Slagar

It's quite probable that while she was looking for other guys, she still hadn't *really* had a chance to get over you. That's why your disappearance caused her to realise how much she missed you. Truthfully though, I don't think you should see her. Or if you go ahead with it, just make it a very simple get-together to say your goodbyes. You're with someone else now, and so is she. Let the past be the past - if it didn't work out last time, it's probably not going to work out if you get back together. Why she'd think about sleeping with you? No idea. How active was your relationship with her? Maybe she had in mind a goodbye kiss, which could possibly lead on to other things. Also, maybe your disappearance led to a torrent of memories you two shared together, which brought on thoughts of sex. Those are my thoughts anyway. Stay strong, and good luck Bizw

Edit: My post might be *slightly* off-topic... but I think it's fairly relevant, and interesting none-the-less *logs off eNotAlone* Procrastination really is the devil. It's interesting, my mother and father and complete opposites in this respect! My Dad is a "highly intelligent thinker" and University Lecturer. My mum works in a rather physical job at a supermarket. My Dad will always plan and think and sit at the table dreaming about "how he's going to do this" and such. In fact, he's done that for all the 21 years I've known him. He almost NEVER gets ANYTHING done. I think this is heavily related to the controversial OCHD, which I'd say my Dad has pretty bad. On the other hand, my Mum is an amazing DOER. She doesn't waste time, she just gets on with it. She thinks about it just enough to get an idea in her head of what she wants done, and then she goes to it. She's a very active person (while my father is very inactive). In fact, you'll be lucky if you ever see my Mum relaxing, because she moves straight from one job to the next. It's kind of funny sometimes, as my Mum frequently gets told off because she's not doing the job right. But the bottom line is, if she left it to him, the job wouldn't get done at all. As for myself, being the bi-product of the two parents, disconcertingly, I find I'm a pretty equal mix. Which becomes quite difficult consistency-wise to be honest. Some days I'll be extremely productive, while other days, I'll get absolutely nothing done. As far as this is concerned, I really want to be more like my Mum. She really is an amazing lady. Time to stop procrastinating! Get to it, NOW!!

I would have to say, this does happen to everyone Just curious, but what else have you done in those four years, other than studying? I tend to find a lot of people with the best grades haven't had a lot of experience in other things, which can often lead to how you're feeling. While I've studied over the years, I've kept up a part time job, played sport, and kept in close contact with all my friends. While these might have had a detrimental effect on my grades, I certainly don't regret doing them. They've helped me keep things in perspective, and have certainly helped me realise what I enjoy most, and where I really want to be heading in life. But yeah, the best way to find out what you like and what you don't? Experiment. Add some variety. You don't always have to be your most productive self, especially as far as self discovery is concerned. Despite what everyone else says, do what you want to do with your life. I'm sure your degree will not be wasted though. You've learnt a lot! Who knows, your self discovery might lead right back to where you started. Besides, if all else fails, you have a fantastic degree and possible career to fall back on Best of luck soulsista29

While there are some interesting points in this thread, wow, there is certainly a lot of convoluted BS. So I thought I'd add my bit While it's definite that our society and views skew the lives of our future generations, it's not *solely* because of this. Generally speaking, there are actual physical differences between the male and female brains and the way they work. Generally speaking, simply because this does not hold true for all brains of a given gender. I know I don't have a relevant research paper on hand to back it up, but: If you gave a young child (male or female) the choice of a truck, or a barbie doll to play with, generally the male might choose the truck, while generally the female child might choose the doll. Some males might choose the doll, just as some females might choose the truck... but if a survey was conducted over a sufficiently large population, you would find definite trends. Is it because of the influence of society? While the old Radiation King might be pumping out advertisements incessantly, that probably have some influence, I believe the child's choice to be mostly uniquely attributed to his or her own mind. In my opinion, this is the main reason that you might find engineering a less female-dominated field than say, nursing. Not because of the ideals that society gives us. I am interested in computer science and mathmatics; I don't believe I was "pressured" towards these subjects - I just like them and the way they work. I think this is because of the physical nature of my brain, not because of what society has told me. I also play sport because I find it enjoyable, not because I feel the need to play sport because I see it on television. I am also a nice guy, which is apparently also against the common trend However, I do believe that fewer females that otherwise would have considered engineering as their major, haven't done so, because it is a less female-dominated field. Going to class and finding a class full of the opposite sex isn't exactly enjoyable (males, feel free to disagree with me; heh). Again, it is my understanding that, generally speaking, we naturally find it easier to relate to other people of the same sex. I also believe that males and females of equal ability in an equally distributed male-female dominated field, largely have the same opportunities. I don't believe that one sex is disadvantaged here. While the inequality of distribution might skew the favour of one sex over another in a given area of expertise, the opposite could most probably be found in another profession. That said, I'm all for females and males in fields dominated by the opposite sex. This is why I see the scholarships, financial aid, and extra support catered towards these minorities as a good thing. Though it sucks for the people that are of the majority and can't get those scholarships, well, that's LIFE. Also, we must remember that many of society's gender stereotypes are based on what we generally like and dislike as males and females. Isn't that what marketing is all about? Just my two cents. I once saw a fascinating two-part documentary on television about the human brain, specifically based around male and female brains. Irrelevant: My example with the child and toys; I can't help but want to add "and then watching her play with the cardboard box instead? Priceless." Lol

