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About Me

  1. I've met this boy, lets call him Dylan, around a year ago through a mutual friend. Dylan usually stares at me and smiles, whenever I catch him staring he doesn't look away which confuses me at times. I go to the pool occasionally and Dylan is usually there. Whenever he swims, he usually does these impressive stunts and I'm conflicted as to whether it's normal or if he's doing it intentionally. Whenever I sit somewhere, he sits closer to me. I have to admit, I have this stoic, apathetic personality because I'm shy around him that makes me look like idgaf about anything. Do you think I should stare back and smile next time I see him? If in the case he does like me, he seems shy and I'm shy as well. I honestly don't know how to go about the whole thing, also if it helps I just talked to him once and he said that I have a really soft and quiet voice ^^
  2. We've been married a bit over 4 years now. This hasn’t been an issue in the past, but it’s recently been becoming more and more of an issue every day. I’m very shy, not at all a people person. I’m civil and polite to others at all times but I will never go out of my way to strike up a conversation with a stranger. My husband is the exact opposite. When we were dating he’d tell me that he would go out to bars and clubs and make aggressive eye contact with strangers as way to make new friends. I admired that but, to me, that sounds horrifying. My husband had become a regular customer at a strip club near our house (I don’t have an issue with the club) and has been insisting that I tag along. I am not a “club” or “bar person”, the idea of hanging out with drunk horny men and half naked women literally makes me sick. I’ve told my husband numerous times that there is no way I’ll ever go to a strip club and he’s just not getting it. He’s bringing it multiple times a day now, saying things like “one day I’ll buy you a lap dance” and it just makes me want to cry. Today we got into a fight and the cliff notes of the fight are that my husband feels I need to be a more social person. Now, he’s not totally wrong. I am extremely un social. But, I feel like he’s taking it to an extreme here. I don’t feel like I should HAVE to go to a strip club with my husband in an effort to be more social. In fact, I don’t feel like I have to go to a strip club at all. Most importantly though, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills because my husband whole heartily disagrees with me and it’s becoming an issue in our marriage. I want to find a middle ground for us to both enjoy but it’s proving to be difficult and all options lead to me talking to people pretty much no matter what. I’m basically the bad guy in this situation and there’s nothing I can do about it. Any advice is appreciated. I mostly just want to get this off my chest as I have no desire to talk to other humans about this. Thank you in advance.
  3. what, in your opinion is the best way to ask out a girl. Either gender can responde. the girl that i am interested in is kindof introverted, but loves to sing and be on stage, so she is kindof on the boarder of Introvert and extrovert like me. What would work better. Being direct, writing a letter, or something else. i'm open to ideas.
  4. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over two months. At the beginning everything was wonderful but I've noticed things changing over the past little while. At first she seemed very happy with who I was, but now she does things that make me wonder. Now if we make plans to go out she'll often tell me that I what I'm wearing isn't "stylish enough" and that I should change. She herself admits that she is somewhat shallow and that appearance is very important to her. By the way, I'm no slouch and dress very well - I'm always being complemented about it at work, I'm just not "trendy". An example - to wear shorts with sneakers is apparently a faux pas - I should be wearing sandals. ???? Also, she arranges for us to do things which she really likes but knows I won't enjoy - example: I'm fairly reserved and a bit of an introvert, but she likes putting me in situations were I'm not comfortable - the last time it was going to "Tony and Tina's Wedding" - an "interactive" comedy where you are accosted by the actors and made to feel like a loser if you don't want to join in. She loves this type of thing, but I would much rather not be involved. The are lots of other things that we both enjoy doing, but she seems to get a kick out of seeing me in an uncomfortable situation. I'm really confused about this because I believe that if you love someone you want to do things to make them feel good about themselves, not make them feel uncomfortable. Am I taking this too seriously, or should I simply be honest and say I'd prefer if we could do something else instead?? The problem is that she's always buying tickets etc without asking me first. Help!
  5. Yea, 90% of the people I meet look at me as If I were kinda dumb... Well, I have a weird behaviour, I make stupid jokes all the time, I talk d**n silent and I have to repeat the things I said 3 times until others understand them... Well, sometimes I like being called the "weird one" or "the crazy guy", you know, that's the main reason why there is a "Crazy" in my nickname... But it get's painful when I start thinking why people talk to me like they do... It looks like I'm cursed to be the stupid joker who can never really establish a close relationship to anybody... When I start talking to people that I like, it just takes a few moments and then they already label me a fool or whatever... Ok, I know a bunch of people, they like my jokes, often they tell me their secrets and such things that they won't tell to others... I don't do anything bad & so... I used to be very talkative in my youth but then many people told me to stop talking or even barked at me when I talked a bit louder, since then I have some kind of fear in my head when I meet people, I just don't know If I can talk normally to them... Also I'm quite introvert, it was much different earlier... I look happy all the time, but inside I may cry out loud about myself...
