliant in class, try to catch them afterwards and ask them what they think about some other point. We girls love guys who love us for our minds as well as our bodies. Get the point? Be friendly and approachable, but most importantly be yourself and have fun. This goes for rec classes too like chorus, yoga, ballroom dancing, drama, or skydiving. Try something new that you thought you'd never do in a million years and you're bound not be bored. And even if you don't find the girl of your dreams in those classes, you never know who they might introduce you to. Comprende?

Ni hao Chickensoup! Like you, I'm Chinese American, but having grown up with traditional parents definitely made me more cautious towards boys. And being a sensitive sort, I also knew it was in my best interests not to rush things, because I get hurt easily. After three years of chasteness, I think you can expect at best that you will always have to take the lead in such matters and that she's never going to jump you no matter what a hottie you are. The fact that she's so good to you means she really cares for you. If the physical contact or lack thereof that you're currently receiving isn't enough, you should talk to her and find out what her concerns are. Maybe she's scared of being taken advantage of, getting hurt, or what you'll think of her if she crosses that line before marriage. Three years is a long time. Ask her before it becomes even longer!

I prefer guys to be same age or older, but that's me. Age is like any other preference. Some care, some don't. So for all practical purposes, it really doesn't matter what all us girls think. (Just the ONE you're interested in!) Good luck!