alimbagirl

I have been in and out of a relationship for the past year and a half. I left my husband to be with this man. However, due to my mental problems I have not been able to decide who I want to be with. The two men are totally different. One is 26, the other is 55. The older one is financially stable and I feel very secure with him, but there is not too much physical attraction from my end, and not much of a fun relationship. But feels very stable and safe. He is very reliable. The younger one is still living at home, in college, no money, but we are attracted to each other and have a lot of fun together. But there is his temper, and anger stuff, and I am more insecure with him. The younger one has demanded I make a decision and has recently slept with someone else. I am hurt. I really need to understand why I can't let the older one go. I have had a severe breakdown from him dating someone else, so I am afraid that if I let him go, it will happen again. I went through a severe meltdown and have major legal troubles now because of it. Why do I feel like I will die if the older one is with someone else, but I don't want to be intimate with him?

I am beside myself with grief over this and I know what I did was wrong. I was over-emotional and all I could think of was that I had to get him in line before it was too late. I think that the legal stuff is going to be out of my hands. I had a domestic situation (no violence, just broke stuff of mine at my ex's house - 2nd ex, not my son's father) and I pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct. However, that gives me a criminal record and I will have to plea this out. The DA will not accept anything but a felony plea, so that is what I will have to do. Going to a jury trial would not be fair to my son. I will have to accept the consequences. I am very sorry and have been trying to get my son's insurance card from my his father. I had him insured up until this January. Anway, I have not received that, of course. His father feels he needs to have no communication with me. Thanks for your support. I know in the eyes of the law I committed a crime. I just needed reassurance that I was not a horrible person.

I am writing for support. I am very alone right now in this situation. I have a 13-year old son who has only recently, (the past 12 months) been seeing his dad on a regular basis. His father is a former crack-cocain addict and severe alcoholic who has been convicted of multiple drunk driving and two buglaries. He is now sober with two new childeren. I have had severe discipline problems with my son and during the recent divorce of my 2nd husband things got very difficult for me. I know I was not a good parent at the time but I was doing the best I possibly could. After being suspended for swearing at a teacher, (second time), being arrested for playing with a grill in a basement (potential criminal charges of attempted homicide were threatened due to the carbon monoxide levels), lying, breaking things in the house, not listening to me, and lots of other stuff I was completely fed up. In a moment of stress after he held up a fist to me and swore at me, I grabbed a plastic hanger and hit him several times in the lower legs. His father took him to the PD (his brother is a cop) and criminal charges have been filed. I am at a complete loss of what to do. I really just need some advice on how to handle this at an emotional level.