Kinda yes, and kinda no IMHO. Things do change over time, there is no doubt about that. When you first start seeing eachother, there is a huge infatuation, which certainly decreases over time. However, you can still be happy, and love eachother over long periods of time. It doesn't mean you _won't_ have disagreements; it won't always be easy. Bad things will happen, you will both screw up. But with communication, understanding, and a little love, you can get through these minor issues. There are many ways to keep things fresh, and the main thing being that you care about eachother and truly love eachother at the end of each day

When you're sick of trying your best for someone that isn't putting in the effort that you are. When you're treating someone very well, because you love them so much... and while they say they love you, they really don't put any effort in. They hurt you by not being there for you when you really wanted them to be... you know they won't change, in fact they'll only grow increasingly lazy with time. You feel they don't deserve your love. So you leave. Give a woman the world, and she'll think you're amazing, then become bored to the point where she'll cheat on you. At least, in my experience. (apologies for the stereotypical connotations... this brings up bad memories)

Hey Asimov, welcome to eNotAlone What's there to know? As time goes on, things do change. Also, keep in mind that when you're fighting... just remember: She is not the enemy. If you're mad, try and work things out rationally rather than causing a huge argument and huge hurt for both people. You can let the other person know you're hurt without shouting at them. This is assuming she's a reasonable person to get along with, and to communicate with (some people like to be difficult, or so I hear). But if you've been together a while, and you love eachother, it's really worth sticking through the tough times. But yeah, since it's only been a few weeks so far, just see how things go from here. They do say opposites attract, don't they? Personally, I know how you feel though. I've experienced that myself, and it takes a bit of getting used to. But it really doesn't matter where you come from, or what you look like as far as love is concerned. If you can both find a balance from eachother's lifestyles that you're happy with, then that's great. Finding the balance can be tricky though, and it takes time, understanding, and compromise from both of you. This is where it gets hard. Individual lifestyles don't mix too well all the time, especially where travelling is involved. BUT, it can be done. My sister had goals to travel, and she met a great guy beforehand. He ended up going overseas with her. They went through some tough times together while overseas, but they stuck through it, and now they're happily married. For now, I think it could be worth putting in the resources, time, and energy it might take over the next few months. If your heart says you'd like to pursue this, then I think you should. Just to see how it goes anyway. It is early days, and you can perhaps evaluate whether things are working at a later date. I hope this helps - good luck Asimov

Well, you know the situation best, and so you really have to trust your gut feelings on this. What's most important are the times when you really connect, I think. It sounds like he's just a shy guy I'd say he likes you. Sometimes, depending on the situation, a shy guy can break out of his shell for a while. It just happens when you don't think about it, and just act simply on your feelings. At other times, a shy guy's thoughts can intrude, or get in the way of his actions. Not even thoughts... just shyness lol At least, that's my understanding of it. The question is, are you interested in him? Decide whether you want to pursue this, and try to get to know him better. Maybe he'll open up that way. What the heck, you know. I think you should go for it The guy needn't always be the one to initiate things - especially with a shy guy. Hope this helps a bit

