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smallworld

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  1. smallworld
    PADreamer, Relax it's going to be okay! Wedding planning is supposed to be tortuous. Think of it as fraternity hazing for the bride and groom. The truth is there is no "best" when it comes to weddings. That's a myth the industry perpetuates to separate you from your hard won dollars. I planned my wedding in less than 3 months (no shotguns or buns in the oven involved) and I've found it helps to throw romanticism out the window and focus on what's absolutely necessary: venue, dresses, tuxes, flowers, food, photographer, videographer. If you still have money to burn afterwards, that's the time to start adding in the luxuries. This book saved me $5000 alone: Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget by Denise & Alan Fields As for finding an apartment, procrastinators need a game plan to get going. Maybe you could help Aaron out by writing a quick list of what you want in an apartment and have him do the same. Decide on a price range, where you want to live and then see which apartment communities fit those constraints. Narrow the list down to 10 communities that look promising and visit each of them. To keep the confusion to a minimum, take along an excel grid to keep track of how each community measures up to your requirements. Pretty soon the right apartment should make itself known. Btw - If you can, stay on the 2nd floor or higher for crime safety reasons. Top floor is always best for light sleepers. Drive by your final apartment choices at night to see how crime and noise levels are and interview current residents to see if they'd recommend the place and like the management. For actual apartment reviews by customers: link removed
  2. smallworld
    Hey RubberDucky, heartfelt and to the point! Don't worry. If everything you've said is true, I think you're stuck with him. So... Is he still giving you sandwhich privileges?
  3. smallworld
    I like your attitude! Refreshing and adventurous! Well look on the bright side, there's always next weekend! 8)
  4. smallworld
    The pics are just pics. You're the real thing! Moral issues aside, it's normal for guys to want to seek out "variety" in their fantasy life. Just because he enjoys looking at pics of voluptuous women doesn't mean he loves you any less. Instead of continually getting upset and worrying if he's going to dump you, I'd meet up and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him exactly why the porn hurt your feelings. If he cares about you and I'm sure he does, he'll understand and reassure you that he loves you just as you are. You sound like you really need to hear that.
  5. smallworld
    Ugh! She sounds like a major game player and I'm not talking video games. I agree. Let her approach you from now on. Btw, I don't think you should feel bad. If I were a guy, I'd have found her mixed signals confusing too. You played your last move just right - open, friendly, and classy. How she takes that is no reflection upon you!
  6. smallworld
    There is a logical way. It's called fighting fair. Write and scream out all your anger when you're alone. Blast the stereo and let it all out. At those times, Alanis Morrisette is my best friend. When you've calmed down, go talk to the person. Use a lot of "I" statements, like "I feel hurt when you do 'X', because it makes me feel 'Y'. Focus on trying to resolve your differences, not blaming, condemning, and excommunicating people who've hurt you. It's that simple. Really it is! And for future problems, try to speak up as soon as possible. The longer you hold things in, the more likely they are to end up being WW3.
  7. smallworld
    Jonafon, Shy and scared around you ONLY is very good. But just to be sure get some more empirical data. Flirt with her a little more before you ask her out. She needs some time to become comfortable around you.
  8. smallworld
    I don't think it's your husbands responsibility to "accept the reality of things." This is like asking him to give you permission to leave him. I think ultimately you have to make a decision and living with both men is just clouding your judgement. If it were me I'd stop emotionally dating the "friend" and I'd move out and separate from the husband for a trial period of 6 months. If it's meant to be, he'll wait. I'd then focus on taking care of myself and figuring out what it is I really want. In time the answer should become clear to you. Good luck!
  9. smallworld
    Before you do anything else, I think you need to decide what exactly it is that you want from him. Was that really a "ILY" for a friend or do you secretly long for something more? Once you decide, I'd write a heartfelt letter explaining how you feel and letting him know that you understand why he might have found hearing those words to be so painful. And then I'd let him be. He needs time to sort out his own feelings and decide what he can handle. Good luck!
  10. smallworld
    This is your Ex right? Royltnxile no matter how innocent this is, it's stalking. I know it's hard to let go of someone you care for deeply, but all you're doing is hurting yourself. You're rubbing your own nose in unrequited love. Please stop! Believe me the feelings that drive you to do this will eventually subside. You just need to take care of yourself and give yourself some of the same love and attention that you long for from her.
  11. smallworld
  12. smallworld
    Thanks Shy! Always, you sound hostile towards this girl. When you get angry with her for not knowing how she feels, you look silly and immature. This girl still doesn't know you very well, so how can she tell you how she feels? Ask yourself: If a girl likes you, how would you want to be treated by her? Would you want her to ignore you? Tease you? Stop talking to you? Get mad and tell you "Do whatever you want. I will never do anything again!"? Again, "Teasing + Ignoring = Dislike." There are no guarantees in life, but - If you want her to be your friend, treat her like a friend. If you want her to fall in love with you, treat her like the love of your life. Talk to her. Be interested in who she is as a friend and as a woman. Open doors for her. Carry her books. Make her laugh. Pick her flowers. Tell her she looks pretty when she does. And most of all get to know her better than anyone else ever will - Her interests, hobbies, opinions, ambitions, and dreams. These are the little things that make a woman fall in love with a man. Finally, two things – 1. It's a very positive sign that she keeps initiating the Msn conversations and typing smileys to you. This means she's interested in knowing you better and is open to the idea of you possibly becoming her boyfriend. Give her a chance! 2. "In person" = face to face
  13. smallworld
    Amen!
