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Found 21 results

  1. I've met this boy, lets call him Dylan, around a year ago through a mutual friend. Dylan usually stares at me and smiles, whenever I catch him staring he doesn't look away which confuses me at times. I go to the pool occasionally and Dylan is usually there. Whenever he swims, he usually does these impressive stunts and I'm conflicted as to whether it's normal or if he's doing it intentionally. Whenever I sit somewhere, he sits closer to me. I have to admit, I have this stoic, apathetic personality because I'm shy around him that makes me look like idgaf about anything. Do you think I should stare back and smile next time I see him? If in the case he does like me, he seems shy and I'm shy as well. I honestly don't know how to go about the whole thing, also if it helps I just talked to him once and he said that I have a really soft and quiet voice ^^
  2. I am currently in my 2nd year of nursing; it is no surprise that females outnumber males in my program (approximately 4 to 1) the confusing part is, I seem to have little difficulty making jokes or talking to the girls in the class as long it does not pertain to dating. If a girl in the class shows what i interpret as interest in me, the situation changes. I tend to become very passive and defensive in these situations. It is as if, I would rather not try at all, then try and fail. I feel that it is likely that I overestimate the probability and effects of failure. Even if a girl seems to be giving multiple signals, I am reluctant to make a move since the chance of success can never be certain. It can be argued that the chance of success is essentially zero if I do not make a move, however there is a difference between the results of a failure due to not making a move, and a failure due to (asking a girl that was not interested, asking at the wrong time, asking in the wrong way, etc.) If I take no action, I risk less. I worry that if I am unsuccessful a number of times, that i will develop a reputation throughout the class as a pest. I could approach girls from outside my program, however by nature I am an Introvert (personality type INTJ) and I find it difficult to approach someone who I do not know anything about. What I would like to know is some ways to show interest in a girl that have a low potential for overly negative effects.(safe moves that even if I fail, not much harm will result). I realize that I tend to overanalyze matters and to not take my feelings into much account, however attempting to figure out a problem which I know very little about seems futile. Has anyone persevered over a similar set of problems? Perhaps I can learn from and be inspired by your experience.
  3. where did it start for you? were you always introverted and never outgrew it and what's the earliest recollection, or memory of being different? or did you have a regular childhood and later became introverted? I was always an introverted child, even before age 3, according to the stories of my parents i was not talkative. Guess they didn't really do to much to help me develop social skills but around 5 or 6 i played with the other kids on the block...tag, kickball, riding bikes. i don't think i was ever talkative. but it didn't help that around the kindergarten years my english was not good since i was born in a different country. in elementary school i was friendly enough with other kids, but at the end of the day i went home and never saw anyone. pretty much the same thing happened throughout middle school, high school and college. i would never see anyone outside of school. no sports, maybe a few geeky clubs, but never hung out with anyone on a personal friendly basis. guess the high social thing was drinking. i was never into that crowd though. i finished college started my job. met a few coworkers. i started hanging out at the bars wit them, drinking cause i was bored, alternating for designated driver, and going to the club. but i was still never really outgoing or talkative, until i was pretty liquored up. so now i've moved onto a new job away from those friends and its harder to meet people, its really forcing me to try to develop social skills which i never did all through school or at my last job. i'm around the 30 mark, no close friends. never had a girlfriend or reached first base for that matter. a few dates here and there thanks to the internet. anyways that's my boring life. was just wandering if introversion is what you grow into. or started as an introvert and never grew out of?
  4. So there was this guy i like and we hit it off right away, he is an introvert, where as i am an extrovert. We are kind of completely opposite, in all ways. But i really like him he is away for the holidays, and i miss him!, we are supposed to go on a date when he gets back crazy excited. i love every aspect of him hes amzing, we can just sit and t alk about nothing and even about important stuff. Hes great, if i havent mentioned. He is concerned about me, and wants to meet my family which is unusual for someone my age...im 17. he seems so grown up. However im wondering will our differences get in the way. He has had a rough family past where as i havent, me and my family are really close. we both have low self estheems which could be lethal, am i overthinking this? i dont know, hes also gone away for 3 weeks and im scared he wont come back, he assured me her would but im still not so sure, someone needs to help me put my mind at ease!...please!