Okay, so... it's been approximately 3 months since I was in a relationship. I feel I'm as over the ex as I possibly can be. But. How do you continue dating, after you've been in a really amazing relationship? I mean, the last girl I dated... She was sweet and caring (!!), absolutely gorgeous (she did modelling/television work), she was smart, funny, and outright successful. But that still really says nothing about her. She was truly unique, and had some ideas that I've never seen before in anyone else. Now, don't think I'm pining over my ex, I'm not. I feel I had to do what was necessary, and although I have almost regretted it a couple of times over the last few months, I know that I did what I had to do by ending the relationship. My question is, how do you continue dating after you've been with someone like that? It just seems as though she raised the bar, you know I've had a couple of opportunities with girls since her, but none of them actually interested me enough to pursue. I see that as a problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to continue being single, and focussing on where my life is heading right now... but I want to keep my options open, and keep on the lookout just incase someone does come along. Any thoughts?

I totally second that. Be proud of who you are. Don't try to change yourself because maybe you'll have more luck in the dating game. I'm quite sure that if you "jumped all over them" anyway, that it would end in short and painful relationships. Because that's often where more physical relationships go. I suppose a balance is needed, of course. It sounds like you're a great guy though, so don't sell out. You will find someone that appreciates how nice you are, and how much you respect women. It may take a little longer than other people's methods perhaps, but in the end I feel you'll be better off. Keep searching, keep trying, and you'll meet the girl of your dreams one day

Disregarding women... I don't think it's a religious thing. Everybodys inner strength is different I think. Some people are lost, and seek guidance, find that in God and the Bible. They come to believe in it so strongly, that it gives them that spirit you can outwardly see. I can definitely see how, in your situation, being brought up with that would change things though. There isn't any quick-fix. Soul searching takes lifetimes. Many people never find the answers they are looking for. As for myself, I'm a believer. In what, you say? I'm not too sure. I just am. God? Hmm. I'm certainly not Christian (born Catholic, but my family isn't very religious). I was extremely lost a few years ago, and only truly felt this way this year. Once I realised how many people truly care about me, I think. How many people's lives I affect, and by doing something good, how it influences others. I dislike destructive souls, with no purpose other than destruction - of themselves and of others. Those are my thoughts anyway. Good luck

I'm very happy for you GottaLetItBurn The answer to your question, is be a little romantic. Don't let this word scare you - simply do things to show you care. Surprise her! If you surprise her with something you have put a lot of effort into (planning, or otherwise), she'll truly love you for it, and know you truly love her too. Stuck for ideas? It's not hard, just take some time to think about it. Thoughts of her will inspire you, and ideas will come. Write a poem, make something for her, plan a picnic or getaway... things like that It may seem "cheesy" to some, but to me it's showing you really care by going that extra mile. Also the key really is effort, certainly not money spent (you can't buy love). The great thing about it is that you'll really enjoy doing things like this for this girl, simply because she means that much to you. When you see the reaction in her eyes and appreciative smile, it's just a totally awesome feeling. Just my thoughts. I'm a romantic caring guy myself... it's a shame I don't have anyone to share that side of me with right now Hope this helps

