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smallworld

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  1. smallworld
    I believe in small steps (obviously!) Here's a few things that have helped me. - Cut out all colas and sugar laden drinks. - Drink only water or milk. Drink water before meals to help control your appetite. - Don't buy junk food. If you must have it, shop for healthier alternatives in health food stores and/or buy it in single size servings so you don't down a whole bag or box. - Give into your "cravings." I've learned the hard way that if I ignore cravings, they only get stronger and increase the likelihood of binging. If my body's screaming for chocolate, I give it a piece. - When you buy groceries, stock up on your favorite fruits and veggies and wash and cut them up as soon as you get home so you can just munch on them when you get hungry. - Don't make exercise a big deal. Incorporate it into everything you do. Every thing counts. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park far away from the entrance when you go shopping. Take a 30 minute walk in the morning and a second in the evening. Sign up for dance class or a sport if that's your thing. Anything! Just as long as you keep moving. - Measure your progress not by pounds, but by energy levels and inches lost. I'm nowhere near my goal yet, but since I've started walking three weeks ago, I feel lots more energetic and cheerful. Exercise isn't a chore to me anymore. It's something I want to do because it makes me feel good. - Finally, don't tear yourself down if you binge on junk food or skipped exercise one day. Nobody's perfect. It's what you do over the long haul that counts. Just rededicate yourself and start anew the next day.
  2. smallworld
    DocZ, I PM'd you an essay. But here's my suggestion: If you're willing to risk it (and she seems worth the risk) ask Sarah sometime for some love advice. Tell her you've fallen for a girl, but she's extremely shy and you don't know how she feels about you. Ask her how you should approach her. See what she says. Then do it!!!
  3. smallworld
    She's offering you a job. Here are the requirements: 1. Listen to her complain about her lazy husband and awful family life. 2. Buy her nice things. 3. Tell her she's a beautiful, special woman. 4. Fulfill her sexual needs. It sounds like an interesting job offer except for one thing. It's all about HER. Note that she didn't ask you if you wanted a relationship. She asked if you'd like to take of HER needs.
  4. smallworld
    I agree with Raykay. Sometimes girls play games, but I think this girl is being straight with you about how she feels. She just wants to be friends. If you can accept her offer of friendship, take it. But if it hurts too much, then let her go.
  5. smallworld
    Maralua, I commend you for wanting to be the one who breaks the pattern of emotional abuse in your family. I have a difficult relationship with my mother, so I know how you feel and your fears make sense to me. Although the past colors your present, you're not doomed to repeat it. You only need to learn how to behave differently. Look around you for role models who clearly have healthy, happy relationships both with their friends and their love interests. Make friends with them! These are the people who can best teach you by living example what it means to love and be loved in a healthy manner. Note how they fight (often about the same things that abusive people do) and yet manage to resolve their conflicts with love, respect, and fairness. One more thing: I went through a pretty traumatic relationship with my first bf and swore off men for a time. The most important thing Mr. Wrong taught me about screening for Mr. Right, is to look for someone who has a good relationship with his mother, because often how he treats her is an indication of the love and respect you can expect from him in your relationship. It's been 16 years since I've met Mr. Right and so far this one indicator has made me a very happily married woman. Hope it does the same for you. (And yes, my Mom-in-law is one of my emotionally healthy role models!!!) 8) Good luck!
  6. smallworld
    AC, When a person is in love with you they WANT to spend time with you. I don't know why he's treating you this way, but you clearly don't deserve it. He's treating you the same way most of us treat telemarketers!!! If it were me, I'd leave one last message on his voicemail. I'd tell him I love him, but phone tag isn't enough anymore. If he wants a relationship, he knows where to find you. BTW - My bro-in-law works 80+ hours a week as a doctor. He still makes time for his family and friends with his cell phone whenever he has a free minute. So no matter how busy this guy is, I think he's making excuses and playing games. You deserve better!!!
  7. smallworld
    I blame your parents. Kidding aside, it's good that you recognize your selfishness is costing your relationships. Relationships are all about RECIPROCITY. The bottom line is the less you reciprocrate the more people's feelings are hurt and the less motivated they are to maintain a relationship with you. Selfishness is a bad habit. The good news is if you really want to change, you can learn to become more aware of other people's feelings and learn to give as well as take. Simply treat others as you like to be treated and your relationships should get better.
  8. smallworld
    I know you really love and want her back, but the problem lies with her. No matter what you did or didn't do, no one put a gun to her head and said "You must cheat on Sidhat." She's the one who chose to be unfaithful and cruel to you repeatedly. Would you cheat on her? Of course not! So why do you let her do it to you? We teach others how to treat us by what we accept and what we refuse. By taking her back unconditionally in the past, you've taught this woman that there's no consequence for cheating on you. Yes you may have yelled at her or called her a few names, but you always took her back without proof that she was remorseful or had done anything to change. So I'm sorry my friend - UNLESS she proves to you through her ACTIONS that she's worthy of your love and your trust, I don't think you should contact her. I know you really miss her, but the separation is actually healthy for you. You need time to heal your heart and to think clearly about what it is you want from her and whether or not this woman can realistically give it to you. Until then you will only be causing yourself more pain and heartache if you try to rebuild a relationship with someone who refuses to be faithful to you. You're a good man who deserves to be loved by a good woman without all the games, pain, and heartache. Please don't make the mistake of accepting any less.
