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Scout

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Everything posted by Scout

  1. Scout
    I've done some online dating but nothing has ever worked out. Ever. I did go out with this one guy for a while that I met on a vegetarian dating site, and that was cool for a few months...he was the only normal one on the site, though, judging from the other profiles. I also did go out on a date or two with a guy from Craigslist. He was normal, very nice, just I wasn't physically attracted to him. Right now I'm not really dating anyone, but the last two guys I dated I met in bars, to tell you the truth. Well, a neighborhood pub, and than a wine bar. Online dating - it's hit or miss.
  2. Scout
    It also helps if our boyfriend is being affectionate with us and showing that's he with us in front of the other girl that is flirting with him. It's amazing how rude some females can be. It's like, are you so pathetic you can't find a boyfriend of your own? When you think about it, what a dumb little person they are to have to try and prove something. Smile sympathetically in their face, like awwww, you poor thing. Too bad you can't get your own man.
  3. Scout
    I'd send him a note that said, "Just thought since you were the only guy I'd slept with in that time frame, you'd like to know my test was negative. Thanks a lot for your support. And in case you didn't know this, a man isn't judged by his entrance, but by his exit." (hopefully he'll recognize the sarcasm).
  4. Scout
    I don't know if that's the right thing to do either. It's putting the decision on her, and of course she'll feel guilty if she tells you yes, it's important to her that you be there. And that's not fair to her. I sympathize with your problem, if only you'd been with this guy much, much longer, I would say that your decision to attend his graduation instead would be ok. I just don't think that's the case right now. How far ahead is the wedding? A lot could happen between now and then. Is it absolutely necessary to make the decision now?
  5. Scout
    Any hope for you two to reconcile? Or are you pretty sure it's best that its over? Because if its the latter, I'd get him home to Australia as fast as possible. He may really need the support of his family right now.
  6. Scout
    I'm sorry, I totally disagree. Boyfriends come and go, friends are forever. This is your BEST friend. You've known her over a decade. Besides you, her mother is the closest person in her life. It is important to her that you be there. You promised you'd be at the wedding, and in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake by going back on your promise. You've been with this guy four months. You don't know what the future holds, despite what you think now. He should be more understanding of your previous commitment. If he's a good guy, he will be. Don't choose your boyfriend over your friend, at least not yet. Four months is WAY too short of a time to do that.
  7. Scout
    Cassiana, great post. Very well-written, wonderful points made. Let's face it, most of us have been the dumpers at some point. I find that anytime I am, karma very soon comes to pay me a visit! And I get dumped/blown off by someone. But being bitter, prideful, and angry about it is something you must not do for too long. People are entitled to care about who they want to care about, to be with who they want to be with. We don't "own" people, and they are free to make their own decisions. I hate it when people say, oh, well if they don't want me, they're not worth it! To me, that's a cop out. The better thing to do is think hmmm, I'm not taking all the blame for this (unless you should), but I wonder what I did that annoyed them. I will work on that so in my next relationship, I am easier to be around. I am going through lots of new thought processes, as a result of recent experiences, and my time on eNotalone (this is such an amazing site! bless all who take the time to give feedback and share their experiences and advice). We really have to learn to love without feeling we own that person. Possessiveness is a relationship killer. Wanting to change people is a relationship killer. Needing someone too much is a relationship killer. Gosh - relationships can be relationship killers! I never answered the poster's original question...I think most of the time the dumper doesn't come back, and it's a rare soul who has the courage to say, I screwed up. Big time. Is there anyway you would reconsider giving us another shot? I've done it before, but it's not easy. Anything is possible, I suppose.
  8. Scout
    A little advice here from past experience...not in a domestic violence scenario, but legal nonetheless. The DA always will say until the very last minute before a trial that they won't accept a lower plea. THAT IS HOW THE GAME WORKS. If the facts you presented are indeed the truth, than I would NOT plea to a felony. NO WAY. Don't do it. YOU DO NOT WANT A FELONY ON YOUR RECORD. Get a lawyer, even a public defender. Be very upfront that you are taking this to trial. I am 99% sure this charge will get dropped to a misdeamoner (sp?). They will make you sweat it out for sure, though. Please don't be disheartened...and try and stick with this. Wait until the day before your trial, and if you still feel the same, than plea to the felony. I am certain it will never get to that. The state does everything to avoid the expense of a trial, they just play hard ball up until that moment.
  9. Scout
    A good exercise is to ask yourself "What would I do about this if I wasn't afraid?" Than focus on your answer. Keep thinking about the answer, not the fear. Eventually, you'll start shaping your idea and taking it more seriously, realizing its possibility, and very likely move forward on it.
  10. Scout
    Couldn't have said it better myself. Don't pursue him. Men are the pursuers - at least they used to be, seems the tides are turning these days, and women are having to do all the work. Let's bring this to a screeching halt! One comment - I think we should try to avoid the mindset that when someone isn't interested in us after all, or decides not to pursue us, that they "aren't worth it." Maybe they aren't, maybe they are. But I'm trying to move away from thinking I need to get mad at someone if they decide not to get in a relationship with me. I've made that same decision myself before, and it doesn't mean I'm "not worth it." People go with their instincts, feelings, etc., and they are entitled to deciding if they don't want a relationship with us. Rather than getting upset all the time about this, we should let go of the rejection and anger so that we're in a good place when the next person comes along who IS interested.