  5. I'm a male and currently in high school, and there's this girl on my bus that I think I have a crush on. She's quiet just like me, but I'm shy and too afraid to do anything at all, and so I just sit there in my seat. Throughout the half-hour bus ride I'll frequently glance up at her, (even though I know it's rude) I stare. As soon as she catches my eyes I'll look away, and I also frequently look up and see her staring at me, and then she immediately looks away. Ethnically, she's Japanese, so at her bus stop I've had my Haiku (Japanese poetry) book atop my pile of books to the right of me, and I'm pretty sure she's noticed them as she passes my seat, walking down the bus aisle. In school, I've seen her on occasion, and when I notice her, her eyes immediately look away. Also, recently, she has moved up three seats on the bus and she now (although not 100% of the time) more often sits just two seats behind me on the opposite side, and the staring-and-looking-away continues. Maybe it's just me, but I strongly sense that she's a shy introvert just like me, and it may be a wild guess, but I sense that she likes me, or, more accurately, is at least curious. Please, do not be harsh in judging me or telling me that I'm wrong... this is just how I feel. Now, I embrace my shyness and my being a loner, as many introverts like me do. I don't want to change or "become an extrovert", since it's who I am. I'm just curious if the "staring-and-looking-away" thing means anything at all. Once again, I know I may sound stupid or something. Thanks!
  6. What types of guys/girls are you attracted to? What kinds of qualities/characteristics do you find attractive in potential mates? I tend to be attracted to shy-ish men, who enjoy spending time alone with themselves I am pretty extroverted, so I find introversion attractive in men. I am attracted to honest men, who say what they mean, and mean what they say I am attracted to "mad scientist" type of men, rational with a twist of Tom Robbins I am attracted to thinkers, who whether they agree or disagree with my thoughts and opinions, at least have their own. I am attracted to happy, generally well-adjusted men, who are physically active and adventurous and, who are more or less naturalists at heart I tend to be attracted to emotionally distant men. Why? I dunno I guess I enjoy thawing their hearts anyway, there are a bunch more to list but now it's someone else's turn....
  7. Hey everybody, a little advice would be awesome. So, I had a crush on J for a while, and it went public, so eventually she knew. She confessed that she had similar feelings for me, so I proceeded to ask her to prom, and later, a late night date. For spring break, we've been texting each other and talking on the phone for a few hours, but we haven't seen each other because of basketball practice and our own friend-time. So that's my situation with her... As for me, I'm beginning to be hesitant about pursuing this. She's a party animal, but I prefer driving late night listening to music. She's outgoing, I'm somewhat of an introvert. She likes Emo-type music, I prefer ambient or hip hop. She laughs at the obvious, yet I prefer sarcasm. I get along with her, but sometimes I feel like I'm holding back Me. I think the only reason I went ahead and started talking to her because she's incredibly beautiful and she's a great person. I don't what to do. I don't want to waste both of our time (that we could be possibly using to find other friends) nor do I want to let go of someone that may click with me.
  8. Do you feel being introverted is a positive aspect of your personality? I work in a very extroverted job traveling around to 80+ businesses a week, but my personality is more introverted. I tend to focus inward for guidance and happiness. I feel that I can gain more knowledge from observing the environment around me rather than entering into it and participating. I tend to really question other peoples beliefts. Like recently me and my best friend haven't really hung out much because our lives are going in separate paths, while I'm trying to embrace the positive, he on the other hand thinks having a good time always involves drinking. I'm trying to improve that aspect of my life and I don't feel a need to drink socially or otherwise. I figure if he can't have fun without drinking than its not worth my time. I've already been through the partying stage of my teenage years, now I feel its time to move on, get a career, so I can eventually get married, start a family, and make a difference, is there anything wrong with looking at life in this way. Or am I being to selfish with my time.
  9. Hey all, I used to be a hermit when it came to anything social -- family, friends, classmates. For many years, I was always the shy, quite kid in the back of the classroom with no one to bond with. Over time I have become more talkative, especially when I get to know someone and break the ice so to speak. However, though I do enjoy talking, I am naturally not into talking, even if I have something to talk about... if that makes sense. It's not in my character to be the leader of the group, the center of attention, to always be moving the lips and creating dialogue. Am I always going to be introverted me, or will I eventually get to the point where I am naturally an extrovert? Thanks, easyguy
  10. Can i know how often you guys chat on phone/text message with girls? For me, i've not done that since 4-5 years ago. Not even with close male friends of mine. i seldom start conversation to maintain relationships whether it's on phone or msn messenger nor do i ask friends to go out for the accompaniment (usually just to get my things like swimming, weightlift, buy things and stuffs done and go home). most of the time, i'll listen to mp3player instead of joining in the conversation with friends on train. yes, i don't care about having strong relationships. but i enjoy having peace with myself this way. i like my introvert nature this way especially when i'm at home. but i don't like it when i see outgoing friends going along well with girls. i have a strong urge to change my introvert attitude when i see this. i'm jealous i think. oh..all the "friends" mentioned are male. they can converse with girls, play around, tease and do some intimate/touchy stuffs. No, i'm not saying i can't get close to them. i know how to. but when i get close enough, i'll "turn off" my relationship-maintaining skills because it's a conscious thingy and isn't natural to me. i'll get tired. lmao. serious. hey, seriously i can choose to live a lonely life (not marrying). maybe find sex when i need it..'cause i don't think i'll treat my wife good enough like not giving enough attention blah blah.. i think i have been seeing all humans as robots, predicting all their reactions and it all became so bored to socialize....
