matchboxman

Went on my first "date" since the breakup with my ex of 1.5 years. Met this really cool girl through a mutual friend and she's a blast to talk to. She came up here today and we hung out but I just wasn't feeling it, attraction-wise. Like I said, she's really cool and I'm stoked I gained a new friend but at the same time I'm kinda bummed because it made me realize what my ex and I had. I know it's only the first date and I'll meet more women and have more dates but it just feels very weird getting back out there.

Backstory of my situation---my ex broke up with me a month ago because she's going into her last year of college and "wants to experience new things". We'd been together 1.5 years and she's 21 and I'm 23. We'd talked about the future and stuff before she recently got scared and ran. We're still on good terms, however. Just yesterday I received a job offer----in the town where she's going to school (same place I graduated from too.) The specifics aren't clear yet as the employer is trying to see if he can open a new position but if it's a full-time job with benefits (which is a very good possibility), I'd be stupid not to take it. I immediately thought of how this impacted my relationship with my ex. A few days earlier I had asked her hypothetically if I was still at school with her and not so far away (2 hours) would we still be together and she said possibly. Now a few days later this happens. Talk about weird timing. Anyhow I told her the news to get her reaction and initially she was a little stunned. I told her I wanted her to know beforehand so she would be comfortable with it because I still care very much for her and I didn't want to put her in an awkward spot. She said she still wants the chance to see other guys but that we could casually see each other and PERHAPS start to date slowly again if things go right. I've been loking for a better job and now this falls in my lap. Not only does it put me back where I went to school (and have a bunch of friends still there) and puts me back in the college atmosphere that I sorely missed, but it also puts me closer to her. I don't want to rush anything with her but I am definitely excited about the opportunity to see her more than I would have been able to before. Just goes to show you that things can change instantly. I'm not saying this puts us back together by any stretch but at least now I'll be able to see her face-to-face in trying to possibly patch things up. And if that doesn't work out, at least I now have a better pool of prospective dates at the college, compared to what I have going on where I am now which is a whole lot of nothing.

We did go to the same school. I graduated 2 years ago. I wouldn't exactly say I'm "in her way" but we're at two different points right now. She wants to see if the grass is greener and I want commitment, but I haven't been pushy about it. She's already said if she were done with school she'd be with me but I think she sees this as her last chance to see if I'm "the one".

I've been broken up with my gf for about month now (she broke up with me) after we'd been dating 1.5 years. She's enetering her last year of college and wants to "enjoy herself" before entering the real world. My cat just died about 2 hours ago (please don't ask) and I called her right away since she's a cat person and I knew she'd want to know. I told her and we small talked for a little and she said if I needed to talk to her later tonight I could. I'm really down right now and I'm thinking about calling her and just leting her know I still care for her and just finally getting some questions answered that weren't answered before. Should I call her and air everything out or not? I'm just really depressed right now and need to talk to her.

I want her back is what I want. But I also know that with 2 months to go before school starts, if we get back together now she'll be itching to test the waters again when school begins. As an added layer to this, she just called me like 10 minutes after I got home from work at 1 a.m. She's really having troubles with her cat (don't ask) and she "knew I'd be up and didn't know who else to talk to" I told her to keep me posted on the cat and to let me know what happens. She also let a "hunny" and "dear" slip during our convo but I think that could be attributed to her being tired more than anything so I'm trying not to read much into it.

Been broken up with my ex-gf for 5 weeks (she ended it, she's got a year of college left and wants to "enjoy" herself). We've left open the possibility of getting back together once she "gets into the real world and is ready to settle in" if we're not seeing anyone by that time. She's 21 and I'm 23 and we'd been together for 1.5 years. I left her a message yesterday knowing that our cell phone bill came in (we share a plan, I know probably not the greatest idea.) Just left her the message and told her I hope everything was going ok with her new job and stuff. She called a little while ago and we talked about small stuff (her job, my new dog, etc.) but nothing relationship wise. At the end she told me to "call her whenever I want if I'm bored." I told her we'll see and that I'm not really bored much (totally not the truth). Then she said "Well then maybe I'll call you because I'm bored a lot." I just said alright we'll see then said bye. Should I be alright with her calling often if that's what she's going to do? Our breakup wasn't nasty or anything at all and we still get along, she just wants to basically test the waters (although she hasn't used those words herslef, that's exactly what it is). We also live 2 hours apart (met in college) so stopping by each other's house or meeting up isn't an option. It'd be strictly phone calls.