I'm sorry to hear about your pain with this guy, peterrabbit. That's a lame excuse on his part It all depends on the person [you] - if he dated a flirt, then maybe what he said would be true. While that I see your point, it's not necessarily about physical space (though I'm sure you know that - I don't mean to sound rude ). How much you call, email, or text, and how much you expect him to return that is what's relevant. My suggestion here, is totally back off for a bit. You're a very successful person yourself. Don't chase after him. It will be difficult, but in a few days he might actually realise "Hmm, I haven't heard from her. That's not like her. I wonder what she's up to..." The gamble with cat and mouse tactics is that they can be dangerous to a relationship. If he takes a long time to initiate contact, the time seperation can cut things up a bit, not to mention how much it hurts for you to try and do that. Just try your best to let go a little bit more, and trust in him to want to contact you. But I truly feel he does care about you, and that if you just take a few steps back and focus on your own work a bit more, the balance will change. He's really asking too much if he expects you to not be a little shocked. Surely he can recognise that it's not easy or a lot of fun to hear stories about someone flirting with your partner? You try your best by reacting well. It's only natural to get unsettled when someone flirts with someone you love so much. This sounds like his expectations of the relationship certainly differ from yours - In my opinion, his idea of a "good" reaction, would come more from a best mate, or a significant other that simply doesn't care about him as much as you do. Sounds like his "eligibility" has gone to his head. His ego could use a little deflating... I don't think it's you, but I don't quite think it's him either. However, You're trying very hard for someone you care about, and regardless of the outcome, to me that's an admirable endeavor. While you both care about eachother, I do believe that your expectations of the relationship differ a lot. Personally I don't think it has much to do with any difference of cultures. Although he may be a nice person, I do feel that his success, elevated by his placement in Asia, has somewhat affected his mindset. He may not be unrelentingly egotistical, but he certainly does know that he has a lot of choice in your country as far as women go. Even if it's not completely conscious thought, his actions convey this. This is an age old situation though - the flirtatious one, and the one that wants something more significant out of the relationship. Which usually leads the flirtatious one to feeling the other person is being "clingy", leading to pretty much the situation you're in. Although he wants something significant, and he cares about you, your situations and expectations are quite different. I'd have to say, your email did a good job of letting him know how you feel - it was quite accurate. As for how you should act? I think if back off, give him as much space as you can to let him truly think about how he feels, and what he wants. Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Like Skippy said, it may be true that he's not ready to settle down yet. I'd say he understands where you're coming from to an extent, just not completely. I don't think he realises how it feels to have to deal with his "eligibility" and the way he is treating you as a result of that. Depending on how things pan out, you might have to let this one slide. I really hope he comes to his senses before it's too late - otherwise he'll definitely regret it. Tough I really hope it works out for you. Take care and goodluck!

Often my sleep patterns get pretty mixed up (computer *sigh* ) I usually find though, disregarding outside influences (caffeine!) that when I am able to sleep, is directly related to when I get up. After a couple of days, I build up a pattern (usually a bad one), and once built up, it can be hard to alter. For example, if I stay up really late on a whim, then sleep in really late the next day, then on that day I won't be able to get to sleep until really late. I've found the only way to break up/re-organise this pattern, is to get up very early, and although I'll be very tired the following day, I should be able to go to sleep early. It's all about routine. If you don't think it's that, perhaps be conscious of light sources at night (I found sleeping with my curtain open sometimes keeps me awake due to light from the night sky). Also bear in mind any extraneous activities before you go to bed. Not necessarily just physical activities, but mental ones as well. Usually when my body is really tired, it's my mind that doesn't want to sleep. Another thing is napping during the day - if you MUST do this, be sure to keep it 15-20 minutes at most, otherwise it'll interfere with your sleeping hours. Those are my thoughts

Another possible tip for the future is: Don't sleep with someone on the first date. Personally, I'd never do that anyway... you just don't know what you're getting into with some of the people out there. I guess it makes a little more sense as you get older... but I'd rather wait until I know if the girl is right for me or not. Those are my thoughts anyway - I guess I've just been brought up to be more conservative. Hope you don't have to go through this again

Inform your parent/guardian, and go and see a doctor! It could be your appendix. Only a doctor will be able to help you I think Good luck

Welcome to eNotAlone ALfirebird! That's a tricky situation. As for "signs" to tell whether she is rebounding or not... you'd have to use your best judgement. If she still seems like she's hung up on her ex, by mentioning him or talking about him etc. Also, take into consideration how much time has passed since the breakup. But truthfully... this is forwardsight. Chances are she still only thinks of you as a friend, especially since you've made your feelings clear to her, and she hasn't reciprocated. If she wanted you, she'd be coming after you, instead of being with the guy she's with. If she's in a relationship, and happy with someone else, then you should let it be. Don't persist, or you risk losing her as a friend. It's possible that you could get together at some time in the future, but you really don't want to wait around for that to happen (because it's not cool to wait around for something that might simply never happen). Forget about her as a girlfriend - there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you're having trouble getting over it, put some distance between the two of you. She would probably appreciate it too. That means less pressure on her to think about this, so if there is a choice in her mind, she can thoroughly think it through. Hope this helps

I went out with a girl who let me know she had been with a lot of guys. But she assured me that she was genuinely interested in a long term relationship with me, because she really felt strongly about me. After finding out how many girls I had been with, she said I was like some kind of saint compared to her, lol. What she said didn't worry me in the slightest - though I can't say all guys would react as I did (I can imagine it would've made some guys quite controlling). In any case, if you can count them on one hand, you've got nothing to worry about! It's not the greatest to talk about past relationships when you're in a new one... but once you've been together for a long time, I see no problem sharing these things about eachother.