  11. So I'm hoping for some advice on how to really ENJOY being with people. There are some days when it seems all I have are critical thoughts running around in my head about other people. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm 'all that,' more like certain things bug me. Laziness and selfishness, for example. I do okay on the surface of relationships - I'm a nice person and relate to people on a "nice" level. But I see other people genuinely excited about being with other people, and I'm just ... lacking that. And it DOES leave me lonely sometimes. IN fact, more and more these days. I suppose there are plenty of reasons that go into not being close to people. One, I'm an introvert. Two, my trust has been broken before, big-time. Three, I work really hard and give a lot, but don't feel like I "get" much back. IT just seems like an endless cycle, and I really wanna break out, but I need some ideas on how. Anyone have some thoughts, or stories to share???? Thanks. P.S. I actually don't have a problem striking up a conversation with people. More like, we don't seem to develop those warm fuzzy feelings after talking or hanging out. I'm not that outwardly emotional or "fun", I guess.
  12. hi, i'm a pretty quiet reserved guy, never been incredibly social and have a real hard time pretending to be anything other than that. i went out with a couple of friends to meet with a larger group of people at a bar. i found myself being the only one standing off to the side, sipping on my beer and sort of hoping not to be noticed as the social outcast. in the group there was this one girl that i found pretty attractive and she even seemed to be hitting on me, but i just couldn't think of what to say to her. later on, i went to her house with the group and as she was taking off her shoes she asked me if i like them. i said yes. as i was leaving, she said come back again...anytime. she didn't say it in the way people say just to be polite. the words seemed to be emphasized in a way that said "i want you to come back and hang out with me." i said "ok" enthusiastically, but failed to get a number for any further contact. anyway, it sucks. there are attractive girls all around, but i have a hard time being the outgoing type. i have a hard time trying to be anything other than how/who i am. i almost feel like i don't want a girl if i have to be someone else for her. any advice? thanks
  13. I am one of those women who is totally unable to tell when she's being checked out...is there a gene for this that I was just not born with? My friend and I did an experiment...we walked around a NY park...she tried to point out about 10 guys who were checking me out. I didn't notice ANY of them. I try, but never notice...am really smart in other things but apparently retarded this way. It was such a relief to know that I get looked at all of the time but just don't notice it. And all of this time I thought I was chopped liver... I know I get looked at a lot...but I'm kind of a shy introvert (I tend to do a lot of reading and playing guitar alone at home) until people get to know me better. Does that mean it's better for me to meet people through common activities than in bars or otherwise? Especially if I can't even tell if someone's interested (or muster the nerve to make eye contact with someone I am interested in?) I can't even tell who I think is but when I finally fall for someone I fall HARD. Any tips on how to overcome shyness and learn how to tell if you're being checked out? THANKS!!!!!
  14. Hi, this is my second time posting about my girl-troubles. I have been a natural introvert towards girls from when I entered high school. Towards most girls, I can talk and be interesting. But I've been trying to talk to this girl for a few weeks (same girl as last time posting). I know I've nothing to fear, and that she won't ridicule me. I just can't approach her. I try using all the shyness overcoming tips, like role-play, taking deep breaths, convincing myself that I'm not heading to my doom (lol). My problem is that I can't physically walk up to her. I order my legs to move in a straight line towards her, but they won't move. If I manage to go near her, I always run away (actually walk away like nothings happening) at the last moment . Once she was sitting alone. I knew this was my chance, but I got too scared. Can anyone help me? Has anyone experienced this? I'll never get a girlfriend if I always keep this fear.
  15. College life.. it's been a disappointment thus far... I've got a record of social failure that I just can't shake. On the very day of orientation, everyone started separating into little makeshift cliques. Now it's the second semester and the cliques are melting into the Greek organizations, the more popular majors, and the moneyed crowd, and I feel almost entirely isolated. As a result, my love life is D.O.A. Not that I can say that it's ever been much better -- I'm on the site because I can identify entirely with so many of you... I'm 19 and I've never been kissed, gone on a date, or anything like that -- but the vast majority of the guys here act like I'm invisible. My mother says it's a racial thing, and she may be right... the place is chock full of Tara Reid look-a-likes, so I know I stand out, but I guess it isn't in a positive way. I'm also an introvert -- up until fairly recently, I wouldn't even ask a question of the sales person in the department store -- but I've made some progress in this area. I have a tendency to delve into self-analysis, wondering "What's wrong with me?", questioning everything from my physical appearance to my preferences in men, to my cultural & religious choices. So, I guess the questions that I pose to the more experienced of you is, what do I do to change my luck with guys in college, or anywhere else, for that matter?