  14. smallworld
    Seroyla, here's your 'missing link'. I agree with Socalguy123. Your friend (actually Ex!) is upset because love once upon a time wasn't enough to keep you two together. Despite your sincere intentions, to say ILY now is like rubbing salt in an old wound.
  15. smallworld
    Hi Ripples, Glad to be of service. Pure conjecture, but here's what I think: I once had a bulimic friend. The bulimia was one of the many dysfunctional ways she used to cope with the feelings of helplessness that came with childhood sexual abuse. Your Ex may have never been sexually abused, but all women have to contend with the concept that "Beauty = Self Worth, Power, and Love." Essentially bulimia is a dysfunctional means of maximizing self worth that helps one feel in control over one's body/life when everything else is spiraling out of control. This book particularly helped me understand the psychology behind eating disorders: The Secret Language Of Eating Disorders Author: Peggy Claude Pierre "Peggy has set up a clinic in Canada to treat Eating Disorder victims after she "cured" her two daughters of anorexia. She talks about how an eating disorder manifests itself and she describes her incredible treatment methods. A VERY good book." Published By : Random House 1997 Other useful books listed here: link removed As for her hot-cold affectionate nature, it usually has to do with a fear of intimacy/commitment. Kissing can be more emotionally intense and intimate than the sex act itself. Sometimes not wanting to kiss is just that, but with the other red flags you've mentioned, it sounds like she was trying to limit/avoid emotional intimacy with you.
  16. smallworld
    Hey Ripples, I'd be happy to help, but it looks like you've done all the hard work already. Is there some specific information you're looking for? Btw have you perused the rest of Dr. Cabot's advice site? She had info there about how to prequalify the next love prospect and how to spot and avoid PCMs. link removed
  17. smallworld
    Thanks Shy! I've helped my hopelessly dorky little brother hook a fiance, so I'm pretty sure I can help just about anyone. Any takers?
  18. smallworld
    Love isn't just feelings. It's actions. If you really respect him and want to make your relationship work, it's time to get honest - not just about what you've been lying about, but WHY. Tell him what you've told us. Your problem might be more easily resolved than you think. Lying is only going to kill off what remaining affection you feel for each other. I don't drink, but I know it's perfectly normal for others to want to. If he judges you for doing so, then again maybe you shouldn't be with this guy.
  19. smallworld
    Hey Shorty, tickling's good! Sounds like you're in very capable hands! 8) None of my biz of course, but I think it's great that he's shy. It sounds like he's less likely to make you run.
  20. smallworld
    I agree with Doc and RayKay about not initiating for awhile, but wanted to add one thing: Have you tried getting around his exhaustion by altering the time you initiate? Maybe he's a morning person or a guy who prefers "lunch."
  21. smallworld
    Out of your entire post, this is what bothered me the most: If you love someone, honesty isn't optional. It's the fertile soil upon which you grow a relationship. If he never trusted you, then perhaps you shouldn't be in a relationship with him as his continued lack of trust is only going to make you want to keep retaliating (lying). If you sincerely want to change, here's an earlier discussion where I explain how to know if someone can be trusted. Good luck! link removed
  22. smallworld
    Hey Always, Although this wasn't the outcome you wanted, it's good that you understand how she feels. If she thought you hated her it means there wasn't enough positive interaction (flirting, conversation about shared interests) going on between you. Teasing + Ignoring her = Dislike. Attraction is like a plant that needs to be nurtured and watered every day. This is why many of us advised you to spend time getting to know her and show her in small ways that you like her – to build trust, affection, and attraction. If you can do this in person vs. msn (to avoid miscommunication) that would be better and more fun! No one can say what will happen next. She might fall in love with you or she might not. But unless you make the time and effort to woo her, things aren't likely to change. Ultimately, you're the only one who can say if you're willing to keep trying. Good luck!
  23. smallworld
    Rubberducky, your guy sounds like he really likes you, but is holding back because of his lack of experience. If so, kissing seems like a very big step (especially if you're both not really into hugging.) Try this stuff first (actually this is more of what you're already doing with him): link removed And then for fun, why don't you start playing "secret admirer" with him via e-mail and at work (leaving him love notes & goodies where you know only he'll find them.) He'll know it's you, but just smile and say you have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. Sooner or later something's gotta give. Have fun!
  24. smallworld
    Ripples, I couldn't have explained things any better, but thank you for giving me undeserved credit all the same. Alphonsefa, she's dysfunctional and just doing what she's always done before. The good news is you have a choice as to whether or not you're going to keep investing your emotions in this woman.
  25. smallworld
    Hey Empathy, I've always heard it's best to try to taper off antidepressants gradually with the help of your doctor. Hope this helps... link removed
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