  9. smallworld
    Hey Elila, I know you don't want to marry him. I just thought you'd like to see how his parents might think. I think you're very astute about the flattery and charm. I'm sure they like you, but you're right. It's a form of politeness -- kinda like flirting -- which is used to build friendly relations with people we don't know very well. Anyway, hope things work out well for you!
  10. smallworld
    Alphonsefa, I feel sad for the both of you. You're a wonderful man and she's a fool to keep picking chaos/drama/pain over you. Your brain already knows the truth, but your heart has a little catching up to do. Several years ago I found myself giving everything I had to a dysfunctional relationship. I was stuck and confused on why nothing I did ever made a difference. Somehow when I read it the 'Broken Popcorn' story, everything clicked. Hope it does the same for you... link removed
  11. smallworld
    Hi Always! In my family we show our love in a strange way. We 'play fight.' We call each other silly names like idiot, doofus, smelly, because it's our family's way of saying "I love you, but I don't want to admit it." So maybe her calling you an idiot, is a good thing? To be on the safe side, do NOT call her any bad names. Call her romantic names like "Beautiful," "Sunshine," "Angel," or "Sweetie." This will let her know that she's special to you and that you like her. If she's mean to you tell her she looks especially beautiful when she's angry. If she likes you at all, this should make her laugh.
  12. smallworld
    Hi Elila! I think it's cool you can talk to your Mom about who you like. 8) Lemme see if I can answer a few of your questions. My uncle once owned a Chinese restaurant and it was common for him and the waiters to remember what the 'regulars' order. It makes sense if you think about it! Without your patronage, their business wouldn't survive, so they make it their business to remember what you like & treat you well. I don't know if this boy likes you, but if your Mom thinks so, I think you have a good chance. It's always useful to make new friends, so why not use your visits to get to know him better? Find out his name. Ask him where he goes to school. Ask him if he's into video games, whatever! If he's interested, he'll happily open up to you. And if he's not well you'll get the idea without having to ever tell him your feelings. You're right to wonder if the parents would object to their son dating a white girl. It's not so much racism, but fear of losing their culture and their son. In Chinese culture, the family is the most important thing. You can see the importance of the family symbolized in our Chinese names where the first character is always the family's last name and then the individual's name. (Take Houston Rockets player Yao Ming's name for example. Yao is actually his last name and Ming is his first, hence the name on the back of his jersey is YAO, not Ming.) Traditionally in Chinese society the sons take care of their parents when they become too old to care for themselves. So when these families live in Western societies (USA, Canada, UK, Australia) the parents tend to worry about what will happen if they allow their sons to date and eventually marry non-Chinese. They wonder how a non-Chinese girl will treat them when they get old and if she can teach their grandchildren the morals, traditions, and language that they've worked hard to pass down to their children. They worry about being alienated from their son and his family and whether their son will abandon them in their old age. It's all very psychological and messy. Of course they're exceptions to every rule and families who just want their children to be happy, but it's good to know what you're up against before you fall for a Chinese guy with traditional parents. As for the age difference between you, two years is actually ideal. In general boys are a little less mature than girls of their age, so dating someone a few years older is a plus factor. Good luck!
  13. smallworld
    I've had cyber friends before and I know how easy it is to get caught up in its romantic aspects: destiny, soulmates, the intimacy of secrets shared and revealing our 'true selves.' It's all very romantic. Unfortunately relationships that delicate don't always survive the real world, so it's wise for her (and you!) to hold back feelings and approach this as if you're friends meeting for the first time. Try not take to her skepticism personally. Despite all that you've shared, she's right. You won't know if you really have chemistry until you meet her in person and vice versa. The good news is it'll be fun finding out!!!
  14. smallworld
    Kudos to you for telling him you like him! You don't say whether or not you're his first gf, but I'm betting he's new to this too. It sounds like he likes you and wants to kiss you, but is kinda shy. He probably hasn't asked you to be his gf b/c he's never asked anyone before and it's scary to do so. But from the sweet way he treats you (staring, call you beautiful) it appears that he already thinks of you as his gf! Want a kiss? Kiss him! The next time he tells you you're beautiful, throw your arms around his neck, pull him close, and give him a sweet peck on the cheek. See how he reacts. If he looks pleased, tell him it's his turn! If he freaks out, apologize and tell him you just ate too many green M&Ms that day. Then hand him some!