  16. on why I constantly fail in really connecting with people thru conversation: For along time, I've always been the "silent one" whenever I'm in a group of girls, guys, or mixed. While everyone is involved in a conversation I'm usually the one is listening..and that's usually THAT. My mind is blank when I try to come up with any kind of response to what someone said during a group conversation. For example, the other guys in my class started to talk about how bad our football team is, and one guy made an interesting opinion that I thought to myself: I should've known that or I should've said that, not him! Another problem: I'm always scrambling for questions that would keep the conversation alive between me and another person or group. Too many times the questions I ask to someone are limited. This happened when I went home with a group of people and the I began to talk to the attractive girl sitting next to me. I learned that she worked as a waitress, and I asked about how her job was, what type of food was served, and so on. I failed to ask more questions about her, not what her job was like..looking back I think I was being technical. Since middle school, people have thought of me as an introvert who doesn't like to talk to others, and I've been trying to change that image by doing two things: Writing up and studying questions that might/might not come up in a social situation. Listening to what others are saying within my group environment and writing down key points to the conversation. Self-learning about certain things that would come up in a conversation. Would this method help for starters? Is there another, more effective way to help myself out? Why do non-shy people have this problem?
  17. Heyo. I've always been kind of a shy guy and very-self conscious. Never really been good at meeting peopel as I'm a really big introvert. I've had several girlfriends but I always seem to run out of social energy and retreat into my head. Was in a year long relationship and lost her in the end because I got boring after a few hours.. ouch. Any tips on meeting people or improving social skills?
  18. I work in a fabric factory,. Tomorrow a container will come ,and another will come the day after tomorrow, I will busy with these troubles, I have to do it , it's my work ,i get money to maintain my family. I am a introvert person, not suit for business, but I have to do it,I am too old to change my job . i establish a forum for introvert ,but you can not visit it , it is in chinese. i have to get up before 6 am every day,and when everthing finished ,it has passed 8 pm.
  19. what, in your opinion is the best way to ask out a girl. Either gender can responde. the girl that i am interested in is kindof introverted, but loves to sing and be on stage, so she is kindof on the boarder of Introvert and extrovert like me. What would work better. Being direct, writing a letter, or something else. i'm open to ideas.
  20. Yea, 90% of the people I meet look at me as If I were kinda dumb... Well, I have a weird behaviour, I make stupid jokes all the time, I talk d**n silent and I have to repeat the things I said 3 times until others understand them... Well, sometimes I like being called the "weird one" or "the crazy guy", you know, that's the main reason why there is a "Crazy" in my nickname... But it get's painful when I start thinking why people talk to me like they do... It looks like I'm cursed to be the stupid joker who can never really establish a close relationship to anybody... When I start talking to people that I like, it just takes a few moments and then they already label me a fool or whatever... Ok, I know a bunch of people, they like my jokes, often they tell me their secrets and such things that they won't tell to others... I don't do anything bad & so... I used to be very talkative in my youth but then many people told me to stop talking or even barked at me when I talked a bit louder, since then I have some kind of fear in my head when I meet people, I just don't know If I can talk normally to them... Also I'm quite introvert, it was much different earlier... I look happy all the time, but inside I may cry out loud about myself...
  21. My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over two months. At the beginning everything was wonderful but I've noticed things changing over the past little while. At first she seemed very happy with who I was, but now she does things that make me wonder. Now if we make plans to go out she'll often tell me that I what I'm wearing isn't "stylish enough" and that I should change. She herself admits that she is somewhat shallow and that appearance is very important to her. By the way, I'm no slouch and dress very well - I'm always being complemented about it at work, I'm just not "trendy". An example - to wear shorts with sneakers is apparently a faux pas - I should be wearing sandals. ???? Also, she arranges for us to do things which she really likes but knows I won't enjoy - example: I'm fairly reserved and a bit of an introvert, but she likes putting me in situations were I'm not comfortable - the last time it was going to "Tony and Tina's Wedding" - an "interactive" comedy where you are accosted by the actors and made to feel like a loser if you don't want to join in. She loves this type of thing, but I would much rather not be involved. The are lots of other things that we both enjoy doing, but she seems to get a kick out of seeing me in an uncomfortable situation. I'm really confused about this because I believe that if you love someone you want to do things to make them feel good about themselves, not make them feel uncomfortable. Am I taking this too seriously, or should I simply be honest and say I'd prefer if we could do something else instead?? The problem is that she's always buying tickets etc without asking me first. Help!
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