Jetta
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introvert having a hard time meeting girls
Jetta replied to sentencedtoagony's topic in Dating Advice
That's more reserved than normal, really. I know I'm a lot like that myself, and my therapist believes I have a form of anxiety. Do you notice that when you drink you are more talkative, more outgoing, etc.? If so than you likely have a form of anxiety as well. I've been told anti-depressants help. I'm actually going to start them today and see if it helps me. -
When I say nothing it could really be nothing, or it could be I just don't feel like talking about it right now. Sometimes I just want to mull things over for myself before bringing it up.
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Well everyone has flaws. I guess it's a matter of what you're willing to put up with or not. I mean you could plan activities that keep you both active. You could mention that you'd rather not discuss body parts or functions during meals. I suppose communication is really the problem. You don't like certain things and rather than making positive suggestions, you're holding it in and letting it build up. Honestly some things people can change and are willing to change for someone they love. Other things they can't and if you love the person you'll accept the flaws.
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You're going to have to tell her during the dating process because honestly she'll know the minute you're intimate that it was your first time.
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BillyJean, Good advice. You know I used to have some concerns but I now know his feelings are as strong as mine. His friends have really been protecting him because they weren't sure of my feelings; I was married and seriously contimplating divorce when we initially met. I was protecting myself because he didn't reveal his best qualities first. I still will go a day or encounter at a time but yes I like him a lot and plan to see where it goes. I do know his feelings are strong because I did something thinking it would hurt my ex and it indirectly hurt him. He said I hurt his heart. We talked but then he just kind of faded away so I thought it was over. He returned a couple months later and ended up doing something that really hurt me. Now we've met again. Like I said I can't forsee the future. I just know that neither of us can let go yet.
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Thursday and I haven't actually since him since June. He's the guy who plays a lot of games, and intuitively I know what he's doing. I was really getting tired and hurt by the games so I was trying to release him and prayed to release him. Well he looked rough when I saw him, down, beat up, just awful. That isn't at all like the guy I remembered, who I deemed full of ego, very attractive, outgoing, etc. Despite the change I was still drawn to him. I just couldn't turn away, as I normally would. The glow in his eyes is when I knew it was him. Now if I were making a list this is not a person I would normally choose, but with him lists don't matter. Has anyone here had such a strong connection with someone that just seemed so unlikely? Because with this guy I have it. He wanted to approach but I was talking with the life changing guy (really I think my dad who passed was speaking through this man). He also told me to give someone in my life a 2nd chance. Now I think the someone he means is soulmate guy, originally I was thinking ex-husband. He blew the ex thought away during the conversation itself. It took me until today to figure out who that 2nd chance person was because I was thinking soulmate guy needed to give me a 2nd chance. I guess I was the one holding the resentment. So for those you have yet to meet a soulmate. When you do it's bound be an experience of a lifetime. I still haven't really connected with this guy. We met in October 2004. They say soulmates are slow to reveal themselves as soulmates. Oh there was friendly contact early on, but then we just couldn't because the energy was too strong. Truthfully I don't know if a relationship will develop or even last but I do know that there has been a lot of growth in the last year.
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Well I don't like semen on my hands either so I stop right before the burst. My ex would tell me and he'd either keep the pressure going or cover it with a t-shirt and I'd continue from there.
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Avoid drug addicts in the future. Is all I can say.
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Wear gloves.
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We all need to be touched and loved, including babies. But being in a relationship isn't going to resolve all of these feelings you have. Find other outlets that will bring you the emotional support you need. You should be able to get some touching (friendly hugs and such) from friends and family members.
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Okay what you need to do first is pay off your debt. Because ownership is expensive and you'd be best served with a clean slate. Now I would take 1/2 that money and put it towards your debt. I'd take the other 1/2 and start a savings account. Then take 5-10% of your paycheck and put it directly in savings each payperiod. Yes it's a lot, and you will have to modify other expenses in your budget but you can do this. Spend the next 3-5 years paying off your debts, getting yourself on a budget, and saving towards the purchase of your home. You'll have closing costs and a down payment needed (at least 5% down, ideally 20%).
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Sounds to me like you're severely depressed. You need to seek professional help. I didn't read your entire post so if you have a therapist mention this, it's not normal to be so fixated on death. People who know they're dying aren't this fixated on death.
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I don't really understand the whole need to take time for yourself out of relationship thing. Well I do if you're hurting from issues in the relationship but if you're not then why is time alone so important? I'm actually happy to be divorced, minus the stigma thing. I don't feel like I'm actively searching for someone, but perhaps subconsciously I am. I'm just wondering why people say it's so important to have space between relationships? I tend to think it's so you can heal but what if I feel fine?
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Ilse, I'm the type that needs to be involved in a relationship if I'm going to have sex. The whole one night stand thing just isn't for me. I did kiss this guy, but that was it. Someone said I was just being too hard on myself, and that really helped get me out of the mindset I had. I did learn a lesson with the experience though. Don't let a guy walk me to the car. I really could have gotten into a bad situation if he wasn't a descent guy.
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Giglamesh, that makes sense to me. I do tend to repress my feelings. Maybe they're shooting to the surface and forcing me to deal with them. Omni, not offensive at all. I thought it was very well stated and good advice. Thank you.