  6. I work in a fabric factory,. Tomorrow a container will come ,and another will come the day after tomorrow, I will busy with these troubles, I have to do it , it's my work ,i get money to maintain my family. I am a introvert person, not suit for business, but I have to do it,I am too old to change my job . i establish a forum for introvert ,but you can not visit it , it is in chinese. i have to get up before 6 am every day,and when everthing finished ,it has passed 8 pm.
  7. I've noticed this recurring pattern/relationship problem with her where something would bother her, and she won't bring it up voluntarily and she won't tell me if I ask her what the issue is. When this happens she's quiet and withdrawn and is noticeably in 'some kind of mood'. It seems that these things don't get resolved, resentment builds up, causes things to bother her more easily, which of course doesn't get talked about, which causes more resentment. It seems to be a vicious cycle of lack of communication and resentment that culminate in a major fight. After this happened a few times, I've tried to tell her multiple times that if something is bothering her then its best to bring it up so we can talk about it and resolve it, and that proper communication is key for a relationships, but I'm having a hard time getting through to her and making her understand, and getting her to change her behavior. Her explanation is that I don't understand her and that our communication styles are different and incompatible. She also states that I should know whats bothering her, and that this has never been a problem with other boyfriends. Its ironic because this has never been a problem with any of my ex-gfs. As I can tell the main issue is that she is an introvert and naturally has an inclination to not talk about things and be inward facing. She has an aversion to conflict which might happen if she brings up something that is bothering her. To me it seems like an immature way of dealing with relationships and ones feelings, and I mean that in the sense that she hasn't learnt how to deal with these things effectively yet, and instead uses destructive passive aggressive behavior. I'm also an introvert, and I've recognized this in myself in past relationships. Something has upset me, I didn't talk about it, it doesn't get resolved, resentment builds up, things get worse, and it contributes to the relationship failing. I've been through this. I'm trying to be understanding, but when certain behavior is contributing significantly to the detriment to a relationship, then it seems that it would require more than just understanding. Here's an example: One night she came over and she was going to hang out while I worked on homework. She walked into my room and I immediately noticed that something wasn't right (didn't want to hug me, she was somewhat withdrawn). We did kind of tickle each other a bit but even that was awkward. We kind sat there on my bed. She asked if I ate because she was somewhat hungry. I wasn't, and I told her that I didn't really have anything that was quick and easy to eat. It gave me an idea to ask about what specifically of those kind of things that she liked so I can have them on hand, and she told me. Previously we we're talking about visiting an Italian grocery store which has a deli and bakery, and I asked if she wanted to go there to grab something to eat. She said no, and didn't make any suggestions. She mentioned that she was going to phone some people about rooms to live in (she wanted to move from her current place), so I went back to doing homework, which was our plan for the night. We did this for a few hours. The entire time I felt I was being mindful of her mood and her hunger. I asked what what was wrong, and she mentioned that she was upset that she hasn't found a place at this point in the month, but it seemed like there was more to it. Throughout that time I made several suggestions/methods to get food. I asked if she wanted to go to Superstore (grocery chain in Canada), she said no. Later I asked if she wanted to go to a closer one (5 minutes away), she said no. Later I stated that I'm going to go grab something from the closer one to grab something and if she'd like to come with me. She didn't respond. A bit later I was done with homework, and I was trying to get her out of her shell, so I said that I didn't really want to sit up in my bedroom and do nothing, and I said that I was going to go downstairs and put Harry Potter (she loves the movies) and that she should come and watch it with me. She didn't respond. I stood in front of her as she sat on her bed, touched her shoulder as she was looking at her phone, and asked "sweetie whats wrong"? She didn't respond. So I went downstairs, and went to the bathroom before putting the movie on. As I came out, she stormed out the door. I gave her some space, but we ended up talking a few days later, which turned into a massive string of text messages, mostly negative perceptions from her about me and us. Regarding the above situation she stated that I wasn't accommodating her need of food, that when she left she sat in her car and expected me to come chase after her, and how I don't understand her or know whats going on in her head, and that its my deficiency. Talking at that point was constructive and helpful and we reconciled. The issue about this is that she only seems to want to do this after things escalate into a major fight and we 'break up'. This is something else that I brought up as another communication problem in our relationship. tl;dr: Recurring pattern where ex-gf experiences something that she interprets as aversive, doesn't bring it up, won't admit that somethings bothering her. Then when resentment builds up and things escalate, there's an expectation that I should've known whats wrong, and that I don't understand her, and that we have incompatible communication styles, and ultimately we shouldn't be together because of that. Please give me your opinions! Is this some kind of incompatible communication style? Am I suppose to deduce what her problem is? Am i somehow deficient? Be honest!