  11. Scout
    It does sound like he's blowing you off, but for whatever reason I don't know. As you only hung out with him once or twice, you run the risk of looking silly if you ask him "what happened??" Even though I know you want to, don't. I'm going through something similiar, and just chalked it up to well, for whatever reasons, he decided not to get to know me better at this time. Best just to let it pass.
  12. Scout
    Reread your last post. I think you know the answers already. Good luck.
  13. Scout
    I disagree with the poster who said "ask him if he wants a relationship." You've had one date with him! That is guaranteed to scare him off. I personally think that question should be asked waaaaaay down the road...wait until you get to know the guy. Don't stress so much in the beginning. Enjoy the present, get to know each other, instead of jumping far ahead of the moment and agonizing "where is this going....where is this going..." or else it's guaranteed to go nowhere.
  14. Scout
    Hoping & Praying's advice is perfect. I can't add anything to it, except to say you sound like a pretty decent guy, and so honesty is the best policy in this case. Good luck.
  15. Scout
    Um, no. They don't. Especially where there isn't any water.
  16. Scout
    Don't take it to heart for too long, just get back on the old proverbial horse and keep trying. Girls get shot down, too - I know, it's happened to me, and it's pretty embarrassing & makes you never want to ask anyone out again. But the alternative is worse - sitting home alone night after night! Have you asked many girls out at your job? That might have something to do with her reluctance.
  17. Scout
    I hate to tell you this, but you changed the rules of the "relationship" he thought he was in by saying you wanted more of a commitment after all, or if not necessarily saying that, by breaking up with him. So what did he do? Seduced you back, and now he's got it just the way he wants it: friends with benefits, but no commitment so there is an easy exit when the time comes. You did the right thing at first to get his attention back, but now he's got everything right how he wants it. I really think you're still at risk to get very hurt. Your best bet would be to ask him if his feelings have indeed changed, and if he is now open to a more committed relationship. If he isn't, than I would cut off the "benefits" and indeed go look for new guys to date.
  18. Scout
    I suggest Saved! It's supposed to be very funny and intelligent...you want the girl to remember a date with you, right? Don't just take her to the mainstream movie every other average joe is taking his date to.
  19. Scout
    I recently read somewhere that guys really recoil from that question "Where do you see this relationship going?" I don't know if it's true or not, but I suspect it is. I would just suggest that in future relationships, ask that question waaaaay more down the road than just two months. It might have scared him off.
  20. Scout
    Ok, let's take a deep breath and think about this rationally. Part of your infatuation with him stems from the fact that he's not availabe, so he's starting to take on this mysterious, lofty, intriguing aura in your mind. Please think realistically. You do not know him well enough or for long enough to be in love with him. You are infatuated. There is a big difference. You must get out there and start dating others. This guy is not interested in a relationship with you - it hurts, I know how you feel - you've been reading about my own situation in my Didn't Call When he said he would post - but you must accept the reality of the sitation. That's what i'm trying to do with the guy I like. He's not calling - I've left a message for him which he didn't return. I can't get into his mind, "make" him act the way I want, but I can choose how I deal with the situation. I'm going about doing my thing, and if he calls, he calls, if he doesn't, it's a bummer, but life is TOO SHORT to always have unrequited loves. You can PM me if you want, and we can maybe help each other get through our unrequited crushes. Hang in there, and GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING. I'm going to a festival today. Talk to you later.
  21. Scout
    Didn't work out for me either when my ex and I attempted to be "friends." Maybe somewhere way down the road its possible, when you don't have romantic feelings for that person anymore.
  22. Scout
    There are some people - men and women - who get a "thrill" from the initial part of a relationship, they get a "high" from the romance and intensity that happens in the beginning, than they lose interest and move on to the next "high". It sucks, but that's the way it is. I am afraid you might have crossed paths with one of these people. Just keep crying and venting until you get over it, we've all had one or two of these horrible experiences, and the only way to get over it is a little time, than bravery about getting back out there in the world again. Try not to let this experience make you bitter or untrusting, most people really aren't like this, and do want a healthy, loving relationship.
  23. Scout
    I actually understand why he is doing this. I have a feeling your "friendship" over the last two years might not have been a platonic one at all times...at any rate, it's obvious you still have romantic feelings for him, he sees that, and probably feels it's not appropriate to continue seeing you now that he has a serious girlfriend he's made a commitment to. This is actually rather mature on his part, and it looks like he's making an effort to be faithful in this relationship. Some harsh words about to be spoken here, but I feel it must be said: you should have broken the ties with this guy a loooong time ago. Why on earth would you remain "friends" with a man who cheated on you? This is a relationship you should have walked away from as soon as it ended. You mentioned you don't have many friends, so depend on him a lot for your social outlet. Go out there and make some more friends. It's really not that hard. And let go of this guy once and for all.
  24. Scout
    Please listen to the advice from the above post. It's very good. You are young, and yes, your first love didn't turn out the way you would have liked it to. But do not set the pattern for your future relationships to come by pining for someone who hurts you so. And when you do meet others, don't become dependent on them, and give up your own identity and interests and so on. A relationship enhances our life, but it should not be the sum total of our life. Learn to love healthily. Keep seeing the therapist, and keep us posted.
  25. Scout
    I am so sorry for the pain you must have suffered with, and I totally understand how much you still love him and miss him. This must be a very frustrating situation for you indeed. What were the reasons for the engagement being called off, and how long were you together?
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