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Okay I feel like I'm in a boy crazy state of mind. I used to really control my sexual urges and I honestly don't know what is going on with me lately but I really want to shut this off for a while. Any suggestions? I don't think I've been this bad EVER and I'm really worried about doing something I'll regret or even get into situations that are dangerous. Let's just say the guy who walked me to the car last night was a very nice guy, and if he hadn't been I would have been trouble. Yes I drank way too much. Normally I control that too, but for some reason I really wanted to be drunk last night. I'm really not myself and I'm concerned. I was always the goodie goodie. The responsible one. Now it's like I'm flipping out.
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Last night I went to a bar I normally don't go to, especially because I was alone and I prefer going where I'd run into at least someone familiar. I really think I was divinely guided. I ended up meeting and talking with a man who handles corporate training, he says he has worked with a lot of CEO's and had me listen to a message from someone he had spoken with who was eternally grateful for his assistance. Guess he was building trust. He said I was tougher because they're specialized and well I'm not sure what I want right now, but he still gave me a lot of great tips and advice including a career direction I can do today. I'm surprised he took so much time to talk to me and feel like I really know what to do now and how to become the person I desire to be. I now have interview tips, networking advice, and yes I even was given assignments. Basically I condensed version of an 8 week training course, and really probably just scratched the surface. He gave me his number, and took mine because he says he'll be keeping in touch. He's married with 3 children. This was strictly a business talk in a very odd place. He really told me a lot about myself and how to be a better person. He swears he's not phychic I'm just easy to read. Besides it's his job to categorize people. He scared me with some of what he came up with. It was almost like he was reading my mind. Well I'm on the road to a better life. I actually took notes because it was that informative.
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You really have a great mom, and I'm so glad you opened up to her. She can't help you if she doesn't know. Good luck!
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Well if it's important to you to have a traditional wedding again then do it. You may have to go through additional procedures at the church, really depends on your religion. I don't know that family will be as enthusiastic truthfully, but you can make it a smaller affair. I eloped the first time, the 2nd was my traditional wedding. If I marry again it'll either be in a garden near water. I've always wanted an outdoor wedding.
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Thanks blue. Really he's shown me that he's the type who will make the moves if interested. I just can't understand why I'm so interested. I wasn't thinking about my recent ex-husband when I first met him. When he called I didn't know who he was, when I remembered him I really wasn't interested but went with some prodding (my mom was around). It's pretty rare day that a guy leaves an impression on me. This one really has, I just hope he knows it.
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Lots of questions in one post. Do I get hit on a lot, no I really don't. It seems I have some appeal I never used to have lately though. And yes some guys really do the dancing thing to get attention, that was new to me. I actually prefer the direct approach because if they're trying to get my attention well then they're not seeing themselves as worthy of it. If they just come up and in essance demand it then I know they're confident, secure, etc. I need time, etc. Is basically a nice way of saying I don't want to date you, be with you anymore. I'm done with this relationship, please leave. Never works though I usually have be mean and say don't call me anymore, get out, or I have to leave because they just won't. No the grass is not greener. There is a lot to be said for having a stable life partner, read the stats. However I married a womanizer the first time, and settled the 2nd time because I was so distraught over the demise of my marriage I didn't feel deserving.
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I have just seen him the one time, on Monday. Most of our conversation was about where I knew him from, memories, him reminding of things like his age (so I know he's 1 1/2 years younger than me). I can find out about him if I want, friends of friends, but I'm not going to. That's up to him to do. I figure if we're really supposed to connect it'll happen. I'm still making my plans to return to college and taking steps to get my life together.
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Distract yourself, write down your thoughts and feelings to release them (before going to sleep). That's all I can come up with.
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And it's really irritating mainly because I don't even know if I'd ever see him again. I suppose it's entirely possible since he obviously lives around here (on the softball team). But I'm just really attracted to him and can't get him out of my head! I totally want him to ask me out! But he didn't get my number. I don't want to just run into him someplace I want to see him one to one and get to know him. He's the guy I used to work with in highschool, for a brief time anyway. I think my last week was the week he started working there. There were some signs of interest on Monday, but I'm just not sure what to think. He walked past me and ran his hand along my lower back. He tapped me on shoulder a few times to get my attention (once to talk, another time just to get me to turn I guess because he was walking away). He's quite forward, which is nice for a change. But I wasn't quite sure how I felt about it at the time. I was receptive to some advances but not all. Basically I see him as a strong man's man. He's not a boy like I tend to attract. But he isn't forceful either. I feel so good around him. Like I can let down my guard. Oh I just want to go out with him. All these feelings and I don't know jack about him! Starting to really feel boy crazy, and of course questioning the timing. Why am I meeting someone that interests me in what really isn't the best time?
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Well you can have a DNA test done to find out for sure. It's really simple test actually (cotton swab the mouth is one form). You'd have to contact these men which might be a bit more challenging, but it is totally possible. I can see how that would be upsetting to you. I often wonder the same thing. How can you sleep with a guy and not know, but I guess if you sleep with enough or are drugged up in some way it's highly possibly not to know.