  8. I am a heavy introvert and find large group settings draining. Whenever I have a party/clubbing event I try my best to fit in by talking a lot and acting extroverted. I don't like drinking and everybody knows this. The problem is I feel left out when others binge drink to get drunk around me and become loud and obnoxious. I see those people (who are my very good friends) as selfish and their behaviour as unhealthy. It puts me in a position of spite and I usually refuse drinks and become designated driver because of it. I assume my stress and judgement for these people is out of jealousy. But I have been drunk before and still feel the same way. My experiences haven't been great, but they haven't been negative either. My conscious thought-process follows a simple path. I see alcohol as a drug like any other drug. Drugs are the opposite to self-improvement and are self-destructive. If I see my friends taking shots, I will join in just to keep up. But I won't take any more than 1 or 2 just to ensure I am being responsible and taking care of myself. I will then mediate the rest of the night with some standard drinks so that I don't go overboard. When I see my friends excited to take shot 3, 4 and 5, I get angry and upset. I don't know why and I don't know how to think differently. I have an event tonight and don't want to go home feeling annoyed or upset. Please help me think differently.
  9. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is a massive introvert, has some social anxiety issues and intimacy issues. These are all certainly problems within our relationship however we talk about them regularly (much to his dislike of talking about it). My issue here today is something I’m not actually sure if I should be upset about. He is a professional skiier, and skiing is the most important thing in his life. I think during some rough patches in his life, skiing gave him some purpose & confidence and in a way it saved his life. He has 6 “major” races each year and team has quite a big following (mainly of family & friends) that come to the major races which are held over a long weekend. After their last major race, he called me and said he really wanted me to come to the next one (which would also be like a holiday, around 14 hour drive from home). I was estatic! He wants me to be part of the most important thing in his life, I was so excited. As the race is getting closer, he hadnt mentioned me coming so I brought it up. At first he said that he wasn’t sure he wanted me to come as it’s a “boys weekend”. Completely untrue, and I know that so I called him out on it. He sort of kept coming up with different excuses that I knew were all lies until he finally said he was worried that me being there would affect his performance. When I asked why, he said that he’s worried we would get into an argument or something like that and affect his mood/performance. I was so offended! How could he think that I would bring any negativity with me when I know how important it is to him! He kept saying that he just really needs to be on his A game and he has never brought anybody with him to a major race. Being an introvert, he much prefers to do things by himself and he says this is one of them. He says he would rather not have me there & my support at the race because he has been doing so well the last year by himself with no support and is worried it might change things/jinx it/change the dynamic. I know that a lot of other people that race bring their partners and family, but my boyfriend won’t bring me. They all get together and have drinks after the race & make a bit of a holiday out of it, and I just feel left out. He says he really wants us to go away for a holiday together again soon, but just not to this race. He says I’m welcome to attend the smaller races and come support him then, but he wants to go to the major races by himself to make sure that he’s on his A game. I feel pretty crappy about this, but part of me also kind of understands. I just don’t know if I should be upset about it or not. Do I just accept that this probably has more to do with HIM and how he best operates rather than anything that I personally do wrong? Or should he be trying to include me anyway?