We share a cell phone plan (I know, not the greatest idea) and she just called to tell me she mailed out her check to me today. Been a week of N/C and 2 weeks since we split and I think I held up pretty good. She called me, we talked about small things (she just started a new job today) and her 4 year-old nephew (who absolutely ADORES me and likewise) was there and wanted to say hi. She told me to have a good night but I made sure I said bye and hung up first. I know, it was nothing big but it was nice to hear her voice and and have her call me first. She sounded tired and run down with all the stuff that's been going on with us and work (she works two jobs to put herself through college since her parents can't do much). I feel bad because I know she could probably use someone right now and I wish that was me. She's set on seeing what else is out there at school and it's only June so she's not going to come back yet and I know that. Just wish she would have waited until closer to school started if she was going to "find herself".

You'd be very wise to follow some of the advice in this thread. Great, great stuff. There are a lot of parallels between your situation and mine (I'm 23, she's 21, I want to settle down soon, she wants to see what else is out there) so I know where you're coming from on a lot of points. Just stay strong bro and take it one step at a time. You've got people here to help you out when it gets tough.

Was just over a girl friend's house for lunch and am starting to get down again. This girl friend is an ex from about 4 years ago but we've managed to stay somewhat friendly. I thought maybe there might be a spark or something there but when I left, I ended up realizing that we just flat-out aren't compatible. It also made me realize how compatible me and my current ex are/were and how great we get along together. *sigh* Just when I think I'm starting to lick this missing her thing I take a step back.

Just been thinking about this and how if the shoe was on the other foot how I would react. Since most of the people in here are the "dumpees", if the tables were turned and you were the one who dumped instead of being dumped, would you be hesitant to admit you made a mistake? If you broke off a relationship looking for something else but found that the relationship you previously had was the one you really wanted and needed all along, would you be able to "man up" and admit you were wrong to get your girl/boy back or would your pride get in the way? I know I'm a somewhat proud person so the idea of admitting I was wrong about something so serious makes me wonder if I would be able to do it. I hope if/when the day comes that my ex-gf ever comes back that she's able to swallow her pride and admit she was wrong. It would take a lot I think for someone to do that but when it comes to love, you don't worry about looking stupid. Just seems to me like that'd be a big obstacle for a "dumper" to overcome. Sorry, I know this a forum for people who got dumped, didn't mean to empathize with the "bad guys" 8)

Good advice. You're right, if she does more than casually date someone then perhaps she isn't what I thought she was. The twist here is that she only has a year to play with, and she knows this. Add to that the fact that she's an honor student and plays a sport, she doesn't really have a lot of time to get into anything real serious (at least I hope.)

JTS Thanks bro, nice to see someone else going through the same thing. If my ex was a jerk, I wouldn't care if we broke it off but the truth is she's a great girl and I KNOW she has the right idea about things. She knows what she wants in life so it's not like this is the end-all be-all of our relationship. She just needs to let go a little before entering the "real world". Believe me, I'm pretty sure she know what she had/has with me.

roo1oo Thanks...yeah she said that she wanted the flexibility to be able to say yes if someone asked her on a date without feeling bad about it. She's not going to actively look for a date but if someone asks her, she will. Just curious, how did your situation end up?

My ex and I broke up a week ago today after being together 1.5 years. She's 21 and I'm 23. Her impotus for breaking it off was that she's got one year of college left and she wants to enjoy her last year---part of me believes that wholeheartedly and the other half believes that she's putting herself through a "test" to see if I'm the guy for her. I can't fault her for wanting to have fun her last year and not be tied down. She's had a BF all 3 years thus far (someone else her first year and me the last 2). I graduated last year so it was tough not being together all the time but we made it work but then like all couples, the newness wears off after a while and doubts creep in. She's already said that if she was out of school and ready to settle she'd be with me so I don't doubt she cares for me---we're just at two different points right now. It's still hard as heck for me since she was my first and I love her with all my heart but I know she needs to go through something like this to see how she really feels. "If it's meant to be, it'll be" right? I called her Sunday just to let her know a few things that I didn't get to say during our breakup. I just let her know that if she started to have second thoughts about what she did and she wanted to come back, that I wouldn't hold a grudge against her. She's stubborn to begin with and I was afraid that if she wanted to come back, she would hesitate because she'd think I was mad at her----she was kind of nonchalant about it but she did say "that's nice to know." Like I said, it's hard as hell getting through this NC phase and coming to the realization that she needs to spread her wings but I know that if it's meant to be, it'll be and we'll be back together. Until then I'm just taking it one day at a time and trying to do what I can. Thanks for the support guys.