*chuckles* I really think it comes down to you. This sounds like a past experience, that is over and done with, and will never come back to haunt you. So really, I don't see why he should need to know. Of course, as people have said, if it becomes relevant at some stage, or if you think it might change the way he feels about you, then perhaps it would be wise to tell him. But... even with someone you trust and care about, and they feel the same way, these things can have a big impact. It's kind of like taking the relationship from stable ground, to unstable ground. With this situation in particular, it's not that you've "got something to hide"... it's just that, in my opinion, there are some things better left unsaid. Personally, there are things about my past that are over and done with, that I would never tell a significant other, unless it became truly necessary. Those times were not my finest moments, and they're gone forever. I feel the same about knowing certain aspects about my significant other. Edit: Actually, slightlybent said it very well

I'd say it's your diet. You are what you eat! Like lost_status said, a lack of iron seems like a possibility. Also, don't deprive yourself of sugars - but don't go overboard on them either. Eat healthily, but get a good variety. A balanced diet is very important. Make sure you're getting enough vitamins. At your age, your body is still growing, so it could be a phase. It's likely that you won't fill out properly until you're a bit older (early/mid 20s). I don't know if weight training is essential to burning fat, but I'm sure it would help turn some of the excess weight into muscle.

Welcome to eNotalone Perplexxed How long have you been together? You really have to evaluate what you want. You don't seem very sure about this relationship. If you're not sure that you love her, then that's a pretty bad sign. Even if you feel that this is a really great girl, from what you're saying, your feelings just aren't quite there for this person. It's not fair on her to drag this on if you feel this way. It's going to hurt her, but you can't change the way you feel. Your feelings could change over time though, depending. That's why I've asked how long you've been together But certainly, if you feel like you'd be interested in meeting other people, then perhaps it's best for you to end it. It's quite possible that, like you've mentioned, it IS only your first serious relationship, and you feel the need to see what else is out there. It will hurt her, but it will hurt her even more if you drag it out. Good luck

Not necessarily. Often in person, they will be completely different... or on a similar wavelength, but not "the same" as online/over the phone. Even if, once met, appearances are fine, it's still the person as a whole you'll find yourself having to get to know. People online != People IRL Of Note: I've had it happen where, myself and a girl, have fallen for eachother the first time we met [in a non-dating environment]. This is what they'd call "love at first sight" I suppose. It still amazes me, to be honest.

I'm in college, have been struggling for the last 2 years or so because of a number of issues related to this (over use of computers mostly!). Moving out will shake things up a lot, and I'll leave my PC here, and take my laptop... keep it internet free, and simply use that for work if I need to. I still have my part-time job, and great friends... it's just home that's the problem. Moving out is my new goal. I guess the sooner the better... I'll chat to my brother this weekend. Thanks very much for taking the time to read and reply, southerngirl! The support is much appreciated

I'm with DBL on this. Don't waste your time on this guy. Honestly, would you want to be with someone that would put up lies like that about you on the internet? A guy who stayed the night with her and lied about it? This guy doesn't deserve your love or trust. Be strong! There are much better guys out there waiting for you, who will treat you right. Take care

I'd agree with DDP, see a docter, and maybe get an x-ray. If you're sure it's not broken, a physiotherapist could be a good alternative. They'll give you good advice on what you should and shouldn't be doing with it, and how it may be affected if you push it too hard. Physiotherapy will also give you some exercises to ensure it heals properly, because often bad sprains can cause more harm than you'd think. Also, wearing a protective ankle-brace would be a good idea for a while. They protect the area, ensure safe joint-movement, as well as keep it warm to help prevent further injury. My brother has sprained his ankle playing soccer a few times, and now he has to be fairly careful with it. Good luck, I hope you're able okay at the fire academy!