  10. I'm a male and currently in high school, and there's this girl on my bus that I think I have a crush on. She's quiet just like me, but I'm shy and too afraid to do anything at all, and so I just sit there in my seat. Throughout the half-hour bus ride I'll frequently glance up at her, (even though I know it's rude) I stare. As soon as she catches my eyes I'll look away, and I also frequently look up and see her staring at me, and then she immediately looks away. Ethnically, she's Japanese, so at her bus stop I've had my Haiku (Japanese poetry) book atop my pile of books to the right of me, and I'm pretty sure she's noticed them as she passes my seat, walking down the bus aisle. In school, I've seen her on occasion, and when I notice her, her eyes immediately look away. Also, recently, she has moved up three seats on the bus and she now (although not 100% of the time) more often sits just two seats behind me on the opposite side, and the staring-and-looking-away continues. Maybe it's just me, but I strongly sense that she's a shy introvert just like me, and it may be a wild guess, but I sense that she likes me, or, more accurately, is at least curious. Please, do not be harsh in judging me or telling me that I'm wrong... this is just how I feel. Now, I embrace my shyness and my being a loner, as many introverts like me do. I don't want to change or "become an extrovert", since it's who I am. I'm just curious if the "staring-and-looking-away" thing means anything at all. Once again, I know I may sound stupid or something. Thanks!
  11. Does anyone ever feel like the most frustrating thing about themselves is when their weaknesses don't allow your strengths to shine though? I'm confident I'm good at a lot of things, but because of my social awkwardness and my struggle to feel awake no matter how healthy I keep myself, and on top of that being an introvert and taking a while to warm up to people, I feel like I'm being held back in life. I've had a lot of missed opportunities. Not because I didn't go for it or take a risk, and not because I'm awful at what I do.. but because I suck at connecting with others and maintaining relationships with them. I have a lot of "off" days, and when I'm feeling off, I get extremely quiet, irritable, and tired. I don't feel like engaging with anyone, nor am I interested in what they have to say. All I can think about it wanting to go home to relax and recharge. I feel like I make people uncomfortable, or make people think I don't like them. I feel really tired and it leaves me looking lifeless and feeling emotionless. It often feels like my soul is trapped inside my body screaming to get out. At heart, I enjoy being sociable with friends, traveling, and having fun, and a small handful of people who are close to me see me in that light. It just sucks... because I feel like no one else truly gets to see the real me. I've always been a quiet person. Not shy... just quiet and bad at conversation beyond small talk. But I don't believe I'm boring, I know about a lot of things, it's just when I'm talking to people in the moment, I forget about everything I know and get easily distracted. I wouldn't be surprised if I have ADD as well. Half the time I have no idea what people are talking about, because I zone out, or I can't follow others speech fast enough. So I just stay quiet and pretend I know what's going on instead. I feel like this is preventing my success in life... I need to make relationships in order to be successful with a career. I thought maybe if I just work really hard at something and get really good at something... it would be good enough for someone. But I've realized none of that matters. Relationships matter more than skill, because people would rather work with someone who they enjoy being around. Can anyone relate? What kind of therapy should I look into? On top of possibly being clinically depressed (runs in my family)... because I have nothing traumatic to be sad about... except for what I've written above, which I do cry over from time to time, and I do experience extreme lows and put my self worth down completely because I fail at building relationships and expressing myself and conversing. I know I have it in my to try. Every single day I force myself to be physically active, eat healthy, and be a better person. I cannot force myself to engage with others though... there is some sort of block. I'm so tired of being this person who I'm not. :(
  12. Hello all. So, I just recently started a new job a few weeks ago and now I secretly miss a few things about my old job like mainly having off days and time to "recharge." This was a part time job and although it did not provide me with benefits, but did pay two dollars more, the benefit to me was having a work life balance. Now, I struggle with new job, which is full-time. I have to struggle to get up in the mornings and usually feel fatigued and sluggish when I get off. It often seems like my days run together. Another thing is that I have never really had a full-time job, except one I had years ago in which I ended up quitting and returning to school. Also, naturally I am more of an introvert so I miss having fewer co-workers and having the option to attend staff meetings if I wanted to or not on last job since it was part-time, whereas now I have 11 co-workers. I am not used to being around others all day long on a daily basis and have always been a night owl. Now it seems like I have only