  15. smallworld
    What I'm about to propose is controversial, but it's worked well for my marriage and kept us together when I started to have feelings for someone else. If you read a few posts in the Ex 'bf/gf/relationships' forum, you'll notice many people have a difficult time getting over their Exes, because they were blindsided by the sudden, inexplicable nature of their breakups. The "dumped" never had a clue that their lover was unhappy or fantasizing about others, so the breakup explodes like a bomb on their lives. Meanwhile their Exes tell them maddening things like "I love you, but I'm not 'in love' with you," and happily move onto their next relationship. Please don't do this to your gf. If you care for her at all, be HONEST about your feelings. Yes she will be hurt, but the pain will be inconsequential next to the devastation of finding out later that you've knowingly betrayed her, lied to her with every "I love you," and could've prevented the dashing of her marital hopes all along. Ultimately, you still might end up leaving the relationship, but at least you'd leave knowing that you treated her with respect and gave her a fair chance to resolve the problems between you. Doesn't a woman who you profess to love deserve that much???
  16. smallworld
    * deleted double post *
  17. smallworld
    CALL HER. Ask her what the deal is with her bf. If she's attached, tell her "Rats! Your bf is a lucky guy" and move on to the next girl. If she's not attached, invite her out. Tell her it's been fun hanging out with her in class, that you'll miss her when she's gone, and that you'd like to take her out to celebrate. Make sure you have a specific activity, date, and time planned, so that she'll have to give you a definite 'yes' or 'no.' If she accepts, dress up a little, but don't take things too seriously. You don't need to confess any feelings. Just try having as much fun as possible. Hold her hand, hug her when she arrives/leaves, and tell her she looks really nice when you first meetup. You get bonus points if you open doors for her and pull out her chair when dining. At the end of the evening, walk her to her front door and tell her that you had a wonderful time and that you'd like to see her again. If she seems receptive, look into her eyes and slowly lean over and briefly kiss her on the lips. Smile mysteriously and walk away... Let her figure out what just happened for once! 8)
  18. smallworld
    Oh boy. Not good. If a girl asks you to call her, CALL HER. By texting "You were too tired" when you had a definite phone date, you're basically dissing her. Your actions say "I can't be bothered to get out of bed to talk to you." Oy vey! #-o p0w3RFuL, I wish you'd mentioned this earlier cuz it sounds like she's not available. Be careful. Guard your heart. She's quite the flirt!
  19. smallworld
    Hey Ally, I replied to your PM, but am posting this here, b/c sometimes others will have a better idea of how to approach things. Normally I'd recommend flirting to determine how he feels, but in this case I think it would only confuse you more b/c you're already close. If it were me I'd call him up and ask him to meet me somewhere quiet. When he arrives, I'd tell him you need to talk about something, it's nothing bad, but you want his assurance that no matter what is said, you'll still remain friends. I'd then tell him how much everything he's ever done for you has meant - instance by instance. I'd tell him that you really care about him and you're wondering if he could ever feel more towards you than a brother-sister type love. He's smart, so I'm sure at this point he'll put 2+2 together. Hopefully you "2!" I know it's hard, but I'm telling you the kind of love he's showing you is really rare. No matter how awkward or embarrassing it'll be to confess, I could never pass up what might potentially be the greatest love of my life. It's your call. Is he worth it???
  20. smallworld
    #-o You're right!
  21. smallworld
    Personally I think if someone has stood watch by your bedside, reassured you in the darkest of hours, and watched glass being taken out of your arm, that it's highly unlikely he'd be scared off by a simple talk about your feelings. All his actions indicate that he clearly cares about you a great deal and wants what's in your best interests. If it were me, I'd have to bring it up. Considering all he's done for you, he's definitely worth the risk, don't you think??? PS. I'm not biased b/c he wears a uniform.
  22. smallworld
    You're right of course Eddie, but I think what Alpar and I find confusing is why do girls who aren't interested give out their REAL phone numbers? A fake one would do just as well and get the same point accross without giving a guy more false hope.
  23. smallworld
    I'd give her 3 days to respond. If she doesn't I wouldn't call back, but I'd follow Chai's advice about testing her reactions the next time you drop by the bank. BTW - I'm a woman and I never realized women give out their numbers if they aren't interested. It's amazing our species ever reproduces!
  24. smallworld
    Chai's right - He wants in. I've been in your shoes and your doubts make completely good sense to me. In fact I admire how self-aware and mature you are to recognize and question the wiseness of getting reinvolved. If you're not sure you can do date him again, then just put it on the backburner for now. He's still attached anyway and you deserve better, right? Keep dating other guys (or not) and let your Ex sort out his relationship messes before entangling your heart again.
  25. smallworld
    Yeah he's probably right. On the other hand, it's hard to have fun when you're watching her every move for mixed signals, and busy serving up equally ambiguous signals of your own. Your call. I'd have cried 'uncle' a long time ago. Maybe on the ride home??? To me there really isn't a good time or place. It's like taking out the garbage. At some point you just decide the pain of not doing so, outweighs the benefits of procrastination.
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