weekends to get things done, which as we all know seems to fly by quickly. I miss being able to go to the park and various places to enjoy myself especially on Fridays or, just simply getting up on my own timing. I know jobs with a work life balance are hard to come by, so the reason I took my old job at the time was mainly because of this and because I had a hard time finding a job as a new grad, and although it was not really my future career goal, it was in my field of study. I can say that my new job is slightly more aligned with my goals as it it more along the lines of what I want to do, just not really in my specialty. It also has the professionals I need to be around for possible future recommendations, in addition to offering benefits of a full time job. Also, I feel unnatural sometimes having to force myself to make small talk with my co-workers all day, as I do not want to appear rude or labeled as "shy" or a "weirdo." Another thing is that one of my co-workers is really super talkative, even someone else stated this, so I just worry that I will not be able to focus around her when I do my work. She is helpful at times, but sometimes it becomes annoying when she stops in the middle of helping me with a task to involve herself in others' conversations when they are not even talking to her. She also interrupts in conversations and shifts the attention back to herself if someone says something to me or others. She seems to have trouble tuning out distractions and always interjects herself in others' convos and telling stories of how she can relate to everything someone else discusses. And I am not exaggerating that she ALWAYS follow up with a story of how she can relate to something. Even if I can relate to others at times in general, at times I do not even tell them or try to shift the conversation back to me because I like to let others have the opportunity to share their story in their own way and to provide them with a listening ear. It often frustrates me when she does this, but of course I do not let it show. Even if I do feel the need to give my opinion on something or tell my story, it becomes pointless because I know she will always follow up with a remark or story about herself in some kind of way. Do not get me wrong, I was excited to get a new job, as I also had trouble finding a new job and being picked like before in the case in when I started my last job,but I just miss the freedom of being able to leave work when I am done for the day, having off days, and fewer co-workers. I just feel like a "fish out of water" now. One reason I left my other job, besides not being around the staff with the credentials I need to be around for future recommendations, was because I had to work with a coworker who was very competitive with me, so now I kind of feel like I am reliving the experience of an annoying co-worker again. I was so ready to "escape" my last job and my family and friends knew it, so now I am embarrassed with my current feelings about my new job lol. Should I feel guilty for feeling this way and what should I do? Also, what jobs do you all think sound suited for me? I would appreciate any advice. Thanks all.
  13. Sup y'all! In advance: Sorry for that giant wall of text that will follow 😅 (if in wrong Forum Area or any other issues, feel free to delete) Short backstory to me: im 25 and im a huuuuge introvert. I only noticed the Pandemic when the people around me slowly started to go nuts a month in or so, i can literally be alone in my appartment for 2 weeks without feeling lonely or bad in any way. I always feel like everyone is judging or watching me (im not a psycho trust me 🤣) and there is nothing worse then being forced into a social situation. As an example, the waiting room at the dentist is ACTUAL torture for me, makes me feel like a dog that has been backed into a corner 😣 Im so introverted, i do not have any sort of Social Media and when i tried to get on facebook, it was one of the worst expiriences i have ever had in my life, that account survived a total of 3 hours. When i was around the age of 18, i always told myself "uh, the girl i don't yet know i need will come eventually on her own." However, that does not mean that i don't enjoy flirting or can get into something. i just feel like the other person wouldn't really get any benefit if i was to start talking, so i just decide to not bother/creep her and be on my way. Unless actually picking up on a Clue a girl gives me (happens rarely though lol) i would never start an actual conversation or even worse, make any move. When the girl approaches me, i have no issues having a conversation and joking around, since i know the girl obviously finds me interesting in some way since she chose to talk to me. Through a death in my family and the horrible idea to start smoking weed while in a bad state of mind, i fell into a pretty bad depression that i only really managed to beat 1 1/2 Years ago. When i did, i decided to completely change my life around. 😎 Made myself a few Goals that i also achieved: Moved to a city close by, stopped drinking and smoking (both Weed and Cigarettes) and startet to work out. Went from 55 KG(121 Pounds) to 80 KG (175 Pounds) in a year (im 5.8, so i was an actual stick figure before) The only Goal thats left is to find a partner. I don't feel lonely but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to or just have fun with. Unfortionally, i never had a Relationship (i don't count hookups) so the fear of the unknown is a giant barrier. Are there ways to date without use of Social Media? How to avoid being used? Im very open for anything and i fear that that aspect of me might get used. If any Introverts read this, how do you tackle the topic of dating? Thanks for your time reading my TED Talk 🙂 RandomGuy P:S Im so introverted, it took me 5 minutes to actually send this Post and not just press X on my Browser 😉🤣
  14. hi, i'm a pretty quiet reserved guy, never been incredibly social and have a real hard time pretending to be anything other than that. i went out with a couple of friends to meet with a larger group of people at a bar. i found myself being the only one standing off to the side, sipping on my beer and sort of hoping not to be noticed as the social outcast. in the group there was this one girl that i found pretty attractive and she even seemed to be hitting on me, but i just couldn't think of what to say to her. later on, i went to her house with the group and as she was taking off her shoes she asked me if i like them. i said yes. as i was leaving, she said come back again...anytime. she didn't say it in the way people say just to be polite. the words seemed to be emphasized in a way that said "i want you to come back and hang out with me." i said "ok" enthusiastically, but failed to get a number for any further contact. anyway, it sucks. there are attractive girls all around, but i have a hard time being the outgoing type. i have a hard time trying to be anything other than how/who i am. i almost feel like i don't want a girl if i have to be someone else for her. any advice? thanks
  15. where did it start for you? were you always introverted and never outgrew it and what's the earliest recollection, or memory of being different? or did you have a regular childhood and later became introverted? I was always an introverted child, even before age 3, according to the stories of my parents i was not talkative. Guess they didn't really do to much to help me develop social skills but around 5 or 6 i played with the other kids on the block...tag, kickball, riding bikes. i don't think i was ever talkative. but it didn't help that around the kindergarten years my english was not good since i was born in a different country. in elementary school i was friendly enough with other kids, but at the end of the day i went home and never saw anyone. pretty much the same thing happened throughout middle school, high school and college. i would never see anyone outside of school. no sports, maybe a few geeky clubs, but never hung out with anyone on a personal friendly basis. guess the high social thing was drinking. i was never into that crowd though. i finished college started my job. met a few coworkers. i started hanging out at the bars wit them, drinking cause i was bored, alternating for designated driver, and going to the club. but i was still never really outgoing or talkative, until i was pretty liquored up. so now i've moved onto a new job away from those friends and its harder to meet people, its really forcing me to try to develop social skills which i never did all through school or at my last job. i'm around the 30 mark, no close friends. never had a girlfriend or reached first base for that matter. a few dates here and there thanks to the internet. anyways that's my boring life. was just wandering if introversion is what you grow into. or started as an introvert and never grew out of?
  16. So I’m rather an introvert, I’m definitely someone who keeps a bit of distance at work. I’m friendly and polite to my coworkers, never had any issues, senior managers really like me, I just don’t talk about my personal life at work. We are a small team, we all work in this open office which gets hard for me sometimes. I crave like 10 minutes of solitude sometimes, as I’m either talking to my coworkers (works related stuff), or at phone with clients all day. There are days I’m less chatty than usual, just because I sort of need tor recharge my batteries. I’m very involved in everything work related, but if my coworkers chat about their pets, or the next holidays destination, I don’t necessarily engage in these conversations all the time. Now there’s this coworker who is super bubbly and likes to talk a lot. We get along for most of the time, I needed to set boundaries in the past though as she wanted to talk all the time. So last week I was a little less chatty, and this coworker was concerned I was sick or something, I told her I was okay. The truth is I was okay, just a bit tired, a lot was going on, and all these social interactions at work were draining me. So I arrive at work today, and she starts asking me if I’m doing better and if everything is alright. I didn’t appreciate that she was telling this in front of other coworkers, I mean the fact I was a little quiet last week didn’t affect my work performance. I told her I was fine, and she said she assumed I was not okay. I told her again I was fine, and that there’s nothing to worry about, I just don’t like how she makes a big deal out of the fact I was quietly working on something, and not having meaningless chats. I wasn’t rude to anyone, I didn’t cry at the office, I was just a bit low key. I’m tired of her asking me if I’m okay every time I’m not super chatty. It makes feel as if something was wrong with me. I just needed to vent, hope this makes sense, and perhaps I’m not the only introvert at work out there.
  17. Let me start by saying I am a true introvert, so just the idea of dating makes me uncomfortable. Online seems to be the best place for me to meet men, since I can come off a bit uninterested or y on the social scene, unless I feel super comfortable (which is very rare). Thing is I very rarely get passed a second date, I mean at least not with the guys I really like. I do tend to be attracted to more outgoing or very friendly guys, thing is I’m starting to realize those guys don’t really want an introvert. I know first impressions are everything so on a first date if I like the guy, I’ll confess I kinda fake it. I push myself to talk way more than I normally would and try to be as fun as possible but it’s a huge effort on my part, and it’s hard to keep that facade up for more than one date. Usually between the first and second date the guy and I will keep in touch through text, and it’s very easy for me to be charming through text. Typically on the second date after the first hour or two my silence takes over and I guess that’s when things start going downhill. I never tell these guys I’m an introvert, because I don’t feel comfortable saying that to someone I barely know. In any case it always winds up being that the guy thinks I’m not interested, y or that I’m boring, and if I try to let them know I am indeed interested they either think I’m just trying not to hurt their feelings or that again, I’m boring, and clearly not that fun talkative girl they met a week ago. Anyway I’m 35 years old and I’m ok with being alone, but I also think it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. I don’t really know what I can do to remedy this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  18. Hello, I have been having a really tough time after a separation after being married for 4 years. The roller coaster ride is insane, tears in my eyes on the way down, feeling amazing on the way up, everyday is different. I have been doing no contact, but I broke it a few days ago to see her (man, how do you guys even get though the days without seeing that person you love). I can tell she really wants to see me because the day before I asked if she deleted me from a messenger app and I said if this is what you need I will do the same. She panicked and contacted me the next day by text and phone, so we met up. The interaction was good, but she has no respect for me, so subconsciously she feels this dislike, resentment and no longer feels those romantic feelings towards me. For me, I now REALLY want no contact, I want that person I wanted to become before I met her, no passive *****. When I met her, I was discovering myself, I was this very shy handsome dude breaking out of his shell as an introvert and wanting to be an extrovert. I hate being an introvert, I love interactions and getting out, I was abuse as a child which closed me off to the world. When we moved in together I lost all my progress of discovering myself and became an introvert again due to some marriage issues and it made her lose respect for me (seriously dude, slap yourself), I wasn't that same dude she met that was discovering himself. I'M JUMPING OFF THIS ROLLER COASTER AND FINDING THIS DUDE (ME) WHO I CAN LOVE. I HATE ME. I want to be a casanova of charm, the king of my domain, the master of seduction, the wizard of words and a chef(cooking is awesome). This is like me discovering I'm gay (nothing wrong with it), I'm just tired.... of me. Anyone else struggle with their image of themselves after a breakup? Not being in love with who they are? Did it take sometime to discover yourself and find that person in you that you could love? Keeping strong!
  19. I looked up a distant ex. Someone I dated about 11 years ago. I don't have the intention of pursuing anything. It was just for the purposes of nostalgia and inducing sadness. I found a couple photos and they struck me: family photos. She's married with a child. I knew this. I met her husband when he was just her classmate... So I found myself looking at these family photos and it's peculiar. I don't relate to them. I come from such a broken family. No togetherness. No birthdays. No phone calls. I saw her with her sisters and all these new kids and I couldn't tell if I longed for that. I can't tell if I wish I had that. I'm writing this because my most recent partner left me and I'm just floating away on memories of past intimacy. As much as I'm sad to be alone I've been such an introvert my entire life that I'm not sure if I could handle a healthy normal relationship. I want one but when I look at that family from the distant ex--all that togetherness--it's very pretty but very foreign to me. I am lonely but it's very mixed with my need to be alone. My new life is very peaceful and very isolated. I'm realizing, again, how much I don't want to deal with rejection that comes with dating. Again, regarding that photo of that large family: I do linger for something like that but I don't know how to ever have that nor do I believe my introversion can handle it. I wish I was a different person. I can't tell if I'm relieved to be alone or if I'm alone too much. It's strange.
  20. I’m a bit of an introvert so I know I can be standoffish with barriers. We messaged a couple of times online and decided to meet. This guy instantly sat too close to me for my liking. Every time we would talk he would try to put his hand on my arm or shoulder. He talked about body fat and started to take my arm and pinch for fat all the way up. He was trying to be playful and flirty I could tell but it didn’t sit well with me. Next he tried to touch my stomach. He told my I was very pretty about 3x. He played with my straw and drunk out of it and really wanted me to try his drink. Then he’d go up and start having a conversation with the chef and later on with the couple sitting next to us. To me that was showing off how confident he was at striking up a conversation with random people. He couldn’t even sit still. When we got the bill he told me again how pretty I was and stroked my leg telling me I was sexy. He grabbed my hand walked me back to the station and then asked me for a kiss which I was very reluctant to do. I see big warning signs here but my friend just tells me he’s just super into you. What do you think?
  21. Hey everybody, a little advice would be awesome. So, I had a crush on J for a while, and it went public, so eventually she knew. She confessed that she had similar feelings for me, so I proceeded to ask her to prom, and later, a late night date. For spring break, we've been texting each other and talking on the phone for a few hours, but we haven't seen each other because of basketball practice and our own friend-time. So that's my situation with her... As for me, I'm beginning to be hesitant about pursuing this. She's a party animal, but I prefer driving late night listening to music. She's outgoing, I'm somewhat of an introvert. She likes Emo-type music, I prefer ambient or hip hop. She laughs at the obvious, yet I prefer sarcasm. I get along with her, but sometimes I feel like I'm holding back Me. I think the only reason I went ahead and started talking to her because she's incredibly beautiful and she's a great person. I don't what to do. I don't want to waste both of our time (that we could be possibly using to find other friends) nor do I want to let go of someone that may click with me.
  22. Can i know how often you guys chat on phone/text message with girls? For me, i've not done that since 4-5 years ago. Not even with close male friends of mine. i seldom start conversation to maintain relationships whether it's on phone or msn messenger nor do i ask friends to go out for the accompaniment (usually just to get my things like swimming, weightlift, buy things and stuffs done and go home). most of the time, i'll listen to mp3player instead of joining in the conversation with friends on train. yes, i don't care about having strong relationships. but i enjoy having peace with myself this way. i like my introvert nature this way especially when i'm at home. but i don't like it when i see outgoing friends going along well with girls. i have a strong urge to change my introvert attitude when i see this. i'm jealous i think. oh..all the "friends" mentioned are male. they can converse with girls, play around, tease and do some intimate/touchy stuffs. No, i'm not saying i can't get close to them. i know how to. but when i get close enough, i'll "turn off" my relationship-maintaining skills because it's a conscious thingy and isn't natural to me. i'll get tired. lmao. serious. hey, seriously i can choose to live a lonely life (not marrying). maybe find sex when i need it..'cause i don't think i'll treat my wife good enough like not giving enough attention blah blah.. i think i have been seeing all humans as robots, predicting all their reactions and it all became so bored to socialize....
  23. I am one of those women who is totally unable to tell when she's being checked out...is there a gene for this that I was just not born with? My friend and I did an experiment...we walked around a NY park...she tried to point out about 10 guys who were checking me out. I didn't notice ANY of them. I try, but never notice...am really smart in other things but apparently retarded this way. It was such a relief to know that I get looked at all of the time but just don't notice it. And all of this time I thought I was chopped liver... I know I get looked at a lot...but I'm kind of a shy introvert (I tend to do a lot of reading and playing guitar alone at home) until people get to know me better. Does that mean it's better for me to meet people through common activities than in bars or otherwise? Especially if I can't even tell if someone's interested (or muster the nerve to make eye contact with someone I am interested in?) I can't even tell who I think is but when I finally fall for someone I fall HARD. Any tips on how to overcome shyness and learn how to tell if you're being checked out? THANKS!!!!!
  24. Do you feel being introverted is a positive aspect of your personality? I work in a very extroverted job traveling around to 80+ businesses a week, but my personality is more introverted. I tend to focus inward for guidance and happiness. I feel that I can gain more knowledge from observing the environment around me rather than entering into it and participating. I tend to really question other peoples beliefts. Like recently me and my best friend haven't really hung out much because our lives are going in separate paths, while I'm trying to embrace the positive, he on the other hand thinks having a good time always involves drinking. I'm trying to improve that aspect of my life and I don't feel a need to drink socially or otherwise. I figure if he can't have fun without drinking than its not worth my time. I've already been through the partying stage of my teenage years, now I feel its time to move on, get a career, so I can eventually get married, start a family, and make a difference, is there anything wrong with looking at life in this way. Or am I being to selfish with my time.
  25. on why I constantly fail in really connecting with people thru conversation: For along time, I've always been the "silent one" whenever I'm in a group of girls, guys, or mixed. While everyone is involved in a conversation I'm usually the one is listening..and that's usually THAT. My mind is blank when I try to come up with any kind of response to what someone said during a group conversation. For example, the other guys in my class started to talk about how bad our football team is, and one guy made an interesting opinion that I thought to myself: I should've known that or I should've said that, not him! Another problem: I'm always scrambling for questions that would keep the conversation alive between me and another person or group. Too many times the questions I ask to someone are limited. This happened when I went home with a group of people and the I began to talk to the attractive girl sitting next to me. I learned that she worked as a waitress, and I asked about how her job was, what type of food was served, and so on. I failed to ask more questions about her, not what her job was like..looking back I think I was being technical. Since middle school, people have thought of me as an introvert who doesn't like to talk to others, and I've been trying to change that image by doing two things: Writing up and studying questions that might/might not come up in a social situation. Listening to what others are saying within my group environment and writing down key points to the conversation. Self-learning about certain things that would come up in a conversation. Would this method help for starters? Is there another, more effective way to help myself out? Why do non-shy people have this problem?
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